Kim Sunggyu - I need you

With a loud and tired groan, you stretched your arms and cracked your neck slightly. Last night, you barely got any sleep. You kept thinking about Chanyeol and what happened during the day.

It surprised you that you even thought so much about Chanyeol in the first place. *Maybe I’ve started to care about that stupid virus?* you chewed on your pencil and made a face. *No, I’m just afraid that he’ll tell anyone about what he saw. I don’t need any other nicknames or such. Wait, since when did I care?* shaking your head, you pushed all thoughts about Chanyeol to the back of your head and went back to write on your worksheet.

From the other side of the classroom, Suho observed you.

*Something must’ve happened between Hannah and Chanyeol.* he pressed his lips into a firm line.

Yesterday, he had called Chanyeol to ask him why he hadn’t been in school during the day. Chanyeol only replied in ‘mhm’s and ‘okay’s, with a monotone voice. And this morning, when they had met him outside of school, he looked like a zombie. His eyes were blank, emotionless but still deep in thought.  Baekhyun had asked him what was wrong, but Chanyeol had just remained silent and walked away.

*Did they fight? No, Chanyeol would never do that. But Hannah looks so worn out and frustrated.* Suho blew a raspberry and placed his chin in his palm and continued to watch you.

You frowned and mumbled something to yourself before slamming your head onto the desk. *WHY CAN’T I CONCENTRATE!? Is it because of that stupid virus? Why do I even care? He’s probably gonna leave, now that he knows. Just like everyone else.* 

The teacher left the room and the students immediately began to chat. Suho got up from his desk and walked over to you.  

“Good morning.” Suho smiled and sat down by the empty desk. You turned your head slightly and gave him a short nod. “Morning, sunshine.” You mumbled. 

“Though morning?” He asked. You groaned tiredly and lifted your head from the desk and gave him a look, “No , Sherlock.” Ranking your fingers through your black hair, you sighed.

“Did something happen with Chanyeol?”

You hesitated slightly and Suho noticed. “Something happened.” Biting your lip, you nodded and turned to look out the window.

“Did you fight?”

You shook your head.  No, you did not fight. You weren’t sure about what you could call your and Chanyeol’s situation.

“Did he say something that made you upset?”

Again, you shook your head. “Suho, it’s complicated.”

Suho blinked, “Uh-oh. Did you hook up?”

“What? No, why would we do that!?” you yelped. A random student gave you a look to lower your voice and you gave her an apologetic one in return.  “Are you crazy?” you hissed in a quiet tone at Suho.

Suho just shrugged, “Just asking. You can never know with you two.”

“Well, it’s not that, so please stop investigating. I don’t want to talk about it.” You mumbled and scribbled something on your paper in front of you.

“I’m just worried. I’m here if you want to talk though.” He placed his hand on your shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze, then stood up and walked back to his original seat.

*Suho’s so kind. I feel bad for not telling him.* You bit your lip, feeling slightly guilty.

Lunch came and students pooled into the cafeteria. The boys of EXO-K had all gathered by one of the tables, chatting seriously while eating.

“I talked to Hannah this morning. She looked really out of it.” Suho said and gave Chanyeol a look before taking a bite of his sandwich.  

Chanyeol froze. “What do you mean ‘out of it’? Maybe she had a bad morning.” He shrugged. *I should talk to her.*

“Maybe..” Suho said. “Did you two get into a fight?” he asked further.

Baekhyun’s ears perked up. “Did Chanyeol and Hannah fight? Woah, I wonder how that looked like.” And the others immediately began to gossip.

“Calm down, we did not fight. Geez.” Chanyeol snapped, slightly annoyed.  “Nothing happened. Stop sticking your nose into my business, okay.”

Sehun blinked. “It’s weird to see Chanyeol hyung so grumpy. Something must’ve happened.” He whispered to D.O, who nodded in agreement. “But let’s just leave him alone for now, he seems to have a lot on his mind.” He whispered back.

The other members nodded in agreement and they all ate their food quietly.

*I wonder what’s she’s mad about. It can’t be the scars, right? I should be mad at her, for hiding that from me and even doing that in the first place. But still, she may have her reasons.* Chanyeol was deep in thought.

Almost twenty minutes before class started, a figure was pacing back and forth outside one of the classroom. She knew he would always arrive early, in fear of being late and getting scolded by the teacher.

 You nibbled on your nails and looked up at the big clock on the wall. *Class starts in ten minutes and he’s not here. Did something happen?*

Students that were entering the classroom looked weirdly at you. You just gave them an icy stare in return and they scurried away like small dogs.

“What are you doing here? This isn’t your classroom.” She heard a familiar deep voice say. She looked up and met eyes with the tall male.

“I know, I was waiting for you.” She said. Chanyeol raised a surprised brow, “Waiting? For me? Suho was right, you really are out of it.” Chanyeol mumbled.

You ignored the last part. “We need to talk. Now.” You firmly said.

Chanyeol hesitantly glanced at the classroom that was filled with students, then back at you. He could skip one class. “Okay, let’s go.” He said and grabbed your hand. Your heart jumped slightly at the touch.

Chanyeol lead you down to one of the school’s many staircases. God knows how many times you’ve been here, taking from Chaerom.  But somehow, the place had a different feel to it now.

The both of you were quiet, so you decided to speak up first. “Look, about yesterday and what you saw, it’s not what it looks like. Really, I just-“

“When did it start?” Chanyeol asked, his tone dead serious. You blinked at him, “W-what?”

“You heard me. When did it start? You know, the cutting.”

Hearing Chanyeol utter the word ‘cutting’ somehow made you feel bad. You avoided his gaze and stared at the floor. *Why do I even have to tell him this? What have he done for me?* But in your heart, you knew the answer.

Chanyeol had done everything for you. He had been kind and caring when no-one else was and he had been the one to make you feel at ease after many years of solitude.

So there was your reason to tell him.

“Four years ago.” You admitted. Chanyeol gaped at you, “Four years? Did you do this in middle school?” You nodded slightly, still avoiding eye contact.

“Hannah..Look at me.” he then spoke softly. Slowly, you directed your eyes up and met his. Your heart beat furiously and you felt like pouring your whole heart out when you looked into his chocolate brown eyes.

“I don’t know why you did what you did and I have no reason to know, it’s your business. But promise me you won’t do it anymore, okay?” Chanyeol pleaded and held your two hands in his.

“It’s not that easy..” you quietly said. It was like taking drugs. The first time, it didn’t matter, but after two-three times you were stuck. “You can’t just stop.”

Chanyeol softened. He had never seen you so vulnerable. There was nothing he wanted more than to just wrap his arms around you in a hug.

Said and done.

In one swift moment, Chanyeol had his long and slender arms wrapped around your tiny frame, his head placed on top of yours. You were taken aback by his action, but softened and buried your face in his chest. 

“I know that it’s not going to be easy, but I will be there, with you on each step of the way. I’ll help you, I promise.” He said and hugged you tighter.

You were touched. Never had you guessed that Chanyeol would say that. You had thought he’d be disgusted, but he turned out to be the opposite.

All kind of feelings welled up inside of you and so did the tears. Without realizing, tears rolled down your cheeks.

Chanyeol heard you sniffled and pressed your head closer to his chest. *I know I can’t do much for you, but I’ll let you know that I will give my all to make you feel better. You can count on me.* he vowed.  *I love you, Shim Hannah. And nothing will change that.*