That night they had to drag me away with force from the hospital, I wanted to stay with him. But there was no use in that. He wouldn’t wake up. Heechul was really dead now. He had left this earth, he had left me. I was no more going to look into his beautiful brown eyes, I was no more going to hear his laugh, I was no more going to see his breathtaking smile. I was no more going to be loved by him. I was simply no more ever going to see him again. It hurt so much. It was like someone had ripped my heart out of its place. And I just wanted to die. I wanted to go after Heechul.

Gabbi, Hongki and Donghae had taken me back to Hongki’s apartment. When we got there I immediately went to one of the guest rooms and threw myself on the bed, crying. It felt like I was never going to run out of tears. But then I felt how someone sat down next to me on the bed, that person started my back, trying to calm me down. It was Donghae... he stayed with me the whole night holding me. And I knew that it wasn’t only me that was broken and they made me even sadder

The next morning the door to the room opened and in came Heechul’s mom. I was awake but Donghae was lying behind me still holding me, and sleeping. It showed that she had cry too and when she met eyes with me tears started to roll down her cheeks. And I started crying as well

“He really loved you” she whispered to me and I tried to sob quietly to not wake Donghae up, he’d also had a rough day “We’re burying him in Korea, in Seoul, we’re going tomorrow” she then started and I nodded, I had been expecting that “He had written a will you know” she then said and I looked at her wonderingly

“He wants you to go to his apartment and go through all of his stuff and see what you want... you can have everything if you want to, or nothing, but some things he have written that you have to have” she told me and I felt my stomach twist of the thought of going into his apartment, so many memories

“Such as?” I wondered and then she handed me a piece of paper

“He made a list of the things that you have to take” she explained and I nodded “Read it, get yourself ready, take your time and then go to his apartment, not alone though” she said to me and then she kissed my forehead and started leaving the room, she stopped in the door and turned to look at me

“Melissa, I know that it might seem impossible right now that you’ll ever be able to love anyone else but that guy in whose arms you’re lying in is a keeper, don’t ever take him for granted” she said and then she left, Heechul’s mom had indirectly told me to love someone that wasn’t her son... then I remembered the list and unfolded the piece of paper and read it

Hi jagiya, I know that if I don’t write this then you probably won’t keep anything and there is some stuff that I actually want you to have, so here it goes:

1. The grand piano
2. All my songs (recording and lyrics)
3. All the photo albums
4. My diary

His diary.... he was right I wouldn’t take any stuff from his apartment if he hadn’t told me in his will to do so... But I guess I had to... but I was going to put them in a box and hide them till I was ready. I couldn’t hide the piano though, so I don’t know what to do with that... I turned around in Donghae’s arms so that I would be facing him; he didn’t wake up so I carefully caressed his cheek. I love Donghae, I do, but now wasn’t the time for us.

“Donghae” I whispered and moved closer to him “Donghae oppa” I said again and then slowly his eyelids opened revealing his deep brown eyes. He tightened the hold he had on me and kissed my forehead

“Good morning” he mumbled and I looked straight into his eyes, he would do it for me, Donghae was a good guy, he would want to be on my side but I couldn’t have him there, it would just hurt him

“Donghae can you do something for me?” I questioned him

“Of course, what is it?” he wondered and tilted his head

“Heechul’s mom asked me to go to his apartment and go through all of his stuff; they’re going back to Korea tomorrow. The funeral will be in the end of the week.  “I told him and he nodded

“I’ll go with you” he said but I shook my head

“No, not you” I started and he looked at me confused “Siwon, can you ask if Siwon wants to go with me?” I wondered, he looked a bit surprised but then he nodded

“I’ll ask him” he told me and I tried to smile at him, but I’m sure it fooled no one

“I don’t want you to see me in that state” I explained to him even though he hadn’t asked for an explanation

“I understand”

“I’ll go and get ready” I told him and got up from the bed and then I took some clothes and went to the bathroom. While the water poured down and into the bathtub I started to cry. Not going to lie. I was never going to get ready for Heechul anymore. He was never going to be waiting for me in bed anymore. The thoughts felt like a stab in my heart. Just as I was going to get undressed I changed my mind and simply got into the water with my clothes on. It was an uncomfortable feeling when my clothes stuck to my skin, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything anymore. Heechul was gone, why should I? I slowly sunk myself down in the water. My tears mixed with the water when it hit my face. I closed my eyes. Good bye... Heechul I’m coming....

Donghae’s POV

“Good morning Donghae” Gabbi greeted me when I entered the kitchen; she was sitting by the kitchen table with Hongki their best friend, Ryeowook, Shindong and Kangin. Eunhyuk, Siwon, Kyuhyun and Leeteuk were sitting on the sofa watching TV.  Yesung and Sungmin were lying on the floor as well watching TV

“Good morning” I said and sat myself down next to Gabbi

“Where’s Melissa?” she wondered

“In the bathroom, she was going to take a bath” I informed her and she nodded “Siwon” I called out and he turned around to face me

“Yeah?”

“Melissa is going to Heechul’s apartment later today to go through his stuff and she wanted you to go with her” I said to him and he looked at me surprised

“Me?” he wondered and I nodded

“Yes, she didn’t want me to see her like that” I explained

“Oh...”

“Hyung...” Kyuhyun then said but stopped himself, he looked very thoughtful “You said that she was taking a bath, yeah?” he wondered and I nodded “If I were you I’d go and check on her” he said and I knew exactly what he meant so I flew up from my chair and ran to her room. I started knocking frantically on the bathroom door

“Melissa, how’s it going in there?” no answer “Melissa answer me!” still no answer “God Melissa, please answer me!” I was desperate by now. The door was locked so I had to break it down. I stepped away from it and with all my force kicked it, several times and within a minute the door broke. I put it aside and hurried into the bathroom. I gasped and felt my heart break. Melissa was lying in the tub with her head under the water, lifeless. I ran up to her and pulled up her body and put her down on the bathroom floor. I checked her pulse, she had none, she wasn’t breathing

“! Melissa don’t do this to me!” I cried out, my eyes started to get filled with tears, she couldn’t die too! I had to act fast, I could save her! So I tilted her head and started giving to mouth and pump her heart. I kept doing that for about ten minutes but nothing. “GOD, JUST WAKE UP!” I yelled and in the next second she let out a weird noise, like a cough. She probably had a lot of water in her. I pulled her up to and embrace and lent her head on my chest. She kept coughing but she was alive: I had managed to save her. In the next second everybody were around us, looking panicked

“Donghae what happened?” Gabbi asked me and kneeled down beside me

“She tried to drown herself” I informed her and she gasped “But I saved her” I continued, Gabbi started crying and Hongki went down next to her and wrapped his arms around her trying to calm her down. Siwon went up to me and put a hand on my shoulder

“We should take her to the hospital” he said and I nodded

“Are anyone of you related to Miss Melissa Poynter?” we all stood up when he entered the waiting room asking his question

“I’m her best friend” Gabbi said to him but he shook his head

“I’m sorry I need someone that is even closer to her, we can’t give out information to just anyone” he replied her and her face twisted, none of us were related to her

“I’m her fiancé” I then said and everybody stared at me, but Gabbi nodded; now we would get information

“Oh, then you can come with me and we can talk about Miss Poynter’s situation” he said and I nodded, before going after him Gabbi went up to me

“Don’t tell him she tried to kill herself” she told me

“I won’t” I assured her and hurried after the doctor.

He led me to a small room with just a desk and two chairs. I sat down on one of them and the doctor was in front of me behind his desk. He looked at me concerned and then he grabbed a pen and a piece of paper

“I’m Doctor James Fletcher by the way” he told me and I smiled at him weakly

“Lee Donghae” I replied “How is she?” I continued, I was dying not to know

“She’s sleeping now, she’s very exhausted but she will be fine in the morning” he told me and I let out a sigh in relieve

“Mr Lee, what happened to her exactly?” he then asked me and I had in mind what Gabbi said to me, I couldn’t tell him that she was trying o kill herself

“She was going to take a bath and must have fallen asleep, I remember that she complained before going in that she was very tired” I told him and he nodded

“So you wouldn’t have any reason to believe that she did it on purpose?” he asked and I shook my head

“No I don’t” I said

“Good and as I said she will be out tomorrow” he said and then I came to think about something

“Around what time? We’re actually flying back home to South Korea tomorrow, do you think that she could handle that?” I asked him

“Well around noon I would believe and I don’t see why she wouldn’t be able to fly” he told me and I smiled thankfully

“Great... can I see her?” I wondered and he smiled and nodded

“Of course, just follow me” he stood up and exited the room and I followed him to where Melissa was “Don’t be too long” he warned me, I bowed and entered the room. She was lying on a bed sleeping. To my relief she didn’t have all kinds of tubes and wires connected to her. I sat down on a chair next to her bed and took her right hand in mine, she was still sleeping. It hurt so much to see her at the hospital. It hurt so much that she wanted to end her life. I started crying again and all of a sudden I felt her lightly squeezing my hand. I lift up my head and saw her observing me, pain was written all over her face

“You saved me” she whispered and I nodded “Why? I wanted to die” she continued making me cry even more

“Because I love you, because I can’t live without you, that’s why! You should know how it feels to not being able to live without someone. You know exactly how I would feel if you died!” I told her raising my voice by every word

“Donghae please don’t love me! I don’t want you to love me! Can’t you see that I’m only hurting you!? You’re freaking close to perfect! You could have any girl and you choose to love a crazy like me! Can’t you see that I don’t deserve you whatsoever!? You’re way too good for me and you’re just going to hurt yourself loving me cuz I’m an idiot! And you don’t deserve to get hurt, you’re freaking one of the most amazing guys that I’ve ever met!” she cried out, her words pained me; she didn’t think that she deserved me that I was too good for her. That was crazy...

“Can’t you understand that I don’t care about that!? Yes I could probably have any girl but I don’t care because I want YOU! You know why!? Because you make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me feel like I never thought I’d ever feel. You just make me pretty damn happy! I love you, is that so hard to understand? I love you whatever you say about yourself, so just be quiet, please? And try to understand that I won’t leave in the first place” I told her, she was sobbing loudly

“What kind of angelic deed did I commit to deserve to be loved by you?” she asked through her sobs. I went up to sit on the edge of her bed and embraced her; she clung onto my shirt and cried into my chest

“I know what kind of angelic deed you commit” I told her and her back, she looked up at me wonderingly “You were just being yourself which is an angel” I continued and she smiled at me weakly through her tears

“No you are an angel Donghae” she said and buried her face in my chest

“Please live for me”

“I’ll try”

“Good, that’s all I’m asking for, and I won’t leave your side, I’ll always be there for you, no matter what”

“You’re crazy; I don’t understand how you endure. I’m in this state because of Heechul and yet you’re here telling me you love me”

“Well, love makes you do crazy things” I told her and kissed her hair, she sighed and eventually she fell asleep again but this time in my arms

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Whoa so sad.... everytime I write on this story I cry! School starts thursday.... I DON'T WANNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you liked this chapter :) Comment and subscribe if you did :) and to all my reader, silent ones, new and old: I LOVE YOU ALL<3<3<3<3