“This is your last lesson for a while, isn’t it?” Henry watched Taemin unpack the violin, sitting on the piano bench since it was tiring for him to stand for long now. “You have surgery coming up?”

“On the twenty-ninth. I have to be admitted on Saturday though so that they make sure everything is okay and to start different medicines.” He sat back once the instrument was out, starting to tune it as he looked to the teacher. “It’s going to be a while before I’m back to being able to play…”

“Well I’ll wait for the day you can.” The elder gave a bright smile to Taemin, trying to stop the boy from thinking of sad things before it happened. “You’re the best student I’ve taught and I don’t want to pass you up.”

Just go away pain. I don’t have time for you now. The nurse drawing Taemin’s blood could have been saying something important. He wouldn’t know. All he was focused on was trying to not pass out—a task that became harder with every passing second. His chest felt like a hand was wrapped around it and squeezing until it couldn’t anymore and then some. Breathing was already impossible for him, but no one seemed to notice.

Black spots were swimming across his vision when a hand patted his own and a voice cut through the stifling wall of nothing to tell him to eat his cookie. And he would have, after he gave his thanks.

If he could have given them.

The second he opened his mouth to say the one word, a cough ripped through his chest and not a second later, there wasn’t anything but that. He knew his body was probably limp in the chair as the nurse tried to calm him and get help at the same time. But once again, he wasn’t focusing on unimportant things. All that mattered to him was staying awake, no matter how good it might have felt to leave the pain behind for blackness, and breathing. Nothing else.

His inhaler and cough medicine were completely bypassed with time as an oxygen mask with some sort of medicine in it was looped over his face, taking up the majority of it. Jinki was told to hold it in place—he knew without even being able to see the leader just from the feel of his gentle hands. Meanwhile, the nurses—when did others come?—simply cut his shirt off so that they could get access to his chest and start putting on the machines to monitor his vitals.

The mask did nothing and they all knew that, but it was only a minute later that liquid ice flowed through his veins, followed by fire in its wake. If his chest hadn’t hurt as bad as it did, Taemin would have surely flinched away from the medicine and begged for the pain to end. But it was loosening the iron grasp on his chest and he would stand it for the relief it gave. The last of the cables for the machines were hooked up and an all-too-familiar beeping took hold of the room.

Only, it wasn’t a beep now. It was more of a solid, high-pitched screech that held almost no breaks between heartbeats. One of the nurses muttered something—at least it sounded muttered, but that could have just been because his whole body felt like it was separated from everything else, like none of it was actually happening to him. And then there was more of the liquid fire and ice. While he thought it would have made the beeping even faster, it seemed to calm it quicker than he thought possible.

Or maybe it was slowly. Time was not something he was able to grasp then. It could have been seconds between everything that had happened or hours and he wouldn’t know the difference.

All he knew was that the coughing had stopped and his chest still hurt but no as bad and he just wanted to sleep.

When Taemin opened his eyes, he was back on his own bed in the pitch-black bedroom with the stapled curtains. Even if he had wanted to move, he wouldn’t have been able to with how heavy his body felt. But that wasn’t even something he was going to try and tackle then.

A groan escaped his lips and before he knew it, a head popped up from Jonghyun’s bed. How long has he been there? “You’re up?”

He was right in front of Taemin, startling the boy slightly. Talking wasn’t something he could even begin to imagine doing then, so he only gave a lazy nod with half-closed eyes. “Do you want me to get Key? Or Jinki?” He was already halfway to the door but still looking at Taemin when the boy shook his head. Confused, the singer stopped and looked at him. “No?” Again, a shake. “Minho?”

“Water?” Taemin’s voice was barely recognizable, more of a croak than anything. But Jonghyun heard and nodded, grabbing a bottle from the desk in the room and opening it for the younger. Carefully, he pressed it to the maknae’s lips, giving him a little at a time until Taemin pulled away.

“Good?”

“Yeah.” Talking seemed a little hard for him to do, but Taemin managed it as his eyes focused on nothing. “Thanks.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to get anyone?” Taemin gave a little nod, earning a soft sigh from Jonghyun. “The just call for me and I’ll come over. Okay?”

“Hyung?” He hadn’t even gotten a step before Taemin said it, causing the elder to smile slightly.

“Yeah Taemin?”

“Can…” It could have been him having trouble talking or being embarrassed, but his question faded into oblivion the first time he tried to ask. After a hard swallow, he tried again. “Can you lay… with me?”

Jonghyun couldn’t help but give a puppy-like smile but nodded. “Sure Taemin.”

“Thanks hyung.”

“So it is Friday, the twenty-sixth of July, and we are packing for Taemin to leave for the hospital tomorrow.” Key was filming the bag in the middle of the room, where Taemin sat nearby folding a few bigger shirts and heavy clothing. “Are you excited Taemin?”

“I’m nervous.” He finished putting the last of it in and stood, disappearing into his room as Key talked about anything to fill the time. A few minutes later, he came out with as many pairs of thick and fluffy socks as he owned and a few beanies. “In case I get cold.”

Key gave a little laugh, realizing there were way more socks than needed but knowing Taemin would be the one to wear them on top of each other. “You know we can always bring some more stuff when we visit, right?”

“I know. You’re bringing me entertainment. All I have is the iPod I got for my birthday and a few books.” Taemin gave a huge smile to the camera, looking so out of place on his face compared to his sunken-in cheeks and slightly-blue lips. “I have it all planned.”

“Sure you do.” Sarcasm dripped off of every word Key said.

“I do!”

The first thing Taemin did when he entered the hospital room that would be his for the next week was throw his pillow on the bed and drop his bag in the corner. Jin was the only other person there with him, but that was probably for the best. “I’m really doing this, aren’t I?”

Taemin was looking out the window overlooking a small garden and fountain with the city farther away, but in the reflection off the glass, Jin could see the tears rolling down his face. “Yeah, you are.”

“I’m scared.” He wasn’t expecting that after how carefree Taemin had seemed with everything. There wasn’t a single person who hadn’t heard Taemin say he wasn’t afraid of dying, but the boy straight out said he was then. “What if this all goes wrong?”

“I can’t say it won’t… But you’re a fighter. You won’t let it without giving a fight.” Neither had even realized how close Jin had gotten to Taemin until he was right behind the boy, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You have so many people here to back you up. Everyone cares about you. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“I know.” He sniffed and wiped his nose and eyes on his shirt sleeve before turning around, an obviously fake smile on his face. “You should go help the hyungs at their schedules. I’m fine here.”

Jin knew that was the biggest lie Taemin had ever told, but it was also his way of saying he needed space. So the manager nodded and left, leaving the maknae alone in the white room.

Alone in his thoughts.

Alone in thinking how it would all turn out.

Taemin climbed onto the bed and took the stuffed animals Jin had carried in for him in his arms, snuggling close to the four animals. “I told you guys that you would be here even when you weren’t.”

With tears running down his face, the maknae had managed to fall asleep laying there with the toys.

And clutched in his arms were a frog, a chicken, a cat, and a dog.