Again

'When the real realization comes, it always inflicted the pain unwittingly'

***

“Come on in.” The other’s voice broke Jaejoong from his confusing state.

His thought scattered as he was ushered into the spacious half-empty house, only a few furniture was seen placed right in the corner. He didn’t know why he had willingly walked into the other’s car and let the man drove him to this distant place. But knowing the other for ten years long and still had a little bit of trust remained for the man, he had faith the man would be the last person as a threat to him. Hesitantly, he entered the house that located near the outskirt of the city.

“Why are you taking me here? We could just talk anywhere nearby just now.” Jaejoong stared at the back of the latter who heading into the kitchen to get something to drink.

The man smiled as he came back with two cans of soft drink. He handed one to Jaejoong before settling on one of the brown leather coaches in the living room, eyes signaling Jaejoong to sit down. Jaejoong sat opposite him reluctantly.

“I want to talk privately and alone with you.” He emphasized.

“And I want to show you my new place. So, how is it?” He said nonchalantly, oblivious to the glares he received from Jaejoong.

“Are you moving in here?” Jaejoong questioned, his curiosity running rampant by the man’s peculiarity.

“Yes, I want to live where you are. Isn’t it nice?”

“Stop it, Changmin. I’m serious.”

“I am also serious now. It’s been so long, Jaejoong-ah. I’ve been searching for you since I lost track of you. You have been avoiding me back in Japan. Heck, where have you been lost for a week? Junsu said you’re not in the country.” The man asked with a hint of irritation in his tone this time.

Jaejoong gritted his teeth, the forgotten anger towards the other risen inside him suddenly. “Is that all you wanted to talk about after coming all the way here? Or are you pretending to not be aware of what have you done wrong all this time, Min?”

“You don’t understand, Jae. What I’m doing all this time is to protect you.” Changmin said, gradually regained some calmness.

“Stop saying that again! It’s just an excuse for you to avoid from admit your lies. You have been pretending that you know me well and now, it seems I’m the one who doesn’t know you anymore.”

“Now, aren’t you being selfish, Jaejoong?” Changmin’s grip tightened around his drink, reflecting the infuriating feeling he was holding inside.

“Isn’t it obvious? You’ve been avoiding me for months and now I have no choice but to track you down here myself.” He blurted out.

“Because I don’t think we have anything to talk about now after you deceived me. I still can’t forget all the lies you have put me through.” Jaejoong let out and stood up, ready to leave. It was such a waste of time when he was aware this conversation will going nowhere upon seen how the other didn’t seem to reflect on his conduct. The man didn’t have any intention to show him any guilt for lying to him all these years.

“Oh, please Jaejoong. We do have a lot of things to talk about.” Changmin blocked his way as he stood before the smaller man.

“Oh, really?” Jaejoong looked at him expressionlessly.

Changmin sighed and put down his drink before stepped closer to put his hands on the other’s shoulders. “I miss you, Jaejoong-ah.” He muttered suddenly.

Jaejoong shook his head and stepped back from the touch. He was almost lost in those eyes of the man. He did miss him, the old him. The old Changmin before he knew how far the other had gone to lie to him.

“I need time, Changmin. For now, I really could not forget what you’ve done to me and Yunho. He has been suffered more than me. You know everything about my past and yet, you manipulated it.”

At the mention of the other man's name, Changmin felt a sudden pang in his chest, his fingers gripped into a ball, at the point his knuckles turning white.

“It’s funny how you still could live with the man now.” He snickered, making Jaejoong looked at him confusedly.

“What is it now?” Jaejoong’s tone changed.

“I try to make you understand, I’ve fed you with those lies for a reason.”

Jaejoong scoffed. “There’s a reason to keep lying to a person for so many years, really? And to the point of feeding me with some drugs that have impaired my ability to remember. You know what, I always have a hunch that the antidepressants pill you prescribed me is the reason I was unable to recall anything from my childhood life. That’s why I stopped taking any since last year. But still, I don’t want to judge you that time.”

“Listen, Jae. I meant to protect you.” Changmin tried to convince, his eyes looked at the other pleadingly.

“Protect me from what, Changmin?! My memory? You can’t just stop me from gaining back my memories when the times come. The truth revealed itself eventually.”

“No, not all of it.” Changmin said. looking indifferent this time.

“Then, what is it that I still don’t know, uh? I'd rather you spit everything than keep hiding the thing and drive me almost crazy again.” Jaejoong’s breath started to become uneven as he tried to hold himself together.

“I don’t think your memory is fully recovered, isn't it? Remember back Jaejoong-ah. Do you think that accident fifteen years ago was really an accident?”

Jaejoong’s stared at the other hard. “What are you trying to say?”

*

The dark of the living room greeted him once he walked in. Yunho remembered the promise Jaejoong made through the phone call this evening, but later he received a text from one of his men that informed him Jaejoong was going back with his manager instead. Standing still in the middle of the living hall, he looked around to find the latter that was nowhere in his sight.

He was about to pull out his cell phone when someone suddenly hugged him from behind. He smiled, knowing well whose this familiar pleasant smell of vanilla scent belonged to.

“Yunnie, welcome home.” The lad muttered behind his back.

Still smiling, Yunho turned around to face the idol who didn’t seem to want to look at him as his head rested on his chest now.

“What is this? I thought you renege on the promise you make. You even called off the driver for not pick you up, but you’re home now?”

Jaejoong looked up at him. “I still remember.” He grinned before tiptoed to give a peck on the man’s lips.

Yunho chuckled. “Then, what with the message you sent me that you’re sorry that you might be late before?”

“Oh, that…” Jaejoong looked down. “It’s nothing actually.” He looked back at the man and smiled.

Yunho looked at him intently for a moment before he returned that warm smile.

“Come here. I’ve cook dinner for us. Let’s have it together.” Jaejoong pulled Yunho’s hand, leading the man towards the dining table where he had served a few of his best dishes.

Yunho’s eyes stared at the table, suddenly felt hungry looking at those savory Korean dishes. “You cook all of this?” He asked in an impressed tone.

Jaejoong nodded enthusiastically, feeling pleased to see the unexpected reaction from the man.

“I didn’t know you’re a good cook, Jaejoongie. The last time I saw you burnt the toast when prepared a breakfast.” Yunho chuckled as he caught the smaller man pouted at his statement. He pulled the chair and sit down while pulling Jaejoong to do the same next to him.

“I told you I’m good at everything if I put an effort into it. These are just a few recipes that I always cook whenever I was in the mood to eat Korean food. You should be glad that you’re the first person I cook this for.”

“Oh, I feel so honored. Thank you, Jaejoong-ssi.” Yunho bowed teasingly.

They had their dinner in silence after Yunho complimented him over the taste of those foods. Jaejoong stared at the man who was seemingly engrossed in his eating. He smiled. There was a warm pleasant feeling that filled his chest upon seen the other enjoyed what he cooked. If he knew that he would receive such a response, he would impress the other earlier with his cooking skills.

On the other hand, Yunho could notice how the other seemed keep staring at him. The idol barely touched his food while he had almost finished his.

“Aren’t you going to finish it up?” He looked up to meet Jaejoong’s eyes that were still gazing at him.

“Huh? Oh… I’m not that hungry. Looking at how you eat so well just makes me kinda full.”

Yunho snickered as his hand reached out to pinch Jaejoong’s nose. “When did you learn that cheesy line?”

Jaejoong just giggled.

After dinner, Yunho disappeared to shower. He put on his casual cloth once he was done and only to find Jaejoong was sitting at the balcony, looking pensive. He took a moment, observing the other. The smaller man’s eyes were staring into space as if he had been lost in his trance.

“It’s cold outside. Why are you sitting here?” Yunho decided to break the smaller man from his current deep-thinking look.

He slipped into an empty lounge chair next to the other. The wisp of night breeze swept over their skin which made him pulled Jaejoong’s hands and brought the latter to sit on his lap instead, sharing some warmth.

“Now, this feels better.”  He muttered as his arms circled around Jaejoong’s waist.

Jaejoong stiffened at first before slowly leaned towards the other comfortably. Head rested between Yunho’s nape and shoulder while facing the starry night sky above them.

“Jaejoongie… whatever you are thinking now, please drop it.” Yunho said softly as he turned to look at the other's face.

“Hmm? What is it?” Jaejoong turned slightly, looking up to meet his eyes.

“You look too serious just now. So, I guess it must be a troubling thought you’re pondering over.” Yunho stared at him intently. He could see Jaejoong’s alarmed look, but only a mere second as the idol threw him a small smile, concealing his expression.

“It’s nothing. I just thinking about… the future.” Jaejoong muttered and turned back to look at the dark, twinkling sky. He felt the cold lips of the other trailing on his exposed shoulder and neck which made him squirmed at the ticklish feeling.

“What are you doing? That’s tickling!” Jaejoong giggled.

“Hmm… distracting you.” That deep, warm voice whispered against his bare neck was enough to send a myriad of shivers down his spine.

Jaejoong couldn’t contain his laugh this time as Yunho kept his hand tightened around his waist, locked him to stay still, as the man continued giving him a light, teasing kisses from his neck to that tender spot between his shoulder blades. “Okay, that’s working, so stop it. Please…”

Yunho stopped everything and looked at him with his warm, brown gaze. Jaejoong stopped wriggling as their eyes locked on each other. His heart started beating wildly. A few beats of silence went by before Yunho’s hand reached the side of the idol’s pretty face. Leaning down, his lips captured those plump lips of Jaejoong, kissing the latter in a passionate, desperate kiss. That made the smaller man arching up, tipping his head back, and let out a soft moan. He broke the kiss after a few moments, letting Jaejoong to catch his breath. 

“Shall I continue...” Yunho gazed down at the latter. His eyes reflected the vehemence of his current desire.

Jaejoong bit his lower lips, face flushed red with a parted reddening lips. “Yes, please…” He whispered. Slowly he stretched up toward him to link his arms around Yunho’s neck as the man continued kissing him deeply. He gasped between the kiss as Yunho swept him up into his arms, carried him across the room to their huge king-size bed. He then laid him on it without breaking the kiss.

Jaejoong felt dizzy with a lust-muddled mind. He didn’t even aware when their clothes flew off, all he cared about was the heat of their skin and reveling in the feeling of becoming one.

“I love you… so much.” Yunho confessed, accentuate his current feeling while staring at the other beneath him. Jaejoong’s smooth cheek was cool against his warm palm as