LUHAN

 

 

I still can't believe he didn't remember me at all. Not even a little. Is it weird that I remembered him, but he didn't remember me? At least it's all out in the open now... I guess that's good thing. Always be honest, right? I have to remember this ISN'T a date. We're just here as friends. Friends. The word tastes bitter when I call Sehun a FRIEND. I wonder who his boyfriend is.... Not that it matters. Just then, Sehun came out of the bathroom, clearly having splashed his face with water, his bangs were still wet and they hung low in front of his eyes. It was cute the way he tried to blow them up out of his face, but they barely fluttered up, so he raked them back with his hand. 

 

"So..." He said looking at me with a strange expression on his face. He clearly didn't know what to say. 

 

"Well," I rasped, and cleared my throat, "bubble tea. It's tea...with bubbles....in it... Boba. It has tapioca boba in it," I corrected myself. Sehun looked at me again with that expression on his face. "What?" I asked forcefully.

 

"Oh! Nothing...I just....I was just noticing your accent...it's.... different". 

 

"Exchange student". I muttered, up a bubble through my straw.

 

"From...where?"

 

"China. Beijing....we should order your tea. It takes a little while for them to make it," I caught the eye of a waiter and he came over handing us a menu. He quickly told us the specials, and something about popping boba being "the latest in boba technology", at that Sehun let out a snort, and I laughed so hard at Sehun's snort that bubble tea almost came out of my nose. It didn't. Thank god. 

 

"So...China? You have to go back any time soon?" I guess my face fell because he quickly tried to rephrase- "Oh gosh! No! I just meant... Do you have to? Like....I don't....want....you to..." I chuckled at his discomfort.

 

"Well, don't worry. I'm not going anywhere". I said quietly. He blushed. Again.

 

"Look, Luhan ..."

 

"Did you remember me?" I burst out. Still wondering where in my subconscious the question had come from.

 

"What?

 

"Did you remember me? When I was telling the story?"

 

"Yes....after a while. I'm sorry I didn't remember anything sooner..."

 

"No it's fine! I just.... Wondered, that's all". We sat in silence for what seemed like forever. I drank three more bubble teas just because I was nervous. Which than resulted in me having to pee.

 

"Excuse me while I go squeeze the lemon," I said matter of factly, while mentally face palming myself repeatedly. Squeeze the lemon, really Luhan? REALLY? 

 

Sehun stared at me with a blank look on his face an then doubled over in laughter. He laughed and laughed and laughed. I decided that I would go to the bathroom instead of standing there awkwardly, so I went. And when I came out, guess what was happening? Sehun was still laughing. STILL LAUGHING. When I arrived back at our table he had finally controlled himself, but was still chuckling every two seconds. I payed for the tea, and we started out the door before Sehun grabbed my arm. 

 

"Hyung.." He said as I turned to look at him. Too close. We were too close. He was still holding onto my wrist. We were breathing in the same air. Our bodies almost roughing but not quite. All the while I could feel the touch of his hand, burning through my jacket sleeve. Could he hear my heart? It sounded so loud to me. Please don't hear me, please don't hear me. I prayed. I noticed that he was looking at me. With fascination, it seemed. I shivered. I felt myself start to pull away, but his grip on my wrist tightened. He but his lip nervously. We made eye contact and he pulled me out the door, around the back of the building.

 

 This is insane. That was my only thought. I trailed behind him, his fingers still wrapped around my wrist. He turned abruptly. It surprised me and I almost slammed into his front.  He stopped me by grabbing my other wrist. He had both of my arms now, bent, in between our bodies. My arms were the only things keeping us from pressing against each other. He bit his lip again. Cute. He took a step closer to me, my arms were squished against his chest. Wow. Seriously. He must work out. I felt myself begin to breathe faster. I took a step back, but he matched my pace. We danced a deadly tango until he had me trapped, back against a wall. He's going to kiss me. He is. We were staring into each other's eyes, and something in his changed. He let go of me and backed away, shaking his head, his eyes closed.

 

"Sorry. I'm sorry, I-" he let out a breath. I was still leaning against the wall, trying to hide how hurt I was by his sudden change if heart. 

 

"You should get home. You're right. It's getting late," I established this, looking for a particular reaction. I did not get the reaction I was looking for. He nodded. HE NODDED.

 

"Hyung...I- I think right now...I don't think we should...do anything hasty," he told me calmly. I scoffed and looked away, now this was getting stupid. He can't just play with my emotions like this. "No! That's not what I meant, I just- I think we need t get to know each other better before we...do anything". I swallowed my pride. He was right. He has something special with whoever he's with, that's pretty clear. If I really like him...love him...I need to give him some time. Why is this so complicated? What am I doing? WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS HUMONGOUS PROBLEM THAT STARTED WITH AN INNOCENT CRUSH?

 

In the end, I didn't say anything. I sort of let out a....gargle? A....sound. A very strange sound escaped my lips, and Sehun just looked at me with narrowed eyes, clearly not satisfied with my response. This was officially the most awkward bubble tea outing EVER. Maybe it was the tea. Maybe SOMETHING in that damned tea made me act like a weirdo. 

 

"Maybe we can go dancing sometime, Hyung," he teased me. I laughed at that. We headed back to the car, relishing the memories from our childhood. I realized something. I was still that eleven year old boy that fell in love with Oh Sehun at first sight, but to this day is still too afraid to admit it to him.