Present Day…

How long has it been? 2 years? 5 years? Geez… it’s actually 10 years. 10 years, 5 months and 24 days since I lost her. Since she disappeared from my life. Since she was nowhere to be found. No one could find her, not her family, not her friends, not the school, not even me. Nobody.

My dad said, there’s no possibility that she can be found. He tended to believe that she’s dead. ‘Forget about her, Chaerin… she’s dead.” He said.

And I still remember that night, the time he told me the news about her disappearance. I was in the hospital, kept in my bed, I could only hear the machine sound and the voices in my head screaming out, I felt like I was gonna die. But I didn’t.

The doctor said it was miracle that I could survive. 10 bones broke, severe brain damage, I almost lost my sight. They said, miracles happen to good people. I don’t even think I was a good person. I mean. I betrayed my belief. I turned my back against my family. I hated and cursed my dad. I did drugs. I mean I couldn’t believe I’m still alive right now, very healthy, very wealthy. This is absurd.

Sandara… she just vanished. I know dad kept convincing me that she’s dead but I don’t believe him. I can’t believe him. I just can’t believe that fact. I keep on tracking her down, searching up for her existence. Even when they say it’s useless but there’s something inside me telling me that someday, somehow she would appear again to me. She would come to me. I would find her and she would be there, waiting for me.

I just can’t give up like that. She just can’t leave me like that and even after ten years, I’m still feeling the same thing about her. I love her. And I won’t stop looking until I find her, or at least, her dead body if she’s really dead. I want to see her with my bare eyes, dead or alive. I just want to see her, coz I miss her so bad.

“Chae? You okay?” I didn’t know since when my secretary has been standing across my desk. She looked up to me, worried. I blinked my eyes quickly.

“You’ve been daydreaming a lot, and sweating.” She said as she passed tissue paper to me. I smiled to her, “Thanks. I’m okay… what is it?”

“This is the list of what our client wants us to do. I’m gonna leave it here, okay?” she said with the prettiest smile ever, but I’m never impressed. I just smiled back and watched her until the door is closed behind her. I looked around my office, it’s spacious, and cozy, and this is exactly what I want to be.

I’m having a decent job, good salary, good reputation, good office, but… it’s nothing when I can’t even feel. All this was never really real to me because there’s always something missing.

I closed my eyes to recall the night that happened ten years ago. The night I got the accident. My doctor said I shouldn’t be thinking about it anymore that I shouldn’t force myself to remember what happened because it would hurt my head but I never care. I don’t give a because I have to remember in order to find Dara. I have to find her.

I winced in pain again, every time I try to recall that night, my brain would start buzzing and spinning and giving me this pain I can never bear. I started tearing up again, and my chest hurts. Why can’t I remember? Why? What really happened that night?

We were having fun, we were in the club, we were dancing and singing together, we kissed a lot that night. She told me how happy she was to have me by her side. She told me she was one of the luckiest girls alive that she got to know me. She told me she loved me she could die. That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.

Then we took off from the club, we drove away, far far away from our residence, together with her friends or I should say, they were also my friends by that time.

All I can remember is, we were laughing at something, we were still having fun inside of the car listening to our favorite music and then she stopped the car in an empty highway. We made out while waiting for our friends. But then, there was this loud voices coming to my head again and then, it’s black. I can’t remember what happened after that and I hate myself for that.

“Chae? Chaerin!!!” someone stabbed me in the chest with a fist. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes opened. I saw a familiar face above me, Minzy. She pulled me up from the ground and sat me on the couch, still in my office.

“What happened?” I asked as I rubbed my face.

“You passed out again. Luckily I got in before you lost your breath for too long. What the did you do? Did you try to do something about your head again? How many times should we tell you? It’s no use. You’re not going to remember it… it, Chae. You have to move on.” She said as she passed me a glass of water and forced me to drink it up.

I gulped the water in a r