JONGIN

 

 

"Well you look much better," Sehun told me quietly. I said nothing, just chewed on my nails as I tapped my foot on the floor. 

"Alright then," he said. 

 

I sat quietly, trying to stay patient, as I rubbed my eyes and yawned. I saw him puff up his cheeks and roll his eyes around from the corner of my eye and sighed. I looked around the room, the man had left with his crying daughter about an hour ago. It was 1am. Everyone else asleep except Luhan, who had stayed up to comfort Sehun, and Sehun who had stayed up to comfort the sleepless me.

I massaged my temples, I was getting a headache from lack of sleep. I could tell Sehun and Luhan were getting pretty tired as well. Luhan yawned widely and snuggle into Sehun's chest, much like he used to do to me; but I wasn't sad about it. The memory made me happy, and I sat a little straighter, my head held a little higher, but I was still afraid that Kyungsoo would roll himself out of that hallway in a wheelchair. 

 

I stared at the doors that separated the hall from the waiting room, my gaze burning holes into the metal barrier that kept me from Kyungsoo. I averted my gaze only when Sehun stood and stretched, shaking out his stiff limbs, and told us that he really needed some caffeine.

 

"Anyone want coffee? Or bubble tea? Or....something?" Luhan perked up at the mention of bubble tea.

 

"Bubble tea- taro flavor. Thank you, Sehun-ah," he said as he settles back down into his chair to try to sleep. Sehun looked at me with raised eyebrows.

 

"Uh...I don't know. Just get me whatever you get," 

 

"Okay, I'll be back in like, fifteen minutes or something like that,"

 

"Be careful driving, Sehun-ah, it's dark," he said in between yawns. That boy had some seriously adorable yawns. He already looked like a 22 year old toddler, but when he yawned he looked like a baby. Sehun walked out the exit doors and Luhan and I were alone. He sat upright in his cushioned seat. He tapped out a beat on his knees with his hands.

 

"So...should we-"

 

"'Make amends'?" I finished his sentence.

 

"Yeah," he scratched the back of his head.

 

"Are you angry for some reason?" I looked at him quizzically.

 

"Uh...no..." Now he was clearly confused.

 

"Well, neither am I. There are no 'amends' to make. If it hadn't been for you... I would have never fallen in love with Kyungsoo, so really I should be thanking you, but I think of it more as we're even". His mouth fell open.

 

"So you're NOT angry that I tried to steal your boyfriend?"

 

"No. Not really".

 

"Oh. Okay then," he leaned back in his chair awkwardly

"And- thank you,"

 

"For stealing your boyfriend?"

 

"No. For singing with me. It helped...it helped me a lot. That was you right?"

 

"Yeah- I mean, yes, your welcome...I guess. I felt like I owed you at least that much. We support".

 

"Yeah, thanks". 

 

We sat silently for the next five minutes until Sehun returned; but it wasn't awkward. On the contrary, actually, it finally felt peaceful in the tense waiting room.

 

"Okay, anyone want to help me?" Sehun asked when he returned juggling two drink carriers, each holding three drinks. Luhan rushed forward and took one of them. I guess some of the others were just feeling rested, or they woke up at the smell of coffee. Either way the others in the room stirred.

 

"Coffee," moaned Chanyeol, he held out his hand for his normal drink. Sehun handed him a vanilla latte. Baekhyun chuckled at his boyfriend, as he took his mocha from Luhan's drink tray. Luhan grabbed his taro bubble tea, up a few bubbles and chewed vigorously. Sehun laughed loudly at Luhan's concentrated face and took a sip of his coffee. Joonmyun wasn't really awake yet, so I took his drink from Sehun and put it on the little table next to him. He mumbled something like thanks. 

 

As we all drank our coffee or bubble tea, we were all calm for the first time that night. It was about three in the morning, and the doctors still hadn't come out since they to,d us that Kyungsoo may be paralyzed for a while. Since we were all up, I decided that it was time to get some information. 

 

I knocked on the big metal doors and everyone in the room looked at me, surprised; but I needed to know SOMETHING. We waited. And waited. And waited. Finally we heard footsteps in the hallway. A different doctor than before came out, a woman this time.

 

"Yes?" She said tiredly, she'd been up all night too.

 

"Um...I was wondering how Do Kyungsoo was doing...if we could see him?" She raised her eyebrows.

 

"Are all of you here for Do Kyungsoo?" She asked us curiously. Everyone nodded and she sighed. 

 

"He's fine. If you would like to see him you may, I don't think he's been able to sleep anyway". She motioned for us to follow her back. I held the door open for everyone, but then quickly swiveled to the front of our group. I wanted to be the first person he saw. When we arrived at his room the doctor knocked.

 

"Kyungsoo, there are some people here to see you, can they come in?"

 

"Sure...I guess..." We heard him say through the door. She opened it and the six of us walked in. "Hi guys," Kyungsoo said to us. He was sitting. In a wheelchair. 

 

I swallowed my sadness, "hi!" I tried to say it brightly, but I knew it sounded fake.

 

"How are you feeling?" Sehun asked him.

 

"Fine, fine. I mean, I can't walk, but fine," he looked past us to the doctor, who was talking to Joonmyun, "the doctors say I should be able to walk again soon, but...they also said I probably wouldn't be paralyzed and...well, look at me". He gestured to the wheelchair. "I don't really know what to think," he said quietly.

 

Baekhyun was squeezing Chanyeol's hand, trying to keep his emotions in as well. Luhan was standing silently next to Sehun. I stared at Kyungsoo. I didn't seem right for his big eyes to have to look up at me from so far below. They should be closer to me. It feels different. I don't like it, I thought to myself. Sehun cleared his throat. 

 

"Well, we're glad you're okay. But it's really early and I need to get home," he pulled Luhan, who gave an apologetic smile to Kyungsoo, toward the door, but stopped when he got to Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

 

"Why do we have to go?" Chanyeol whined, "we just got here!" Sehun gave him pointed look. "Oh. Oh I get it, come on, Baekhyun". Baekhyun rolled his eyes and waved to Kyungsoo and me. They all left the room, and Kyungsoo and I were alone.

 

"So...a wheelchair?" I asked him.

 

"Yeah,"

 

"How long?" I inched closer to him. 

 

"About eight months...if I work hard. That's what they said". I nodded. I sat on the floor next to him, my knees pulled to me chest. "Does this change things? Between us?" He looked at, he seemed upset.

 

"Define change".

 

"Do you not love me anymore?" He wiped a tear away with his fist. 

 

"What?" I shook my head, "no! I mean yes! Yes I still love you, why wouldn't-wait. When did I tell you that?" He blushed a bright red.

"Oh... I heard you. When I was asleep? Or out? I don't know. I just- I remember hearing it..." He blushed brighter. 

 

"Ah...did you hear...everything?"

 

"You mean the singing? Yes. I heard the singing," he narrowed his eyes. It was my turn to blush now. Maybe I wouldn't have sang to him if I had known he could hear me. "It was very-"

 

"Stupid?" Honestly, it kind of was. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time, not the right thing...the only thing.

 

"Beautiful," he corrected me. 

 

I looked at the floor, playing absently with my shoe laces. When I looked back up at him,   he was looking out the window. 

 

"What are you thinking about?" 

 

"When will I be able to walk on grass again?" He turned to me, there was pain in his eyes.

 

"We'll figure this out, I'll be with you the whole time. I mean...you're not just going to wake up one morning and be better, right? You have to do physical therapy or something?"

 

"Yes. Everyday-"

 

"Then I will come and help you everyday. We'll get through this together, Do Kyungsoo. I will not let you go through this alone". He let out a breath. It looked like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. 

 

"I love you, Kim Jongin". He caught me off guard, but I smiled and got up on my knees in front of him. I gave him my best seductive smile, which made him laugh and roll his eyes. It was my turn to catch him off guard. Before he realized what was happening our lips were touching. I kissed him using all my feelings, my worry, anger, confusion, but most of all my love. I put all of my love into that kiss. I could feel him smile against my lips, and I smiled too, because we had all the time in the world.

 

"I love you, Do Kyungsoo," I whispered, not sure if he even heard it.