Chapter 34

Wake Up

Three months.

This was the amount of time that passed since I was kidnapped and dragged to an abandoned hospital.

This was the amount of time that Cheondung was still lying in his hospital bed, unconscious.

Ever since he got hit right on his chest, he has been lying down with his eyes closed, strolling between the danger of death and the chance to come back to life.

In all my life I've never felt so cold or so lonely. I never thought that I'd be so greedy to be needing someone as much as I needed him. I've cried so much in this past year, I didn't even have enough tears to cry anymore, feeling completely dry and having the life out of me.

After the first three days, I finally woke up. Even though my body ached from the several bruises that messed up my figure, I was an emotional wreck as I remembered seeing him lie down in my arms, the blood flowing out of him. The first thing I saw was my mother sitting by my bedside, but all I wanted was to know if he was awake.

"I want to see him"

Those were my first words that were spoken out of my dried and pale lips. I couldn't care less about my state anymore because all that mattered was him. I wanted to see him, I needed to know that he was doing just fine and that he was alive. When they told me that he hasn't woken up yet, I didn't think much about it. I thought that he was going to open his eyes soon after me since the only wound he had was much less than what I have but I was wrong.

Every single day I would go to his room and found myself either sitting by the bed or I would climb up and place myself in his arms, letting that small fire of warmth rush through my body. I would tightly hold onto him, praying that he would feel me against him and would embrace me tighter so I wouldn't fall.

But he never did.

Within those three months I found out what happened between the incident in the park and the moment I was rescued from almost dying. I found out that the fact that I pulled down the fire alarm from the building sent out a signal to the police station that was sent back to my dad to which he informed the others of my whereabouts. When I was running away to find a place to hide and Byunghee was the one to rescue me, I asked him about Simon and he told me that he killed him.

By snapping his neck.

I didn't care about the violence that came out from his gesture, he was here to save me and protect me and I was grateful for that, but a little part of me hoped that he would be the one to find me so I could simply find myself back in his arms. But it didn't matter anymore at that moment, because Byunghee was there and I already felt safe and comfortable by his side.

But afterwards, I haven't seen them, not at all.

I later found out that my mom forbid them to come by, afraid that I will get hurt for the fourth time. I understood that she meant well, but still. I needed him, I needed them.

The one that made my heart skipped a beat and the one that made me question the sanity of this same heart.

For a split second I hated her, but in the end I didn't have the will to fight anymore so I gave up.

But it didn't stop me from walking out of my hospital bed and walking my way through his room.

During those same days, I wasn't even allowed a phone call so I didn't know if the boys knew I was awake, but I guess they would if they came to see their friend, their brother, that was still lying in his bed, peacefully sleeping the time away.

My heart ached because I couldn't find a way to wake him up.

Not even a single kiss was able to flutter his eyes open and see that smile that I like so much. Instead I was caught with the same look day and night.

I felt so selfish asking myself why he was doing this to me, but as soon as those thoughts crossed my mind, I remembered how he seemed to have suffered in agony in the past until his melt down. I remembered how I felt goose bumps creeping up my skin by the simple strong gaze he gave me, as if I was his prey.

And I was, but I couldn't find the energy of saving myself.

Instead I sunk in, through every touch.

He wasn't doing this out of love and yet, I wanted to restart it once again.

I was greedy this way.

The only thing was that, even though I knew it has been going on for three years, I never knew the reason that pushed him to be like this. I wanted to ask, but there was no way to find out unless I disobeyed my mom and simply contacted Byunghee.

And I did.

Sorry mom

I knew at what time he would come to visit Cheondung, so I waited for him.

But he never came. I don't know why.

I did the same ritual every day for a whole month, until I gave up.

I simply didn't have the energy to wait for him anymore. The more I waited, the less I was curious about the past.

After my stay in the hospital, which lasted two months on those three, I was finally free to leave. I didn't want to though. I was afraid.

I would have recurring nightmares about my attack which made me unable to sleep properly through the night. The only time whenever I felt safe was when I was in his room, lying in his limp arms. Those were the time when I was dreaming about him, casually sitting in a park bench by the river looking carefree and calm.

If that was his dream, I dreamt about an alternate universe where I was Byunghee's instead of his. Where the night of the masquerade ball, my first kiss was to him. My first time was a night I could remember and cherish, but even then I still fell in love with someone else.

And it was with him.

"You need to wake up Doongha, please.

I need you.

I'm alone and afraid and I can't stand being so far away from you.

Just open your eyes to me, please…"

But he never did.

I was still left alone, living a dull life. During the day, everything would seem just fine, but once the moon would reach its zenith, I couldn't help myself from crying out his name so he could save me from getting hurt and falling deeper.

I've never felt so useless and powerless in my whole life, I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. The memories of my stay at the mansion kept haunting me to my great discontent as I was longing to go back and change things for the better. To actually enjoy the company I had while the world was still moving outside the doors.

All I want is to wake up from this bad dream.

"Is it to much to ask?"