Human Junsu wrung his fingers together as he attempted not to notice the stare against his face. He had been receiving these stares since the beginning of the year and they had always been just as intense, if not worse.  It frightened him to no end to think that someone disliked him to the extent where they blatantly glared at him each and every day. He kept his head lowered to his notebook that had a name scrawled all over its inner cover, leaving no place untouched. His head leaned in closer to cover the page, as if it was sacred to him. To try and dissuade his anxious emotions, Junsu opted for writing the name again, the thought alone being enough to lighten his mood. Picking up his favorite pen, Junsu began to write the unknown’s name all across the almost indistinguishable page, finding peace when his hand stopped moving. He felt his lips curve into a contagious smile, his eyes turning down into little crescents to join his mouth. His heart felt pure and warm with the sensation that unconditional “like” brought. Then Kim Junsu made the mistake of raising his head, his eyes locking with Taecyeon’s, before his heart fell into relapse and his lips fell along with his head. He tuned into a nearby conversation his friends Junho and Chansung were holding over which season they felt better represented each other. Junho spouted on and on about how Chansung was obviously summer because he was naturally warm and annoying while Chansung rebutted with Junho being spring because nobody likes Spring.

“What about you Hyung?” Junho asked Junsu, gaining his attention and making him spend a moment on thinking. What season could he call himself? Not Spring, he felt the growth of nature was too beautiful to represent himself. Summer? No, Summer was a time of rejuvenation and renewal. That meant overcoming past flaws and coming into one’s self, which Junsu felt himself unable to do. Winter was just too cold.

“Autumn,” Junsu spoke with his soft voice quivering slightly.

“But why? Everything dies?”

“Death isn’t always a bad thing. It could be the death of a bad habit or of something negative. But I meant it as something that’s unfinished and unattainable. Autumn is when the leaves fall from the trees as shriveled up crumbs of what they used to be, it’s when you can still feel the warmth of summer, but it slowly fades away to welcome the cold. I guess I’m just stuck in the middle of what I want to be and what I used to be.” Junho and Chansung shook their head at his thinking and began another conversation, completely excluding their friend. Junsu felt his smile return, having helped himself figure something else out. He was stuck, still liking a single soul, yet unable to accept it. He felt strange even thinking of this so-called “like”, because deep down he knows it will fade away to nothing, just like the leaves of a tree in the dead of winter. Still, the name etched in his notebook meant something to him, no matter how much he didn’t understand or care.

Junsu is boy of few words when he’s shy or scared, so he had no will to finally confront the always glowering male situated on the opposite side of the classroom. He tries to think of what Taecyeon has against him, why him of all people when there are plenty of other people out there to dislike. Junsu is a quiet, reserved male that over thinks and overanalyzes situations because it’s his nature. He hates being in the spotlight and hates being unaware of things even more. He has a feeling in his stomach that Taecyeon does have a reason for always looking at him, but with the possibilities being endless and towering, he can’t jump to easy conclusions.

“Maybe there’s something on my face?” It was a childish notion, Junsu was aware of it, and it caused him to smile at the thought. Maybe he just doesn’t like him?

“But what isn’t there to like about me?” Junsu sighed, staring at his paper without truly seeing, and trying to stop thinking about Taecyeon. His cheeks flushed as he failed in his quest to stop the thoughts revolving around in his head. Truth be told, no matter how frightening Taecyeon was, no matter how intimidating he looked to the eye, and no matter how much he was affected by his insistent staring, Junsu couldn’t help but like him, more then he wanted to. If it wasn’t for how small Junsu felt in comparison to him, and the fact that Taecyeon was in an entirely different solar system apart from his, Junsu could easily allow himself to fall in love with someone so perfect, but Junsu isn’t so shallow.

Love isn’t something you can receive just by looking at someone, it is a feeling that deserves to be earned through time. Time Junsu wished he was unwilling to take. The class ended all too quickly for Junsu and as he packed his things, he thought how boring home would be. He wouldn’t be able to be in the same room as Taecyeon, or Junho and Chansung. Junsu has been told more often than not that his facial expressions were the easiest way to understanding his thoughts, and as the frown made itself present in his features, he missed the saddened look Taecyeon gave him before he left. When Junsu was alone, he likes to sing. This day was no exception, and all across the empty halls, a sweet voice could be heard, singing of time.

“I get lost in the seconds as the minutes pass by
And you still won't believe me,
but they're the days I felt alive
Two more years left of waiting before I let this one go
But I'm stuck on the seconds and the time it takes to grow.”

The song may not of had any literal meaning towards what he felt, but Junsu liked to think that only time and growth would allow him to understand himself.

It’s a bit shorter than I would have liked and if it's too confusing I'll rewrite it completely :/, and I’m really sorry for it, but Junsu’s a mess in my brain and portraying him just right was a real pain, Lol. Here’s the summary of what this meant, and can you guess whose name is written in Junsu’s notebook? I tried to not make it so obvious, but it might have been, Lol. ^^

Junsu is a shy person that calls himself Autumn because of his inability to understand what he himself feels. He says he “likes” someone but at the same time he doesn’t. His mind works too much for him to really pay attention to his feelings and evaluate them. He doesn’t like using the word love because in a sense he doesn’t believe in it, though he can’t deny he feels something for Taecyeon, no matter how small. We can just say he’s like a shy, teenage girl, because honestly, haven’t we all had these bouts of emotion that’s just left us confused upside down and right side up before ? I know I have.

Also I’d like to add that the talk of seasons will be significant later on in the story, however long this will be. :)

Thanks for reading.

@SweetSuicide92, I’ve actually always been a Khunyoung fan, and I wanted to write about a different couple. I’ve come to really like Taecsu, so I wanted to try writing about it. Thank you for liking my idea, it was just on a whim, Lol.
 

@Addicted-2U , :) I really appreciate your comment! I like writing random things outside of the box a lot of the time. Your welcome for the update. Thank you for reading it!
 

@Meyochan, Yay! Thank you for no longer being silent. I love talking to my commenter’s!