Seriously, I always like mom. I mean, I always likes the way she thinks, her plans, her words. I adore her for life but not this time. It's obvious that she has been influenced by those other stupid elders. Why would mom want me to be with Seunghyun? I feel like doing . Okay, he is like a brother to me. 

What's gotten into me? I mean, I feel so mad at mom. I've never been so mad at her before. I'm so sick of this life. Like I've told you all thousand times, I hate being wealthy. I hate the fact that I am not ordinary. After meeting up with Seunghyun, I'm sure we're all now in trouble. I told Mrs. Lee that I can't be Chaerin's tutor anymore. I just can't. I think I really need to stop seeing her, I don't even know what to do after this. I don't know what to do with my relationship with her, I mean, we all know from the start that we have no future.

It surprises me when Chaerin did nothing to fight for me, for us. She is not doing anything. I thought she was going to rumble and mess with my office, yelling out of blue because she is too mad after what I did to her, leaving her. But nothing happened. 

It's been 2 months and two weeks already. I haven't seen her for that long. I can only say that I miss her so much, but it also relieves me that I don't have to see her because its gonna tear me off even more. I love her, and I shouldn't have.

Sometimes I ditches about Chaerin when I'm having family conversation with mom. She says Chaerin is secured at home, not able to go out after final exam, after she graduates from college. She also has got new tutor, his future husband a.k.a Kim Jaejoong. I wonder what it would be like. I can only giggle bitterly by myself imagining them studying together. I'm surprised Chaerin's house hasn't burned down yet. 

"You daydreaming again." 

I blinked up and realized that I've been starring at my coffee, and it looks gross and cold already. Seunghyun is looking at me sternly, and his eyes are suspecting something. Indeed, he is that kind of person. I'm pretty sure he knows something is bothering my mind and soul.

"You look lost every time you see me. I know I'm boring and this blind date is super absurd but at least, pretend to be lightened, would you?" 

I smiled briefly at his words, "Sorry. Lots of works."

"No it's not work."

"What?"

Seunghyun gulped his last drop of coffee and moved his body forward, then he continues his stern stare straight to my eyes. I'm nervous about this, does he perhaps smell something about me and my problem? I mean, about me and Chaerin?

"It's a week before Chaerin's final exam. You're worried about her, aren't you?" 

Gulp! Holly why is he asking that? Why brings up Chaerin all of sudden? He really has the best intuition.

I grinned and awkwardly scratch my not so itchy forehead, "Yeah actually. I'm a little bit worried because…"

"Don't worry, Jaejoong and me do a pretty good job on teaching her. Jeez, that girl is really a hardcore stupid ." he babbled. 

"Sorry?"

Seunghyun looked at me again and he chuckled, "Yeah me and Jaejoong have been teaching her since you quit that girl…" he pauses. He narrowed his eyes and bit his bottom lip. I ducked my head slightly, why am I so nervous?

"You love her, don't you?"

"Eh?" yep I'm still denying the fact that Seunghyun knows it. He knows it. Of course he knows. He has been teaching Chaerin, that girl probably had blurted out all about us and okay, Seunghyun is Jaejoong's closest brother. They share everything. Jaejoong might be trustworthy but I think he also considers his baby brother also trustworthy. You know what I'm saying….

Seunghyun smiled, showing me those clean and white teeth, "Come on, Dara. I know what's happening between you guys." 

"How do you know?"

He cocked his head to one side and winked at me, "Chaerin talks, more than much when she is drunk, and Jaejoong, he always let secrets slips away from his mouth because he talks to me almost about everything." 

"Damn." I muttered.

Seunghyun chuckled and placed his hand on mine on the table, "You could see her if you want. I could bring you to her house, she would be thrilled to see you." he murmured.

My heart skipped a beat when he said that. I'm tempted with the offer. "I don't think she would. She doesn't sound like she wants to see me."

"She wants to see you. Trust me she misses you more than you do."

"But she never comes to me."

"She is scared."

"Of what?"

"Of everything." Seunghyun sighed.

His gazes turned fuzzy and he is starring at his empty coffee mug. "They're going to fast forward Chaerin and Jaejoong's engagement…" 

Seunghyun sighed once again before he turns at me, "If I were you, I would fight until the end." 

"Why is that?"

"Coz it's worth it." 

He glanced at me and smiled playfully, "It's okay, Dara. I won't tell anyone. I have to go now…umm…" he stood up and slipped his hand into his skinny jeans' pocket. Then a small orange envelope appeared, he passed it to me. I took it hesitantly, not sure what it is. "It's from Chaerin." he murmured. 

Seunghyun turned away and left me after paying the bill. I stared at this sweet orange envelope for a moment before gaining my strength to open it. There's only a piece of paper inside it, folded twice. I unfolded it, there's only one sentence.

'I want you to come to my graduation ceremony. Please.' 

I closed my eyes for a sec. It's next month. It means, I still have to wait for a month to see her. I don't want to see her, but I miss her. And actually I'm glad she wrote this for me, although it's a bit sad that we're chained with this stupid forbidden love thing. I feel like crying now. why should I cry? and why should I love her? 

I'm a .

***

D-day

I rushed out from my car, not even parked it well. I'm, one hour and twenty minutes late. The graduation ceremony must have finished by this time. This is because of my lacking of choosing the right decision.

I was attending a meeting, not focusing at all, just daydreaming and busy with my thoughts, and even after I was ten minutes late, I still hadn't made up my mind. When the meeting was finished, there I was, panicked. 

I think it's pointless to check up the hall because the event has already finished. Students are all spreading all over the buildings, and I'm roaming around, contemplating and all nervous. I haven't even found Chaerin yet and I'm already ing nervous. 

I stop by the garden, there are a lot of hot girls here, maybe there's a big chance that Chaerin is here. I stepped on the grass, looking for her, looking at those girls' face one by one. 

My eyes caught a tall and skinny blonde girl who is taking picture with a brunette with huge s. I guess she is one of the stupid Casanova admirer. I think I'm smiling like an idiot seeing Chaerin, well, I hope nobody notices. 

I'm startled when someone appeared right in front of my face, those brown eyes, eyelashes and thick make up remind me of…. oh, that's Mrs. Lee. I blinked up and moved backward to keep the distant between us because she is way too close. She is starring at me sternly, different from usual, she looks like resisting something, or keeping something, I don't know. She just looks different.

"Hello, Mrs. Lee" I bowed.

She smiled uneasily at me. Oh my God this is awkward.

"Are you going to see Chaerin?" she asked.

I smiled, "Yes. I want to congratulate her." 

"No need." she cut me off quickly and firmly. She stepped closer to me, I can smell her expensive perfume scent. My heart rate increase gradually, and I feel tension here. What is she implying?

"I don't want you to come and see her. I know what's going on between you two…." she gulped and starred at me again, now she looks upset, "I'm so disappointed. You disappoint me, Dara. I thought you were better than this."

"What are you saying?" I am still pretending not to get what she is saying. Damn, I get it. I'm smart, so smart. I get what she is saying. She knows. She knows that me and Chaerin love each other, and she knows we are more than tutor and student or relatives relationship. She knows that we're secretly dating.

"Please, I want my daughter to have a bright future. Now that she has graduated, you have to know how relieve and proud I am. It's not like I don't wanna be thankful to you, but, this is my only daughter. She is all I got. I don't want her to be ruined. I know you're mature enough to understand this, right?" 

She is a little bit shaking because of the amount of tears she is holding. Damn, she still looks so fierce and tough even though she looks like about to cry. 

My heart rate is decreasing slowly and surely, I'm so ashamed. 

"Dara, please, let my daughter be a better person. I'm sure your mom won't like it too if she knows about this. I won't tell her, but you have to do what you're supposed to do. Stay away from Chaerin." she said firmly, and then she, and her two bodyguards are leaving the garden. 

I'm frozen on my spot for a while. My eyes are starring at someone who is 5 meters from me, she is too busy to realize that I'm here, too busy doing her last services for her fans, or maybe exes. She is Casanova . She is Lee Chaerin, who only plays around. She is a kid. I'm an adult. Mrs. Lee was right. I should act like a mature. 

Why am I here? Why am I contemplating and thinking about a piece of paper with note on it which is wrapped by a stupid childish envelope? Why am I liking this ? Why? 

I turned away from the garden, walking toward somewhere, somewhere quiet and empty. And my feet bring me to this place. The boxing room. I decided to enter the room, the door is unlocked. 

My stupid tears are dropping out of my stupid eyes. I hate the fact that I'm crying. It makes me feel so weak. My chest really hurts. I feel like there's something keep hitting on my chest, destroying my lung and stabbing my heart. I'm hurt. 

I'm standing right in front of the boxing ring, facing the stage, crying like an idiot. This place saves many memories of me and Chaerin. 

I should leave her. I can't be with her. This is stupid. I'm trapped into her game, her childish game. Now I'm trapped, not only trapped by her game, but also her troubles, her problems, and everything becomes bigger. The problem I'm having is much more bigger than I thought. 

First, being in love with C