this ain't it
(by Taeyang, ft. Kwon Jiyong)

KJ

I still love you,
I wanted to tell you,
The one who couldn't take it anymore and
gave up in the end

He still loved her. Very much so, even if he didn't show it. He wanted to tell her. He really did. He wanted to just tell her he was sorry, for doing those things to her. For hurting her, for leaving her even when she never gave up on their relationship. He was the one that couldn't take it anymore. He was the one who gave up in the end, and he wanted to tell her. To apologize, to tell her that he still loved her.

I miss you more than I hate you
I long for you more than I'm sad
Is this not it? Is this not it?

When he drinks, he slurs to his labelmates that he hates her. So much. She ed up his life and that's why he hates her. But in all honesty, he misses her a lot more than he hates her (even if he doesn't). When he's sober, he's sad and his friends don't know what to do about it. He tells himself that its an after effect of the alchohol, but it's actually just him longing for something he once had. 

If we bump into each other, what would happen?
Would I hide from you amogst the crowd?
Even if it's only a waste of insignificant feelings

They haven't seen each other in months, years. He doesn't know. He doesn't want to count. He only knows that it's definitely a long time. He wonders if she's changed. If she looks different from what he was so used to seeing. Their schedules never clashed. He was in Korea, she was somewhere else in the world, and vice versa. He wonders what would happen if they bumped into each other. Would he have enough courage to face her? Or would he turn into a coward at the sight of her? What a waste, these feelings of his are so insignificant.

I worry throughout the day
The medicine of time