Jjung and Ssul: Age 19

When I got home, I collapsed on my bed from exhaustion. I probably squeezed in way too much for one date but I wanted to make sure that it was memorable. Gosh, she was so ravishing tonight… I almost couldn’t breathe when she first opened the door this morning. My heart was still beating a mile a minute and I replayed the day over in my head. I hope she had a good time… I hope she didn’t notice how nervous I was… I let out a breath.

When I had decided to ask her out on a real date, I told myself that I was going to make up for lost time. I still felt like an idiot for having wasted so much time being afraid that I was resolved to living in the moment. I loved her and I wanted her to know it every second of every hour of every day. There was no point in hiding it; she already knew that I was head over heels for her. I decided I was going to go all out.

I had spent a week planning the date. Some parts were trickier than others like getting the picnic ready. I had to beg the staff to help me but when they heard my story, he couldn’t refuse. I had already planned for us to go up to the Sky Rose Garden after a movie so when she said she wanted to watch the sunset together, I was set. I knew that giving her roses was too unoriginal; that was what everyone else did. I wanted the flowers to convey what I felt for her. So I chose Tulips and Forget-Me-Nots, but no flowers could compare to her beauty. As we walked home, I knew in my heart that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It may have sounded crazy since we were only 19 but there was nothing else that I could say with such certainty. I thought back about the first time I felt that she was more than just a friend to me… when she gave me my first kiss. We were just kids then but the memory of her kiss was still so vivid. When I looked at her, I wanted to feel her kiss again so badly but it wasn’t the right time. Soon my Dduling…

It’s true that time flies when you’re having fun. In just a blink of an eye, the year was coming to an end. As promised, AJ hyung and Luna kept in contact with us and constantly sent emails and updated their SNS accounts. They looked so happy in their photos. I envied that they got to travel the world and see so many things. When hyung and I chatted online though, it seemed that his and Luna’s relationship was still the same… constantly bickering like school kids but I knew hyung… he would always let Luna win in the end.

Ssul and I spent almost every waking moment together, and now we were preparing for our finals and making plans for our future. We both knew that we wanted to go to college so we were determined to get into the same college. I was no longer shy with the idea of public displays of affection. In fact, it turned out that Ssul and I were the very touchy-feely kind of couple. By touchy-feely I meant that we were always hugging or holding each other. Most of the time I just enjoyed having my arms around her shoulder and she loved resting her head on my shoulder.

As our finals drew closer though, she started behaving a little odd. I could have sworn that she was trying to avoid me but it was probably just the stress of the exams getting to her.

“Dduling!” I called out excitedly as I s my arms around her waist from the back and gave her a backhug.

She didn’t turn around but she wrapped her arms back around me.

“Jjungie, let’s go on a date this weekend…” she suddenly suggested.

“But finals are so close… I thought you wanted to focus on the exams?” I wasn’t protesting by any means, I was just curious.

“Well… It’s been awhile… besides I think it’s good to unwind a little…”

“Okay, sure. What do you want to do?”

“Hmmm… nothing. I just want to spend the day doing nothing…”

“Nothing it is…”

I wasn’t entirely sure what it was but I could hear a slight sadness in her voice.

“Are you okay Ssul?” I asked in concern.

“Yes… I’m fine,” she answered but she sounded distant.

I wanted to find out why she was acting so weird but if she didn’t want to tell me, I couldn’t make her. I trusted that she would tell me when she was ready.

That weekend I took her to the COEX Aquarium. I thought it was a good way of doing nothing without being bored. I knew that she always wanted to go scuba diving but she still had her aquaphobia so this was a good compromise. It was a very demure date, mostly just walking through the aquarium hand in hand. She clung onto me more than usual which even though I enjoyed, I knew something was definitely wrong but I just shook it off.

“So have you decided on which colleges we should apply to?” I asked. We had been discussing this but she never gave me a proper answer.

“Let’s not talk about this now…”

“But Ssul… applications are due soon… If we don’t get them in on time…”

“Jjung-ah,” she cut me off and looked at me with a serious expression. “This isn’t going to happen…”

“Oh! Did you change your mind about going to college? It’s okay, you don’t have to. I can still go to college close by so I don’t have to move away and then we can still…”

“No. Not that…” she cut me off again. “I meant us… Our plans for the future together… It’s not going to happen…”

Everything stopped. I didn’t understand what she said. “Wha… what are you talking about Ssul?”

Her eyes started to redden. “I didn’t know how to tell you this Jjung… I… I… I’m moving…”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Is that it? That’s fine… we can just live in dorms while we…”

“I’m moving to Australia...!”

This time, I was unable to respond.

“I-I’m sorry Jjung. My father got a job in Melbourne and we’re moving there after graduation.”

“C-can’t you just stay? You’ll be an adult soon… you can take care of yourself…” I reasoned with her.

“Yes, but the thing is… I’ve been offered a scholarship to attend a university there. It’s a great opportunity… I-I don’t know if I can give it up…”

My eyes widened in horror. “S-So, you’re just going to leave? Just like that? When were you planning on telling me?!” I huffed angrily. I can’t believe she’s being so selfish! What about us?!

“I’m telling you now… Please Jjungie, try and understand… It’s not every day that I will get a chance like this…”

“Well it seems like you already made up your mind! All this time when I was talking about us going to college together… you already knew you were going to leave…” I felt angry, disappointed, hurt, and betrayed.

“Please Jjungie… we can work this out…” she pleaded as she grabbed hold of my arm.

“No!” I pulled my arm away. “Is this all I mean to you?! I can’t even look at you right now…” I said before I stormed off without looking back. I couldn’t look back.

(Two days later at school…)

(Ssul’s POV)

“Jjungie, why won’t you just talk to me? I can explain… We can work this out…” I pleaded to him.

“Fine, if we talk about this… will you at least consider staying?” he responded.

I couldn’t lie to him. I had already made up my mind to take the scholarship. But it didn’t mean that I wanted us to end. I was going to come back. It was only for 3 years.

“I… I’m sorry Jjung. I can’t let this opportunity pass me by…”

He clenched his fist in anger. “Don’t you care about me at all? About us?”

“This isn’t fair… You know how much I care about you Jjung. But can’t you just try and understand me? This is something I could have only dreamed of. Can’t you just be happy for me?”

“How can you expected me to be happy for you?! The love of my life is leaving me… how am I supposed to be happy?”

“Jjungie, please don’t be like this. I’m not saying that this is the end for us. I’m just going for a few years… I’ll come back…”

“What’s the point?! Who knows what’s going to happen in a year’s time let alone a few years. What’s the point of staying together…”

“Wha… what are you saying Jjung…?”

“I’m saying that this is over… We’re over…” His voice was cold and cruel. I had never heard him talk to me like that before.

“Jjung… please… don’t…” I tried to stop him.

But it was too late; he had already walked off.