Credits go to hungry- (from  affamé graphic shop), for this amazing poster.

[ Twenty Nine. Pricked ]

“Jiyong.” It was different meeting him face-to-face. During the concert, Dara was watching him from afar, but now she was entirely exposed in front of him, feeling uncomfortable under his cold gaze that seemed to pierce through her soul and see her weaknesses. During the past years, she had rehearsed a million times what she would say to Jiyong once she got the chance. She had rehearsed numerous apologies in her head; how sorry she was for leaving without telling him, and that she understood that he had every right to hate her. She had suffered as much from her decision as he did. But the words she had planned to say were stuck in . Dara was afraid. She could hear his heartless refusal even before she began her effort to make amends.

“GD,” Jiyong corrected her coldly, the awful smirk still on his face. There was no hint of the adoration he had used to shower lavishly upon her. All that’s left of him was bitterness and spite that aimed to hurt her until she breaks down in front of him. “I don’t go by the name of Jiyong anymore. You can call me G-Dragon.” She got the meaning behind his words. Jiyong was telling her that he was not the Jiyong she knew, and it was better for her to straighten that out and wake up to the truth that he was now G-Dragon, the global star that does not wish to have any ties with her and their past. What did I expect, Dara laughed harshly at herself. She hated to admit it, but a part of her had wistfully thought that he would welcome her back with open arms and unconditional love. Perhaps even understanding sympathetically the huge pressure that led to Dara’s mistake of leaving, then assuring her sweetly that he had been waiting for her to come back to his side, because he firmly believed they were meant to be. Wake up, Sandara. You’re not living in a fairytale. You’re facing the harsh, cold reality. In reality, people change and move on.

“Sandy, this is Choice37, who has worked with GD on his first album, the producer behind ‘A Boy’ and ‘Butterfly’.” Teddy gestured to another man in the room. Dara immediately bowed to him, and shook his hand as she plastered a half-smile on her face. Dara’s mind was already racing, trying to analyze what kind of a situation she was currently in. Teddy looks closer to Jiyong, so there was a possibility that he had heard from Jiyong about how she was a cold, calculating . She might have made an enemy of Teddy before stepping into YG. Choice37, however, look friendlier towards her than Teddy and Jiyong put together. “Choice, this is Sandara, who came all the way from the US branch of SM Entertainment to work with us.”

“What?” Choice37 looked at her in surprise. “You’re from SM? Really?”

“Yes, I had worked there as an intern during grad school, and then officially entered the company as a songwriter,” Dara replied quickly, wincing inwardly at how the man was looking at her incredulously. He looked confused as if she had confessed that she ran away from an asylum, and he was torn between deciding if he should applaud her for her bravery or be frightened for his life.

“And you are seriously going to let someone from SM work on your second album?” Teddy turned to Jiyong for confirmation, the distain evident in his voice. Dara caught on to the fact that they dislike SM Entertainment. Could this day get any worse? She will be working with a group of people that already hate her from every aspect.

“Chaerin trusts her,” Jiyong stated dully as if it explains everything, plopping down on the leather couch. That silenced the two other producers. To Dara, it only opened more questions that she dare not ask for answers to. Was Jiyong still close to Chaerin? He must be; they had worked under the same company. Unlike her, Chaerin had stayed by his side. Perhaps they were in a relationship. Dara suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Why was she feeling as if her life was once again spinning out of her control?

Choice37 started searching for songs on the internet, and soon familiar melodies were blasting from the speakers. Dara realized that they were all songs written by her, sung by artists from SM Entertainment. Somehow, she felt like she was back in school, being evaluated for her pieces. She kept quiet as the three guys listened carefully to the songs, observing them carefully to see their reaction. Choice37 looked thoughtful, tapping his fingers to the beat. Teddy, though, seemed troubled, scrunching his eyebrows together. Only Jiyong’s face remained impassive to read, eyes never leaving the screen of his phone.

“No offense, Sandara.” Choice37 stopped the music to talk directly to her, looking apologetic. Subconsciously, Dara held her breath; he found her works unsatisfactory. She had failed the test. “I know these songs were popular hit songs, the tunes and lyrics are very catchy. But it’s so…”

“Fake,” Teddy said bluntly. “Commercial music. That is not acceptable at YG. We make real music here.” He peered condescendingly at her. “You got that, Sandy?”

“I thought you were better than this,” Jiyong suddenly said quietly, looking up from his phone and into Dara’s eyes. The discontentment and accusation in his tone and face made Dara ashamed and exasperated, fighting the urge to yell at him. She recognize the truth in his words, but it made her even more furious. How dare he judge me? Even she knew she was better than this. She could be so much better. But what choice did she have? In that environment, she could only bow down to the wishes of the company. She was merely a songwriter that worked for them, not an artist that was free to do whatever she liked. As much ambition and talent as she had to make music she loved, she had to face the facts that the entertainment industry is not about dreams and ambition. Money measures everything. Music, even music she created from the soul, is worthless if it does not sell.

Through gritted teeth, Dara said, “I can play other pieces that I have been working on. I think you will change your mind.”

“You’ve got some guts. I like that.” Teddy sat down beside Jiyong, gesturing towards the table for Dara to take a seat.  “Alright, Sandy. Show us what you’ve got.” Dara’s eyes met Jiyong’s briefly. It was déjà vu all over again. Before, it had been Jiyong who was trying to prove his musical ability to earn Dara’s approval; now, Dara was in the spot to impress her audience. I won’t lose. Sandara Park never bows down to anyone.

Placing her slender fingers on a set of piano keys, Dara started playing a melody, humming the notes before singing the words softly.

Stop acting like you’re so comfortable
Because you and I, we’re still strangers
Stop whining like you’re a child
Because I haven’t even started yet

I don’t like love that’s like a child playing with fire

I’m just a little famished,
I’m alright
Actually no, I’m…

Teddy shivered slightly, pulling the sleeves on his hoodie so that they covered his hands. The room’s temperature was normal, but Dara’s mournful voice was a bucket of ice cold water that poured on his head, soaking him thoroughly with the sadness of her song. She had a beautiful voice. Light as feathers, but able to hit powerful, high notes. He shared a look with Choice37, who nodded coolly. It was a complete contrast from her other songs. The lyrics were beautifully written, but the raw emotions were conveyed perfectly. Even the way she played the piano was professional and moving at the same time.

Still hating you, who has let me go
My frigidly cooled heart is still
Missing you, missing you, missing you
Missing you, missing you

Jiyong’s eyes never left Dara, whose back was turned to them. There was a way Dara had with words, magically morphing them from the feelings hidden deep in his heart.

The love of my youth is ending like this
Please be happy
Even after a long time passes, let’s both remember
That we both had each other back then

We both had each other then

Finishing the final note, Dara breathed in and out slowly to calm down the turmoil of emotions stirred by her own song before turning around to face her audience. She was met with Choice37’s encouraging smile, Teddy’s thumbs-up, and still no reaction from Jiyong. Embarrassed, she looked down on the floor, avoiding meeting any of their eyes. Somehow she felt nearly , accidentally exposing too much sentiments deeply hidden inside of her that were very raw and personal. She had been so immersed into her song that she had forgotten she was playing in front of other people. Especially Jiyong. A part of her hope that Jiyong wouldn’t think that the lyrics were about him, yet a part of her hope he would.

“Welcome to YG, Sandy.” Teddy grinned, giving her a high five. “Alright, we should go straight to work.”

“You guys go on. I have stuff to do.” With that, Jiyong walked out of the room without another glance at Dara. Shrugging, Teddy started explaining to Dara in detail how they make music, and what they usually do every day. After that was out of the way, Choice37 took Dara on the rest of her tour. There was about ten recording studios on the two floors, with some reserved for specific producers. The one they had visited was Teddy’s, the one beside it was Choice37’s, and the one isolated by itself down the hall was Jiyong’s. Dara was curious as to what it looked like, but decided not to voice her thoughts aloud, continuing to follow Choice37 around. The YG headquarters was bigger and fancier than she thought. There was a lounge area for resting, complete with a pool table and video games. Next to that was the gym, with trainers barking orders at cowering trainees. They also visited the management, marketing, and accounting departments, as well as the offices of managers. All the people they bumped into looked at Dara curiously, and Dara made sure to make a good impression, smiling warmly and bowing repeatedly to greet them.  

“Lunch time already?” Choice37 checked his watch. “You k