Chapter 25

Confession Of A Broken Heart

September 2013

Five months passed since Seonyul's written goodbyes.

On her last day, she gave a call to her parents asking them what was going to happen now that the threat was over.

"A break." That was their answer.

She packed up her bags and left, heading towards the airport in a cab, where her parents were waiting for her overseas. She was gone the time to get back on her feet, processing and moving on from the last few months. She was finally able to spend some quality time with her parents, putting some colors back on her cheeks as they spent their two months vacation by the sea.

In that same time, their house was getting back into shape, re-constructing the damaged part caused by the explosion. Happily enough, Seonyul's uncle, Ji-Hoon, was the one that kept an eye on the progress until it was completely done, queue to let the Kim family back in their home.

The next three months, she went back to school, catching up on what she missed by taking full time summer classes. In no time she was able to graduate and thanks to her art teacher, she was able to easily find a job at the Seoul Museum of Art, something she dreamt about for a long time. In her free time, she would lock herself back in her attic and continue on with her painting and sketches, slowly getting back into her world, building back the colors that were lost.

In all those five months, there wasn't one time were she got to see them.

She moved on with her life, trying her best to forget everything but from time to time, she would have her set backs that would end in nightmares whenever she tried to sleep. The only way she was able to get back up was to simply express her feelings like she always does: through her art.

Through those five months, nothing really happened in the mansion. They went on with their usual business and luckily there wasn't any danger or threats between the different gangs. Though there was harmony outside of the house. The tension was still running pretty high between the five boys.

Ever since their fight, G.O and Cheondung haven't once spoken to each other. This made things pretty much uneasy for everybody. Cheondung's attitude got worse by the day which also affected G.O's personality, making him almost cold. The only thing that prevented him of completely changing was the only thing that was left behind: Seonyul's pet.

In the first few days after her departure, he was slowly becoming moody, loosing all his energy. But with time, and as he got to spend more of his time with either G.O or Mir, he practically became inseparable to both of them. To G.O, it was the only thing that kept him going, as he would constantly think about Seonyul.

From Ji-Hoon, he knew that she left the country to spend some alone time with her parents, the time to get back on her feet. And ever since he found out that she was back, he's been secretly following her, making sure that she was doing fine and from what he could see, she seemed to be doing okay. She wasn't the person he used to know, but it was better than having her breakdown and having her cry out of pain. As for Mir, he would tag along with his older friend knowing that he would spend his time watching Seonyul. When he read the letter that was left on her bed, he couldn't help himself from feeling betrayed, at first, but eventually he knew that she had to leave sooner or later. Not because things have calmed down, but because of everything else. She's been through a lot and some time away was needed for her and for every one else.

Cheondung was becoming more absent by the weeks, spending his time in an old place whenever he needed some time alone, or simply wanted to be away from everything. Over the months, it practically became his second home. Whenever he would think about her, he would read the letter she left him, trying to figure out what she saw in him that gave her hope to maybe even change one bit. He kept telling himself that she was foolish for being so naïve but a part of him kept asking himself why he missed her so much. She made such an impact on his life, he could feel it through his sudden heart aches.

It was only making him angrier.

For the past three years, nobody was able to heal that broken heart and from out of nowhere, she appeared in front of him, claiming that she knew what he was going through. He hated her for this. He blamed his weakness on her which made him happy that she was out of his life.

Never the less, something was missing and it annoyed him. He wasn't able to figure out what, and it only made things worse.

Back at the manor, pure silence was overtaking the place. Seonyul's parents were out at their jobs while she was coming back from hers. Once she parked her car in the driveway and climbed on the stairs to her porch, she spotted a familiar figure sitting by the main entrance. Taking a closer look, she could suddenly feel her heart beat's rapid pace as she was slowly getting nervous. She could already tell who it was but quickly thought it was her imagination. She shook her head and closed her eyes only to re-open them and finding that figure staring back at her.

"Ch-Cheondung?" She got closer and finally stood in front of him, while he was bluntly looking at her. She crouched to his level and waved her hand in front of his face, trying to gain his attention. She looked straight into his eyes and all she saw was emptiness and nothing else. To bring him back from his daze she slapped him across the face finally earning a reaction on his part.

"What the heck!"

"And hello to you too." He rubbed his cheek, still feeling the itch and got up on his feet as he angrily stared at her. "What was that for?!"

"You got to be kidding me! You're in front of my house! What the hell are you doing here?! How did you know I was back?"

"I didn't."

"Really?"

"Hmm. I just felt like coming here"

"Why should I believe you?"

"You don't."

"Whatever. Want to come in?"

"No."

"Bye then." She unlocked her door and closed it back in his face. Her back against it, she slowly slid down on the floor taking several deep breaths. She placed her hand above her heart feeling her beat increase as she closed her eyes. For a few minutes she stayed like this, not sure on how to react with what just happened. She knew it happened since the slap felt real, meaning that he was indeed sitting in front of her house.

Why was he even here?

On the other side of the door, Cheondung was still standing with both of his hands in his pockets. From afar, he noticed a familiar black car parked on the other side of the streets and smirked knowing who was the one sitting on the driver's seat. He bit his bottom lip, suddenly finding the situation amusing and turned around knocking on the door.

Oh, I've missed this. Finally, something to do.

Seonyul opened the door, her eyes wide open in shock to see him standing in front of her. "I thought you left?"

"I changed my mind. I want to come in."

"Why?"

"Because I want to." She huffed out, and let him in, closing the door behind him. "You want something to eat?"

"Sure, why not?" They both walk to the kitchen where he was standing by the table while she was looking through her fridge for some food. The moment she closes the door and turns around, she suddenly found herself cornered by him, sticking her back against the fridge. He was looking at her, without any visible emotions across his face, while she was still in shock by his closeness to her face. "Wh-wha-what a-are you doing?"

He placed one hand above her head, his palm landing on the fridge while the other one was gently grazing her thigh upwards. She closed her eyes and held onto that hand, following the movement until she tightly held onto it, making him stop. He leaned closer to her, his breath tingling her lips and pushed himself further against her body with his grip on her leg becoming stronger. From the pressure she was feeling, she opened her eyes along with that was barely open, giving him the advantage of crashing his lips to hers. He slowly pulls away, feeling his heart beating so strongly, this whole sensation that hasn't been present for the past five months was coming back in a rush. He leans his forehead against hers, deep breaths escaping both of them as he closes his eyes and let go of his grip to have his hands gently placed on her hips. She looks down, feeling her heart ready to pop out of her chest as she tried to calm her self down, focusing on her sanity.

"What are you doing to me?" She heard him mumble those words, not clear on what he meant by that. "Why are you doing this to me?" He slid his hand from her hips up to her waist until he was able to cup her cheeks, both of them looking directly at each other in the eyes.

The hole that was taking its place for the past five months seem to have been filled with that one single kiss. That feeling that was lingering all over his body was slowly starting to make its effect by waking up the waves of emotions that have gone numb. The sense of addiction was creeping back up, making him lean his lips closer to her, barely graving over them. "Stop this please."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She held onto him as she tiptoed herself, sweetly kissing him, taking him by surprise at her sudden boldness. She let herself get carried away by the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck, letting the warmth that was surrounding them sink in. The sudden sound of a door smashed against a wall pulled them both away from their trance as they both looked in the direction the noise was coming from.

"YAH! I thought I told you to back off from her!"

"Come in and being the failed hero again Byunghee?"

G.O rushed to both of them, pushing Cheondung away as he sternly stood in front of him, ready to hit him at any time. Seonyul was quietly standing behind him, gently taking a hold of his jacket from the back as she took a small step to the side so she could properly look at Cheondung. "Doongha… I think its better if you leave…"

From looking at G.O, his eyes landed on her watching her expression changing from concern to sad. He shook his head, irritation coming through and walked out without a single word, and went straight to the front door, slamming the door behind him. A moment of silence was surrounding the two remaining people as G.O slowly turned around to face Seonyul who looked up at him, glad to see him after a long time. She jumped on him, hugging him tight with her arms wrapped around his neck while the sudden gesture took him by surprise but quickly adjusted himself as he strongly held onto her with his arms embracing her body.

"I missed you so much Byunghee"

"I missed you too"

She places a kiss on his cheek and places her face in the crook of his neck, the side of her face resting on his collarbone while her arms were placed against his chest. She closed her eyes, letting the comfortable feeling settle in through her body. For a moment they stood still, taking in each other's presence through that embrace. The comfort was there as well as the safety feeling she felt whenever she was around him. She longed for that emotion for the last few months, she wasn't ready to let go just yet.

"Seonya… Why was he here?"

"You really had to ruin the moment, didn't you?"

She pulled away and looked up, pouting at him for the change of mood between them. He chuckled, ruffled her hair and took a seat at her table. She followed him and sat next to him, not really sure of what to do next.

"So, what have you been up to for the past five months?"

She heard a concerned tone coming from his voice and she couldn't help herself but smile. What made it even funnier was that he knew exactly what happened to her during her absence and yet he was acting like the caring brother she loved by showing his interest in her dull life.

"Hmm, how about you tell me?"

"Huh?"

"Byunghee, I know you've been following me"

"Really? Since when?"

"I know what car you drive, silly. I saw you parked across the streets a few times since I came back." She was still showing her smile, amused at G.O's dumbfounded expression on his face. Another side of him she loved: his goofiness. And yet, her heart wasn't fluttered like the way he was able to do it. She sigh, a little bit disappointed, something that didn't go unnoticed by G.O. He reached out for her hand, softly it while looking with a gently gaze. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm, I just really missed you." With his hands on her cheek, she leaned into his palm as he her skin and got up his seat to place a small kiss on her forehead. Just then, his phone started to ring and took it out of his pocket to see that his leader was calling him. "Looks like I have to go. I'll try and come back tonight if you want"

"I'd love too."

A few days passed since Cheondung came to see Seonyul. In those days, he stayed away from her, trying to regain control over his weak state. From all the things that existed in the world, he hated feeling weak, because to him it brought nothing more but misery. And despite all of this, he would stand far away, secretly watching her while feeling her touch linger on his skin.

He didn't know this yet but the waves from his lost sea were slowly calming down, their hits getting less violent by the day; the moon starting to move, finishing its round as she took her time before going to sleep.

The confusion was almost driving him crazy, making his hate grow wider every time he would think about her in a way he didn't want to.

This confusion eventually led to a problem. There was so much going on in his mind, he didn't know how to feel anymore, as if all the kept up emotions that were caged inside of him were barely lit anymore, making a single wave from the wind endangering it from blowing the candle away, thus leading to a complete breakdown from the heart.

In the nights where he would have the same nightmare over and over again, he would always wake up wishing for one thing and he knew he could have it if he wanted it, he just was so reluctant on moving on, he preferred being hated than simply being taking care of out of pity. Those lovely quiet waves are what pushes him of wanting more, unconsciously taking in the good and peace it brings to his being.

He was back in front of her house, knocking on the wooden door once again. She wasn't answering so he tried ringing her door bell and after a moment there wasn't any answer. He knew that she was home since her car was parked in the driveway. He was starting to worry as he kept knocking on her door until it was flunked open, revealing Seonyul in a bathrobe, pretty much irritated.

"What the hell! I got your message the first time!"

"I thought something happened to you!"

"Then being the freaking gangster you are, you bust in! Not knock a hundred times!"

"Did you really expect that I would bust through your door like that?"

"Actually I did, that's why I didn't want to answer right away."

"Huh?"

A sudden smile appeared across her lips turning her frown upside down. She chuckled at Cheondung to which he didn't seem of taking it lightly. "It's not funny."

"Yes, it is. Come on, lighten up a bit"

"Whatever. Can I come in?"

"Yes, you can."

He took a step forward while she blocked the way, making him arc and eyebrow as to why she wasn't letting him in. " I thought you said -"

"I said that you could come in, I never said that I wanted to let you in."

"Freaking technicality. Come on, let me in"

"Why are you so eager to come inside?"

He didn't know.

He just felt like being here today and nothing else. There was simply something about today that made him loosen up a little bit, bringing his guard further down. "I - I don't know…"

"Oh." She puts herself aside and lets him walk in, closing the door behind him. "Can you wait for me in the attic? I'm going to go change"

Once they reached the second floor, they went their separate ways until Cheondung turned back following Seonyul to her room. "Yah~ I told you to wait for me upstairs"

"It's not like I've never seen you before"

She blushed at his statement and quickly turned around so he wouldn't see her redden cheeks. "W-wait for me upstairs. Please."

"Why go up when the view is so much better here?"

"Please."

She felt his hand on her shoulders, his breath tickling her ear. She closed her eyes with her heart beat ready to explode. She didn't know what he was doing until she felt his lips on her neck while he tried to lower her rob. "Ch- Doongha… Please. Stop"

"I can't"

"Yes you can, please." Tears were swelling up in her eyes, the emotions to high and to big for her to handle. Her lips were starting to tremble as she tried to speak out but the warmth that he was giving her by those kisses were making her train of though slowly disappear only to have her sanity locked away, submerged by the thought of lust. "I- it h-hurts. Please stop."

He did as she asked and stopped. He pulled away and let go of her shoulders as he backed off, the tone of her voice ringing through his ears. He remembered what she wrote in that goodbye later, five months ago, but it only her written words only hit him at that moment, now that he could see for himself what he was doing to her. The ache in his heart gave another blow, making him feel guilty for putting her through this. This quickly went away as he breathed out, letting another weak moment pass by without even looking back and holding onto it.

"I'll wait upstairs. Hurry."

"And how the hell am I suppose to do that?"

"You just have to let it all out. Let everything out. Use the colors to show how you're feeling"

"I don't know how to do it…"

"Just do it like me. Here." She picks up her brush and dips it into her bowl of paint, throwing it across the canvas in front of her. A splash of blue spread across the white, spilling its color from the top to the bottom.

A few moments ago, Seonyul joined Cheondung up in the attic after she got dressed and saw him looking through her work. He was so concentrated on her paintings, he didn't see nor hear her coming until she stood right next to him, looking to where he was his eyes landed. "What do you think?"

"I've seen better"

"Hmm… Really?"

"I don't know, it's hard to tell."

"You wan to try?"

From the canvas, he looked at her, confused to what kind of proposal she was talking about until he saw her waving a paint brush in front of his face, eventually assuming that she was talking about painting. "No, thanks."

"Oh, come on! Please?"

"Why?"

"I told you already… I want to help you." A moment of silence fell on them as she looked down spilling out her words. For just one second his annoyed gaze went soft until it went back to an empty look. He sighed, giving in thinking that he might as well try so she wouldn't annoy him more about it.

"What the heck, what do you want me to do?"

"Just like that?"

"Sure. Just use the colors you want and go with what your instinct tells you to do. That's the point of it all, to let your heart speak."

"With what should I start with?"

"Hmm, well every color has its meaning. Let your emotions guide you. Stop being numb and let your heart speak to you. Let your heart guide your action. Close your eyes take a deep breath and once you open them, you'll know where to start. The principles of true art is not to portray, but to evoke. Wise word from Kosinski"

"Going all philosophical on me now?"

"I'm just trying to help"

He lets another deep breath escape and looks down at the different tone of colors that were spread on the floor. He crouches and holds onto the painting brush, closing his eyes like she told him to do and lets his inside speak for him. It was something hard to do for him since his action were only spoken through his mind and not his heart. Just then, flashes of his life in the past three years were quickly coming into his mind, making him frown. He opened his eyes and the first color he spots is black. From there, he dips the brush into the color, gets up on his feet and without even looking, splashes it across the canvas, taking Seonyul by surprise at the sudden violent move he just made. He sprays it further across it until he backs away and dips into the palette of cold colors starting with a deep numbing blue. Above the black, he does the same as previously and at some point, drops the brush. It doesn't stop him from using his fingers to continue spreading the color all over the canvas until he dives back in and spots the color red and goes through the same process.

Slowly, the waves picks up from the weather, going stronger at his every move. He was so focused on what he was doing, he couldn't control what was coming out anymore as he dived in and lashed out over and over again. Seonyul was caught speechless as she didn't break her eye contact from him, watching him from afar, terrified by his anger and violence. He was slowly getting out of control, hearing him groan at every gesture and every effort to mess the canvas with the multiple tones and colors one above the other. The pain was there, within every beat of his heart, pushing him back as he fell to the ground, the tears escaping and staining his cheeks. She ran to him and held onto his trembling body as he clutch onto her clothes, hiding his face in the crook of her neck.

The walls have completely broken down, the storm of his kept up feelings taking over and turning everything upside down. He didn't have the energy to fight anymore, feeling himself getting weaker by the second. She didn't let go of him, her arms tightly wrapped around him as she placed a kiss on the top of his head, without saying anything. For now, she didn't do anything but let him come to term with his breakdown, backing away as  far as possible.

If he needs me, I'll be here. I'll wait.

Next: Cry For Love