Yoonjin’s POV

“What’s going on here, Han Yoonjin-ssi?”

Once again, he asked. I could clearly hear his teeth greeted—maybe he started to get mad at me. I, myself, really didn’t know what I was doing here right now. Although I swore to myself not to drink alcohol anymore, I ended up came to this club again. Okay, I came here not to drink anything—look, my table is still clear. But here, inside my heart I felt emptiness; on the contrary I felt my chest was tight like something inside would explode anytime. Tight, so tight, ‘till I hardly breathed.

On the table, my fingers gathered into fist while I was controlling my breath. Without bother to look at  someone beside me—uh, yeah, I barely remembered that someone was Lee Jonghyun—I lifted my trembled right hand to grab Lee Jonghyun’s left hand and then placed it on my right shoulder.  I pushed it hard until I couldn’t even feel the pain on my right shoulder.

“I think I’ll explode anytime. Keep me sit still, don’t let me go to anywhere,” I let him know what I felt. I hope he could understand my state—I really didn’t know why I was here.

He didn’t say anything for the respond; I could still feel his left hand on my shoulder. For now, I felt safe—a little bit. I closed my eyes to hear my heart beat.  I smirked, is it a marching band? Hey stupid heart, why are you beating so fast? Sigh.

I calmed down myself and slowly gathered my thought. Okay, I didn’t really didn’t know why I was here. I just didn’t want to admit that I was here to hurt myself. No, no! I shook my head. That was not it. I didn’t hurt myself, I just—I just wanted to be the witness. The witness of…

“Tonight? Hey, it’s Saturday night—who’ll go out with friend on Satnite?”

“So, you’re going to have date with Songju? Ahh, you’re so lucky.”

“Yeah, we’re going to go to X Club. You know, that’s the craziest place. I think he’ll ‘test’ me.”

“Woaah, are you ready to do ‘it’? Isn’t he still seeing his girlfriend?”

“Ya! That b*tch is an ex. I don’t even care if they’re still going out. He’s too hot to be refused, y’know?”

My heart was beating fast again to remember that conversation. I heard that when I was in campus toilet this afternoon. That Songju they talked about was that jerk and the b*tch was that b*tch who talked—not his ex. How dare a b*tch call me a b*tch? Arrrggghhh…

My teeth greeted instantly and my fingers were starting to scratch my palm in the fist. My body was shivering and I thought my time to explode was getting nearer.

“Han Yoon,” a soft voice broke my chaotic mind. I felt my shoulder was getting light because the hand that used to be there was moving to my head— my hair softly. I looked up to the person next to me. Ahh, I neglected him for a long time. I didn’t even recognise that he was wearing a hoodie jacket and masker covered his mouth. Ah yeah, I forgot that this Lee Jonghyun wasn’t a commoner.

Thru the dim of the club I saw his eyes were narrowed—is he smiling?—“Wanna go home?”

I shook my head weakly for the answer. If I went home now, it would be a waste. Although I knew I was hurting myself too much, but I swore I couldn’t live sincere ‘till I did something to them. I wasn’t innocent; I wasn’t a monk—I was just a normal girl. So, I didn’t afraid to do something wrong; I needed to entertain myself though.

The club was getting crowded and the music was getting noisy. I could smell the mix of liquor and perfume from every direction. I barely recognised that his hand was now caressing my back. Yeah, maybe it was the reason I calmed myself.

Suddenly, my heart was trembling fast again. There you are! My eyes captured two figures that I knew very well—I memorized them all the time. I smirked.

“Can you please bring me some water?” I asked for an offer to him. He quickly brought a bottle of mineral water to me. I gulped it a little.

“Feel better?” he asked with concern.

“Will be very good—soon,” I smiled to him—half smirked. “Wait me in the entrance door. I have something to do.”

“Are you really okay?”

I nodded and he stood up with hesitant—couldn’t let go his eyes on me. I signed him once again that I was really okay, so he walked to the entrance door. Yeah, it’s show time!

I drank the water as much as I could take in my mouth and then I walked fast to my only two objects in the crowd. They were dancing hotly. Watch out, dude!

Tug.

I intentionally hit that b*tch’s shoulder and grabbed her clothes roughly. Yeah, I successfully made her fall under my body. Then, I vomited—on her face! Hahaha… Can you see her dark expression? You look like the b*tchest b*tch, b*tch!

I covered my face, and then I stood up—acted like I was drunk. My target moved to that jerk; I tottered to him, then I vomited again. Unfortunately, I couldn’t spray it to his face it just landed on his clothes. Tch.

“What are you really doing?!” I heard that b*tch shouted—she was standing already. Are you angry, huh? I turned my body to face her.

Grab.

I didn’t even have the time to look at that b*tch’s face when suddenly a body covered myself.

“Joesonghamnida. She’s a bit drunk. I’ll take care of her. Excuse us.”

I couldn’t see his face because he covered my face inside his jacket. But I knew for sure it was Lee Jonghyun. Didn’t I say to him to wait on the entrance door? Why did he come to drag me like this?

“Let go of me! I can’t breathe!” I pushed him hardly. I looked around and found out that we were already in the parking area.

“Ya! Why do you drag me here? I haven’t finished my show yet,” I sulked to him, and then walked to go back inside.

“That’s enough,” he blocked my way. “Let’s go home!” He dragged me again.

“Let go of my hand, it hurt!” I shouted as I shrugged my hand. He released it, but he stared at me—his stare enough to make me felt like being scolded.

“Ara, ara. Let’s go home!” I walked to his car sulkily. I wasn’t satisfied with it, but this Lee Jong already stopped me. I shouldn’t call him at the first place—he wasn’t fun at all, huh.

“Go in!” he coolly ordered me as he opened his car door for me. I was about to go in when I saw a familiar car on the other corner.

“Wait a moment,” I dashed to that car as I got a new idea.

I pulled out the stickpin on my dress in hurry, and then pricked it on my finger. A fresh blood came out—I even could smell it—it’s painful a little, but I could stand it. Quickly, I wrote something on that car glass with my bloody finger. Okay, it seemed like a lame terror, but I felt fun. I wasn’t satisfied enough, so I got that car flat tire—all of the four of the wheels. Yeah, it’s enough for now.

I dashed again to Lee Jong’s car, now with a big grin.

“What is it now, Yoon Jin-ssi?” He stared at me again. Ough, it’s annoying. 

“What? I’m having fun. Hahaha… Now they can’t go anywhere with those dirty clothes and those flat tires. They’re surely having a funniest night. Hahaha…”

I laughed out loud ‘till I felt water was coming down to my cheeks. It was very fun; really it was… very—“Ha-ha… Huu… Huuuuuu…”

I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t stop my tears. My laugh changed into sob. How come? It was very f—painful. This, this feeling came again—my chest was getting tight again. Appo.

In a sudden motion, I felt a touch on my finger and then felt it being . My tears are swifter instead although I knew he was trying to heal my pain. But it wasn’t that bloody finger that hurt, but inside here.

“Nah, you kid, of course it’s painful. You were vomiting that much. And this, your blood hardly stop and you get bruises on your knees—you must have it when you fell from before. Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he said as he caressed my wounds on my knees. I didn’t even feel those pains because this pain was much stronger.

“Ba—” I felt he put his hands around my back—“bo!” pulled me into a tight hug. It made me cry louder.

***