I slammed my door, at first I was still uncontrolled, my head is like going to explode, the sound of my dad’s voices and his words are buzzing inside my head and ears making me feel ill. After a minute, I snapped myself and looked around my neat room.

My eyes caught something that makes me even feel more ill and sick. An unfinished painting of Sandara’s figure on my canvas, It’s not even half been colored. I was drawing her all the time when she was staying at my place, she said to me she wanted to keep it so I made it with all my heart, but my heart has broken into ing pieces.

I take a knife from my drawer and rip it off. I throw everything to the wall and fell onto my bed. I’m breathing heavily. I close my eyes and my tears literally fall down without my consent. My heart aches a lot like it never before.

“Chae, are you alright?” mom said behind the door.

I turn on the music out loud and turn the lights off. At least when it’s like this, I could ease the pain by crying out loud.

I close my eyes again, and Sandara’s face appeared. The vision is so clear, so fresh, so beautiful. She is, indeed, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known and I’ve ever liked or loved.

I should’ve learned the truth about her before I fell for her. What was I thinking? How could I be so blind?

I understand now. Why she never wants to talk about her life. Why she keeps hiding it from me. Why she says we should never be together. But I start to think, if it was only bulls when she said she liked me or it was the truth. Or the other theory is, she already knew my dad is the cop so she wanted to use me, using me to get revenge on him.

But I really love her.

“Park Sandara, she is a trouble girl, she has many bad records.”

“She is also an alcoholic, and…. She is a drug user. I caught her and her friends myself two years ago, buying drugs from a dealer. But they were free from warrant because of their parents.”

“Not after a month, I had to deal with them again because they were involved in a hit and run incident. Park Sandara was the driver. She was really drunk and high. We checked, her alcohol tolerant was the highest from the others.”

“Exactly a year ago, Park Sandara was brought into the police office, this time the crime was different. She was caught hitting her own boyfriend. She accused him for trying to her. And then whe was brought to the hospital. The doctor said she was mentally unstable. She was stressed and depressed and she consumed enough drugs already. She couldn't go into the jail because she was sick, doctor suggested her to go to mental institution so her parents sent her there. She was charged after 3 months but it doesn't mean she is not the old Park Sandara anymore.”

“A month ago, one of the cops said to me they saw the same group of teenagers hanging in a café, a very special café for people like them. Everybody knows that’s not a normal coffee shop…. They’re still doing drugs, Chaerin. Park Sandara, that girl, she is still that same old wild lost teenage.”

My eyes are shut open as I’m suffocating. I put away the pillow I was pressing hard against my face and when I glanced at the cover, it’s drenched because of my tears. I have to breathe with my mouth now yet my tears still drops like raindrops.

Why… should I be acquaintance with someone like her? 

The next day at school, I can’t seem to find Minzy or the others. Sandara and her friends, they vanished.

Same with the day after, I didn’t see them. My professor who happens to be obsessed over Sandara’s talents and abilities, he asked me why she didn’t come and I couldn’t give him