"You can now unlock your seat belts. Thank you for flying with KoreanAir."
The message sounded. It felt so good to finally have reached my destination after 10 hours in a plane, with a seat partner which snored all the time.
I had butterflies in my stomach. Soon I would see my mother! I just couldn't get fast enough out of the plane.
When walking my way to the gate, I spotted a big poster. It was five handsome males, sponsoring something I couldn't find out what was. I knew the names of them all of course; JongHyun, TaeMin, MinHo, Onew and lastly, Key, a.k.a my lovely Kibeom. I missed him so much, that I couldn't describe it. I really hoped that I could meet him, once I came back to Korea, and here I am, so just come out of somewhere Kibeom!
SHINee had many comebacks, and every time I just loved their songs more and more, and became prouder and prouder. 
Their latest comeback was their Japanese version of Replay. In the start I thought it sounded weird, but after time I got used to it. It was as good as the original one.
Super Junior had some Japanese or world tour going on, I wasn't sure anymore. Also I didn't care. Now it was only SHINee, but still Donghae was my future husband.
I reached the gate, and my heart started to bump really fast. I hadn't seen my mother like forever! 
I walked out of the gate, and started to scan all the people, one by one. Where was my mother?
"HARIN-AH!" I heard my mothers voice yell, from the side. I turned around, and saw my mother with teary eyes. 
"Mother!!" I yelled and walked over to her as fast as I could, with all my baggage. 
"My only daughter how have you been? Are you okay? Omooo~~~ I missed you so much!!" She hugged me so hard, that I couldn't breath. (Not literally) But it was okay. I missed her too. Her warm voice, her scent. Just everything about her! 
"I'm great.. I missed you too mother.." And I started to cry.
"Aigooo~~ don't cry! Then I'll start to cry also! Let's go home!" she said and I nodded and followed.

 

- In The Car - 
She asked me so many questions. I hadn't even answered the first question, then she would ask another one. 
"Oh that's right! Have you seen how well things are going for Kibeom-ah?" I asked her. 
"Yes! We're so proud of him right?" She smiled and I did too.
It got quiet for a bit, but then mother broke the silence with her high voice.
"I almost forgot!! Look on the back seat, there's my welcome-home present from me to you!"
"Wah,,, really?!" And I immediately turned around, and started to fish after the present. 
"Is it that envelope?"
"Yes! Can you reach it?" 
"A-almoost.. Just.. Let me.. A few more.. Centimeters.." I almost had it. Right in front of my fingertips.
"I can't mother. Let's just wait until we come home."
"No, you have to have it now because it's the perfect time to give it to you!"
"In a car, on a highway.. Seriously?"
"Yes!! Just.. Wait.. I'll unlock your seatbelt, and then you can snap it quick."
"Okay.." I just shook my head. Had she become more crazy when I was abroad? There sound a 'click' and I was free from the seatbelt.
"Yes I got it!"

I sat back on the seat. Our eye contact seemed quiet and decent. She smiled at me. I did too, but that quickly changed into a face with fear showing in my eyes.  I felt the last seconds like it was in slow motion, before everything went black. 

 

-#-

 

- First Flashback -

"Mom, here's my Christmas present to you!" I said, while I happily gave her my present to her. She was sitting in the couch, wearing a dark red dress. Her hair was curled, and that suited her very well. Her smiled warmed everybody's hearts, and filled it with joy. She was the most wonderful mother and person you could ever find on this planet.

- End Of First Flashback -

 

-#-

 

- Second Flashback -

Where was I? Everything was black. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't smell anything. I couldn't hear anything. I was senseless. What had happened? When would this end? Or would it continue forever? Where were everybody? Was I all alone? When would this end, when would this end?

- End Of Second Flashback - 

 

-#-

 

- Third Flashback -

The sun was shinning. Mom, dad and I were on the way down to the beach. They had promised me that for a long time. We had prepared some very delicious food, that I indeed couldn't wait until I got my teeth in it. The cold win was blowing moms beautiful hair, and blowing dads shirt. The ride on the bikes were exciting. We had to do this more often.

- End Of Third Flashback - 

 

-#-

- Fourth Flashback -

Saying I love you to another person is a very hard thing to do for me. Even those I love the most, I can't show it to them. Sometimes I get so angry at myself, because sometimes it's too late. Then I wouldn't have the opportunity again. I love you. It should be as easy to say as it was so easy to think.  I love you mom. I love you dad.  Thinking.. Thinking of saying I love you.

- End Of Fourth Flasback -

 

-#-

 

(BACK TO LIFE)

I felt powerless when opening my eyes, like they had been closed for so long. Everything was blurred. Where was I? How long had I been like this? I couldn't feels anything in the start.  It started to become more and more clear to me, that I was laying in a hospital bed, with no ability to move. My left arm was inpacked in plaster, which clearly indicated that it was broken. I could hear a machine working on full power right beside me. What had happened? I tried to look around, but I couldn't. I was totally unable to move because of all those hospital thingies around me, that I had no idea what was.  I had a pipe down my throat which was so unpleasant. I tried to make some noises, but no one came. I couldn't yell or anything because of that god damn nasty pipe. I had to wait for almost half an hour, before a nurse came. She looked so surprised and hurried to call over some other doctors, and they all ran over to me with all kinds of instruments to examine me. I was totally overwhelmed. I quickly got driven to another room to get further examined. I got out of all those devises which I was linked to. I kept asking what had happened, but they all said to me, just wait a minute, you'll know later, etc etc... Some time had passed when I, sitting in a hospital bed, entered a six persons room. I looked around. I didn't know any of those people.  The nurse bowed and leaved before I could even get a word out of my mouth. But luckily a bit later came a high ranked doctor - it looked like that.

"What happened?" I desperately asked him.

"You've been in a car accident.." 

"W-what?" I stumbled. How could that happen? When did that happen? I didn't remember a thing of it.

"You've been in coma for three weeks." 

"T-t-three weeks?! I-I mean.. H-how?" I was so shocked. How could this happen?

"You got off very easily with surprisingly little damage, only a broken arm. But unfortunately that's not the case with your mother, Mrs. Jung MinHyo."

"M-my mother? How's her condition?" Of my god I totally forgot her. That I was with her. 

"She has a lot of broken bones, and a severe concussion. We don't know for how long your mother is going to be in coma. I'm so sorry miss."

"W-when will I be discharged?" I asked, trying to hide my many tears.

"In two to three days maximum. We need the results on the tests we ran on you earlier. Just have some rest, then you'll be alright." He lastly said, bowed and walked out. Right then, I started to cry. How could all this had happened? I just came home from America, and then this happened? And besides that, I was all alone. No friends or family members were in the area. What should I do. W-when w-would my mother ever wake up again? I hadn't seen her for many years, and then I unluckily can wait maybe just as long again, to see her joyful smile and bubbly personality. I just cried and cried. I needed somebody.

 

~

 

The next day, they finally gave me back my phone, because they insisted that I should have some rest. And I indeed had. I slept all the day away. When having the phone in my hands, I only thought of one thing. Calling Kevin. I didn't care about the expensive faxes. I simply had to do it.  I dialed his number with shaken hands. Pushed 'call'

"Hello it's Kevin."

"K-Kevin. It's me.. HaRin."

"Ah! HaRin-ah! You promised to call when coming home. You forgot right?" he said, and laughed. Like it was funny. Like I was forgiven. You just should laugh right now. Not now.

"Yes I-I did." I tried so hard to not cry. He was the one and only I needed now. Should I tell him about the accident? Or not?

"HaRin-ah?? Are you still there?" he said, after following many minutes, where I was thinking of telling him or not.

"Y-yes I a-am."

"Why are you stumbling so much?" like that (finger-expression) he changed from funny and happy, to serious.

"K-Kevin.." And my tears just bursted out. I cried and cried and cried.

"HaRin! Are you crying?! What's happening?" I could clearly hear his concerning, and feeling innerly sad that he couldn't comfort me in person.

"I-I-I have- no I m-mean my mother a-and I have..."

"What about you and your mother?! Talk proper! I don't understand a thing!"

"W-we have b-been into a-a car accident..." And I cried even more.

"HaRin! Are you okay?!" I just continued crying and crying, as I could feel his desperately need to comfort me.

"I-I just m-miss you.. Please just come." I said, probably unable to understand what I just said myself.

"I-I'll try to come as fast as I can HaRin..." He had to go. I gave him my room number in the end. It felt so good talking to him again. But I also became so so sad. I wanted to visit my mother, but the doctors said I had to wait a few days. I accepted it, even though it was hard to.

 

~

 

As expected, I was discharged three days later. Kevin still hadn't come to Korea. I had to wait. One of the nurses came with a box the day I was discharged. She said it was our personal belongings.

I decided to go home first, and look at what situation the house was in.

I took a cab to our house. Out front it looked nice. I hadn't been here more than three years. I missed it so so much. 

I opened the gate, and walked up to the door, still with the box in my arms. 

I unlocked, and opened the door quietly.

I smiled when seeing everything standing and being as it used to. But I felt that I couldn't allow myself to smile, because of my mother.. She should also be there, when I entered the house after three years. 

I walked into the kitchen, and placed the box on the kitchen counter. 

I opened the fridge, looking if there was any expired food that had to be thrown out.

There was a bit dust on the furnitures, so I ended up cleaning almost the whole house, as well as I could with a broken arm. While cleaning, I looked through all kinds of memorable things. The pictures of Kibeom and me, hanging on my bedroom wall, a stone from a trip to the beach, laying on the shield in the living room. So many other memories. My mood changed from good and to bad several times.

 

- The Next Day -

I got a call early morning, from the hospital, saying I could come and visit my mother. I got out of the bed right away, washed up, ate a quick meal breakfast and left the house in a rush.

While sitting in the cab, I thought to myself that I should get my own driving license sooner or later. I couldn't keep riding cabs and with those expensive taxes was definitely enough reasons to get one right away.

 

- At the Hospital -

"Follow me miss." A nurse said and started to walk, after I asked where my mothers room were.

"Thank you.." I said when we stopped, she bowed and walked away. 

I was so afraid to enter the room. What sight would I meet? I was afraid to get scared of her condition.

I stood like that, out in front of her room, in a couple of minutes.

In the end I decided to finally open the door with some hesitation.

I looked to my left side, and saw my mother, I would guess. She was linked to even more devises than me. She had a lot of bandaids all over her shown skin. I started to cry, seeing her like that. I still didn't remember how all this happened. Couldn't it be me instead of her? That would be better.

I walked over to her with small, scared steps, and sat in the chair beside her bed. 

I took her hand and embraced it. It was so cold.

I cried and cried. I tried to calm myself down, but looking at my mother, I couldn't stop. 

I ended up being beside her in four hours, until the visiting time was over. I had to be dragged out of the room my nurses, I just never in my entire life leave my mothers side again. We should be together forever, so I could protect her, and she could protect me.

 

I again took a cab home, desperately trying to comfort myself. 

 

I unlocked the door, and walked into the living room and threw myself on the couch, with no emotion. I fell asleep after some minutes, just laying, looking straight up in the sealing.

I woke up from my wonderful nap by a sudden need to pee. When I had done my business, I came walking into the kitchen. I didn't feel hungry, but my eyesight sudden got caught on the box, standing on the counter.

Should I open it?

What would be in there?

I carefully lifted the top of the box, and looked down on it.

There were surprisingly a lot of stuff. I had told my mother many times to empty that car for unnecessary stuff, but of course she never did. 

Her wallet was there, my passport, the old unused window cleaner. I looked through the stuff, and suddenly found this envelope. I looked at it weird. What was in there? Whose was it? Since wh-

 

- Sudden Flashback - 

Mother and I were driving on the road. She was asking a whole bunch of questions. Suddenly I came up with the subject Kibeom and his good future he has. 

Mother agrees with me, and remembered a certain present she had for me. It lied on the backseat, a envelope. I couldn't reach it, but mother unlocked my seatbelt quick, and I got it. I came back to my seat and locked the seatbelt again and had a minute of quiet eye contact with her. We smiled to each other. Suddenly my smiling face changed into a face with fear screaming out my eyes, as I behind my mother can see a car with full speed driving right against us.

Then after that, everything went black. 

- End Of Sudden Flashback -

 

I was breathless, crying, while holding the envelope. I never got to see what was in the envelope. 

I opened it as fast as I could, tore it apart, still with tears puring down my cheeks.

Papers. Wait.. Tickets.. Tickets.. To go and meet S-SHINee... 

Thinking that I couldn't cry even more, I still did. I was so mad at myself. If I just had insisted that we could wait until we came home with the present, it wouldn't be like this. Why do I occur all the problems. It's all my fault.

I got so mad. I started to throw with things near me. I threw the box on the floor, threw also a vase directly down on, so it broke into thousand pieces.  

I practically turned the house upside down. 

When I had finished, and there were nothing more to brake, I just fell down on the floor, beside the wardrobe in my mothers room, and cried and cried, with the god damn SHINee tickets in my hand. I cried for minutes, it felt like hours. When would this pain inside my heart end?

 

It rang on the door, or I thought so. I didn't care right in that moment, so I kept sitting and crying. Then it knocked multiply times. Then in the end the door opened.

"Hello?" A person said. 

"Is there anyone at home?" A different voice than before said.

 

"HaRin! What happened? Are you okay?" I looked up, seeing Kevin standing with his baggage. Kevin? Was that really Kevin? Or was I dreaming? It couldn't be real.

"Kevin.." I just mumbled while crying. 

He threw his baggage on the floor, and sat down in front of me, and hugged me really tight. Thank you Kevin. Thank you for coming. I really needed you in this very moment. If you wouldn't had come, I didn't know what I would've done to myself.