☆ Without Noticing, We Became One ☆
by: VixxTN

For the second try on this, I would mostly review on Chapter 9, since this was the chapter that was recently put up after I had first reviewed this fic.

//TITLE: (3/5)

Not much of a difference from your previous title.

//DESCRIPTION & FOREWORD: (4/5)

Okay from that “when the skies” blah blah, I already could say this is from the MAMA MV. But then I decided to raise your score in this because what if your reader isn’t into EXO and they don’t know the MAMA MV yet? Probably they’d find this eye-catchy enough to view your story.

//WRITING STYLE & APPEARANCE: (3/5)

Like what I’ve said, avoid using (character): “(what he’s gonna say)” because in that way I feel like I’m writing a script rather than a book, unless the excerpt is really supposed to be a script. You did improvements on your fonts and background and I’m glad about that.

//PLOT: (19/20)

I’m going to keep the original score for this.

//ORIGINALITY: (19/20)

I’m going to keep the original score for this.

//FLOW: (9/15)

This still seems to be real fast for me. Like what I’ve said, take time in describing each event. For switching to another scene, you could’ve put a cue to tell the readers that there was a scene change. Probably put a line or another symbol.

//CHARACTERS: (11/15)

They were more into actions rather than what they feel. Usually readers want to get more into their emotions. And… I know, handling 12 main characters is really some work, so I feel you that it’s really hard identifying their distinct roles.

//GRAMMAR & SPELLING: (9/15)

There’s still a handful of mistakes here.

“the montain was huge brown with snow.” – If it was huge brown, I think the mountain was all brown, without any snow and all, since snow would create specks of white on a mountain. If you really meant that the brown mountain had snow, then probably go with “was brown but it had dots of white.” Or something like that.

 “Then he sat down the sun hitting that spot was perfect he lay back and felt sleepy.” – “Then he sat down to where the sun hitting that spot was perfect. He lay back and felt sleepy.”

“Chanyeol smile as the cutest thing ever…” – “Chanyeol smiled as the cutest thing ever…”

 “Chanyeol woke up and aria was sleeping he decided to look around a saw fira stone.” – I don’t exactly understand what this sentence meant.

“converstation” – conversation.

“horoble” – “horrible”

 “apparead” – appeared.

“montain” – mountain.

//OTHER REMARKS:

aw Shugo Chara haha I’m don’t watch it but my friends used to talk to me about this and they’re such cute fairies!!

//t o t a l: (77/100)
Compared to the first review, you did improve a little. :)