JONGIN

 

 

"Are you cheating on me?" I asked him. I felt my voice crack, which is unlike me. It is so unlike me to be this caught up on any one person, but Sehun...is different. I'm different with him. I was a completely different man before I met him. Before I loved him. I used to do random hookups all the time, and then leave in the morning before they would wake up, just to save myself the shame of speaking to them again. I used to not care about anyone except myself, but Sehun changed me. I never wanted to leave in the morning, I wanted to talk to him, and I wanted him to love me like I loved him. And he did. We've been together for four years and I've actually been happy for once. Content with my life; but did he cheat on me? With this Luhan?! He couldn't have. He wouldn't have...he-

 

"No," he replied, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, "but I'd be lying if I said I didn't come close". My heart cracked with that. One long fracture right down the middle. I took a shaky breath. "Jongin," he said with a shameful look on his face, "I told you already, I would never, ever hurt-"

 

"Well, you already have". I snapped. I stood up abruptly from the bed and walked out into the living room.

 

"Jongin, I didn't do anything!" He called after me, I heard him follow me.

 

"But you wanted to, didn't you? You wanted to!" I yelled back at him. I had never been more angry in my life.

 

"But I didn't!"

 

"You don't get it, do you?" I asked him, I choked out a cruel laugh. "The fact that you wanted to do something with him, is the reason I'm upset. It means that you don't love me like you did before, because instead of thinking about me and what you want to do with me, your boyfriend, you were thinking about him!" I screamed this last part as I pulled out of his grip and trudged out the door, tears streaming down my face. I had given up so much for him. I thought he loved me, apparently I was wrong. I wiped my face with my hands and turned back to look at him. He was crying now too, a steady flow of salt water leaving wet trails down his cheeks. "I think about you every second of everyday, Sehun. I never, ever think about anyone else, and I've never wanted to". I whispered this. "Don't call me. Don't follow me. I'll talk to you when I'm ready". I told him coldly.

 

"Jongin, please," he whimpered. I turned away and walked down the hall toward the exit of our apartment building. "Jongin! Jongin please!" He begged. "I'm sorry, please don't go!" He yelled after me. It took everything in me not to turn around and just forgive him. I heard his footsteps behind me. 

 

"I told you not to follow me, Sehun," I deadpanned.

 

"Jongin," he took my face in his hands, and wiped my tears away, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to think about him that way- it just happened. And when I told you that I love you today, and that you're the world to me, I wasn't lying to you-" he sobbed, looking down at the floor, but then back up at me. I avoided his gaze knowing I would melt at first sight of his warm brown eyes. "Jongin, I love you, I love you, please don't go. Please," he begged me, leaning the top of his head on my chest, his hands gripping my shirt. I grabbed his wrists and untangled him from me, I looked into his eyes this time as I said- "don't follow me". I dropped his hands, and walked toward the door. I heard him drop to his knees and sob, and then I was out the door and into the street.

 

 I wandered around the city until I got my feelings under control. I ended up in the park three blocks from the apartment. I sat down on a bench and went over everything that happened in my head. I retrospect, maybe I overreacted, but he shouldn't have been thinking about Luhan. I don't even know him and I hate him. I sat there, deep in thought, thinking of all the terrible things I could do to Luhan if I could get my hands on him. I only snapped out of it when I noticed it getting darker, I looked at my watch and cursed. It was 7 pm, and I had no money, no phone, and nowhere to go. I can't go to Chanyeol's and Baekhyun's, they'll just tell Sehun where I am. Joonmyun? Out of town.... Plus, he lives in my building. That left Kyungsoo. So what? I'll just waltz over and be like: hey Kyungsoo. I have nowhere to go, can I stay here? I don't really have a choice. I thought to myself, and headed over to Kyungsoo's- at least it was only a few blocks away.