“We’re going to a performance right now… This if my first time out of the dorm in a week. It’s like a prison there now.” Taemin tried to hold the camera as steady as possible in his shaking arms as Minho pushed his chair along. With the others walking in front of him, though, the best he was getting was random shots of the building between their -show. “You guys do realize I’m going to have a five minute video of your butts, right?”

Immediately, the wall separated a little and Taemin laughed as the camera finally saw what he could see. “Of course, I’m not going to be on stage or singing or anything, but it is still cool being here. It’s something to do. As long as I don’t fall asleep during it.”

“Like you could fall asleep during one of our performances. Did you forget we are SHINee? We aren’t the same without you, but we aren’t that bad either.” Jonghyun reached back to nudge Taemin slightly. “And stop making it seem like we are holding you hostage in the apartment.”

“Aren’t you?”

The camera was shakily focused on the large TV screen backstage playing the show live as the four SHINee members danced along to the song and sang, Taemin the one holding it. “Jonghyun-hyung just tripped on Minho-hyung’s foot. Did you see that?” He gave a large yawn picked up by the camera, but otherwise didn’t make a sound until almost a minute later, laughing when Jinki’s voice cracked. “I thought you were over that hyung.”

For the whole time they were on stage, Taemin sat there commenting on everything. But by the time the four returned to wait until the end of the show, the maknae had put the camera away and was switching between all of their phones to take pictures of himself. “What are you doing?”

Key grabbed his away, playfully glaring at the youngest before looking at the selcas. Taemin only shrugged, finished the one he was taking before handing the phone over to Jonghyun. “I was bored.”

None of them noticed as Key pressed a few buttons and posted the picture online, but that might have been because Jinki and Jonghyun were doing the exact same things. Taemin gave another yawn and looked around the room, eyes finally landing on the couch. “Can I lay down? I’m tired…”

There were no protests and the boy was given the whole couch and a blanket. With his head in Jinki’s lap being petted and his sock clad feet being massaged on Jonghyun’s lap, it was only a matter of minutes before he was asleep. When they had to leave again and he still wasn’t awake, the sleeping boy was just left there. And even after they moved him to the wheelchair and started to leave, he didn’t wake up again.

“I feel like something is going to happen soon. I’m so scared, but it feels like it will at any moment, so I don’t even really have time to be scared.” Taemin eyes watered as he looked at the camera, the only light in the dark living room coming from the device. “I’ve felt like this since the performance yesterday; like something is going to happen but not knowing what. I think it’s something to do with me, because I feel a lot weaker. This might be my last video…

“I want you to know some things before I go then.” He gave a determined nod, barely having the strength to do it but managing. “I’ve said it before, but none of you should be upset if I die. By the time you watch this video, it will probably be at least a month, right? You shouldn’t be upset by then, okay? Because there’s nothing to be upset over.” There was a break as he stopped to wipe his tears.

But Taemin looked back up in only seconds. “I’ll start with Jinki-hyung then. Hyung, you have to find someone other than your chicken, understand? I don’t care if they make good chicken, but you can’t be alone with the food. Maybe it should be Luna… You guys would be good together. I wish I could see that, but it seems like I won’t be. Just treat whoever it is well. I know I don’t have to remind you to, but I want to. And… thank you for being there for me hyung. You were the one that stepped in as my guardian and even got the legal papers done after my parents kicked me out and you took everything on your shoulders. I’m surprised they didn’t break from it all… It’s okay to share the burden. You guys taught me that, so you can listen. Okay?

“And Jonghyun-hyung; you were the one who made my last few months funny. You took me back to our childhood and gave me things to live for with Henry-hyung’s lessons and all. Can you tell your mother and Sodam I’m sorry I never made it back?” He had to take a break then to take in a breath, looking away from the camera as he tried to stop the tears then. “I told you all of my nightmares and you comforted me through each of them. Thank you for that hyung. I hope the room won’t be too lonely without me. And be a good dino-puppy and find someone too. I don’t care if it is Key-hyung or not,” he gave a little laugh, “but find someone good. Someone who will treat an amazing person like you well. Okay? And maybe get a puppy for the dorm too… It might think you are its father.”

There was a pause as Taemin collected his thoughts for a few seconds. “Kibum-hyung… Thank you for everything. For being a brother and a friend and a mother and anything else I needed when I needed it. Everyone needs a person like you, but you really made everything so happy for me. You have to promise me you won’t cry too much, okay? You’re make-up will run then and you’ll blame me… It’s your birthday tomorrow, so if I don’t make it to then, I’m going to say happy birthday now. You won’t see this for a while, but know that I was thinking of you, okay? And you have to find someone too. Understand? It can be hyung or it can be Amber-noona, both are good for you. But find someone and make sure they treat you well. Don’t go shopping too much, but make sure they understand you. Okay? Umma…. Raise great kids some day. Okay?”

He actually stopped for over a minute trying to stop his tears, but the camera kept rolling. And even though they weren’t gone, he figured it was as best he could do. “And Minho-hyung… You were my brother. I’m really thankful for that. For being my rock and my shoulder to cry on and my friend. I hate to ask you another favor, but you have to look over the hyungs for me, okay? You’re going to be the maknae now, so it’s your job. Make sure they don’t take everything too hard, okay? You can find someone too, but make sure it’s not just because of your looks that they like. Understand?

“I love you guys. You were my brothers, my family, for the past five years and even before that. I think the end of my story is really soon, but yours continue on. Make me proud with SHINee and whatever you do after. I’ll be waiting for you guys, but I want to just watch you for a long time first, okay?” Taemin gave a large sniffle, but otherwise didn’t do anything else before he gave the camera one last smile. “I wish none of you had to see these last few months, but don’t let them be all of our memories. Remember the better times for me.

“And if something happens and you guys can’t see me anymore, I’ll always be watching you. I won’t be gone completely. I promise.”

“Hyung!” The silence of the dorm was broken with Minho’s yell, cutting through the shower Jinki was running and the food Key was cooking. He never yelled like that, but he was the one watching Taemin.

And that sent them running, not caring about what they were doing. Jinki came out shirtless, Key still wearing the apron and covered in flour. None of that mattered at the sight of the living room.

Minho was crouched beside Taemin’s bed, holding the wrist with the heartbeat monitor to continuously see it but not needing it to know what was happening. Taemin’s eyes were wide in pain as he gasped for breath that was never coming and the numbers on the bracelet rose more and more. It only took a second of seeing the scene before they were both moving, Jinki to Taemin and Key to get the phone in Jonghyun’s place. There weren’t any “maybe we can help him” hopes this time—the doctor had made that clear. If anything happened to Taemin, it could have been his end right then.

Even as he was being put in the ambulance minutes later, the pain and the gasping was still there. Taemin’s colorless lips had turned blue. And Jinki went with them as the trained paramedics tried everything they could to save the boy.

And he watched as everything failed.

Minho and Key drove after in their own car, Key trying his best to get a hold of Jonghyun or Jin at the singer’s schedule to try and get him there as well. But every single time, the phone just rang and rang. Jinki’s one worry had been neither of them would be able to keep it together enough to get there in one piece.

They had. At first.

But the second Jonghyun picked up on the other end and Key was explaining what had happened, everything set in to him. It was real. Taemin was dying, and on his birthday. He had broken down seconds before he was off the phone, sobs resounding through the car. The broken boy even moved to the backseat, just to have room to curl up on himself and cry without having to see Minho’s tear-stained face as well. How Minho had wished he could do the same, but all he could do was let the tears roll silently as he focused on the rainy road ahead, eyes never straying. He wished he could go faster, wanted to with every fiber of his being, but never did. Them getting to Taemin safely was better than them getting there quickly and risking their lives.

Key had been the one to answer the cell phone when it rang, not even knowing whose it was. Jinki’s voice cut through the silence and the tears, telling them what doctors were telling him. “Right now, they said the only way it looks like he will make it, is if he gets the transplant.”

That stuck in both their minds. Taemin needed a match to do it and they had all known the whole time the friends that matched. The ones that had given blood to him. And two of them were together in that car. If they could, any of them would give their lives for the dying boy that hadn’t seen the world yet. But they couldn’t.

Jinki continued talking, but neither of them really heard it. It was just nice to hear another voice than crying and rain. Why is life so cruel? Taemin’s too young to die, yet there is nothing we can do to stop it. He would die if someone didn’t…

The thought never got finished as Minho slammed on the brakes, sending Key flying forward as he attempted to try and stop the car short enough.

It didn’t work.

The truck plowed right through the red light.

Right into them.

And kept going.