Siwon

He was shaken awake gently and it took him a few seconds to reorient himself in the back of the car. He smiled as he wound the smooth tresses of Kyuhyun’s hair through his fingers, and he paused hesitantly when he remembered who had woken him. He hoped she wasn’t paying too much attention. He was afraid of how Ara would react to his affection towards the younger boy. Despite how wonderful she seemed, Siwon knew the world wasn’t always fair and frankly, he wasn’t even sure how to react himself yet.

He was confused and worried about what he was feeling. He hadn’t had a lot of time to himself to think about his new-found feelings for Kyuhyun. He was scared about what would happen when he did, but right at that moment, sitting in the back of an unfamiliar car with Kyuhyun’s head cradled on his lap, there was nothing else he wanted. He felt like the Grinch after seeing the Whos celebrate Christmas with no presents. His heart was overflowing and he couldn’t explain it. The only answer to all of his questions was the angel in his arms.

“Can you help me get him into the house?” Ara asked sweetly as she giddily watched Siwon’s fingers move through her brother’s hair.

“Huh?” He muttered as he tried to pull his thoughts away from Kyuhyun. “Oh, um yes, of course.”

He pulled his fingers out of Kyuhyun’s hair and gently gathered the boy in his arms again. He slid out from the car and stood, stretching his tired legs. He rocked the boy in his arms and rubbed his back softly when he stirred in his sleep.

The younger boy let out a small sigh; “Siwon.”

Siwon froze for a second and tilted his head towards the boy.

“Kyu?” he questioned quietly.

His heart thumped painfully against his chest as he waited for a response.

“…Siwon.” The boy turned his head into Siwon’s chest and breathed out against him.

Siwon released his breath when he realized the boy was talking in his sleep. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been holding his breath, but he suddenly felt extremely light-headed. Or maybe it was the way the way Kyuhyun breathily whispered his name. Siwon figured it was the later of the two, mostly because of the more-than-slightly sensual images flashing through his head as he replayed the sweet sound of Kyuhyun breathing out his name.

He shook his head and tried to erase the thoughts from his head. No, not good. Stop thinking that. Crap. Images of Kyuhyun’s body against his played at the front of his mind and the boy whispered his name longingly in his ear.

“Ah” He gasped and jumped a bit, though careful not to jostle the sleeping boy, when Ara grabbed his arm.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. Are you alright? I just thought it would be easier to bring you up to the house this way.” She apologized, worried about the startled response. “You could follow my voice,” she said in more of a question than a clear statement.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, it’s fine.” He cleared his throat and pushed the thoughts from his mind. "I was just distracted. Here.”

He shifted his weight towards Ara and smiled reassuringly towards her. She grabbed his arm again and started to walk him toward their building.

“I’m sorry about this Siwon. Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do this.”

“Yes I did” he smiled and laughed a bit. He bit his lip and started again. “I hope this doesn’t sound too weird or creepy, but well, it’s just that he’s…” he stopped for a while unsure of how to phrase the rest of his thoughts.

“Nevermind” he blurted out quickly before he could say something stupid… something more stupid.

“He’s… what?” She asked curiously. Siwon could hear a playful jaunt in her question. He could tell she was smiling and he started to feel a little a bit queasy.

“What?” She repeated, holding out the ‘a’ vowel like a child begging for more ice cream.

Siwon turned a deep shade of red as he turned to answer her.

“It’s just that he’s… he’s important… to me.” He sputtered nervously. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so anxious and he wasn’t sure what had gotten into him.

Ara paused and Siwon heard the distinct sounds of the elevator arriving at the bottom floor. He gulped and waited for Kyuhyun’s sister to question him or tell him to stay away from her brother. She gently pulled him in to the elevator and pushed the button to the fourth floor. She smiled and forced herself not squeal, trying to hide her glee from the gorgeous older boy holding her baby brother. Siwon started babbling to try and explain himself. He was terrified about her reaction, and as she still hadn’t responded, he felt it necessary to start talking before she got upset.

“I mean I know we just met and all and I’ve only talked to him a few times, and well he didn’t really seem to like me all that much though it sorta seemed like he was enjoying his sarcastic banter with me or something, it was almost sweet really. Um, Not sweet, I mean, I just… I’ve always loved the library and I bumped into him… literally and I think we just got off on the wrong foot. I hope you don’t think I’m a freak, I mean it’s not every day that some random guy tells you your brother is important to him, and well I’m blind and I’m well aware of the connotations and stigmas that go along with my disability and I know a lot of people feel uncomfortable and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or you uncomfortable.”  

“Siwon” she tried to interrupt him and failed.

He continued on as if she hadn’t said anything at all and continued blabbering without pausing for a breath.

“And I, I really don’t want you to feel uncomfortable he must really love you, you seem like such a wonderful sister. I hope Kyu is okay… Kyuhyun… and I hope that I helped I just wanted to help; maybe I should have talked to you more before I went and got him. What happened to him? Wait that’s none of my business, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to pry really I…”

“SIWON” she yelled, though not angrily. In fact, she laughed.

The elevator stopped and she brought him out while she continued laughing.

“Siwon,” she started again as she walked him toward the apartment. “First of all, you don’t make me feel uncomfortable.”

She giggled and patted Siwon’s arm as she opened the door to the apartment. “Come on in” she smiled widely as the boy carried Kyuhyun across the threshold, ‘so-to-speak.’

“Second,” she continued as she brought Siwon in to the living area,“he’s important to me too. He’s a little rough around the edges, but he’s the sweetest person you’ll ever meet. Cross my heart. It’s good to know that he can’t fool everyone with that angry façade. It’s been hard for him ever since our parents died. He’s afraid of the dark because of the accident that took them from us. He doesn’t like me to tell people about it, but I know he would tell you if you asked him… Well, if you asked him very nicely” she joked

“I’m so sorry… About your parents, I had no idea.” Siwon rubbed the boy’s back and grimaced at the thought of Kyuhyun and Ara all alone.

“It was a long time ago and you didn’t know,” she replied gently. Siwon relaxed as Ara released his arm and placed her hand on Kyuhyun’s forehead, but she sighed with clear worry in her voice and Siwon’s entire body tensed up again.

“What? What’s wrong, should I put him down somewhere, is he okay?” he asked, scared of the possibilities that he couldn’t see.

She comfortingly rubbed his shoulder and smiled yet again; Siwon had that effect on people. She walked Siwon to Kyuhyun’s bedroom and tried to explain without causing her brother’s savior any more distress.

“Don’t worry too much. It’s alright; it’s just that he’s still warmer than usual. He always gets so sick when this happens, not that it happens all that often. Here, you can put him down in his bed. Let me pull back the sheets.”

She guided his arms towards the bed and left to grab extra blankets. “I’ll be right back Siwonnie”

Siwon’s heart warmed at Ara’s unexpected nickname, but the warmth faded and was replaced by worry as he slowly knelt down beside the bed with Kyuhyun still protectively in his grasp. He shifted the younger boy from his arms and gently rested his head on the pillow at the top of the mattress. He carefully removed Kyuhyun’s shoes and pulled the sheets gently around the boy’s small frame. As he reached up to Kyuhyun’s face and unwrapped the scarf around the boy’s long neck, his fingers grazed the boy’s soft skin. It felt unusually warm and Siwon frowned.

“Please be okay Kyu” he whispered gently as he moved his face closer to Kyuhyun’s.

He paused for a moment before pressing his lips softly to the younger boy’s forehead. He lingered for a second before pulling back and tucking the hair behind Kyuyhyun’s ears.

“Please.”

He got up quickly as Ara walked back into the room. She had been standing at the door for just long enough to see Siwon’s sweet display of affection and her eyes had started to water.

“Here.” She handed a few blankets to Siwon and wiped her eyes. “Oh and I’m sorry about the nickname. It’s a bad habit of mine. I seem to nickname everyone”

“I like it” he replied grinning as he gently placed the blankets over Kyuhyun and subtly brushed the back of his hand across the boy’s cheek.

Then he stepped back, stood still and prayed. He prayed with his whole heart and he shivered slightly from the fear of the unknown. Ara grabbed Siwon’s wrist and pulled him out of the bedroom. She closed the door and walked him to the couch.

“Can I get you anything? Drink?” She asked.

Siwon sat down on the couch. He tapped his feet nervously and wrung his hands together. His mind was clearly elsewhere and Ara sat next to him to place a hand on his quivering knee.

“He’s going to be alright Siwon. I promise.” She tried to sound sure of herself and as comforting as possible; for both of them.

He let out a deep breath and settled his feet flat to the ground.

“I promise.” She reassured him with warmth in her voice.

Siwon visibly relaxed and he slowly smiled at her. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“Don’t be. I should be thanking you for worrying. It’s hard to all the worrying on my own. Well, Jess worries too, but it’s a bit different.” She laughed at her last sentence and at the look on Siwon’s face whenshe said Jessica’s name. He looked guilty and a bit ill, and she couldn’t choke back a snort.

“I hope she’s not too mad” he sighed as he rested his head in his hands. “I’m horrible aren’t I?”

Ara knew it was a rhetorical question, but she answered him anyways. “You’re far from horrible Siwonnie. Jess will be just fine, but you might want to tell her you’re not interested. It’s best to be straight with her. I have a lot of experience.” She gave his leg a soft pat and got up from the couch, taking him with her.

“Let me take you home” she said smiling.

“Will he be okay?” Siwon asked, worried about leaving Kyuhyun

 “He will” she replied gently

“Yeah…Okay.” He reluctantly walked back to the car with her and they drove quietly to Siwon’s home. “Will you let me know how he’s doing… could you give him my number?” He asked when she pulled over the car.

She gladly wrote down his number and walked him to his door.

“Promise me you’ll have him call” he said, sounding a bit needier than he had intended.

He looked away to hide his blush and he nervously ran his hands through his hair.

“I promise,” she responded.

She squeezed his hand and said goodbye making sure he knew that Kyuhyun would be alright and that she truly appreciated everything he had done for her and her brother. Siwon waited for the sound of the engine and waved as she drove away. He walked into his house and slowly closed the door. He finished his bedtime routine and climbed into bed. Closing his eyes, he started to pray from where he had left off in Kyuhyun’s small bedroom. He fell asleep pleading with god for the boy’s health and safety; and for a little help sorting out his feelings.

“Please… be okay Kyu.”