JONGIN

 

 

I couldn't wait to tell Kyungsoo, to see the look on his beautiful face, to see his big, brown eyes grow even wider. I sped to his house, running red lights, almost killing myself multiple times, but I didn't care. I was going to see him. I was going to tell him. Maybe I would even get to kiss him. Who knows? I thought.

The drive felt much longer then five minutes. It felt like hours. Days. Weeks. Forever. Finally I came to a screeching halt in his driveway. His car wasn't there, but the lights were on inside. I sprinted to the doorway, impatient. I knocked. No one answered. I tried the door, it was unlocked so I went in. 

 

"Joonmyun?" I asked.

 

"Jongin!", he yelled back, startled, "you're here. Why are you here?" He wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

 

"I'm here to talk to Kyungsoo," I said, thinking that was obvious, "why are you here?"

 

"Umm...I'm just... Getting something for him," he replied, turning away. I realized his eyes were red, like he'd been crying. He sniffed.

 

"Are-are you okay, Joonmyun? Is something wrong? Where is Hyung?" I wondered aloud.

 

"Oh yeah. I'm fine. It'll all be fine..." He murmured to himself.

 

"What- Joonmyun, where is Kyungsoo?" I asked, more forcefully this time. He stood up straight, looking right at me, and collapsed in a ball on the floor. "Hyung!" I rushed over to see if he was okay, but I was only wondering what happened to Kyungsoo.

 

"He's- I don't even know what's going to happen. Jongin, I'm so sorry."

 

"Why are you sorry, Hyung, why?" But I was slowly putting two and two together. He was gone, his car was gone, Joonmyun was here- his best friend, something bad had happened. Something really, really bad. "Hyung, you have to tell me what's going on. Right now".

 

He looked up from the floor. 

 

"Kyungsoo got hit- he was going out for groceries, he didn't have anything to eat- a guy hit him. It was a hit and run, the guy called 911 and ran. I'm his emergency contact. The hospital called-"

 

"We have to go. We have to go right now," I pulled Joonmyun up off the floor.

 

"I have to get some of his things. They told me to get some of his things,"

 

"Then hurry the up, Joonmyun!" I screamed at him.

 

"You're not the only one upset about this, Jongin!"

 

"Joonmyun, just, god! Just get the stuff and let's go," I snapped coldly.

 

"No. You can't come, Jongin. All you're going to do is freak out-"

 

"What if he doesn't make it, Joonmyun? What if he doesn't make it?"

 

"Don't talk like that. Don't, he's going to be fine, he's just a little beat up, that's all-"

 

"Really? Because you make it sound a lot worse than that!" He took a deep breath. 

 

"We need to calm down. We aren't helping him by standing here, yelling. Lets just get the stuff and go. You can come, but you HAVE to do what the doctors say. If they say we can't see him, we CAN'T SEE HIM. Do you understand?"

 

I nodded. 

 

"He just has to know that I love him," I said brokenly.

 

"Jongin he knows, you know he does,"

 

"But he need to hear me say it. I need him to hear me say it. I need to hear it back. I need him, Hyung".

 

"I know, Jongin, I know," he came over to me and hugged me tight, "he's going to be fine. I promise". He told me this with mock confidence.

 

He his heel and got something from Kyungsoo's room.

 

"Ready. Let's go," he said as he ran to the door. I followed, and closed the door behind me. I hopped in the passenger seat and Joonmyun drove to the hospital. We didn't speak the whole way there.

 

As soon as we parked I opened the car door and ran to the hospital entrance.

 

"Jongin! Wait for me, damn it!" Joonmyun yelled after me.

 

The doors automatically opened and I ran into the lobby looking left and right for someone to help me find Kyungsoo.

 

"Jongin!" Joonmyun panted, he had finally caught up to me. 

 

"Where is he?" I asked helplessly.

 

"Jongin, we need to go upstairs. Just follow me okay?" 

 

We ran up the stairs, top impatient to use the elevator. At the top I burst thought the door. Everyone in the small waiting area stared at me. My hair was all over the place, I was probably pale, and scared looking. I looked just like everyone else. Joonmyun put a hand on my shoulder and guided me to the counter where a very old lady was sitting.

 

"Ma'am," he began.

 

"We'relookingforDoKyungsoowhereishe?canyoupleasetellmebeforeidie?" I said all in one breath. She looked at me quizzically, clicked on her computer a few times, and told us he was in room 314. We could see him, but he probably wasn't conscious. 

 

I counted the steps it took to get to his room He was lying in a bed. He was a pile of bandages and tubes with needles, and machines surrounded his bed. I wanted to cry. He was usually so full of happiness, and now... He just looked...sad. Like he was dying. He looked like he was dying. The word echoed in my mind. Even though his heart monitor never stopped the constant beep beep beeping, I felt so helpless. I felt sick at the thought of my life without him. 

 

Joonmyun was outside the room talking to the doctor. I refused to take my eyes off of Kyungsoo. I thought my thoughts at him- don't die. Don't leave. I love you.

 

I shuffled over to his bed, I could see he really was unconscious. I kneeled down so my face was even with his, he was laying on his side. 

 

"I love you, Kyungsoo. I'm sorry that I didn't realize it sooner," I had tears streaking down my face, dripping onto the stark white sheets, much like the fluid dripping into Kyungsoo's veins. 

"I want you to know, that I love you, and I'm not going to leave until you get better, okay?" I laughed sadly at myself.

 "Oh my god," I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from sobbing aloud.

 "I don't really know what to say. Sehun...and I, we broke up, and I wanted to tell you- maybe if I had stayed for just ten more minutes, if I had come in and just talked to you for a while, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Or at least it would have happened and we would have been together". I looked at the floor, the white floor which matched the white sheets, and pale whiteness of Kyungsoo's face. 

 

What if he didn't make it? What if he dies? What will happen to his family? To me?  Kyungsoo makes such an impact on everyone he knows. I can't count on my fingers how many times he's saved me. I don't even know how much I have to thank him for.

 

"Thank you. For loving me, and being there for me," I took his hand in mine and squeezed it tight, "for teaching me right from wrong," I swallowed hard. I could barely form words through my sobs. "For being my friend. For being like family to me. For never leaving me behind, even when it was advisable," I laughed sadly again, but at a memory. "Remember... Remember when we were kids? And we used to play pretend?" I asked, knowing he wouldn't reply. I could feel Joonmyun behind me, I kept going. "We would play army, or...superheroes? And that was your favorite because you liked the idea of... The idea of helping people," my voice broke, Joonmyun laid a hand on my shoulder, letting me know that he thought I should stop, but I had to finish. "But I liked army best because, I got to boss you around. I remember when you cooked a real dish for the first time, and you let me help you just a little. I chopped the carrots, and in the process I cut my finger. And you put a bandaid on it for me. We were like...nine". I smiled at the memory. "The look of joy on your face when we tried it, and it was good...it's something that I will never forget. And your love is something I wouldn't trade for anything".

 

"Hey, I'm going to call Sehun, will you call Baekhyun and Chanyeol?" I looked at Joonmyun incredilously. "They deserve to know, he's their friend too, Jongin".

 

"Yeah. Yeah, okay". He pulled out his phone and went into the hallway. I did the same, though I was reluctant to leave Kyungsoo's side, I didn't want to wake him up. I dialed Baekhyun's number. It rang three times, six, eight.

 

"Damn it, Bacon, pick up the ing phone," I said to the air. It went to voicemail so I tried Chanyeol.

 

"Aloha! Guten tag! Shalom! Hello! Anneyo-"

 

"Chanyeol. Not now,"

 

"Good evening to you too, mr. Grumpy. Did you just call to-" 

 

"Just shut up and come to the North Point Hospital, okay?"

 

"What? What happened? Are you okay?"

 

"I'm fine. It's Kyungsoo Hyung. He's had an accident. Are you with Baekhyun? He didn't answer-"

 

"Yeah, he's here. He's here. We'll be there in ten minutes".

 

"Great. By-"

 

"Jongin?"

 

"What, Chanyeol? What?!"

 

"Is he- going to be okay?" I softened at this question, because I had been wondering this all night myself.

 

"I don't know," I had to be honest. I hung up. They arrived exactly ten minutes later.

 

"Oh my god," Baekhyun breather. He hid his face in Chanyeol's jacket. Chanyeol just looked at me and mouthed silently- "what the hell happened?"

 

"Hey guys, why don't you come out here in the hall with me, I'll...catch you up," Joonmyun said, trying to fight the breaking of his voice. They left, but I still refused to leave, it was bad enough I had to go call Chanyeol, and I was only gone for five minutes. I would not leave Kyungsoo again. Never.