KYUNGSOO

 

I woke up and the last thing I remember was driving to get some groceries, thinking of Jongin along the way. I had loved him always, I thought maybe he might love me back now. How did I get here? To this hospital? I wondered aloud. No one answered. 

"Jongin?" He didn't answer me. I got up and walked over to Joonymyun. I tried to grab his shoulder and shake him, but I passed right through. "What the-" I turned around, my body was still in the bed. But I was wandering around. "This is impossible".

 

I heard everyone sing to me, watched them cry in the waiting room. I watched Jongin sit completely still for three hours, unthinking, unfeeling. Willing him not to give up on me. Not to cry again. I waited for him outside the bathroom. I watched him speak to the little girl. And almost cried myself. I wanted nothing more than to return to my body and get up and hug him and kiss him. But, of course, I could do nothing. Only sit and watch my friends miserably. 

 

I saw Sehun with someone who must have been Luhan. Jongin had told me about him. He was very...pretty? He seemed nice, and I saw the support he gave Jongin...so for now I have forgiven him for hurting Jongin in the first place.

 

I spent hours yelling and trying to touch Jongin, trying to hold his hand, to hug him, to kiss him. I tried to tell him I love him, because I realized that I might never get the chance to do so, but of course he didn't respond. All he knew was that I was alone, and I could be dying.

 

I watched as Sehun told him that I would live but I might be paralyzed for some time. Maybe forever, but probably not. I watched as Jongin fixed himself up in the bathroom, looking more like himself every second. I watched as Joonmyun and Sehun dragged him from my side, and begged them to stop, because he looked upset. I watched as Jongin slowly unraveled and I tried my hardest to piece him back together, but it was impossible to do when he could not feel or hear me.

 

I gave up.

 

I  returned to my body; and as I fell into sleep I wondered if I would remember this if I ever really woke up.