**********

You were in your room getting changed to go to the Kim's. Your gut was screaming at you to fake sick and stay home, but there was no way you could do that, not when your mother thought it could help you.

"_______-ah, it's time to go!" Your mother yells to you from downstairs. You felt your heart start racing. Maybe you could somehow convince her to go another time. But then she'd think you're just doing it because you don't want to see them, which is half true...

For one, it would be awkward because you didn't remember any of them, and also...Jonghyun, he was your best friend, and you can't even remember him. As you walk down the stairs you feel the tears coming.

Your mother spotted you and saw the look on your face. It broke her heart to see you this upset. She looked at the ground and tried her hardest not to think about how much this was hurting you. She was doing this for you, and she only wanted you to be happy. Remembering would make you happy, and she knew that.

"What's wrong?" She asks you sadly.

"I just, I don't want to go. I'm too scared! I don't want to see him, umma. I don't remember him, and I don't want him to be upset that I don't. I don't want to be the cause of anyone's pain!" You cry trying to calm yourself down.

Your mother for the first time, didn't know what to do. She knew that you were also speaking about her, and it made her very upset. She didn't realize she made it obvious, but EVERYTHING lately seemed to be obvious to you. Maybe it was because you were taking other people more into account than you did before.

You weren't going to make excuses. You knew your change of heart towards other people only happened because of what was happening to you. You knew it was selfish, but why did this have to happen to you and not someone else? It wasn't fair. You were only seventeen, young and had your whole life ahead of you, until you found out you were going to die when you were twenty-two.

"We should go ________, this could be very good for you. And if you want to leave, just tell me and I'll bring you home." Your mother tells you wiping her tears as well as yours.

You nod in agreement, but then if you walked into the house and wanted to leave, it would be rude. You sigh in frustration as your mother ushered you into the car with a good-bye to Mr. Jung.

As you were driving, you noticed girls running down the street towards a store. 'Are they following someone?' You think in interest. You continued staring out the window in awe at all the people that were still out on the street having fun.

'I wish I could be like that...' You think sadly. Even if you did know any of those people before, you didn't remember them now. And that was what counted, and it was starting to hurt you more and more.

You sit back in your seat and close your eyes for a short moment until your mother told you you've arrived. 'Should I act like I know them?' You ask yourself sadly.

"________, I've told Mrs. Kim about your illness, so you don't have to worry. But...I asked her not to tell Jonghyun for you." Your mother tells you knowing.

"But then he's going to think I remember him when I don't even know what he looks like! Or anything about him! Umma, what am I supposed to do!" You say trying to calm down. But there was no way you could, you were panicking. You were trying not to cry.

"Just tell him you don't remember him well." She tells you knowing.

"It's only been four years. You don't forget someone completely in four years!"

She didn't know what to say. She knew that anything she said to you would just make it worse. She looks at your tear stained face sadly. You shake your head trying to make yourself better. But nothing was working, you still felt the panic.

There was a knock on the window that caused both of you to jump. You gasp in shock and then stare out the window at a woman. She waves at you and you wave back and smile.

You and your mother get out of the car and your mother brings you up to the woman and smiles. "______, this is Mrs. Kim. Do you remember her?" She asks you hopefully.

You stare at the person standing in front of you. Hoping somehow you would remember this sweet looking woman. You shake your head and then turn away. "Mianhe!" You say to her holding back your tears.

"Oh, it's alright. I didn't think you were going to after four years." She says to you while a young man walks by her. He stares at you, slightly glares and then walks inside. "Jonghyun! Jonghyun!" Mrs. Kim calls after him in shock.

"That was the guy from the airport." You say to yourself aloud. You remembered him, he was standing outside the airport with those four other guys surrounded by girls.

"_______, you remember him!" Your mother says excitedly.

You shake your head. "I've only seen him." You tell her looking down. Your mother's expression dropped, but she tried to hide it. You knew all too well that she was upset. She was hoping this would help you, and it really wasn't.

"We should go inside now." Mrs. Kim says smiling while leading the two of you inside. You look around the house looking for something familiar. You spot a picture of a little boy and a little girl and smile.

"Is this your son and daughter?" You ask smiling.

Mrs. Kim looks over at the picture as does your mother and they both just stare. You didn't understand. You look at it again, but you couldn't recognize either of the people.

"_______, that's you and Jonghyun." Your mother tells you quietly.

You stare at her in shock trying to hold back your tears at the mistake. You couldn't even remember what you LOOKED like as a child! You put the picture down and spot another picture of Jonghyun and a girl. But this one was recent.

"That is Jonghyun and his sister." Mrs. Kim tells you smiling.

"Oh, she's very pretty." You tell her returning the smile.

As you turned you saw Jonghyun coming into the room. You look at him, you could see the sadness in his eyes. And you didn't know why, but it hurt you even more then you thought it would.

"Umma, Key is coming over." Jonghyun says staring at you. He didn't want to look at you. He felt so betrayed. Both of you had written for two years, as often as you could, and then after the letter he confessed his feelings in, you never wrote back to him.

'What a weird name...' You think to yourself in interest. You stare at Jonghyun, looking him over. You found that he was very good-looking. He seemed like a good person, but even better if he would stop glaring at you. But you knew you deserved it, you didn't write back to him after that time you couldn't remember who he was, you didn't even open his letter. It was packed away in your suitcase with all the rest of the letters he sent to you. You kept them hoping they would help you to remember, but they didn't.

"Jonghyun, ________ and Mrs. Lee came over to spend time with us after four years." Mrs. Kim tells him sternly.

"I never agreed to it." He says obviously. You felt your heart start breaking. You didn't understand the feeling. You wanted it to go away, you had never felt anything that hurt so bad. You wanted to cry. "I don't want to see her." You look up at him staring at you.

You felt like running. You wanted to run away. Why was your head hurting so much? 'Why does it feel like this has happened before?' You think to yourself.

"______, what's wrong?" Your mother asks you in shock.

You couldn't say anything. Your heart was hurting too much. You felt the tears coming, yet you didn't understand why. You couldn't take it anymore, these feelings were overloading you. The tears began coming. Mrs. Kim and your mother stare at you and gasp in shock as Jonghyun only stares at you.

'Why does she look so hurt?' He thinks to himself in shock. He looked at you face, the face he loved looking at as a child. Even now. He still loved it. He saw you cover your mouth. He then remembered, this had happened once before. It was when he got angry at you for going with some other guy when you had made plans. It was when you were little, but that was when you were most fragile.

That was when you ran out the door. Your heart was pounding as you ran. You didn't know where you were going, you just let your legs carry you. You didn't realize how long you were running until you came to a park. You run to the slide on impulse and see a space that was too small for you to hide, but you decided to hide beside it.

'Why does this feel so familiar?' You think trying to understand.

You didn't think this meeting would hurt you so much. But it turned out to be the worst meeting ever!

***********