Title (3/5)

I feel the title was very fitting, it just didn't really catch my attention and I most likely would not have clicked on it.

Description/Foreword (5/10)

The Description and Foreword were not bad it's just I had trouble reading it smoothly, also the character descriptions were very hard to follow and understand what you were trying to say about the characters. But I won't point out the grammar, spelling and sentence accidents till the grammar and flow section. Also this is just my opinion I most likely would not have continued to read the story, mainly because I do not normally read stories like this.

Characters (8/10)

I think the characters were definitely good, but I think they developed way too fast! L.joe who you wanted to portray as a mean cold and heartless guy ended up caring about Chohee in like the fourth chapter, way faster then I was expecting it to be. But besides that they are not bad.

Plot (10/20)

I sadly do not think the plot was original I have seen multiple stories like this to be honest, the only reason I didn't give you a lower score was because it had some substance to it that kept me reading it. The problems that arose and seemed to happen a lot kind of made it a bit more interesting and not too repetitive, but like I said before I have seen TONS of stories with this plot. But it is definitely not bad.

Grammar (9/20)

I know you said English is not your first language, you had very good English for most of the story. But you mixed up tenses way too much and it made the whole thing very confusing for me to read. You also made up a couple of words that do not even exist in this world such as the word 'worster'. You also did not make certain words plural that needed to be plural. You often used awkward syntax too like in the foreword you wrote "I thought that he would say anything, but came out these words." It was very hard for me to read this though you had no spelling errors it was written weirdly. It would've been better if you wrote it as "I thought that he would say something anything, but instead these words came out." See how it flows more smoothly? Also you used present tenses when you should've used past tenses since your story seemed like it was being written in the past rather then now. I hope this helps you out and makes sense. I'll be happy to give you more help if you need it especially with your tenses!

Flow (5/10)

I gave you a low score because of how much trouble you had with your grammar and again it was also because of the awkward syntax you used. Also sometimes I had trouble trying to figure out what you were trying to say or refer too and also it did jump around a lot especially in the second chapter I got completely lost. It said when it went to Teentop’s point of view that it was that night I got confused and thought you meant the night she showed them around since at the beginning of the chapter it showed how she was getting ready to show them around but it was actually showing the night before and then the beginning of that day, so I got very confused for a second or two.

Visual Things (14/15)

The visual things that caused you to get less than a 15 was your text, though it was readable in some chapters the size or style of text changed out of nowhere, but besides that I had no problem with any of the visual aspects of your story.

Ending (--/10)

You did not have and ending yet,therefore this will not be counted for your final score.

Extra Comments:

The story was not bad, just i have seen multiple stories like this one so it was not every eye catching. I also think you have GREAT potential to be an amazing writer just need to work on your English and writing a bit more! I wish you luck. Also like I sad before I would be glad to help you out any time. ^^

Total (54/90)

Can U Smile?

I am very happy you requested!

I hope this will help you improve and hope you don't take any of this personally ^^

I wish you luck and don't forget to comment!