Explanation
I Don't Know
"Can we talk, Tao-ah?" Luhan said, voice a bit hesitant and wavered.
He manages to get my attention anyway as I look at him, feeling the seriousness in the air.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The air is tense and I become speechless for awhile until I heard Luhan clears his throat to get my attention again.
I look at him and smile apologetically , earning a chuckle in return as he shakes his head.
"Come.." Luhan said, patting the empty space next to him, asking me to sit closer.
I do without a word.
After that Luhan says nothing, he keeps on fiddling with his fingers, thinking of a word to start.
'What is Luhan ge trying to talk about..? Why is he so nervous..?' I thought.
"Do you want to lie down??" I ask, trying to chase away the stiffness in the air.
Luhan looks at me, bewildered "no!!" He shouts, waving his hands to sides.
I laugh and pat on his shoulder, trying to calm him down,
"then you should start talking, or I'll go to sleep. We have school tomorrow you know"
He scoffs, "yea right... You're just can't wait till morning come so can see-mppph!"
His words remain unfinished as I stuffed jellies in his mouth with force.
It's a leftover from earlier, I don't even know why I brought it home, or was it Chanyeol?
"Alright, alright! Lets just say that" Luhan said, coughing a bit after swallowing all the jellies at once.
Actually, more like choking, but I ignored his cries for help for a little bit.
He glares at he and slaps my shoulder without mercy.
I reach out for a bottle of water on the lamp table and give it to him, he gladly takes it and drinks it.
"That was so mean, Tao!!" Luhan shouts again, and I burst out laughing.
Well, at least the seriousness is gone.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Things calm down again and Luhan looks at me,
"can you like.. Ah, you know, look over there" he demands while pointing on the wall, which I obeyed without much word.
I stared on the empty wall until Luhan started to speaks.
"Do you.. Do they, like, ah.. Tell you?" He asks, voice already a bit wavered.
'So that's why', I think for a bit and simply hummed and nodded,
eye never leave the wall.
And I can hear him sighed, I can practically imagine the look on his face now.
There's a sudden silence. So I waited again until he starts talking.
"Do you think I'm a.. b-burden too, Tao-ah?" Luhan asked, voice barely audible.
My eye widened and I quickly shook my head furiously,
"no, Luhan ge, you're not and never be" I said trying to convinced him.
He laughs, it sounded relief but still concerned.
"You must think that my parents is ridiculous right.. You're not to blame, cause even I can't understand them-" Luhan exhaled,
"and never will" he continues.
"Being born in my family in pure torture for me, you know. I was born and all I know, I've grown up with the maids' and babysitters' care.
I was never like any other kids my age then.
Believe it or not but no matter how much I begged to go and play outside with the other kid, my parents never let me.
They said its gonna bring shame to the family if I associate with the commoners.
But you know what, I never actually saw their face until I was 5.
Yea, during the fire incident. And the first thing my mother did when she came was to slapped me right across my cheek"
"I know, you'll never understand this, and those guys too, actually,
Kris was really mad about this that he actually called me stupid, but I'm... Happy(?) that day because that was the first time for me to actually met my parents.
Well, obviously the last one as well.
But living in China was heaven for me.." Luhan laughs a bit,
but I can sensed some sadness in his voice.
"I'm actually glad when Kris and Lay forced their way into my life. Though I never admit it but I'm really glad to have met them.
They're actually really stubborn, always tagging around and dragging me here and there. I bet you can never imagine how Kris acted back then, he's really childish.
His parents is really nice and they treated me like their own.
Praised me when I did something good,
advised me when I did something bad
and scolded me when I was being a nuisance to my grandparents"
"After my grandparents died, I know I had to part with Kris and Lay too.
I felt traumatized, it's like, everyone is leaving me,
pushing me out of their life. I had to go back to Korea and lived at that house again.
The scene is repeating itself.
One day, Kris and Lay just showed up at my door with some random kids, well, which you know who now. But strangely I was insecure, afraid of thought of them leaving.
So I never talked, not a word and soon after it became a habit. And I forgot how my voice sounded"
I hummed at times, trying to tell him that I'm listening.
"I was trying to chase them out of my life first before I ended up getting hurt again. But you know, they never give up on me.
Always coming over to my house and making me play with them. They are fun and loud, but I felt too guilty to laugh.
I never expressed my feeling, not even show it on my face but somehow they always know if I'm sad or happy or troubled or what so"
I quietly laid down and my hand reaching for Luhan's.
I didn't look at him and just begin playing with his fingers.
Luhan smiled and begin to talks again.
"One day, they just dragged me out of the house without a word.
They brought me to.. Countryside? Honestly, I don't even know, I was too worried about the house.
There I met with Sehunnie. I was confused and really worried because he was sick.
I know he's a stranger then but I still felt really,
I don't know, it was just painful watching someone as small as him lying there
and not playing like the others.
He reminds me of myself if I were to be honest. So yea.."
"I don't know why but I feel some kind of attraction toward him.
We get along really well and he managed to get me to talk.
He's really matured for his age, like he didn't go around, jumping and shouting like a normal kid would.
I like that about him. Starting then, I've became more livelier,
I supposed you could call it that.
I know they are still worried about me. Up until now, but they've never bring it up,
I'm really thankful for that"
"When we're in middle school, that's when Kai started to.. You know. It was really bad then.
He cries almost everyday.
I always knew that Kai wasn't the happiest person there is,
but he never really let it show.
Unlike me,he's really strong, you know.
I envy him a lot. But then again, things happened.
Though now everything's almost better"
"And right when I entered high school, my parents started to interfere with my life again. It's never easy for me, for us all to be more specific,
because we have to learn a lot more at young age since we need to takeover the company aside from learning things at school.
I bet you are too.
We can do whatever we want for now but our future is pretty much planned out.
That's how all this school thing came ou- I mean, that's how we all decided to attend this school"
"But I have some kind of deal with my parents in order for me attend this school..
That is, I have to score everything on every test and evaluation.
My parents have been planning to send me back to China.. Em, Beijing to be specific, because they want me to take care of the company there.
That is why this deal is made in the first place."
"On the first day.... The student in C dep, got our result from the last evaluation before the holiday. And I didn't do so well which is actually.. Weird"
My eye widened and I shot up from my lying position, looking at Luhan anxiously "So... So-you mean, you have..",
Luhan laughs and put his hands on my shoulder and tells me to lie back down, "No, listen first..well, I cried" he said, whispering on the last word.
He chuckled before continuing, "So I went home that day right..
Sehunnie came over and asked me what was wrong.
I told him everything and he finds it weird. So, he hacked into the school system and yadayada and yea" he stopped and laid down next to me.
I waited but then I realized he's ending it there,
"Ge, you're skipping a lot. How am I supposed to understand?" I asked,
turning to the side and stare at him.
Luhan looked at me confusedly, "Really?? I did? Well, we found out my parents bribed someone to manipulates my result and dumdumdum~" he ends dramatically,
this time closing his eyes too.
I frowned and whined, "Ge.."
He opened his eyes,
"Alright, alright.. Geez, Sehunnie had a fight with my father after he forced his way into my father's office. He even cursed in Chinese" he said and stops,
"Remind me, I should wash his mouth! That kid.." Luhan said in angry
but teasing tone, totally got sidetracked from the topic.
"Ge.." I whined again, shaking his body as I do so.
"Oh ya! Oh ya! It was crazy and chaos. My father face is totally flushed and I'm not sure what Sehun did or said but everything's fixed again.. For now" he explained.
"What about the others? I thought they went to your house" I ask,
reminded that they all spent their night out of the dorm.
Luhan tried to smile, obviously sleepiness started to washed over him,
"Oh, they did. All these happened when school's hour wasn't over yet. When we got home, they arrived a few minutes later and we just talked and played....." He said
and yawned.
I nod and yawned too, feeling totally exhausted.
I look at Luhan, trying to convince him to get some sleep but he beats me to it as he's already asleep.
'He left out a lot of details from his story..' I yawned again,
"Goodnight ge.." I said with a sleepy voice as I cuddle up to him.
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