Credits go to hungry- (from  affamé graphic shop), for this amazing poster.

[ Forty Four. Far Away ]

“Special delivery for Miss Sandara Park!” Teddy sang out blithely as he walked into the studio, a fancy envelope dangling from his hand. Dara stopped in the middle of writing lyrics and looked up expectantly. The first thing that came to mind was that it was something sent by Jiyong, and the thought made her so excited that she snatched the envelope from Teddy’s hands. Because she hasn’t heard much from Jiyong lately, she thought that he would be planning little romantic surprises for her to make up for the time that they could not spend together. To her disappointment, it was from an entertainment company that is holding the annual music awards, not Jiyong. So much for romantic surprises.

“What is this?” Dara asked Teddy in confusion. Putting aside her disappointment from the time being, she could not think of why the company would send her anything. She knew that the invitations were out for the artists that are invited to attend the event, since Chaerin had received hers and Bom had been complaining to Dara that she would have received one if she did not have to delay her planned comeback. Her best guess was that the company mixed up her name with another artist working under YG Entertainment.

Teddy rolled his eyes. “Sandy, the envelope’s sealed tight. I may be smart, but I have no superpowers.”

Curious, Dara opened the envelope quickly, which revealed a formal invitation inside. She read the contents aloud, “Dear Miss Sandara Park, it is our great honor to invite you to our annual music award. We would also like to inform you that you have been nominated for one of our special awards, specifically the Song Writer Award, and look forward to seeing you at the event…” Her voice trailed off as the words sank in. She could not believe it. She was an amateur songwriter, and she had been nominated for the Song Writer Award of a prestigious annual music award ceremony. Jaw dropping open, she turned to look at Teddy in shock to confirm that this was not an illusion.

“Sandy, congrats! Your first nomination!” Teddy gave her a bone-crushing hug. Teddy was full-heartedly happy for Dara, knowing how much this means to her for being recognized for her work. Being a producer, he has few chances of receiving the awards that artists are given weekly and annually, and the opportunities as songwriters are even slimmer. This was one of the rare times that songwriters, not performers, are seen for their talent. As someone relatively new in the industry, it was an even more meaningful honor for Dara. As her co-worker and friend, Teddy was equally ecstatic for her as if he had been the one that was receiving the nomination. “You deserved it!”

“H-H-How is this possible? I am a rookie, and haven’t had many works under my belt. Oh my gosh, am I dreaming?” Dara sputtered as Teddy set her back on the ground, nothing making sense to her. She could feel tears in her eyes as she stared wide-eye at the invitation once again, making sure that she did not misread any of the words. It was hers. Covering with her hands, she was trying hard not to cry. After pursuing her dream for so long while encountering doubts and challenges along the way, here was something that encouraged her that it was not in vain. Her hard work was finally acknowledged to be worth something. She felt absurd to be crying when it was such a joyous moment for her, but her tears were acting on their own.

“Call Jiyong and tell him the good news! I’ll go get Tablo! He will freak out! And Choice!” Dara vaguely remembers Teddy shaking her slightly before running out the door yelling in excitement. “Our Sandy has made it big! Whoohoo!”

With shaky hands, Dara called Jiyong before realizing that it was nearly midnight in Jiyong’s time zone. They haven’t been able to talk to each other lately because of their respective busy schedules and the time difference. Sometimes, when loneliness overcame Dara, she’ll call Jiyong impulsively, but they would not be able to exchange more than a few sentences before one of them, usually Jiyong, had to go to meet someone important or take part in some event. It frustrated her, but there was nothing she could do about it. This was what it was like to be dating a superstar. She was halfway regretting calling him so late and possibly waking him up, instead of leaving a message, when Jiyong picked up. She winced as the loud pounding of club music blasted from the other line.

“What’s up?” Jiyong’s words were slurred as he shouted into the phone. Dara suddenly felt a tinge of annoyance. Here she was, being considerate and worrying that she would be interrupting his sleep when he was actually having the time of his life partying hard and drinking. “Dara? Sweetheart?”

“Jiyong, I wanted to call you because I received the-“ Dara was barely finished with her sentence when the sounds of girls giggling cut her off. To her irritation, Jiyong also laughed along with them and made a witty comment that made them laugh even harder. Jiyong seemed to have forgotten that he was in the middle of a phone call with his girlfriend.

“Jiyong, I-“ Dara tried again to tell him about her nomination, but whatever was happening at Jiyong’s end seemed to be much more attention-catching, because he was not listening as he joined in the conversation with the other ladies beside him. Dara could hear phrases like “ring” and “proposal”, so she assumed that they were discussing about a mutual friend who got engaged or married.

“GD, aren’t you going to finish that call?” A feminine voice purred seductively, loud enough for Dara to hear. “Hurry up so that we can go up to the suite. I’ll give you a good look at what you wanted to see.” Dara was on full-alert when she heard the words “the suite” and the following sentence. Did I hear her correctly? That girl had the guts to seduce my boyfriend! And what the hell did she mean by what Jiyong wanted to see? Oh my god, does she mean like…her body?! He is going to refuse her, he is going to refuse her, Dara chanted non-stop in her mind to calm herself down.

Before she could voice out her protest, Jiyong told her briskly, “I have to go. Talk to you later, sweetheart.” The call ended, leaving Dara staring at her phone in astonishment. Thousands of images of what could possibly happen when a woman with an alluring voice invites her very drunk boyfriend to a hotel suite ran through Dara’s head. It drove her mad to the point that she began calling Jiyong’s number non-stop. It rang endlessly for the first couple of calls, but after that, he turned off his phone so the line could not even connect. I cannot believe that he turned off his phone! What is he doing?! This nomination was a huge milestone for her career, and she wanted to share the important news with Jiyong immediately. But he did not even give her a chance to tell him anything before ending the call to follow some bimbo to her suite to do god-knows-what. Has he been having so much fun that he forgot that he had a girlfriend back home? Having this temporary long-distant relationship was already hard enough as it is, and this made Dara lose it. The previous tears she had were threatening to fall from her eyes, but not because she was jubilant about her nomination for the award. She felt furious and betrayed.

“Sandara! I’ve heard the big news! Congratulations!” Choice37 shouted as he flung open the door, holding out his arms for a hug. Dara had no choice but to put aside the flurry of emotions to accept his hug with a forced smile. Tablo, Bom and the rest of the people who were informed by Teddy crowded into the room, offering their congratulations to her. Surrounded by the members of her YG family, Dara found herself laughing and warmly embraced by everyone. But throughout it all, her heart felt hollow.

Jiyong did not call her the day after, nor the day after that. It did not take long for news articles to come out about G-Dragon partying fiercely in Europe, looking like he’s enjoying the good life with a crooked smirk on his face and his arms slung casually over the shoulders of good-looking women at dinner parties and clubs. After seeing a picture taken of him with a supermodel at a well-known jewelry store and many articles claiming that the two were buying couple rings, Dara had been waiting for his explanation, her patience wearing thin. But the call that she was waiting for did not come, and she gave up. She did not leave any messages asking what happened that night, nor did she tell him about her nomination for the Song Writer Award. Before, she would leave him a message or call him the moment she wants to share with him something interesting that happened at work. For the first time since their parting, Dara stopped taking the initiative to contact him, seeing how long it would take for Jiyong to remember that she even exists. If he’s going to act that way, fine. He’s not the only one that has a life.

Instead of mopping around for Jiyong to pay attention to her, Dara threw herself at work in an attempt to forget about everything else. With Winner’s track list for their debut album finalized, she was granted a short break from Tablo, but she refused and spent most of her days working endlessly on new songs. Unsurprisingly, most of them were depressing sad songs that dripped of heartbreak, sorrow, and longing. As hard as it was for her to admit it, she really misses Jiyong. She regretted not going to Europe with him, and being stuck here with her insecurities and negative emotions.

I’m singing my blues
Used to the blue tears, blue sorrow
I’m singing my blues
The love that I have sent away with the floating clouds oh oh

“Knock, knock.” Donghae stood at the doorway of the recording studio, and Dara had to rub her eyes twice to convince herself that she was not imagining things from fatigue. He was wearing a sleek black suit that was unable to hide his youthfulness, and in his hand was a delicate bouquet of light pink roses.

“Donghae! What are you doing here?” Dara hurriedly turned off the track she was working on and stood up to meet him. After their previous awkward meeting, they have not kept in contact.

“I had business to attend to at SM headquarters, and thought I’d visit the most talented nominee of the Song Writer Award to offer my most sincere congratulations. I heard the news while at a meeting with the people hosting the award ceremony this year, and had to come congratulate you in person. I am proud of you.” His brown eyes softened at the sight of Dara. He could tell that she has not been resting well lately by the dark circles under her eyes and her sickly pale complexion. The usual sparkle in her eyes were dimmed, and she looked deeply troubled by something. “How are you lately, tokki? You look worn out. Have they been overworking you?”

“No, they haven’t. I wanted to finish a song, so I haven’t been sleeping much for a few days.” Dara gave him a small smile as she accepted the bouquet from Donghae. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”

Donghae held her gaze, sensing there was more to it than Dara lets on. “Tokki, you are more than welcome to confide in me, whatever it is that is bothering you. You don’t look well.” When Dara didn’t answer, Donghae sighed as he decided to bring the topic up himself. “It’s Jiyong, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dara’s eyes were guarded. Nobody dared to bring up the topic of Jiyong in front of her until now. Even Bom and Minzy were careful not to talk about the news concerning Jiyong’s recent dating rumors and partying.

“Stop lying to yourself already, tokki. I’ve seen the news, and so has the rest of the world. G-Dragon is sure having fun partying hard with attractive women by his side, isn’t he? Where does that leave you?” Donghae knew that Dara had already made her choice concerning Jiyong. But when he saw the pictures of Jiyong in Europe, he was even more convinced that she had made the wrong decision and that Jiyong took advantage of that. If he truly cared about her, he would not let her worry like this.

“It is a part of being a celebrity to social and mingle around,” Dara replied weakly. It was hard to defend Jiyong when she was upset with his actions as well. She trusted Jiyong, but it was getting hard for that trust to be given unconditionally. Trust is not something that should be given; it is something that should be earned. “And I believe he isn’t someone that would play around like that. Donghae, you should know more than anyone that the media loves exaggerating things.”

“Let me guess, he has told you sweet words and gave you promises before he left,” Donghae supposed. “But, rabbit, the reality is that he doesn’t look like he’s settling down any time soon. He doesn’t look like he needs you. He’s out there having the time of his life being surrounded by beautiful women. Has it never occurred to it that whatever he told you is only an act?”

Revenge. Dara knew what Donghae was hinting at before he voiced out that word aloud. According to Donghae’s logic, Jiyong got Dara to fall in love with him to leave her in order to get his sweet revenge. The doubt that has been eating at her lately burst out victoriously, linking itself to Donghae’s hypothesis. Yes, why would Jiyong be so tender and loving to her, and then act the complete opposite after he left Korea? Even if he was occupied with work, he should take time to call her or leave a message to stop her from worrying…if he truly cared about her. How long does it take to type in a few words and press the button to call? If he has had time to upload pictures on his social media account to woo his fans, then why does he not have time for her? And the way he was hanging around those girls did not seem as if he was in a relationship with her!

“Donghae, I think you should leave,” Dara mustered out, leaning on the table for support. The painful pounding in her head was making it hard for her to concentrate on anything else.

Donghae was silent for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry, tokki. It was wrong of me to have said those things, knowing that it would make you upset. I won’t talk about it anymore.” Forcing a smile on his flawless face, he gestured towards the door. “You didn’t happen to have lunch, did you? How about I treat you to lunch today?”

Dara rubbed her forehead as her headache worsen. She felt that she was going to pass out any minute from the pain. She wondered if it had to do with her losing sleep recently. “No, let’s…we’ll do it some other day.”

“I had reserved a place that was much more private than last time,” Donghae informed her hastily, thinking that Dara was reluctant to dine with him because of the scandal that broke out after the pictures that were taken of them dining in public last time. “We won’t be-“

Before he could finish his sentence, Dara’s petite body crumbled to the ground.

Since she was brought to the hospital the day before, Dara has been resting in the hospital on the doctor’s strict instructions. She was told that she had fainted because of anxiety, fatigue, and malnutrition on top of a flu, but it was nothing too serious, and she would be able to check out of the hospital after a few days. Because of the flu, she felt sluggish as if all the energy was drained from her body. It was also uncomfortable sneezing non-stop as she dealt with a strong headache, fever and stomach pains. Her body has been recovering by itself, but the downside is that her sickness made her more miserable, mentally, than ever.

Needless to say, she has received a ton of visitors while lying on the hospital bed, which helped lift her spirits. All of the YG family, even Winner and iKON trainees, came in to see her. Tablo told her sternly that as her boss, he was commanding her forcefully to take a break until the music award ceremony, and not taking no for an answer. Teddy and Choice37 amused her with stories of their encounters with the cafeteria ladies, while the trainees attempted to cheer her up by singing an impromptu song they made up called “Get Well Soon”. Chaerin and Seungri brought some homemade dishes with them, and Chaerin convinced Donghae, who had been staying by Dara’s side since he brought her to the hospital, to go home and rest. Donghae felt guilty for Dara’s illness, thinking that his criticism towards Jiyong was the last straw that caused Dara to faint. Daesung, Yanggaeng, and the Kwon twins all dropped by with a gift, while the others of their squad sent their get-well wishes from overseas.

Bom nearly woke the entire hospital up when she barged into Dara’s room, crying hysterically and refusing to leave, as Seunghyun was stuck wrestling with the tangled balloons he brought at the doorway. Even after Dongwook and Byul arrived to take over the task of taking care of Dara, Bom insisted stubbornly on staying by Dara’s side. Although she did not give a reason for it, Dara guessed that it had to do with Youngbae. The news of their friend’s sudden death back then was something that made them sensitive to hospitals and accidents even now.

“I was really worried about you, Sandara,” Bom whispered when Seunghyun went home, handing Dara a box of tissues. “I nearly had a heart attack when I heard that you were being sent to the emergency room!”

“Sorry for making you worry, Bommie. Everything’s fine now,” Dara assured her as she sneezed into a tissue.

“Really?” Bom looked at her earnestly. “You’re really okay?”

Not sure if it was her sickly state that made her so vulnerable, Dara started crying as she told Bom of the feelings she’s been fighting to keep from surfacing recently. How she misses Jiyong so badly, but has to refrain from contacting him because she does not want to be a burden and a nagging girlfriend. How she was trying to be understanding about Jiyong’s lifestyle as a global star, but failed miserably when she sees pictures of him partying with other women like he’s overjoyed without her. How Donghae’s words really stung, making her doubt Jiyong’s feelings towards her. How she was unable to share one of the happiest moments of her life with him. How she’s tired of a long-distant relationship. Like the good friend she was, Bom held Dara in her arms while handing tissues to her sympathetically.

“Hmmph, hmmph! How dare he hurt my Sandara! Once I see his sorry around here, I’ll kick it like a professional soccer player!” Bom made an exaggerated movement of kicking while wearing her ten-inched heels. “And karate chop! He’ll be crying like a baby once I get my hands on him!”

After letting out her emotions, Dara felt slightly better, especially with the comical way Bom was bad-mouthing Jiyong. She felt exhausted from crying so much, so she decided to take a short afternoon nap. She was drifting slowly to sleep when she felt a hand grasping hers tightly. She could sense that person sitting down beside her bed, asking Bom in a hushed tone how Dara was doing.

“She’s fine now. But I don’t know how fine she will be when she wakes up and sees you,” Bom responded cattily.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Where were you when she needed you the most? Partying with those supermodels? And did you know that she received the nomination?”