Title (4/5)

The title does fit according to what I’ve read already.It didn’t give away too much, I also guess it wasn’t as eye catching as it probably could’ve been. But that is about it.

 Description/ Foreword (9/10)

To be honest there wasn’t much to work with in this area. It obviously didn’t give away too much but maybe it didn’t give away enough at the same time if that makes sense. I pretty much walked in knowing what I was going to read at the same time. So I actually think you did well with it. I also find it a bit interesting that you made it like a play a bit. How instead of using the idols real names you cast them and gave them different names. But others might not like that or find it confusing.

 Characters (--/10)

I can’t really grade your characters right now. So I won’t count this towards your final grade.

Plot (17/20)

The plot is unique, and interesting. I know I’ve lost people and I wish I could tell them things that I never had the guts to tell them before. So I really thought it was creative and interesting. But at the same time it kind of bored me as well.  Also the alternating between times nonstop in the first chapter alone made it a bit hard to understand. So it was good idea just not carried out to its full potential. But then again there is only one chapter so far, so yeh it might change.

 Grammar (16/20)

You had multiple errors in this department.  There were times when you where missing words, letters and the sentences made no sense because of it. In general you are actually pretty good. You also seemed to have a bit of a problem with forming useable sentences.

“They told me I was and unwanted daughter that’s why my dad left. I told that to my mom and she scoffed me off.”

A better way to word this sentence is “They told me I was an unwanted daughter and that’s why my dad left. I told my mom and she ignored me.” Scoffed me off I don’t think makes any sense. There were a couple of others errors. But those are probably ones you could find on your own and fix with ease.

Flow (6/10)

It did flow nicely for the most part till it got to the part where it would go from past to present repeatedly. Visual Things (15/15)

No poster so that won’t be included. But everything else seemed fine.

Ending (--/10)

No ending, so won’t count.

Extra Comments:

Okay so you need to know it says your story is complete and it’s not. That might be a turn off to readers. So I suggest you uncomplete it or whatever until the actual story is complete. From what I understand it’s a oneshot collection so it shouldn’t be completed after one oneshot. Also I really liked how it seemed like a long story just alternating form time to time. It was a bit confusing at first, but I got used to it. I don’t know how to tell you that it just seemed so cool to me. But at the same time confusing. Also the part where she met Daniel made no sense. Mainly because she didn’t say she saw anyone, just letters. Then she started talking. I thought she was talking to a ghost. Then when it said she hugged him my eyes widened in surprise and I realized what happened.  Other then that I really like it.

Total (67/80)

Love Letters to Heaven

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