None of them expected it when Jonghyun came padding back out of the bedroom around midnight, finding the three still sitting on the couch. “He said he was sorry. A lot.”

“Why is it that we keep screwing things up?” Kibum’s voice was hollow, broken, when he spoke, not even looking from the screen still frozen with the picture of the video. “I’ve messed up so much recently.”

With a sigh, Jonghyun sat in front of the three on the ground again. “As much as I hate to say this, I think he should see a therapist. Or at least someone to talk to.” Before Minho could cut in, Jonghyun was holding up a hand to stop him. “Just hear me out. He doesn’t want to worry us with everything he feels, but keeping it all inside has been making him explode on us a lot.” He looked at all of them, falling on Kibum last. “And then he hates himself for hurting us by doing that. So the cycle continues. From what I’ve gotten when he talks to me, he seems really depressed about being sick, even if he doesn’t show it.”

“Isn’t that normal?”

“Yes, Minho, it is. But you tell me—is it normal to say you would rather be dead than living like you are now?” It was directed at the youngest in the meeting, but he didn’t look at any of them as he said it, his eyes taking on a far-away look. “He’s said that to me a few times. Says he wished there was just a way for a doctor to kill him so that he wasn’t hurting and he wasn’t hurting us. That if something happens and he’s only kept alive on machines to just let him die. That if the pain gets any worse, he wants to rip the catheter out and refuse any more medicine and just let it kill him instead of trying to get better.” There was a noise from the bedroom and they all froze for a second. “Tell me if that is normal.”

When no one answered him, he nodded his head. “Exactly. I got him to agree to talk to someone and he said we would call his doctor tomorrow if I got you all to agree with me that he needs to see one. So are you agreeing with me?” When he got three nods, Jonghyun gave a large puppy-like smile. “Great then. I’m going to sleep now and you guys should too.”

“Hyung… wake up hyung…” Taemin’s face was only a few centimeters from Jonghyun’s when the elder cracked an eye open. “Can I sleep with you? I keep having nightmares…”

“Yeah… sure.” It was hard to understand what the boy was saying at first, agreeing and then assuring it when he realized. Moving over a little, he patted the space he’d just made on the bed for Taemin to climb in, clutching a teddy bear. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was just… Kibum-hyung died. Over and over, it just kept replaying. It was a car accident…” His frame shook against Jonghyun’s even after he had laid down, telling the singer he was crying. Wrapping an arm around the maknae’s waist, he pulled the boy closer to comfort him as he continued. “There was Minho-hyung too, but he didn’t seem as hurt. Kibum-hyung flew through the windshield and smashed into the ground. There… there was a street sign post through his stomach. And a lot of blood. He and Minho-hyung were talking, but… he was so pale. It wasn’t normal…”

Just the way he spoke, it was like he had seen the whole thing for real and Jonghyun wondered how such a dream was even possible as he clutched the youngest closer to him. “It didn’t happen, okay? Kibum-hyung is just asleep in his room, okay?” He felt Taemin nod in his chest slightly. “Just go to sleep. I’ll keep the bad dreams away.”

It wasn’t long before the dancer listened and was asleep. Jonghyun didn’t return to dream land again that night.

“Good morning Key-umma. I’m sorry about last night.” Taemin wrapped his arms around the diva to hug him as he cooked, not reacting when the elder froze up. “The pancakes smell good. But that’s because you made them.”

“They’re going to burn if you don’t let him go so he can flip them Taemin.” A familiar dino pried the arms off of Kibum and grabbed the spatula from the frozen hand, using it to flip the pancakes himself. As Taemin sat down at the table, he pulled the younger closer to him. Leaning so that his lips were by a perfectly-pierced ear, his breath brushed over the sensitive skin there as he spoke in whispers. “He had a dream last night that you died. Since then he’s referred to you as Key. Just go with it; he was really scared.” He stepped back to fix a pancake he flipped wrong before leaning in again. “He kept talking in his sleep, saying that ‘Kibum’ was only a special name that can’t be used now. I already told Minho and Jinki-hyung.” Once the few that were cooking were done, he stepped back and pressed he spatula back into the cook’s hand. “Good?” His eyes were twinkling as he smiled, waking the other from his trance.

“Y-yeah.”

“Then get cooking Key.”

“So, Taemin-ah.” Even though he was only talking to the sick boy, everyone’s heads snapped to face Key. “You have to pick which one of us is staying with you since there can only be one person when you’re talking to Doctor Cho.”

Almost immediately, understanding and then fear flashed through his eyes. “You promise none of you will be mad if I don’t choose you?”

“Since three of us won’t be going in, of course not.” It was Minho who assured the boy, rubbing his shoulders soothingly to show it was true.

Taemin still hesitated, looking around at all of them once before looking down at his hands and playing with fingers. “Key-umma? Will you come with me?”

Three shocked faces met him when he looked up and Jonghyun not-so-gently nudged all of them until Key answered. “Of course. Come on then.” He grabbed the maknae’s hand and led the way out of the car even though it wasn’t needed and together, the two walked into the hospital together while Jin only parked the van with the other three and offered to put on a movie on a laptop. It was going to be a while of waiting.

Sitting in an office once again, Taemin had a few vials of blood taken before the doctor walked in with a young-looking lady tagging along. Upon seeing the two, he smiled and motioned for the doctor to sit in what was normally his chair. “Since all seems well at the moment, I’m going to let you talk to Doctor Cho for the time today, okay?” Taemin barely nodded and the appointment was handed over to the lady in the chair.

Only after the other doctor walked out did she smile and start talking to them. “It’s a pleasure to meet you two. I’m Doctor Cho—I specialize in overcoming the emotional effects of debilitating illnesses.” It was a mouthful and they both gave a small smile as she in a large breathe after saying all. “You can talk about anything with me and I’ll listen and only ask questions when necessary. Okay?” Two nods answered back. “Then why don’t we start? How did you feel when you were first diagnosed?”

“Honestly?” Taemin felt Key tense slightly beside him, expecting something bad. Isn’t he going to be shocked? “I was relieved.” Doctor Cho only nodded and he knew Key was looking at him strange, so he continued. “I’d felt sick for months and I’d been told it was anemia just before, but that didn’t seem right. Knowing there was something actually wrong was relieving—knowing I wasn’t just making it up.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone if you were sick for months?” Her questions seemed uninterested as she asked them, but Taemin could see she actually cared or was very good at acting. Just looking into her hazel eyes calmed him a little.

“I didn’t want to worry my hyungs with being sick…”

An hour later, as the two walked out, Taemin was all smiles and swinging the hand entwined with Key’s as he skipped to the parked car. None of them asked what had changed, but from the look Key gave them, they all knew it had gone well.

Their maknae was close to being back to normal. “Who knew just talking for an hour can help so much?”

“You know you can talk to us too, Taemin.” Jinki looked at the hyper maknae and got an equally-hyper nod back. “We will all listen.”

“I will.” He gave a smile to them all. “Talking with Doctor Cho made me realize that it won’t burden you if I tell you about it and could make you feel better. It made Key-umma!” And it was true; the diva did look happier himself. “But I’d rather talk to people I know more than a stranger, so I hope none of you mind!"

“Not at all, Taemin-ah.” Jonghyun gave him a smile to drive in Minho’s point. “Not at all,” the rapper’s eyes continued to repeat it even as he didn’t say it any more, telling the youngest what he had heard all along.

Only now, he believed it.