First of all, sorry for TOP's fans that I made him suicidal >.<

I hope you enjoy reading this chapter & immersed with the story <3

My brother walks inside my room as soon as Seungri left, and I just can’t hide my sadness from him. He too can’t hide his sadness—I can see it clearly from his eyes—and he stands beside me.

“How are you feeling, kid? Better?”

“Worse,” I mutter and I stare blankly to the white ceiling above me. “I don’t think I’ll get better.”

He exhales and he pats my head. “Did you really want to die, kid?”

“No one commits suicide because they want to die.” I groan, uncomfortable with his hand on my head.

“Then why did you do it?”

“I wanted to stop the pain,” I look at him and I can feel myself tearing up. “I wanted it to stop.”

“Then stop hurting yourself,” he looks away and I can see him bites his lower lip. “You won’t be in pain anymore.”

“It’s not that kind of pain,” I choke. “It’s not something that can be cure with medicine. These cuts don’t pain me at all.”

“Is it Seungri?”

I nod and I start to cry. “I need him.”

We fall silent and now my room is even quieter than it already has, emptier than it already has, and it hurts. It feels like I’m living in nightmare, and I don’t have a way to escape.

“I want to die, I want it ends.”

“It won’t end,” my brother looks down to me. “If you kill yourself, you’re not ending the pain. You’re making a bigger pain to people you left behind, and it’s me.”

“You’re living a fun life, hyung. You have someone who loves you, while I only have myself.”

“It’s not true. I’m not living a fun life, and you’re not alone.”

“It must be beautiful,” I mutter again and I close my eyes. “It must be beautiful to have no yesterday, no tomorrow, to forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace, and most importantly to forget Seungri.”

“You’re scaring me, kid.”

“Have you ever been so in love it made you suicidal, hyung?”

“Never,” he looks at me. “Love should not make you feel that way.”

“Then I must be so lucky,” I smile. “To have a first love that made me suicidal.”

“Stop it, kid. Get some sleep.”

My brother walks to the couch beside my bed and he sits there without taking his eyes off me. The room falls silent again and I can feel nothing but pain; I can hear nothing but Seungri’s in my head.

--

I love you, hyung.

He would say he loved me every single day, and I wouldn’t know what or how to respond. I would only nod and I believed he knew I love him too.

How was your day?

He would ask about my day every time I got home, and he would have already prepared dinner for me even though it was already late. He would wait, and I thought he would wait forever.

I miss you.

I would always think he was adorable for missing me when we were not even parted for a long time. But I wouldn’t say anything to him, because I have never known what to say.

Do I look okay?

I would never reply him when all I wanted to say were “You always looking good to me,” and I realized just now I should have said it.

What am I to you?

Do you love me?

Why are you treating me this way?

How come you never appreciate what I’m doing?

I don’t love you anymore.

--

“Kid? You’re alright?” my brother nudges my shoulder and I open my eyes to see his worried eyes above me.

“Not at all,” I groan. “It’s getting worse.”

He exhales and he brushes my hair with his hand. “I have called Seungri.”

I pop my eyes. “What did he say?”

“He’s, uh, I don’t know.” My brother is lying and it looks so obvious to me. I know Seungri won’t see me, maybe ever, and I’m trying to accept it.

“I know he doesn’t want to see me.”

“Sorry, kid.”

“Just promise me once I’m out of this place, you’ll take me to his apartment.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I want to say goodbye properly,” I smile the same time tears start flowing down. “He deserves a happy life, and it’s not with me, obviously not with me.”

My brother doesn’t say anything. He keeps looking at me with worried eyes. “I have never expressed my feelings to him, and this is my last chance. I want him to know I love him, and always will even though he’s not anymore.”

“Kid-”

“I want him to know he will always be my only one.”

“I will take you there, I promise.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

Ok sorry for short chapter >.<

But I hope you enjoy this nonetheless :)

and thank you:

seungri_crazy

for upvoting!! <3