“WHAT are you so worried about?” Joohyun whispered to Seungwan who just dragged her out of her house just to have someone to tail her wife and bestfriend with. The two were now back to the bushes just to eavesdrop. “Why do you even have to drag me here?”

“You are like my invisibility cloak, Unnie.” Seungwan whispered back, pertaining to Joohyun’s special ability to keep her presence unknown. (XD) “Also, aren’t you curious?”

“Curious about what?” Joohyun sighed. “If there’s someone I should be weary about then it won’t be Sooyoung-ssi. It’s the one who raised the Wolf—“

“Sshhh…”

“Did you just ‘sshhh’ your unnie!?”

“Come on, be quiet for a second!”

Joohyun rolled her eyes and stayed quiet. She just lookee at Seulgi who had already opened a new can of beer.

Joohyun suddenly turned red, not because she had a drink, but because she couldn’t help to wonder how the already confident Seulgi would be when she’s drunk. ‘What kind of Super Seulgi will come out if she’s already in her Super state? Super Seulgi ver. Drunk 2.0?’

The young director cupped her own face to calm herself down and cool down her burning cheeks. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have changed yet—‘

“Unnie… I heard from Seungwan-unnie…” Sooyoung suddenly spoke after that awkward silence. “She said you were going berserk.”

Seulgi remained silent for a moment while looking at her can of beer. “…I guess I did…”

“I heard you are playing with fire with Kim Taeyeon, is that true?” Sooyoung followed up.

Seulgi felt dry up so she drank more. “…That’s true.”

Sooyoung looked really worried. “Is this… on-going or in the past?”

“It’s still on-going…” Seulgi smiled weakly. “She actually gave me a car just for it.”

“And you received it?”

“Yes.”

Sooyoung’s shoulders dropped. “And you act all chummy like that with Director Bae?”

“...She knows about it but still–”

“But this is wrong, Seulgi-unnie!” Sooyoung leaned towards her. “Director Bae saying nothing about it doesn’t mean she’s not hurting! Unnie, Director Bae sincerely likes you…”

The older girl took a deep breath. She just took a quick glimpse of Sooyoung and looked away. “I don’t know… I… I really, really want to believe everything that she’s saying and showing me. I really want to believe that she is indeed in love with me but…”

‘We can’t be together…’

What Joohyun said to her that time at the beach kept on echoing in the back of her mind whenever she’s about to give in. It’s true that no matter how many words of assurance one may get, even one sentence that brought hurt is enough to push all of the positive words away.

“I am so afraid.” Seulgi’s hold to her can of beer tightened. “I am so afraid that once I go all in on her again, she would drop me down again just like that.”

“Seulgi…” Joohyun uttered under her breath. Seungwan gave her a smirk.

“I told you you can get something from this.” The vocalist teased.

“Shut up, please.”

“It’s because Byullie-oppa is her ex-boyfriend?” Sooyoung carefully asked. 

“Yeah. I guess Seungwan already told you, huh?” Seulgi threw her head backwards. “The brother that I looked up to the whole time is her ex-boyfriend. The very reason she dropped me like a toy that she doesn’t need anymore… What do I have against that guy anyway?”

“Unnie…”

Seulgi forced a smile to somehow tell Sooyoung that she’s okay. “So, yes… After she rejected me, Taeyeon-unnie found me and asked if I could be her playmate. My mind was in chaos that time and you know what kind of mouth I have when I am angry, don’t you?”

“So, instead of getting angry at Director Bae, you just agreed to Taeyeon-ssi’s offer and used it to vent all your anger into?” 

Seulgi nodded her head and smirked before saying something that made Sooyoung and the eavesdroppers blush. “Taeyeon-unnie liked it rough and she praised me for that. I feel needed during the times that she calls me and yearns for it. I guess that’s the reason why it didn’t stop as a one-time thing.”

“Unnie…” Sooyoung called in a whining voice. “You should’ve called me instead! You know you can vent on me. You don’t have to do this…”

The older girl scoffed. “I can’t do that. I was so angry at that time… I am afraid that even my friendship with Seungwan would fall if I went to you at that time.”

Sooyoung was taken aback. “W-What do you mean, Unnie?”

Seungwan was about to stand up and interfere but Joohyun pulled her back. She believes that Sooyoung also has the right to know whatever Seulgi is about to say. 

“Since you’ve told me about what you feel about me in the past, I believe talking about what I felt for you won’t be that big of an issue.” 

“Unnie, let go!” Seungwan tried to free herself from Joohyun but the latter was unexpectedly strong. “Joohyun-unnie!”

“Ya, is your trust in Sooyoung-ssi that shallow?” Joohyun hissed. “Or are you that afraid of Seulgi?”

“It’s not like that. It’s just—”

“You want to know why I distanced myself after you guys got married, am I right? I’ve been thinking about this, Sooyoungie…” Seulgi smiled at the younger girl. “I actually really loved you a lot back then. I loved you with all of me…”

Sooyoung froze in her place and so did Joohyun and Seungwan. Seulgi quickly looked away after that very late confession. “I was supposed to tell it to you back then when you told me about your past feelings for me but then Seungwan appeared. You’ve been very special to me since the first time we’ve met. I think I already had feelings for you way back in grade school. It just got deeper as time passed by.”

“U-Unnie…” Sooyoung gave an awkward smile. “T-This isn’t the time to be joking like this…”

Seulgi bit her lower lip. At that moment she thought that it was a nice way to say that she was just joking but she chose not to back off unlike her past self. “I actually thought the same thing when you said you liked me romantically back then. I understand if you think I am joking.” She then looked back at Sooyoung, straight to the younger girl’s eyes. “If you want proof that it’s true, you can ask everyone. You were the only one who didn’t know.”

Sooyoung was lost. She couldn’t even keep looking at Seulgi. “Y-You mean… Even Seungwan-unnie?”

Seulgi ran her fingers through her hair as she pushed them back. “Yeah… She’s actually the first one who knew about it… Back when we were in middle school.”

“Aish…” Seungwan held her with her two hands as she coiled in embarrassment and fear. Joohyun could feel her trembling. 

“I-In middle school?”

“Eung.” Seulgi emptied her can of beer and tossed the container on the nearby trash can. “You can ask everyone, especially Yujin. That kid was the one who helped me to mentally prepare in confessing. I was actually about to confess to you right after that overseas trip you had with Seungwan. I didn’t know that you already actually visited her family and got their blessing… and then got married… I guess that answers your question now.”

The devastated face of Seulgi when she told her that she’s already married suddenly flashed to Sooyoung’s eyes. All this time she thought that Seulgi only got disappointed because she didn’t tell her about her and Seungwan until they got married. She didn’t know that it was because the Seulgi felt so betrayed to the core… her best friend married the girl that she loves without even knowing that they were already dating.

“I-I… I didn’t know, Unnie… I’m—”

“It’s fine.” Seulgi took a deep breath. “I blamed myself for everything that happened. I was in love with you for the longest time but I couldn’t even tell you what I feel for you. I’ve been with you longer than Seungwan yet I couldn’t even tell you… but…”

Seungwan’s heart started to race even more after hearing that one word. She already knew what’s coming.

“But I won’t lie about being angry at Seungwan… I’d be a hypocrite if I say I wasn’t hurt that you hid everything from me too. I was so angry… so angry that I…” Seulgi grabbed another can of beer and opened it. “I destroyed my bass guitar. I smashed it into pieces…”

“The guitar that you bought together with me?” Sooyoung asked, a tear finally escaped her eyes. Seulgi answered her question with a nod and a forced smile.

“I smashed it hoping that my anger would subside just like that but it wasn’t the case. That’s why I distanced myself. You know what kind of trash I become when I am angry.”

“Seulgi-unnie…”

“I don’t know since when Seungwan started liking you. Knowing her, she probably went to Canada to give way to me. She probably got annoyed that I still couldn’t tell you that I love you despite her giving up. I don’t know. She never told me anyway. I just really wish one of you told me about it back then.” Seulgi lowered her head, her eyes already half open. “That’s why I was really surprised when you said you used to like me back then. Until then, I was carrying my feelings for you and I was so devastated…”

Seulgi took another gulp of her beer. “And then Director Bae happened. I got a serious flu back then because I stupidly cried in the rain while thinking how things would’ve changed if I told you about how I felt a little earlier than Seungwan. It was Director Bae who helped me not just get healthy again but she pursued to give me confidence. She helped me pick up the bass again. She appreciates me and gives me compliments from time to time. I felt like I was validated again when I was with her. It’s late when I realised that I am already falling for her.”

The bassist’s head hung low. “But then she dropped me like that when she found out my brother is her ex. You don’t know how hurt I was back then, Sooyoung… It felt like all my healing scars were slashed back into an open wound again.”

Seulgi forced a laugh. “I’ll only tell you this because you’re my favourite dongsaeng, but before I was rejected, when she left me at the party after I told her about being an illegitimate child… My step-mother belittled me in front of other guests. She asked me how I could show my face to other people. She asked me where I get the confidence to show my ugly face on nationwide television.”

“She did what!?” Sooyoung suddenly felt angry but Seulgi remained smiling. 

“She was also asking about how my plus one ditched me. But I tried not to mind and just told myself that I should change… and then when I got my eye checkup, I met Yerim and Saebyeok coincidentally. Saebyeok embarrassed me in front of my junior. My step-mother then told Yerim’s mother about my identity and Yerim’s mother looked really disgusted at me. She even told Yerim to stop hanging out with me because I am an unwanted existence.”

Joohyun felt like her heart was being crumpled while listening to what Seulgi said. It was the first time that she heard about it.

“I tried not to mind them and told myself that I still have Director Bae who will still appreciate me. Even if she ran away after hearing I was a bastard, I convinced myself that everything that happened to us wasn’t shallow. I was already on the edge… I guess it was her rejection that cut the hand that was holding into my last strings of sanity. The thought of not being able to call anything or anyone mine just clouded my mind.”

Seulgi was about to drink more but Sooyoung stopped her by holding her by the hands. She just looked at the other girl before silently agreeing to surrender that one can. “I’m not mad anymore, Sooyoung-ah… Unnie can’t be mad at you for a long time. I am not mad at Seungwan or at Director Bae… I am just so tired of feeling and ending up hurt… I just want to be numb, that's why I still respond to Taeyeon-unnie’s call.”

Sooyoung moved closer to Seulgi and gently pulled the girl nearer. She then had Seulgi lean on her shoulder and the older girl just let herself be taken. Her eyes were clearly fighting not just drowsiness but her tears. She can’t believe that she’s feeling comfort now that she’s finally told somebody about what’s happening to her. 

“You are thinking a lot these days, aren’t you?” Sooyoung said in a gentle manner while caressing the head of her unnie. “That’s why you look really tired…”

“Hmm…” Seulgi hummed. “You do know Unnie very well.”

The bassist closed her eyes in comfort. “I am just really happy. I feel really happy when I am with Director Bae… I am still so in love with her… I still feel for her… I don’t know what to do anymore…”

Joohyun twitched after hearing that line from Seulgi. She wanted to go to Seulgi right away but this time, she was the one being held back by Seungwan.

“Then why not just follow your heart, Unnie?” So