Chapter 21

I'm Sorry 

April 2013

Since then, they still haven't talked to each other. What seemed to have a tone of warm color painted across her world was slowly becoming more grey, almost turning dark. Showing some kind of sadness installed in her heart. Seonyul still tried her best to put a smile on her face whenever she was around G.O or the others, but once she finds herself alone, she goes back with a frown on her face, putting herself into the endless colors of her art. She got so carried away by her selfish feelings, she completely forgot about what was happening on the other side of the doors, where her life was on the line. While the boys were away on various missions, she would take her walks in and out of the house, carrying in her hand her sketchbook, her pencil and whenever she felt like it, a glass of wine. Two weeks passed since her last night with Cheondung and she was still hooked. She wanted to go out but with what happened, she was still scared of something happening.

She was sitting in the backyard all by herself, watching her dog play around by himself while she was sketching away in her book. The weather was getting warmer, making it an enjoyable day. The mansion was empty since the boys were out for God knows what and she didn't know when they'll be coming back. She wanted to hang out with her two closest friends to get out of the funk she's been, but seeing as they were busy, she took the initiative of going out by herself.

She took her eyes out of her notebook and looked at her dog who was laying on the grass, looking like he was bored out of his mind. She felt bad for him, seeing that she barely got to spend time with him ever since they ran away. She took a quick breath, assembling all the courage that was left and got up from her seat. She called out to her dog where he came running to her, wagging his tail at the sudden excitement.

"How about I bring you to the park? Would you like that?" He barked at her question which she took as a yes and walked back inside the house with him closely following behind. As she walked back to her room, she kept rethinking about the last time she went out, suddenly making her a little bit nervous.

Maybe if I have something to protect myself with…

She took her handbag and quickly walked out of her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She made her way to G.O's room and quietly opened the door. She made her steps to his drawers and opened each one of them hastily looking for a gun.

Come on… Where could he put them?

She finally reached the last drawer, but unfortunately, there was nothing there. "Damn it!" She walked back and her eyes landed on the painting she gave him a couple of months ago. She smiled and walked up to it lightly grazing over the canvas. An idea popped in her head making her gently pull the painting away from the wall without making it fall. Placing her hand behind it, she finally found what she was looking for and jumped excitedly.

Now, off we go!

With a peaceful walk, she finally reached the dog park. She let go of her pet and found herself a seat on one of the benches by the fences, enjoying the weather and the view of her dog going crazy out of happiness. She leaned back and placed her bag on her lap, tightly holding onto it. Though she was happy to have gone out for some air, she was to nervous to actually enjoy some time alone. From left to right, she kept turning her head, sneakily looking for something suspicious but so far, everything seemed normal.

"Seonyul?" She turned her head around to find that one of her classmates was behind her.

"Simon, right?" With the question pending, he walked closer with a smile on his face, glad she still remembered him. "Yes. Mind if I join you?"

"Sure." She smiled back as he took a seat next to her, casually leaning his back against the bench and set his eyes on her.

"Did you transfer school?" His question made her look back at him, a confused expression on her face. "Huh?"

"I haven't seen you in class for like the whole semester" He chuckled, amused by the frown on her face which soon turned upside down by, what seemed to be, a shocked expression. "Oh… yeah… Something came up and I had to drop out"

"Is everything okay?" He leaned back up front, his elbows on his knees with his head still turned to her direction, trying to seem concerned about her sudden disappearance in school.

"Well things are looking better, but I'm not sure yet"

"Something I can do to help?"

"No but thanks." She smiles at him and turned her head back to the front looking for her dog.

"Which one is your dog?" His eyes were still set on her, not even paying attention to what was happening in front of him. He his lips as she was answering him with an amused tone.

"The white puffy one. How about yours?" She looked at him, not noticing that he was looking at her as he quickly turned his head away to look for a pet he could pretend to be his.

"Hmm, the one next to yours, I guess." He gives her his best smile, making her stare for a little bit until the barking of one of a stranger's dog brought her back to reality, diverting her stare elsewhere.

A couple of hours passed and in that time, Seonyul got to know more about Simon and what she missed while being away from the campus. Soon enough, her preoccupations about her safety were diverted to her conversation, completely forgetting about what time it was. She was finally able to relax and she was grateful to Simon for taking her mind off of things. In the midst of their conversation, Simon's phone began to ring, cutting him off. Picking it out of his pocket, he looked at the caller ID and excused himself to her as he got up and walked a few steps away from Seonyul, answering his call. For her, she took out her phone and gasped as she looked at the time. A wave of panic rushed over as she got up from her seat and called her dog out. The minute he ran to her, Simon came back.

"I have to go, I'm sorry" He gave her his apologetic look while he was tightly holding onto his phone in his hands.

"Oh! It's okay, I had to leave too anyways" She reassured him that it wasn't a big deal while she attached back the leash she had on her dog.

"How about we exchange phone numbers?" She looked back up at him, not noticing the suspicious tone he used to ask his question.

"Sure, off course!" She simply smiled at him, while placing her phone back in her hand, handing it out to him.

Balto was sitting next to Seonyul and looked up to the man in front of her. He started to lowly growl, but made it loud enough for both of them to hear. Annoyed, she looked down to him, asking for him to stop. He was showing his teeth, placing himself on guard, as if he was ready to attack at any moment.

"Hey! Stop that! What's wrong with you?" Showing the anger in her tone made him quickly look at her suddenly calming down.

"It's okay , not a lot of dogs like me." He tried to make it seem like it wasn't any problem as he bent down to the dog, giving him a piercing glare. The dog backed away behind Seonyul, letting out soft cries.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what has gotten into him"

"Eh, don't worry about it. I guess I'll see you around then?"

"Sure." She smiles and backs away, walking out of the park without a second glance, giving Simon the chance to quickly escape back to his car, driving away.

Back to the mansion, she was relieved to found that she made it back before the boys did, giving her time to place back the gun in G.O's room and for a quick shower. Walking back downstairs, she saw the front door opening only to reveal the boys half messed up in their clothes. She ran down the rest of the steps, completely shocked and scared at her sight.

"What the hell happened?!" the first one to answer was Mir who seemed to have been the one less affected compared to the others.

"Nothing besides the usual" He shrugged, making it seem like their state was nothing to worry about, which made Seonyul a little bit more alert.

"The usual?! What the hell is that suppose to mean?" The scared tone in her voice didn't go unnoticed to the others. Mir took a couple of steps closer, trying to reassure her.

"Nothing, don't worry about it"

"Yah! Don't tell me that!"

The moment she saw G.O walking in, she ran to him, hugging him tight. He got caught off guard but chuckled at her caring gesture.

"I'm fine, I promise." He hugged her back, a comforting embrace, reassuring her that he was still well. She gently pulled back, afraid to hurt him and looked at him, the fear still apparent in her eyes.

"You look like a mess, you all look like a mess. I mean, you're even bleeding!" She grazed over the light cut on his temple, sweeping away the small blood on her fingers. He gently held onto her wrist, looking at her with a caring stare, making her calm down just a little bit.

"It's a small cut, nothing to -"

"Don't even finish that sentence Byunghee. I'm calling the doctor." Before letting any of them respond, she quickly ran out on them and tried to find a phone. Once she did, she dialed up the number, letting the doctor up to date and quickly hung up on him, rushing back to the boys.

"He's on his way." They all looked at her, taking in what she just said. Seungho looked back at her, letting a small smile appear on his face, seeing the worried look she gave to his friend.

" You really didn't have to do this, you know -"

"Yes, I did!" She cuts him off, her voice suddenly cracking at her outburst. They claimed that it was something normal, but for her, that's the moment that their lives were regularly on the line, for whatever reasons there is. Knowing that she was about to cry, G.O let out a sigh as he lightly shook his head an opened his arms.

"Come here." She walked to him with her eyes on the ground. From the shuffling of feet, she saw the others leave, only having her standing in front of G.O & Mir, suddenly having the need to cry. She wrapped her arms around G.O, with her cheek resting on his chest, her eyes looking at Mir while he placed his hand on her back, gently it for comfort.

"Don't cry, please. I'm going to cry if you do". A smile appears on her face at Mir's statement, but also strikes a look coming from G.O, who lightly hits him on his head.

"Yah~ we're suppose to cheer her up, not you!" Her smile grew wider and soon enough, she found herself laughing at the two of them. They look back at her, glad to see that the change in her mood.

"There's the smile I was looking for". G.O pinches her cheek out of amusement, making her look up at him, placing a sweet kiss on his cheek.

"How about a drink to celebrate?" Mir breaks into their moment, a huge grin plastered on his face. He looks at Seonyul, waiting for her reaction and from the face she was giving him, she was obviously confused about his words.

"Celebrate what?" The boys took a quick glance at each other along with a nod. They looked back at her, the smile growing wider on the corners of their lips.

"It's over." Those simple words that escaped G.O's mouth caught Seonyul's curiosity. She backs away from his embrace and looks at both of them, waiting for further explanation. "What's over?"

"Everything… you're free now." Her eyes grew wide open, barely believing what Mir just said.

"Wait… What? Really?" She looks from one to the other as they slowly nod, finally giving her the freedom she was craving.

"You're safe now. After a really tough fight… He backed off." She was speechless, slowly processing the words that were coming out of their mouths. "I - I don't know what to say"

"Hmm… A simple thank you will suffice." With a playful grin on Mir's face, she shook her head, chuckling at his answer. "Thank you. I mean it."

Happiness was all she could feel right now. Thinking that it would never be over, she could finally go back to her normal life and no amount of hugs or thank you could be enough to repay them. She jumps on both of them, hugging them tight and placed a kiss on their cheeks, thanking them once again. She pulled away and ran up the stairs, chanting away.

"I'm going to go pack~"

The boys looked at her, not being able to hide their happiness either, while they laughed at her excitement. As they walked towards the office to join the others, a strange feeling started to creep up inside of Mir, making him frown at the sudden discomfort. He shook it off, simply thinking that it was only because of his bruises.

"YOU BASTARD!"

The one violent gesture sent off Cheondung to the ground. Above him, was a pissed off G.O, holding in his hand various papers all crumbled up in his fists. He threw them on the floor and dived in to blow another punch on his friend's face as he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. The sudden noise alarmed the rest of the household who were in the room next door, making them run to see what was going on. As soon as they saw the two boys on the ground and hitting each other, Seungho & Joon, came running  to them and separated them. With the leader holding onto G.O, he was trying to escape the grasp wanting to jump back on the younger one and hit him again. "Let me go!"

"NO! What the hell is going on?!" The two held up boys were strongly trying to get out of their friends grip, trying their best to escape.

"Ask him! He's the one that jumped on me!" Cheondung gave one of his hateful look to G.O as he answered Seungho's question, as he was himself confused at the sudden outburst.

With the boys yelling at each other, Seonyul noticed the papers on the floor. She walked to them and picked them up. Once she saw the content of those papers, her eyes were wide open along with the color of her cheeks suddenly disappearing, leaving her as pale as a ghost. G.O turned his head to her as she looked up to face him, unable to speak and explain herself, her voice caught up in , leaving her completely speechless and powerless with the five pair of eyes staring at her.

"Seonya, tell me it isn't him. Tell me, that it's simply some guy you drew out from your imagination, please."  G.O was looking at her with pleading eyes, hoping that whatever was on those papers wasn't the reality he skipped over.

"TELL ME!" His yell caught her off guard, making her slightly jump. He was starting to lose his patience as well as his temper. He couldn't bare the thought of her, having been touched by the man he was trying to protect her from. "Did he you?! Did he force you to do it?!"

"N-No! Off course not…"

As for Cheondung, he finally caught on, on what was happening, understanding that G.O found out about his little secret. He looked at Seonyul who was on the verge of another breakdown. Her deepest fear was being unraveled in front of her and all she wanted to do was to runaway and hide.

"YOU LET HIM?!" His anger went up another notch, when she let her response out of . He was about to completely lose it, but the strong hold from his friend was preventing him from giving another hit on the younger one.

"I -" She didn't know how to respond to this. Yes, she did give in, but at the same time, she didn't want this to happen. Her head was so screwed up, she was at a total loss. A sudden silence passed through the six people, as only the heavy breath escaping G.O's lungs were the only thing that could be heard. Slowly, Joon let go of Cheondung along with Seungho who lessen his grip around G.O's arms. He placed his hand on his shoulders giving a quick glance at Seonyul and back at him. "We'll let you guys talk it out". The four of the boys walked out of the room, leaving only Seonyul and G.O to talk. He was furiously walking in circles, constantly running his hand through this hair, with the other one on his hip, while he was looking down. She took a small step towards him, hoping that he will look at her.

"I'm sorry…" He stopped in his tracks and looked up at her, his anger still strongly painted across his face.

"You're sorry? Sorry is not going to cut it!" She quickly backed away out of reflex once she saw him taking a step closer to her.

"I can't deal with this. I-I just can't." He walks out on her, slamming the door behind him, making her jump and stop in her tracks, once she wanted to run after him. She quickly shook the effect off and ran after him.

"Byunghee! Please! Let me explain!" He ignored her cries, not stopping in his way to his bedroom. Once he reached the door, she grabbed on to his arm and pulled on it hoping that he would turn around. He violently jerked his arm away from her grasp and barely turned around to say his last words. "Don't. Touch. Me and don't you dare talk to me. I want you out of this house." He opened the door and slammed it in her face once again.

In state of shock, she fell down on her knees, completely frozen. The sketches that were still in her hand slowly fell on the floor, revealing their content one by one. She felt like she was suffocating as she tried to catch her breath, clutching onto her chest. Slowly, the tears were starting to come out, along with her heavy breaths, trying to catch the air for her lungs. Still on her knees, she loudly knocked on his door, begging for him to open up.

Hearing the screaming, Mir climbed up the stairs, quietly making his way to her. From afar, he saw her and it broke his heart. In barely a second, everything came crashing down, broking everything that was whole in this house. She was still banging on the door, not ready to give up. She got up on her knees and tried twisting the knob, but the door was locked, making her more desperate.

"Please! Byunghee! I need you, pl-please…" Mir walked to her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder making her turn around. He pulled her in his arms and once he completely embraced her, she wrapped her arms tightly around him, her tears staining his shirt. He the back of her head, trying to calm her down. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I promise. I'm s-sorry"

"It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." He looked down, his lips against her shoulder and saw the papers lying on the floor. He squinted his eyes only to have them ready to pop out at any moment, when he saw the content.

A feminine figure, strangely resembling her, held up in the air with her legs wrapped around a man's waist, while she was pressed up against the wall with her hands holding onto the back of his hair, both of them with their locked lips. He took a closer look to the man in the drawing and could easily recognize Cheondung. He tightens his hug, understanding why G.O suddenly got so pissed off.  Another look and he noticed the vague background around the bodies, figuring out where this happened exactly. The library?

She pulled away from his arms, wiping her tears away. She took a breath and looked at Mir, straight in his eyes. "I need to talk to him. I have to, please Mir." He looks at her and cupped her cheeks, placing a small kiss on her forehead. " He needs sometime alone. Just give him his space and he'll comeback."

"I don't want to. I want to talk to him now, please." He lets a breath out and looks down, only to give her one last look and knocks on the door letting G.O know that it was only him. "Hyung! Open up!"

"Go away!"

"Please? We need to talk!"

"Not now!"

"I'm not going to leave until you open this door!"

He finally did and all G.O saw was her red puffy eyes staring him back in his eyes.

Damn it Mir!

"I told you to leave."

"I don't want to." He knew that she wasn't going to give up, so he did and walked away from the entrance, letting her in. Before closing the door, she thanked Mir for his help and with a last smile, she closed the door as he was leaving. Turning around, her eyes settled on the broken canvas across the room, leaving the plain wall suddenly . He was facing his window, watching the sunset while she was across the room looking at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to found out like this…"

"Really? Then how? Tell me because I don't understand." He wasn't facing her, but the cold tone in his voice made her understand that he was still mad. "Can you at least look at me? Please?"

"How long has it been going?"

"It only happened… twice"

"Was he… Was he your first?"

"Yes." He shut his eyes tight, trying to control his anger. He turned around and all he could see was guilt and pain washed up all across her face. He gulps down and with a calm tone, spills out a question he's been dreading to ask her. "Do you love him?"

"Yes." She nods at his question, trying to keep herself calm too.

"Does he…" He wasn't able to finish his question, but she knew exactly what he wanted to ask. She could feel squeezing, preventing her from properly breathing, knowing that she was going to let her tears fall once again. "No."

Her cracked voice made him move, walking across his room and straight to her, pulling her in his arms. All the anger that was built up inside disappeared. All he wanted to do right now was to comfort her the best way he could. "Can you at least tell me why? What has gotten into you?"

"I don't know…"

"Yah~ I have to know the truth"

"Why?"

"So I can protect you from him! I'm not going to let him anywhere close to you again!"

She pushes him away, suddenly feeling offended and angry at his words. "I'm glad you care, but you don't have the right to control me!"

"Control you?! I just want to protect you!"

"Really?! Then where were you when I needed you the most?! Where were you when all of this began? Why weren't you here to protect me when I was falling for him?!" A last breath escaped her lips as she simply let all her anger run away, not having the energy to fight anymore.

"Why didn't you just hold me tight, so I wouldn't fall?"

He was at a loss of words. He promised that he would keep her away so she wouldn't get entangled in his brother's games, but he couldn't do it and with her blaming him, even though it was partly her fault too, he took her words straight to his heart. Despite this, what hurt him the most was the fact that she didn't push it away, that she simply let herself get into his games.

"Did you even plan on going on?" She looked at him, not knowing what to say. She never really knew what exactly was the point of all this, but the part that was craving for him was to strong for her to handle and to deny that she wanted him. The silence she was giving G.O was his answer. He huffed out and shook his head, still angry but also disappointed and annoyed. "I'm going to wash up. Once I finish, I want you gone"

"Wait!"

The door of his bathroom slammed closed before she was able to run up to him. She didn't want to leave, so she walked to his bed and climbed on it, placing herself under the covers and sat up, waiting for him to finish.

After the meeting in the office, everybody walked out their own separate ways. G.O was headed to the kitchen and down the wine cellar, picking up a couple of bottles for celebration. As he was carefully looking through each shelves, from up to the bottom, something caught his eyes. He squinted and crouched, picking up the white ball from the corner. Getting back up on his feet, he unfolded the piece of paper, taking a good look at the content.

"What the…" It took him some time to carefully analyze what was drawn on the paper, but once his eyes landed on the male figure, he couldn't help himself but feel sudden anger rising up to his every nerve in his body. Forgetting the first reason he was in this room, he stumped out of there and rushed to Seonyul's bedroom. He knew that she wasn't in there, so he immediately opened the door and closed it back, walking to wherever he could find more of those drawings. From her closet, through her bed, through her drawers, he finally found the endless amount of sketches that he was looking for. He looked at each one of them, his anger climbing up every time he would look at the same features of the two figures.

"It can't be... Please, please, please…" He was hoping that her drawings weren't the truth that was in hiding, that those drawings weren't something that really happened.

"Painting is just another way of keeping a diary"

"Damn it!" He through the pile on the floor and ran his hands through his hair, tightly grabbing them as he swayed his body from front to back, his face placed on his knees.

All scattered on the floor, were illustration of her secrets nights with him, the brother he wanted to protect her from. Their bodies entangled in each other from wall to wall; the kisses from their lips to her neck; close-ups of their covered bodies under the sheets. Having those images imprinted in his mind, practically made him imagine the whole situation like it was happening in front of him and he couldn't stop it. With every blink, he could hear her voice along with the bright flashes of movements pressed up on one another.

What made it worse is that he knew that he was using her. He saw the women he brought every night. He saw how distant both of them acted whenever they were around each other. He knew that something was wrong with her, but her only thought that it was anxiety eating her up an nothing else.

"I'm so sorry Seonya… I'm sorry"

"I thought I told you to leave."

"It hurts"

"Huh?"

"My heart is hurting. Make it stop. Please."

He lets a breath out, guilt reaching up to him. He looks at her, sitting on her knees at the edge of his bed and without having a proper thought sinking in and out of instinct, he ran up to her, cupping her cheeks and crashed his lips against hers, giving her a passionate kiss. Without much thought either, she held onto him by grabbing onto his tank top and kissed him back.

She was hoping that something inside of her would light up at his touch, the same way it did whenever she was kissed by him. 

Next: Please, Don't Leave Me