Title (3/5)

The title did fit the story well. But if I was looking through stories and saw that title I’d probably go right b past it, even if it has my bias in it.

 Description/ Foreword (5/10)

I don’t know it wasn’t intriguing, but that just might be my opinion. Not eye catching or anything like that. I feel it went ton a little too long for a foreword or description, but besides that it was well written for the most part.

Characters (5/10)

I can’t say anything about development except for Luhan’s character; he made a dramatic transformation throughout the long one shot, from being sweet, to being bad, to being an emotional wreck. They didn’t seem to be unique in anyway, to be honest the clingy over emotional girl who can’t let go of someone who is obviously bad for her. Then the guy who is a douche bag who slowly realizes what he has but it’s too late.

Plot (9/20)

The plot was not unique, been there and done that many times; a sad drawn out story with problems and mistakes that seemed too cliché for real life. The whole thing was like a melodrama stuffed onto one page and wasn’t interesting to me. I predicted what was going to happen before it happened. The only thing I didn’t see coming was her sudden departure. But that was about it, could’ve been more realistic, and not as cliché then maybe would’ve been better. But I got what you were going for which I guess in the end is a good thing.

Grammar (11/20)

I probably should give you a lower grade, but you have amazing grammar…for the most part. There were a lot of issues at the same time. Most of the sentences made no sense what so ever. Also you used words incorrectly making sentences seem a bit confusing. I had to pull out my dictionary occasionally because some sentences made no sense. Some of them were simple mistakes like referring to Luhan as a girl a couple of times and awkward syntax as well. But I love how you tried to do description though some of the efforts were misplaced and confusing. But besides that amazing job!

Flow (9/10)

It flowed nicely for the most part, but occasionally when the awkward syntax broke in or confusing sentences appeared it got a bit off, but besides that great job.

Visual Things (15/15)

IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

 Ending (10/10)

Though the story was very cliché along with the ending, I thought it ended on a good note.

Extra Comments:

From a reader’s point of view, I feel you could’ve showcased Luhan just a bit more. Most fans want to read a story that is focused on their idol more so then a random girl character. I realize one of my stories focuses on the girl characters I made rather than the guys but because the plot requires it; but some fans don’t understand that and I don’t exactly care for if people love my stories or not. I want a plot in my stories, and I liked that about your story personally. It focused on plot rather than a pointless story focusing on an idol. I really liked that part. Even though I am as big a fan girl as the next I love a good author who focuses on plot more so then pleasing the readers. So you don’t need to work on that in my opinion, but you might want to jump out of your shell a bit more and go outside the creative box that most authors on here seem to be stuck in. I feel you have real potential to write an amazingly unique story. I wish you luck and sorry for the harsh criticism.

Total (67/100)

Irresponsible

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