Precious Gift

'Sometimes pain and foolishness lead to great bliss'

***

“Stop staring at me and start eating.” Yunho spoke as he took the chopstick and snapped them apart, started eating without meeting the other’s eyes. They both had settled down in a famous seafood restaurant nearby. And the whole time he had ignored all the staring he received from Jaejoong who remained silent since they left the guesthouse. The idol seemed to be preoccupied with his thoughts.   

Yunho indeed hadn’t had anything stuffing himself since yesterday. When one of his officers was having a vacation and happened to spot Jaejoong near the small town in Suncheon, the guy had reported to him. He then asked him a favor; tailing Kim Jaejoong and not letting him out of his sight until he reached there. Without procrastinating, he left everything behind in Seoul and rushed to the place, with the dismay thought of losing the other.   

Jaejoong blinked his eyes away from the man before him and lowered them down to his bowl. He gulped once he saw the steamy Jjampong in front of him, the spicy seafood noodle soup was his favorite. He didn’t notice when Yunho ordered for him, since his mind was busy figuring the best way to explain everything to the other while watching him intently. He noticed the man had a worn-out look, somewhat lose some weight. That made him wonder how Jung Yunho had been doing during these past few months without him, but he was not daring to strike a casual conversation, knowing he had no right to ask the other’s wellbeing after he was the one who abandoned him now.   

Jaejoong bit his lower lip, fought back the heat that crept up his face as his stomach suddenly growled, enough for the man before him to hear.   

Yunho smiled a little, still without looking at the latter, “Well, good to know that you’re hungry. So, eat your fill.” He said and continued eating his noodle.  

Jaejoong took the chopstick from the table hesitantly and started eating. After taking one bite into his mouth, he marveled at how tasty it was and started savoring it until the bowl was clean.  

“This is surprisingly so good.” He sighed and smiled contentedly for the first time that day. A low chuckle escaped from the man in front of him, making his face flush; realizing Yunho had done eating and the man had been watching him now.  

“Should I order more?”  

“No! That’s e-enough...” He refused immediately and stuttered as aware of how high his tone sounded than he meant it to. He lowered his look as Yunho’s gaze captured his and held it for a long moment. The thundering of his heart started evaporating his composure again. He hated for always being weak under the man’s penetrating gaze.  

“Then, let’s go.” Yunho ushered as he noticed how the other had started fidgeting under his scrutiny.   

“Huh, where are we-”  

“I told you. You'll be my tour guide for the day. So, please show me around.” Yunho cut him off and stood up from his chair. Jaejoong gaped at the man’s ignorance once again, left with no choice but had to follow his action. At least, it was better to prolong the moment for him to unclutter his mind and organize his thoughts.  

* 

It was windy when they were walking through the golden field, idly passing the long afternoon in silence. Jaejoong decided to take the man to one of the hot spot areas for the beautiful spring view of the bay wetland, where the lush golden reeds were swaying synchronically. The same spot where he loved to spent his evening, pondering into his ill-fated life. It was a suitable place to have a serious talk without bothering of their surroundings.   

The birds chirped from the trees around them. It was a very calm scene, but it didn’t reflect what was currently battling inside of Jaejoong. It was torturing to fight the torture of emotions rolling in turmoil inside him.   

“So, let’s have the real talk now, shall we?” Yunho voiced out after a lengthy silence. Finally, brought up the real issue. He watched how the smaller man beside him tensed up, and the wind blew softly through Jaejoong’s hair, revealing those pretty big-doe-like eyes that looked up at him in alarm.  

“I... I’m sorry for what I’m going to say.” Jaejoong started and took a deep breath before he let out. “I can’t be with you anymore.” He paused and watched how Yunho’s expression didn’t change. The man just stared at him with an unreadable expression, looking so calm. Something deep inside Jaejoong’s chest clenched.  

The man turned away from him and resumed walking as if he heard nothing. That ignorance was enough to trigger him.  

“Didn’t you hear me? I said I can’t be with you anymore. Let’s break up!” He said, loud and clear this time as he jogged over to Yunho who still kept walking, all in control. The man’s calmness and composure forsook him.   

“That’s not something I expected from you and it’s not an explanation that I’m waiting for, Kim Jaejoong.” Yunho said emotionlessly, nonetheless, his tone was icy cold.  

“I don’t want to be with you anymore! It's is so suffocating that I've to live with someone whose father was killed by my father. It’s so painful... to have the thought that you’re going to despise me and leave me one day once you found out. So, it is better for me to leave before you discover what’s happened.” Jaejoong finally blurted out what he had been holding for months. He felt a lump clogging his throat along with searing pain creating pressure in his chest.   

“So please, Yunho... please leave me now. I don't want to be hated by you.” His voice trailed into a whisper and trembling as he glanced painfully away from the man’s intense gaze. Tears already streaming down his face. But the other was still looking unaffected by what he had just said.  

“What are you talking about? Stop spitting nonsense. You thought my love is that shallow? That's so disappointing.” Yunho approached him, as always, his heart constricted by the sight of Jaejoong’s crushing state. His hand reached to pull the latter, but the lad pushed it away.   

Yunho took a deep breath and heaved a sigh. “Please don’t decide things by yourself.”   

“No, I’m sorry. I can’t... up until now, that memory when I witnessed how your father was killed. I can’t forgive myself for being silent and continuing to live with you happily. It's so wrong!” Jaejoong covered his face with his arm. Finally dissolved himself into uncontrollable sobs. 

“You’re not to be blamed when you didn’t have any memory of what happened before. So don’t take that as an excuse to discard me from your life. Really, I’m nearly unable to control my anger now. So, please stop all of this bull. Let’s pack up all of your stuff and come back with me.” Yunho’s face was passive as he spoke, but Jaejoong saw the muscles of his sharp jaw clenched and tightened as he looked up to the man.  

“No, you don’t understand!”   

“Yes, I really don’t understand. If you talked about how both your mother and my father were killed in that accident, everything is the past. So don’t torture yourself by reminiscing about it. You’re not at the age to be blamed at the time. After all, it’s not your fault and even your father is not to be blamed because he has no intention of killing anyone. It has accidentally happened. Yes, he might be wrong too. But his fault is his silence and afraid of losing you. He sealed his lips all these years about telling the truth, but not to me.” Yunho said it, finally.   

“Actually, fifteen years ago, when he came to Korea to take you from me, he told me everything. He admitted his wrongdoings after I agreed to his wish. I was going to take back my words of giving you up and use that against him at first, but it just took me seconds to think what was right and a better choice to do at the time. Putting him behind the bar was not going to make me feel any better, instead, it was better to hand you over to him. He can raise you well considering how our situation back then. You were badly in need for further treatment in a good specialist hospital. And I was desperate. I can’t even think of any other way, he was the only person who can provide all of that and save you.” Yunho shut his eyes and breathed before he opened them back, staring into the other’s tearful ones that looked at him unblinkingly now.   

“Listen here, engrave these words on your mind. Don’t you dare to leave me, Kim Jaejoong. I’ve nothing left in my life. I can barely remember how I got through my days fifteen years ago without you. But one thing I know, the only reason that makes me strong and struggles to live is you. My heart is always yearning for your presence.” Yunho confided, tears welling up in his eyes as he spoke.   

Jaejoong froze on his spot, all the things he heard rendered him speechless. The man knew all along.  

He sobbed, thinking how the other was holding in all alone too.   

“W-why... don’t you tell me everything?”  

“It’s not important anymore.” Yunho muttered.    

“It is, for me!”        

“Then, what? You can prepare to run away? You’ll just blame yourself if I tell you, like what’s happening right now.” Yunho pointed out.        

“D-don’t you hate me and my father?” Jaejoong asked with tearful eyes and a choking voice.  

“Never. It was no one's fault. And you’re an important person to me. Without you, my life would turn upside down again. Then why bother about being parted when we are both aware that we can’t live without each other. Now, do you understand how you have been a big influence on my life?” Yunho paused and reached his hand out to Jaejoong’s cheek, his thumb caressing away the other’s tears.   

Seeing Jaejoong didn’t push him away this time, Yunho moved closer and grabbed Jaejoong's shoulders, who remained silent with flushing cheeks. “Don’t be bothered and worry about the unfathomable future. Our time is so short to waste on something that only brings us unhappiness. So better live it to cherish and value every minute we get.” He finished and pressed Jaejoong to him, he landed a soft kiss on his forehead.  

“Please, don’t push me away.” He muttered weakly. Relief gushing through him seeing the other seemed yielding to him. He embraced the latter and dropped his head on his shoulder.   

Jaejoong was alarmed as he felt his neck hot with the other’s breath. He could tell how hot the other’s lips felt the moment the man kissed his forehead just now.   

“Yunho, you’re burning!”  

The man didn’t respond as he staggered slightly forward and Jaejoong managed to steady him. He pushed him away and placed his hand on Yunho’s forehead, only to immediately withdraw once he felt how high the other’s temperature was.   

“You have a fever!” Jaejoong said with a panicked voice. The man was indeed unwell, now, he noticed how Yunho looked pale than usual.   

Using one hand to hold the heavy limb that stood weakly against him while the other one fished out his phone from his jean’s pocket, he fumbled with the phone to call someone to get help.  

“Jongin, I need your help. Hurry, please!” He said once the lad picked up.   

*  

“He has a high fever. Judging from his condition, he seems to have had it since a few days ago but didn't get any treatment. But he’s going to be okay once the infusion is completed.” The bespectacled old man convincingly said as he fixed the IV tube on Yunho’s hand. The old man was a personal physician for the grandma. When Jaejoong brought back Yunho with Jongin’s help to the place he was currently staying with the family; the grandma had already called in her doctor. Jaejoong deduced Jongin must have informed her about the emergency. He was glad to have them around though; when his mind couldn’t function well when this kind of unforeseeable circumstance happened to Yunho. His mind went blank with panic, just like when the man got shot last time. The doctor excused himself after done his checking and walked out with the grandma, leaving Jaejoong alone in his room to monitor the sick person.   

Jaejoong stared at the unconscious latter on his bed. Yunho was sleeping soundlessly now, with blood seemed to get back into his face; to its original color after receiving a jab to reduce the fever. His heart tore at how vulnerable the man who always looked stoic and strong, looking so vulnerable now.  

All was because of him. He felt a mountain of guilt pressing his chest when the physician reported how Yunho’s condition deteriorated due to the stressfulness the man had been keeping for quite some time, with nutritional neglect, and worsened, he had ongoing sleep deprivation.   

Jaejoong quickly wiped away tears that flowed on his cheek as he wondered how Yunho managed to gather himself for a long drive to be here. The man had pretended to look fine since yesterday, asked him to walk around when he was not in the condition to do so. He approached his side and changed the wet cloth that was placed on the man’s forehead.  

“I’m sorry...” Jaejoong muttered in silence.   

*  

It was in the middle of the night when his eyes cracked open. Yunho stared at the unfamiliar pattern of plaster ceiling – realizing he was in someone else’s room. He remembered what had happened this morning and the person who was with him. He sat up, eyes scanning every corner of the room for the other presence until he spotted the person who was crouching down in front of an opened luggage, clothes and other stuff scattering around him.   

“Jaejoongie.” He called.  

The latter's head perked up at the call of his name, looking alarmed.  

“You’re awake.” Jaejoong walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. He placed his hand on the man's forehead, gauging the temperature. "Looks like the fever has subsided. How are you feeling?" He said, looking relief once his eyes studied Yunho's face, roaming over his cheeks, lips, focusing at last on his eyes. The man didn’t answer him, his eyes were staring at the open luggage on the floor.  

“Where are you going?” Yunho asked as he diverted his eyes at him.   

Jaejoong breathed, knowing what was playing in the man’s mind by looking at his tensed face.  

“I’m not going anywhere.” He muttered, dropping his eyes to his hands in his lap – avoiding the other’s gaze.  

“Then what’s with the luggage? Aren’t you planning to flee while I'm unconscious?”  

“No!” Jaejoong shook his head, eyes flared up as he looked at him. “I... I just packing up to go home with you.” He said lowly and looked down again.  

Yunho remained silent, for a moment Jaejoong thought the man was still mad until he felt a warm hand reach out and caressed the side of his face.