It was dark when Taemin woke up in the hospital bed. A camera he was sure he hadn’t brought with him was perched on the little bed-table and he groggily sat up to look at it. Underneath was a note that he couldn’t help but smile at. So they stopped by to see me but wouldn’t wake me… Really?

His catheter had been connected to a drip at some point during his slumber and he was now wearing hospital pajamas instead of his own sweats. I sure hope it was Key-umma who did that or I’m never going to be able to face them again…

A clock told him it was close to nine at night and he felt tired despite just waking up. With a smile, he lifted the camera and turned it on before filming around the room slowly. “So, it’s around nine on July twenty-seventh and I was admitted to the hospital today for my surgery on Monday. This is my room right now, but I have a feeling it’s going to look a lot different soon… Whenever Key-hyung gets bored of the white. Probably tomorrow.” He gave a little laugh before turning the camera to face him, all smiles even though the hospital bed dwarfed him even more than it used to. Practically skin and bones, he looked like he barely took up a quarter of it. “Even though I just woke from sleeping for hours, I’m actually really tired, so I’m going to go back to sleep. I’ll talk more tomorrow then and I’ll try and get something in Monday morning before the surgery. Maybe the hyungs will film me as I’m high on the medicine for laughs… I’ll try and ask them.”

He shut the camera and placed it back on the table before getting comfortable in the bed again. From the last times he was there, he knew the lights would be going off soon and he just shut his eyes with a pillow over them.

Within a minute, he was out.

Six people walked into Taemin’s room just as he was eating breakfast and he only glanced curiously until he could see who it was. “I’m pretty sure six people aren’t allowed in here at once…”

“Well it’s the first time they’ve dealt with celebrities then.” Kai might have been the youngest, but he walked right through the group to take the second seat by Taemin’s bed, leaving the first open to Key. If he hadn’t, he’d be in a hospital room himself.

“You shouldn't break rules because you’re a famous person…” Taemin tried to protest, but no one listened as the chairs were filled up and Minho sat on the bed with Taemin. The rapper held him close, but there were no protests from either end against it.

Only one person stayed back, the only girl in the room leaning by the doorway. “I think it’s better than letting everyone in.” Taemin’s eyes flashed to Amber and she motioned through the window to the hallway, where some of the Super Junior and Exo members were, trying to be as quiet as possible. “Everyone wanted to come, but that was a little too much, don’t you think?”

“Y-yeah…” Someone saw him looking and pointed it out to all the others so Taemin gave a little smile and wave, noticing that they all gave bigger ones back as soon as he had. At least one person was hit the in the face. “We are going to get in so much trouble for this.”

They all watched as a doctor spoke with one of the managers and then the group was led away against their will and none of them could help but smile and laugh at it. “Not anymore.”

“Because they just got in trouble hyung.” Minho was the one to correct Jonghyun, looking at the singer like he was an idiot. “That just proved Minnie right.”

“Whatever.” Jonghyun crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair until his head hit the wall, making Taemin giggle a little—a very un-manly thing to do.

“Hyung, did you really just giggle?” Everyone looked at Kai as he stared right at Taemin, eyes wide. Taemin only blushed a little and a smile grew on the younger dancer’s face. “You did! And you try and say you’re manly.”

“I can be!” The little huff and pout Taemin gave as he crossed his arms only went against his point.

“Sure you can.”

“I can!”

“It’s some time after six in the morning on surgery day.” Taemin had the little light on the camera on since the room was still dark and he was too lazy to get up to turn the lights on.

The cold floor might have been stopping him too.

“I’m pretty sure it is scheduled for some time after eight, but I have to start getting medicines soon. That’s the only reason I’m up.” The camera was placed down on the table and he angled it so that he was still being filmed while having both hands free. “I’m scared. I know nothing should happen, but if it does… I don’t want to die. I’m afraid of it. But I’m not going on about that in this video. I told myself I was going to film this in case something went wrong and I don’t make it through, to have a last video for everyone.

“First off, I love all of you. Just know that. Even if I never say it all the much, I still do. Jinki-hyung with your awkward and dorky moments, Jonghyun-hyung with your I’m-cool attitude even when you aren’t,” he gave a little smile but didn’t linger on it, “Key-no, Kibum-hyung with your fashionista ways and umma-like actions, and Minho-hyung as my rock. We were—are—a family; a messed up one, but still a family. So I love all of you.” He gave a sad smile to the camera as he tried not to cry, but the wet tears fell anyways.

“And Jin-hyung—we are your Shinhwa-like people like SuJu-hyungs, aren’t we? You’ve been an amazing manager, caring for all of us. Promise me you will take good care of my hyungs, okay? You promise?” There was a pause as he sniffed and wiped some of the tears. “I know I’ve never said it to you, but you were a part of the family too. So I love you as well.

“And Kai-yah. I’ve never called you that, have I? It sounds pretty strange, doesn’t it?” He gave a little laugh. “Jongin. You’re one of the only people I’m close to that is younger than me, but I’m trusting you to look over everyone when I’m gone. Okay? And I never blamed you. Know that. I know you blame yourself, but I never blamed you. If you had told me to go to a doctor, I would have ignored you. So it’s better this way, with no blame at all. Okay?

“Amber-noona… We weren’t close until recently. I don’t know why, because you’re an awesome person. You’ve been there for me from the day we started talking on and I can’t thank you enough. I might not be there to see it, but I want you to find an amazing person and marry them. Make sure they treat you well. Because you need some love in your life. I’m not being mean, but you do. I’m sure your mother would agree with me too. Maybe look at Key-hyung…” He gave another sad smile and laughed. “But do whatever you want. You’ll be great at anything. Okay?”

With a glance at the clock, he knew he had to end there. “I don’t want to leave here, but I have to. And just in case this is a final goodbye…” His tears just poured now, but that didn’t stop him. “I love you all. With my everything. Goodbye…” He pulled himself together enough to give a true smile that wasn’t sad-looking and waved at the camera, making his voice chipper like it used to be.

But once the camera was off and back on the table, the sobs came full-out. He buried his face in a pillow to silence them enough as he calmed himself. And when a nurse walked in to see him curled in a ball, face on the pillow; she knew he had been crying. Everything about him said it. But she said nothing.

Taemin clutched Jonghuyn’s hand tight as he was wheeled closer and closer to the operating room. While the others sat with some of their friends in the waiting room, he had chosen the singer to go with him, but even he wasn’t sure why. “Hyung?”

Jonghyun looked down at the boy in the wheelchair, eyes wide and half-tear-filled. “Yeah Minnie?”

“I’m scared hyung.” The voice was meek and sad-sounding, with obvious fear in it. “I’m really scared.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of Minnie.” He used the hand not gripped by Taemin to wipe the tears on his cheeks once they were stopped in the elevator. The orderly merely looked away, understanding it was a private moment but still needing to be there. “You’re going to come back out of that room and are going to wake up in your bed with your hyungs and friends around you and you are going to get better. There’s no need to be scared. Okay?”

“Then can you do something for me?” Jonghyun nodded for Taemin to continue when the boy looked at him. “Film me waking up.”

“Why?”

“So that, if something does go wrong, there is something funny to go with my video from earlier. It needs to balance it out.” The reasoning seemed so simple to Taemin but confusing to his hyung, yet Jonghyun nodded.

“Okay Minnie. I’ll do that.”

“Good.” The elevator came to a stop and they were back to walking in silence as Taemin was pushed towards the double doors that spelled doom to him and Jonghyun walked along. After the sick boy was set on the bed, Jonghyun was still there, hand still clamped in the frail one.

“Good luck Minnie. I’ll see you when you wake up.” The oxygen mask with anesthesia going through it was placed over his head and Taemin started to breathe in the medicine.

“Count backwards from twenty in your head.” The doctor was next to Jonghyun as he said that, but Taemin only focused on his friend as he listened. 20… 19…. 18… 17… 16…. 15… 14… 13... 12… 11… 10… 9… 8… 7…

He never got all the way down as Jonghyun saw the dark brown eyes of his friend close. It was a blur getting escorted back out and to the waiting room with the others, but one thing stayed in his head. “So that, if something does go wrong, there is something funny to go with my video from earlier. It needs to balance it out…”

“Nothing is going to go wrong, Taemin. I promise.”