“Chanyeol?”

I wail from my place on the ground, my arms rummaging through a mess of plastic and foil.

“Oh my God!” Kyungsoo yells, grabbing my arm, shaking it around wildly.

“Get up!”

I shake my head and grumble loudly, landing on my stomach as I continue to wail loudly, just adding a few more decibels of sound.

I’m quite convinced everyone’s up and awake by now.

“What happened?” Suho asks Kyungsoo.

“Don’t know. I was just going to grab a glass of water and I found him sobbing like a loony all over the floor.”

Ha ha, loony.

More accurate words could not have passed through Kyungsoo’s lips.

Thanks, brain.

“OH MY GOD HE ATE ALL THE CAKE!” Kai yells.

“WHAT?”

There are some grumpy growls from the rest of EXO, and I bash my head on the tiles repeatedly.

“What the hell is going on?” Kris yells.

“Chanyeol’s lost it.” Chen says, pointing.

I’m in a pile of cake. I dropped it on my way down to the ground and now it’s completely covering me from head to toe.

It’s in my hair, it’s in between my toes, squelching around awkwardly as I move.

“What the ?” Kris shouts, rushing over.

“LANGUAGE!”

Sehun and Luhan decide to make their appearance, Sehun carrying Luhan bridal style out into the hallway.

I realise Luhan is only in bed sheets.

Wonder what they were doing?

No, brain. Not necessary.

“So Chanyeol, why are you lying in a puddle of cake, ice cream, and foil wrappers from chocolate bars?” Kris asks.

I shrug.

“Baekhyun won’t talk to me.”

Kris rolls his eyes and picks me up, dragging me back up to Baekhyun and my shared bedroom.

He pushes me onto Baekhyun’s bed with a thud, and Baekhyun jumps up with wild eyes.

“Oh. It’s you Chanyeol.”

His voice is raspy and his breathing is rapid.

He wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me into him, crying.

He’s crying.

Again.

He’s been crying so much recently.

It’s like I woke him up from a nightmare.

“Baekhyun please tell me what is going on!” I mumble into his shoulder.

“I don’t think I can handle this for much longer…”

Baekhyun’s been unnaturally quiet for the whole week, ever since that incident.

That incident that is all my fault.

“I don’t know if I can tell you about it,” he mutters, glancing around the room.

Everyone’s standing either in our room or in the doorway awkwardly, watching on.

This room is not big enough for twelve people.

“What’s going on Baekhyun?” Suho asks. “You need to tell us now so we know what we should do to help.”

Baekhyun merely shakes his head and sobs into my shoulder. I hold onto him and look around the room, wide eyed.

“Guys, just leave him,” I finally choke out.

“But Chanyeol-” Sehun begins.

“No!” I exclaim.

However, Kai is quick to in.

“Baekhyun. You better at least tell Chanyeol. He’s a mess because of you, so stop ignoring him, OK? I don’t want a repeat of before. He’s had enough going on in his life before you.”

Baekhyun looks down, wrapping his fingers around mine.

I grimace.

Well, that was harsh.

“I’m alright Kai.” I tell him.

“You’re not,” he responds quickly.

“You ate all my cake!”

I mentally face-palm as I scowl at the younger teen.

That’s all he really cared about. That cake Kyungsoo baked for us all. Of course.

Of course.

“That cake was not solely yours!” Chen exclaims.

The pair gets into a fight about what item of food belongs to whom, and Xiumin joins in ranting about Baozi.

I can see them now, throwing a tantrum in the kitchen, food flying out of the refrigerator and all over the kitchen bench.

It’s already a mess in there because of me.

Everyone decides to take this as a cue to leave, instead deciding their time would best be spent sorting out the raging food trolls.

Kris gives me a glance and places his hand in Tao’s, shutting the door behind him as he’s the last to exit the room.

“Chanyeol, you need to stop blaming yourself,” he tells me.

I shake my head.

Once the door is closed, Baekhyun smashes his lips into mine, pushing me down on the bed underneath him. I gasp as he pulls away.

“You… you blamed yourself… for all of this?” he asks, repeating Kris’ words.

I think for a minute, nodding.

“It has to be my fault. You hardly talk anymore, Baekhyun. I don’t know what’s going on or what happened, but it’s been like this since I left you out there in the snow. It has to be my fault.”

Byun Baekhyun gives me a pained look.

He hasn’t brushed his hair or washed his face or traced his eyeliner on for days.

“Baekhyun, please. Will you forgive me? I don’t think I can stand this. You, not talking to me. It hurts more than anything.”

Baekhyun shakes his head at me.

“Park Chanyeol, it was never your fault,” Baekhyun begins.

“You… Park Chanyeol. I love you. God knows I’ve tried to forget everything… I… I just don’t really want to talk about it. I don’t think I’d be able to live if you knew. I don’t think you’d accept me or love me anymore…”

I blink.

Me. Not love Byun Baekhyun?

Honestly, the thought had never crossed my mind.

“Baekhyun, you can tell me anything. I love you and I’m never going to stop loving you,” I assert.

“Tell me. It hurts me not knowing why.”

Baekhyun sits in silence for a few minutes, attempting to calm his breathing but failing miserably.

“I… Chanyeol… I’m not as perfect as you think.”

I throw him a quizzical glance, and he looks down at the ground, his eyes tracing the pattern of the floorboards intently.

“I’m not… I’m not pure, Chanyeol. I’m not chaste, I’m not virtuous. I’m squalid and disgusting, and I’m not good enough for you.”

He pushes away from me and rushes out the door.

“Baekhyun!” I holler after him.

But he’s already gone.