DARA

We started out the 3 of us rather awkwardly, but later on we have gotten used to each other. Even the other kids in our class have stopped gossiping about us. Everyone seems to have accepted that Ji, Bom and I were now inseparable. Everyone in our class knows that Ji and Bom were dating while I remain an ice princess. I did not care for them.

There was an upcoming dance at our school. Girls get to ask the boys out. I was dreading this dance, not sure how I am ever going to ask the boy I like. Bom decided that this will be an opportunity to ask Ji and confess her feelings. I wanted to tell Bom it was not a good idea but she seemed so hopeful that I do not want to see her get hurt.

It has been 3 months since Ji and Bom started dating.  And Bom still isn’t sure what Ji felt for her. I don’t know what to tell her. I was afraid for my own secret.

I have been meeting the boy I liked secretly. We started seeing each other in the summer. I was pleasantly surprised that he transferred in our school. But I acted differently around him in school, afraid that if everyone finds out, the happy bubble around me will burst. I did not even tell Bom. I know this must be big if I am hiding it from her, because she will be the first person to get hurt once she finds out that her bestfriend is keeping secrets.

This secrecy is putting a lot of strain in our relationship. He wanted everyone to find out but I asked him to wait. He was getting tired of sneaking around and pretending. I was getting tired too but I wanted to fix things first.

We were hanging out in his house after class. His parents were away and I was sitting on his bed in his room admiring the cleanliness of his room.

He sat beside me, looking serious.

“When will you ask me out to the dance?” he asked suddenly.

“You know, it’s impossible” I said.

“Why? I don’t care what the other people would say. Other girls are already asking me out and I refused them. I only want to go with you.” He pleaded.

“I know, but if only circumstances were different” I said.

“Are you really this icy? Don’t you care what I feel?” he asked rather bluntly.

It hurt me what he said. It was just not in my personality to be showy. “I care a lot about you, about us but I also care about what others will say about you and about me” I said, hoping he believes me.

“Damn the others!” he said angrily. “You’re my girlfriend and I feel like you’re taking me for granted.” He said.

I was dreading that this will start another fight just like before when I asked him a favor.

“I love you” he said, softly this time.

Those 3 words always gave me comfort. He’s always been sweet to me only I can’t return the affection. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Was I really as frozen as ice? I must be too scared to say what I feel because if I do everything will be real. I was afraid that I’ll also become like the women in my family.

“I know” I said. I gazed into his intense dark eyes, the familiar feeling of getting lost in them never getting old.

He leaned into me and I leaned back falling into his bed. His arms were supporting his weight over me, preventing himself from crushing me with his weight. I recalled the first time I met him last summer just before he smiled and claimed my lips.