Seungho’s POV

I feel like sh*t.

I was slumped on my bed, unmoving. My whole body stinks with alcohol. I am having a freakishly painful headache that’s tempting me of cracking my skull in half with a baseball bat. To add I feel like any minute now I would throw up all the food that I managed to eat in my lifetime. It’s an exaggeration but my stomach is really torturing me with its wild churning.

But all of these were not the reason I am feeling miserable and I wish that it were, for in truth this sh*tty feeling was coming inside.... in my heart, which is much more painful than the pounding headache I am suffering with.

“S-Sang-Sanghyun..... Sanghyun...” I whispered repeatedly like a chant hoping that if I call his name a thousand times he will come barging inside my room and will tell me with his sweet voice that it was all just a little prank of his.

“S-Sanghyun...” I repeated, now barely a whisper. My voice cracked, failing me and my throat was already sore. I’ve been calling out to him since the moment I locked myself in my room waiting for him. But I waited for nothing, he will never come.

He broke up with me. Seungho, accept the reality. We broke up.

“H-he left...” A tear fell from my eyes, burning my cheek as it slid down. “He is not mine anymore...” I mumbled as I choke on my now spilling buckets of tears. It was hard to breathe. Yes, I can’t breathe, I won’t be able to.... because my air already left me... my life that is Sanghyun.

This is the reality. I wouldn’t ever feel his warmth anymore now that he is gone from my embrace.

Reality is really a b*tch.

How can it hurt so much? I can’t explain this excruciating pain. All I know is I’m suffering and being tortured by it.

“Pain, pain go away come again another day! So hyung, is the pain gone? Hmmm guess not! You’re already smiling, I told you it would work!”

“Ack... Sanghyun...” My tears burst as I bit my lip and covered my mouth to muffle my sobs. I remembered him doing something childish to make my pain go. He would always do something silly just to make me laugh every time I’m stressed and depressed. He would always think of my well-being. He would always never fail to be beside me every time I felt like the whole world forsakes me.

He was always there, inches apart beside me. In bad times or good times.

He was just there, holding my hand tight and will smile angelically at me, a sign of reassurance that he is with me no matter what happens. Now where is he?

He is gone. He let go of me.....

And whose fault it is?

Mine....

It was all because of me even though I don’t want to admit it.

Because of my negligence, my irresponsibility towards him that I never noticed before, he slipped away. It’s too late now. I wouldn’t have the chance to say how much I love him anymore.

Before, I thought that even if I lose him, nothing will change that everything will just be normal like nothing happened between us two. But... that was before... when I’m still blinded by my lust to taste someone other than him.

But then when he ended it in just a blink of an eye with his emotionless face, all of me collapsed. I never thought that losing him means the end of me. I was chocking, I was broken, like a fragile glass shuttered in billions.  I’m so stupid to just realize now that he was my everything, the missing puzzle of my soul. Without him I am nothing but just an empty box.

Still, even though I clearly know that it was all my fault, a tinge of me couldn’t help but blame him. And I don’t have the right to blame him.... but this pain is so overbearing that I can’t think straight.

I sat up and wiped my tears away. I spaced out as I felt a negative feeling slowly swelling inside of me. Anger that is, an unwanted anger towards Sanghyun. Does he think he can end it on his own accord?

He doesn’t have the right to end it. I am the only one who has the say in this relationship. He can’t play naughty like I do, he can’t cheat like I DO. All he can do is to love me unconditionally and wait for me every night I go home wasted. I’m a bastard.

I know, I am selfish, selfish and selfish. I’m a bastard, I’m an . I’m everything that you can call worse. But I loathe admitting it but I’m really possessive on my things. And Sanghyun was one of my possessions. I wouldn’t take it if he does what I did.

I prefer to hurt than to be hurt.

I told you I’m selfish.

“Urgh NO!” I threw one of my pillows on the floor. What am I thinking!? I’m willing to hurt him as long as I’m not hurt!? Am I thinking straight!?

Sanghyun was right to end it with me. He made the right decision. I’m a trash needed to be thrown to the pits of hell. My selfishness led me to nothing good, and a very exemplary example of that was losing Sanghyun in my life.

Fix your thoughts Seungho. You’re to blame about all.

Knock, knock. “Seungho?”

Byunghee... Ignore him. I lay down again as I covered my head with my remaining pillow and pay no mind on his call. He knocked several times that it was almost getting annoying but then I breathed in appeasement when the knocking stopped. Finally he gave up.

Then I heard sound of keys chiming and a clicking of the door. I groaned when I remembered that we have spare keys in all our rooms in case one of us misplaces our keys.

“I’m coming in.” He announced. This time I faced the wall not wanting to let him see my pitiful state. I closed my eyes firmly indicating that he is not welcome here.

“Seungho...” he tapped my shoulder gently, still I ignored him.

Then I gasped for air as he hit my back hard. “Yah, Seungho I know that you’re awake!”

I snapped, all the feelings I’m enduring and I’m suffering with, spilled. “WHAT!?” I huffed.

Byunghee flinched, mouth agape. That’s when I realized that I accidentally poured it all out on