It was dark in the room as someone was struggling to sleep. He tossed and turned, trying to find any comfort in his bed. He sighed, frustrated, and sat up. He turned to his clock on his nightstand as the time changed.

0330

He grabbed his phone, opening it up to see a face that would forever he engraved in his heart, mind and soul. "Happy 3rd anniversary." he mumbled to himself as he felt his tears roll down his cheek. "You remembered it as yours and Ricky's anniversary, but it's ours, Yun."

He bitterly smiled as he remembered the first time he saw her on that rainy day then the day that they had silently confessed to each other. They never did say how they felt most of the time because the other would always know. "But I guess that was my first mistake; I never really said that I love you." 

He climbed out of bed and walked over to his closet. He took out a medium size box from the top shelf and blew the dust off of it. Sitting on the floor, he opened the box to see all their stuff from when they were together. After telling her that she was Ricky's girlfriend, he went to her house and took everything that had him in it. He meant to throw them away, but his heart didn't let him. 

Niel took out the small box and opened it to see the bear pendent that he had given her. He reached up and wiped the tears on his face as he remember how she had always had this around her neck and she only took it off whenever she was in water. 

He closed the box and put it back in then reached for a wooden box. His fingers slightly trembled as he opened it to see the two silver rings glistening in the moonlight. He got these after he was released from the hospital and he had planned on giving it to her when she woke up, but that never happened.

He took out his ring and placed it on left ring finger then pulled out the other and looked at what he had engraved on the inside. I'll love you forever. "Forever." he mumbled as he placed the two rings back in the box.

Niel was about to close the big box, but his eyes caught sight of a picture of them together. It was late at night when the picture was taken, but the area was lit up with Christmas lights. They were seated at a table outside in the middle of winter, but that didn't matter so much to them then. A long cream scarf was around both of their necks, keeping them close and they had their arms around each other. She was looking at the camera, her cheeks pink, and he was looking at her with such a loving expression.

He placed the photo back in and closed the box. However, instead of putting it back in the closet, he walked over to his garage. He held the box over it and was ready to throw it all away... but he couldn't. He felt his heart clenched in pain at the thought of forever disposing these precious things.

Angered at himself, he threw the box against the wall and all the contents fell out, littering his floor. He dropped on his knees as he clenched his shirt over his heart. "Why...? Why can't I let you go!?" he shouted as he hit the floor beneath him. 

Images from the night of the ball flashed in his mind. He remembered how he was able to hold her in his arms again; able to be by her side for a while without mentioning his dongsaeng, able to feel her lips against his. The moment he kissed her, everything felt right again in his world because at that moment... she was his.

Since that night, he tried to busy himself with work, but she kept distracting him and he wasn't able to concentrate on anything the last few months. He had to apologize to fans for making them worry about him, but he couldn't tell them the real reason that he was so off. He knew better than to ruin the reputation she worked hard to earn by saying anything.

What could he do at this point?

She really does love Ricky and he's pretty sure that she has no more room in there for him, but he can't move on no matter how hard he tries. Yes, he was almost caught in two scandals because of this, but he could never give it his all to like the person back. 

He sighed as he crawled back into his bed, but he knew that he wasn't going to be able to sleep at all that night.


There was a knock on the door, but Niel didn't make an effort to answer it. Instead, he just glanced at the time again. 

0713

"Daniel? Are you up?" he heard Chunji asked.

"I'm not feeling too well, hyung." he mumbled. He heard his footsteps come closer to him then felt a hand on his forehead. 

"You have a slight fever." frowned Chunji. "I'll tell hyung about this; we don't have much of a schedule today so just stay at home and rest up, okay?"

Niel nodded and Chunji left the room. Again, the younger boy sighed. 'Can I get through this day?' he thought.