When you turned thirteen your mother told you about her marriage to Mr. Jung. You never called him by his first name, and there was no way you were ever going to call him 'appa'. You didn't like him, and you DEFINITELY didn't like his two daughters. Well, one was alright, but she was four years older than you. But the other one...she was terrible.

"Uh...Jessica?" You say in a quiet voice, unsure of how to address her.

"Neh?" She says with a smile.

Your heart skipped a beat as she actually talked to you. Krystal, the other one you met yesterday didn't even say a word to you. "What is the USA like?" You ask her in awe.

She tells you all about it, how much fun it was and how much fun they were all going to have together. You and your mother were moving to the USA because that was where Mr. Jung lived, and that was where your mother met him.

"I can't wait!" You exclaim while sitting beside her on the plane. You were excited, you couldn't wait. But then you remember Jonghyun oppa. You remember the sad look on his face. It brought tears to your eyes and now you just felt like crying.

The plane ride felt like it took forever. You fell asleep and the next thing you knew your mother was trying to wake you up. You had a dream about your father, and you were starting to miss him all over again.

It's not like you were in the dark about his death anymore. You figured it out for yourself when you saw the grave. But you never told your mother thinking it would upset her.

'This is the start of a new life _______ don't screw it up!' You think to yourself bravely. You already learned some english from your mother, she was fluent in it because she always went there for business.

"______, let's get you unpacked!" Your mother tells you energetically when you got to the house. You were not too happy about sharing a room with Krystal, she was always really mean to you, even though she was a year younger than you!

"Umma, when are we going back to Korea?" You ask thoughtfully.

Your mother stares at you with a blank expression. She didn't want to tell you that you weren't ever going back. She knew it would break your heart! "Umma?"

"Uh, I don't know yet. We'll see." She tells you smiling.

You knew something was up, but you didn't want to suspect anything bad. You didn't want to think about never seeing your friends again, it made you want to cry.

"Can you send this to Jonghyun oppa for me, umma?" You ask hopefully.

She looks at the letter you were holding out to her. She felt her heart start sinking. She nods to you and takes the letter. Then she leaves the room quickly.

"Man, why do I have to share a room with YOU?" Krystal asks walking in in annoyance.

"Because Jessica's room isn't big enough for two people." You tell her knowing.

She glares at you and then goes over to your dresser and stares at the picture of your father. "Can you put that down please?" You ask her worriedly.

"Why, it's just a stupid picture!" She yells at you and then storms out of the room after slamming down the picture.

You knew this was not going to be the place you wanted to be for the rest of your life...

****

When you turned fifteen everything started going downhill. You first noticed it when you got a letter from Jonghyun oppa and started reading it. In the letter he was talking about things you two used to do together ten years ago, but you couldn't remember anything he was talking about.

You kept it quiet, you didn't want to worry your mother. Not to mention Mr. Jung moved back to Korea with Jessica and Krystal because they were starting music careers.

You and your mother stayed behind because she had to finish a job here, and you had to finish school. You only had two years left and you didn't want to relocate for high school. You decided you would go to a university in Korea when you were done, one for music.

'Why can't I remember anything about this?' You think to yourself reading the letter over again trying to remember something, but you couldn't.

You wrote a letter back to him, pretending you knew what he was talking about so he wouldn't get suspicious. You didn't want him to get worried over you when he was on stage or something.

Yes, Jonghyun oppa was a singer in the boy band called SHINee. He was telling you all about it whenever he had the time to write. You found it quite fascinating. You were happy for him and could only wish the best for him.

****

"______, you have a letter from Jonghyun!" Your mother calls to you excitedly. 'Who the heck is Jonghyun?" You ask yourself in confusion.

"Umma, who's Jonghyun?" You ask her while walking down the stairs. "Is he an uncle or cousin?"

Your mother's eyes go wide in horror. 'She doesn't remember Jonghyun?' She thinks to herself terrified. 'It couldn't be that...!' "Kim Jonghyun, from SHINee. You don't remember him? From Korea?"

"No, I never knew anyone name Kim Jonghyun when we lived in Korea. And also, I've never heard of SHINee. Is that a band?" You ask raising your eyebrow.

You couldn't remember ever seeing your mother's face looking so horrified as she told you to get into the car. 'Why, where are we going?' You think to yourself in confusion.

You get into the car and arrive at the hospital moments later. You stare at your mother in horror, was something wrong with her? "Doctor please, you have to look at my daughter. Something's wrong with her!" Your mother cries to the nurse.

"What is it ma'am?" The nurse asks perkily.

"My daughter, she is forgetting things. Things about her childhood!"

"Ma'am please calm down. Are you sure this isn't just an honest mistake?"

"No, something is wrong with her. Her father had the same problem."

"You believe she is experiencing memory loss?"

"I KNOW she is!"

Your mother was getting angry. She was going to start raiding the hospital until someone checked you. She remembered the first thing your father forgot when he started losing his memory, and it was also his best friend.

They took you into a room and started asking you easy questions about where you were and what you were doing here. How old you were, when your birthday was, who your mother was. And then..they started asking hard questions.

"Who is your best friend?" The lady asks in a sweet voice.

"Lily." You say certain.

"The one from Korea?" The lady asks.

"I didn't have friends in Korea..." You answer tilting your head to the side.

"Do you remember your father?"

"No."

"How about your grandparents?"

"Don't have any."

"Your school in Korea?"

"Never went to school..."

"Your house?"

"I never lived in a house in Korea."

"Where did you stay?"

"I don't remember."

Your mother's face was full of pain. "Your daughter's brain seems to be...breaking down." The doctor tells your mother knowing. "Usually this happens much slower, but it seems like your daughter is forgetting much faster than other patients. There is no name for the disease."

"You...can help her right?" Your mother asks holding back her tears. The doctor looks down and shakes his head.

"We can perform a surgery. But..it is very likely that she will wake up and remember nothing." The doctor says quietly. "She'll approximately live five years after her seventeenth birthday."

That was it, your mother broke down into tears. She couldn't believe this was happening, first she lost your father...and now she was losing you. The doctor gave you special medication to take incase of headaches or migraines. When you were home your mother was making dinner talking to Mr. Jung.

"You think she'd remember?" Your mother asks him in shock.

"Yes, I believe that if you two move back to Korea to live she may start remembering again." Mr. Jung says over the phone.

Your mother looks over at you from the stove. You were doing your homework. She saw your sweet innocent face and then realized that there was just no way she would be able to take you away now. 

"After she's finished school." She tells him knowing.

"But that is in a year and a half." He says in confusion.

"I know, but I can't make her leave and go somewhere she doesn't even remember!"

"Whatever you think is best."

"Thank you. I'll talk to you later."

Your mother turns off the stove and puts the rice into bowls with dumplings on top. You smile at her as she approaches and then stop your homework to eat. You noticed that your mother wasn't eating and got slightly worried.

"_______, I have something to tell you." She tells you smiling widely.

"What is it?" You ask continuing to eat.

"We're moving back to Korea!"

You begin chocking on your rice in shock. You cough and stare at your mother in complete shock. "We're WHAT?!"

"Moving, back to Korea. When your finished school that is!" She tells you knowing.

You sigh in relief. Well that's some good news, to go along with the bad news you received today. You knew you would remember this day for your entire life, until this memory also faded.

You were terrified, your childhood was nothing but black space, and when you tried to remember your head started hurting. You didn't really understand what was happening to you. Maybe it was something that couldn't be explained.

You look at your mother and smile at her thankfully. You really didn't want to have to leave all your friends here. Not when you didn't even remember anyone back in your home country. The thought made you cringe. How you can remember something one day, and then totally forget the next.

You wanted to know everything was going to be okay. But even when your mother said it, you knew she was just saying it make you feel better. So you wouldn't be scared. But it made you cry. It made you breakdown. You hated the feeling of not remembering. Forgetting your father, your grandparents, your best friend..everything eventually. DYING!

The second you thought that you thought of your mom and how devastated she would be if you died. But there was also the other alternative.. If you did take the surgery, you would still be ALIVE at least.

You didn't want to think about it anymore. You decided to go to sleep. But sleep didn't help either.. All you dreamt about, was not remembering anything.

*************