I made a choice. If it got me Ryeowook back, nothing else mattered. So long as someone got me the resources, I would be able to achieve anything. That’s how it works in my world.

Changmin gave me the opportunity and I took it. The plans were set and in motion. I would meet him at the train station out of the city and we would head to the government training facility. Considering how little I had to pack and how few people I had to tell goodbye, the whole experience wasn’t much of a hassle.

The main point was that everything was easy.

There had been no surprises.

Even finding out that Changmin had a thing for me wasn’t a surprise. Please, look at me. Who wouldn’t have a thing for me? It wasn’t a big deal if he kissed me once in a while. I would hardly beat the out of him for doing something so little.

Now, why the did I have to think like that? Why couldn’t I be more conservative or some ? If I had, would it have changed what happened?

When I sat down next to him on the train, my spirits were high because I knew I was going somewhere that would take me one step closer to Ryeowook. I could meet him soon. And then I looked out the window.

At first, it seemed like a vision – you know, like I was losing my mind or something. But then I blinked and shook my head and pinched myself. He was still there.

Ryeowook was standing alone on the boarding dock. His clothes were dark and fitted, and he looked thinner, if that was possible. Was it wrong that I thought he looked attractive there? Just seeing him made a flurry of things fly through my head.

Then his eyes…god, those eyes…they met mine.

Everything was auto-pilot then.

“RYEOWOOK!” I shook the doors without restraint, heart racing. “NO! , RYEOWOOK! RYEOWOOK, ANSWER ME!” I screamed, pounding on the glass. His back faced me, but he was right there. One ing piece of metal separated us. If it wasn’t there, I would have him in my arms again. I wouldn’t just be watching him walk away from me.

“I told you wait!” I shouted, digging fingers through my hair. I knew he wasn’t dead. I ing knew I was right. “Dammit…”

Donghae lied.

That bastard lied.

I fumbled back to my seat, finding my bag and tearing through it. The train was already well on its way and trying to jump out now would be straight up suicide. I could vaguely hear a conductor yelling at me for behaving like a wild animal.

Phone…phone…phone… I touched the smooth surface and cursed out loud in excitement. Flipping through the call history, I found Donghae’s number, dialing it impatiently.

Immediately, it went to voice mail.

I redialed and redialed and redialed until I had no idea what I was even listening to on the other side of that device. He wasn’t picking up. He wouldn’t pick up. Why had he lied in the first place? What was the point in hiding something like this from me?

“Kyuhyun!” Changmin shook me hard.

I whipped around, shoving him back.

“Bro, chill,” he bit out, glowering at me.

I took a second to process what he was saying and when I did, I leaned back in the seat, struggling to control my breathing and stop my hands from shaking. “Ryeowook is alive. You saw him,” I seethed.

Changmin nodded faintly from the corner of my eye. “Yeah, I saw him. Sorry…for getting the facts wrong.”

“You weren’t the one who lied. You were tricked too.”

That was the end of that conversation.

As you’d expect, I wasn’t in the mood for talking – not when I had let Ryeowook leave a second time. I clenched my fists, trying not to rip a hole in the train and chase after him.

It felt like I was insane. I had let the same thing happen twice now without any change or progress. There had to be something wrong with me. Why was I suddenly so incompetent? Had I always been such a useless thing?

***

“We’re going to arrive soon.”

I opened my eyes, looking down at the phone tightly clutched in hand. Outside, the sky was still pitch black, meaning it was probably somewhere around one or two o’clock. The train was slowing down, but I hardly cared.

There was still no call.

Maybe I spoke too soon though.

The phone vibrated and I jumped out of my seat, racing out to the silent corridor, shutting the door behind me before Changmin could follow. He was cool and all, but he was also such a busy-body – just like every other annoying official.

Overhead, the digital board displayed an approximate arrival time. I had roughly fifteen minutes before then.

“Any reason you’ve called so many times?” Donghae’s voice pierced the speaker. It was low and pleased and worth destroying.

“You know already, mothering liar,” I spat, having been pissed since the moment I figured out what happened. Sleeping had been a joke. My body didn’t relax for even a second. “Why did you tell me that bull about Ryeowook dying? Was it just some sick joke—?”

“—he might as well be dead.”

I don’t normally go quiet, but I did in this case.

Donghae was silent for only a second. “He might as well be dead because you’ll never see him again. It was a complete fluke this time. Well, you seeing him was a fluke. That just goes to show that I can’t control people and events”

“What…are you talking about?” I asked slowly, lips drying.

“I obviously let him see you,” he murmured, “or else he would’ve never done such a thing. I needed him to get over you though, Kyuhyun. Based on some guessing and probability, I figured that you would do something inappropriate that would crush whatever delusion Ryeowook had about you.”

I could literally hear the pieces clicking into place.

“You didn’t fail my predictions, so thank you for being you,” he laughed softly, “More importantly, as I said before Ryeowook will no longer be meeting you. This is a true promise. If you cross paths, that’s different. Anyway,” Donghae dismissed like a pompous , “you played your part well, now it’s done.”

“Why did Yesung and Siwon take Ryeowook?” I couldn’t help myself. “…please, tell me.”

His silence probably meant he was contemplating what to do. The worst part was, if he was plotting something, I probably wouldn’t know. If I didn’t trust him, I lost all information about Ryeowook, and if I trusted him, well, he could feed me again.

“I doubt I’m at liberty to discuss these things with an outsider,” Donghae finally answered. “Ryeowook is none of your concern anymore. I’ll take care of him from now on. This phone line will go dead, so refrain from trying to call.”

“No, stop!” I shouted, “What—”

Call disconnected.

“ it all,” I ground out, looking up to see the doors of the train opening. The compartment divider slid back and Changmin came through holding our bags. I grabbed mine, climbing out of the train.

I should’ve been angry because Donghae was treating me like a fool. I also should’ve been angry for being told off. The weird thing was, I had no anger to spare for those things. I was pissed, sure, but that had to do with an entirely different fact.

I’ll take care of him from now own.

Ryeowook already belonged to me. I was grown up enough to take care of him, so why had someone else taken my rightful place?