“Taemin…” The maknae knew something was wrong the second they had all gathered in the living room in silence, but hearing the tone of Jinki’s voice really made that set in. “We spoke with the doctor earlier…” There was a pause as he held a balled-up hand to his lips, trying to hold in sobs.

And before he could continue, Taemin continued for him. “I’m dying, aren’t I?” As all their eyes turned to him and were wide, he looked down at the table. Tracing patterns only he could see with his finger, his voice was lower, almost a whisper. “So I am… I could feel it…”

“The… Your surgery, the best it can do now is make it not hurt as much. The chances of surviving from where you are now are slim…”

“But they are still there.” Key cut into Jinki’s wavering talking to give that point to Taemin, making sure the boy was looking in his eyes before continuing. “There is still a chance… It just got a lot smaller.”

“You don’t have to tell lies.” He gave a sad smile to Key and focused back on the table, his hand not moving anymore. “I’m not afraid of dying. I knew it was coming. I’ve known.”

“I’m not saying it to make you feel better; I’m saying it because it is the truth!” A perfectly-manicured hand slammed down in front of him, having Taemin jump and looked back up at Key. “If you act like you are going to die and just give up, you will! And I’m not ready for that! We aren’t ready for that!”

“I’m not giving up…” His eyes had an extra shine as they watered looking up at the elder in front of him. “I’m just not getting myself ready to be disappointed.”

“You won’t be! I’d give my heart to you if it meant you could make it though this… I won’t let you down Minnie.” He took a shaky deep breath before sitting back down. “I shouldn’t be yelling at you… I’m sorry.”

“I’m not going to break from you guys caring about me…” Taemin looked around the room at the four, noticing how sad it still seemed. “But I guessing you didn’t just call us all here to tell me that I’m dying and have Key-umma convince me it will all be okay, did you hyung?”

Jinki took a breath much like Key had before shaking his head. “There are three options for where we can go from here.” He held up three fingers and looked to Minho to say the first one.

“You can be admitted to the hospital for however long you will be sick.”

“No way I’m doing that.” Taemin shook his head quickly and saw Key give the smallest of smiles from the corner of his eye. “Next option.”

Jonghyun cleared his throat so the youngest looked to him. “You can continue treatments like you are in hopes of seeing improvements.”

“Or…?”

The three others looked at Key, so Taemin followed and saw the diva biting back tears. Not even realizing what he was doing, one of his frail hands stretched across the table to grasp Key’s own and rub them. “Or you can stop treatment and the suffering caused from it and just live until the end…”

“How long do they think I have?” When all of them flinched at the question, he felt his heart race a little more. “Is it less than the six months?”

“Three…” Jinki’s voice was lifeless as he gave the answer. “They said around three. Maximum.”

Lee Taemin’s world was crumbling and there was nothing that was going to be able to put it back together ever again.

“Henry-hyung?” The violinist looked at his normal-quiet student, not saying anything but giving his full attention. “Did my hyungs tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“What the doctor said when I was there over the weekend…” He finished zipping up the case, but hesitated in lifting it to look at his teacher. “I guess they didn’t then… There might not be many more lessons.”

“Are they going to be moving you to the hospital for more treatments?” The question was innocent, but it was something Taemin wished he could say was true. It wasn’t.

“They… I was told when they think I’m going to die.” He didn’t seem upset about it at all, which surprised the eldest in almost dropping his coffee. “Three months maximum, they said. I’m going to challenge it, but I don’t think I’ll be able to do things like this for much longer. So I wanted you to know before I said this…”

The maknae took a deep breath as he looked at the Canadian he had grown to be close to. “You’ve been an amazing teacher for me and I’m sorry you wasted so much time teaching someone something they can never use, but I’ve had so much fun doing this. So thank you hyung.” He gave a bow to the elder. “Thank you so much.”

He left after that, not giving a chance for Henry to respond to him. But as the singer stood alone in the room, staring into space, he really had a better understand than he’d ever had before of what Amber meant when she said to believe in Taemin.

Because he now believed as well that, if anyone were to get through what Taemin was facing, it would be Taemin.

“I-I’ve made my decision on what to do from now on.” Taemin was glad he was only saying this with Jinki in the kitchen with him, being the only two up at three in the morning for no reason. “I’ve come this far… I don’t want to give up now.”

“You want to continue going to treatments?” Taemin nodded. “And you want the surgery?”

“I… I was going to ask you about that. I mean; do you think it would do any good? It would make it hurt less but…” He looked at his hyung with wide and watery eyes, completely confused. “I don’t know about it.”

“I can’t tell you what to do, but I can guide you to one way. Understand that?” Taemin nodded again and Jinki swallowed before continuing. “If you get it, there’s a chance it could help with your heart and the attacks… But there’s also a major risk of problems from it. If you don’t get it, there won’t be any complications to worry about, but you’ll still have all the problems…” He watched the boy as he said everything, thanking coffee for being the only reason he was able to have a semi-intelligent conversation that early. “Both ways can be good or bad.”

“What would you do if you had to decide?”

The question threw Jinki off-guard and he thought for a few minutes in the silence before breaking it. “I… I’d personally do it. There would be nothing for me to lose. But that’s just my choice.”

“That’s what I was thinking too…” His voice was so quiet, like he was back to the small boy the debuted with. “I think I’ll get it done. We already have the date set and everything and it was by pure luck it was so easy… If I pass it up, there might not be another chance for a while.”

“Are you sure?” There was a hesitant nod at first and a slight pause before a firmer one came. “Then that’s what we will do.”

“It’s your birthday in two days Taemin!” Key was practically bouncing as he spoke to Taemin while making breakfast for the morning. “Aren’t you excited?”

“Not really.” He picked up a piece of cut apple to eat, taking a small bite to chew before continuing. “I have chemo then too. Because I was bright enough to forget my own birthday.”

“That’s not too bad!” They both knew it was a lie, but Key still said it to try and cheer the younger up. We weren't going to celebrate then Taemin... That's not how we do things around here.

But what Taemin didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Key finished making rainbow-sprinkle-studded pancakes and put them down for everyone, digging in with Taemin before the others came.

It’s just another little surprise.

“Minho, I don’t care if you’re half-dressed. Get your out here!” It was still another minutes after Jonghyun’s yell before the rapper appeared from the bedroom. A shirt was thrown over his shoulder and he only had a pair of shorts on as he glared at the elder but didn’t say anything. “I don’t care what you were doing, but we are going to be late for the meeting because of you.”

“It’s one whole minute. It doesn’t make a difference. Call Key and Jinki-hyung there to just cover up for us.” Minho slid shoes on before he looked at Jonghyun and Taemin already by the door.

“I’m not having them get in trouble for us! You’re the reason we are late, so you get in trouble.” Jonghyun opened the door and let Taemin walk out before going himself, not bothering to hold it for the rapper. “Besides, Key’s phone died and Jinki left his here.”

“I hate them.”

“Well hate them later.” Jonghyun nodded to the elevator they were stopped at for Minho to get in ahead of him, giving a smirk at the hesitation that was still there. “You know, both you and Jinki said Taemin was the most afraid during the elevator incident, yet he’s the only one not afraid to get in now…”

“Oh, I’m afraid.” Taemin’s voice startled both of them into remembering he was there since he had been so quiet. “I’m just not afraid of dying, so it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“When you go and say things like that,” Jonghyun looked at the youngest with half-sad puppy eyes, “you make me wonder how screwed up your head is. Everyone’s afraid of dying.”

“I’ve laughed at death enough to not be.” He shrugged, not at all upset or annoyed with how it was worded. I wish I actually was. Then this would all be so much easier… Just don’t worry about me hyung. It will be easier then.