chapter twelve up :)

sorry for taking so long to update >_<

hope you all like it !

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 You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You couldn't believe that your umma hit you. You didn't move from your position on the floor. You felt as though you couldn't breathe, but you knew perfectly well that you were breathing just fine. The five young men stare at you sorrily, you didn't care right then if they pitied you or not. You were too upset to care about anything. You felt someone put their arms around your waist to lift you up. You knew automatically that it was Jonghyun.

 "______ah, she doesn't hate you. I think it was just a shock to her." He tells you sitting down behind you and holding you comfortingly. 

 The other four left silently so Jonghyun could calm you down as much as he possibly could. He was rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head every so often. It hurt so much, everything just seemed to be falling apart. You close your eyes and find yourself falling asleep. The crying tired you out, you just wanted to sleep and never wake up again.

 The next morning you found the doctor crowding around your bed. You didn't understand why. Did something happen to you? You see Jonghyun talking to the doctors with a grave look on his face. "Am I dying?' You think hopelessly. Once the doctors saw you awake, most of them left, except the one who was talking to Jonghyun.

 Key was sitting beside your bed sleeping. You sigh worriedly and look from him to Jonghyun. Where did everyone go? You cough quietly and Jonghyun walks over to you worriedly. Key wakes up and stands quickly. 

 Just then you notice something on your hand. It was a letter. "What's this?" You ask in confusion.

 "Ms. Lee asked us to give it to you." The doctor told you before leaving. You were wonder why they still called your umma ms when she was married again... You look at Jonghyun for a moment, he didn't look back. He seemed distraught for some reason. You sigh and open the letter.

 My dear daughter,

 It is time now that I tell you everything. As your appa I know soon I will begin forgetting you. Though you are only four years old, I know you will understand when appa has to leave.

 This letter is for your eyes only my darling, your umma can't even read this. It is in our own secret language that you and I made up, do you remember that? If this was someone else, they wouldn't be able to understand any of this.. look even ask Jonghyun, I know he's with you.

 You look at Jonghyun and show him the letter. He stares at it for a moment and then looks at you weirdly. "How can you read this? It's not even a language." Jonghyun asks in confusion. 

 "It's a language my appa and I made up when I was younger. I'm surprised I can still read it." You tell him sighing.

 You continue reading the letter with Jonghyun and Key both watching you closely.

 Didn't I tell you? ________ ah, you must know that I love you with all my heart...right? I don't know if I said it enough when I was with you before I completely forgot. But I will say it now and many more times to come, even if you can't hear me. Saranghae. I am always with you, protecting you, watching over you. Even if you can't see me, I am here.

 I always approved of you being with Jonghyun sshi, he's probably the only one I would have accepted and approved of. He is a goo boy and I know he will grow up to be a wonderful man. I have faith he will take care of you in my place. 

 Now we must go on to your condition, and your umma. You must be wondering what I must have to say about your umma, the truth is...the day you were born was the day your umma went into a depression. Not only was it a depression that hit her suddenly, but also schizophrenia, that is why she acts quite 'weird' as you say. 

 Just know that we will both always love you even if you don't think we do. Now, when you were born, your umma and I already knew about this 'brain' issue. You see in my family this disease is passed down from umma to son, and then from that son to his daughter. Yes, your grandmother, who was still alive the last time I checked, also has this disease. Though it is much more slow paced than mine is. 

 At 60 she still remembered everything about her past even though she had had the disease for ten years already. I am sitting here writing this to you the tenth year I've had this disease, and I can't remember anything but you and your umma. And of course my best friend Mrs. Kim and her son Jonghyun sshi. Yes, I had forgotten about her, it was the first thing I forgot. But then, I remembered her again.

 But that was when they told me I only had two more years to live. You would be six. I have a feeling they're wrong. I don't know how old you are, but you will always be my little girl, and I will always be your appa. And I will always love you. Even if you forget me, and if I forget you our bond will be everlasting. 

 I am watching over you from wherever I am. And remember, appa will always remember you. They say that once you die all your life's memory comes back to you. I hope that is true, because then I will remember your sweet face. 

 Forever yours,

 Appa

 Your eyes filled with tears. Your heart was slowly breaking. You knew that your appa wouldn't want you to die the same way he did. You knew if he was here he would try to convince you with all his heart to take the surgery. So you made the decision. It was a rash one, a quick one, but you knew what you wanted. And that was to stay here with Jonghyun and your friends forever.

 From what you could tell, the letter on the table beside you was from your umma. Probably telling you that she was leaving to let you live your life the way you wanted, even if it didn't involve her. She probably would've given you an address to where she was, and would tell you to come and see her if you ever wanted to again. 

 Once you opened the letter, you smiled to yourself. You were right. You look up at Jonghyun and smile at him widely. You finally had hope, and you knew exactly what you were going to do. 

 "Jonghyun, I'm going to take the surgery." You tell him knowing. He was shocked at how confidently you said it. He never thought you would agree to it. His heart filled as tears came to his eyes. He finally had hope, he knew you wouldn't die. He would stay with you forever. Even after he was dead, he would always be there with you. 

 He walks up to you and hugs you tightly. But you had a condition. You back away from him looking down. "I have a condition though." You tell him knowing.

 "What is it ______ ah?" Jonghyun asks in a daze.

 "I won't get the surgery until after I can't walk anymore. And I won't marry you until I wake up after the surgery." You tell him knowing.

 Him and Key both stare at you in shock. They didn't understand why. Why would you not marry Jonghyun until after the surgery. You had your reasons, and you weren't going to explain them to him until later. He slowly nods unsure and sighs. You kiss him softly on the lips and then tell them to call the doctor.

 The second the doctor walked in you got up and went over to him warningly. "I am leaving the hospital today. I can't stay in here any longer." You tell him knowing.

 "Where are you going to stay? Your eomeoni just moved out of Seoul, where are you going to stay?" The doctor asks worriedly.

 "She's staying with us. In the new apartment we just bought." Key tells the doctor knowing. You and Jonghyun both stare at him in complete confusion. He gives you both a warning look and you both nod innocently. 

 Jonghyun looks over at him once the doctor nodded and left the room. "Apartment?" Jonghyun asks in confusion. Key nods. He didn't tell them, but he talked to their manager and he agreed to let them buy a new apartment, a bigger one to live in. They were moving out of the SM building for a while, until they knew you could live on your own.

 "Manager hyung just bought one for us to live in temporarily." Key tells them knowing.

 You and Jonghyun exchange looks and then you go over and hug Key tightly. You could feel the tears coming from your eyes, your tears of happiness. You then hear something fall onto the floor. You walk over to the side of your bed and look at it. It was a picture. A picture of you and your appa. It was when you were four, you knew that because of the date. It was your fourth birthday, when he still remembered you.

 You hug the picture to your chest and then cry. You cried until there were no more tears left. Jonghyun comes over to you and puts his arms around you. You were so happy. You finally remembered what he looked like. You felt like you could do anything, like no one could stand in your way. But that was before you moved in with SHINee, and you realized just how much harder it was going to get...

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yay done :)

ill try and update tomorrow!

what do you all think ?