Soft kisses made me wake-up the next day. After that dream, Jiyong remained calm and kept on giving me soft kisses. His strong yet warm hug is still there that made me sleep in peace. That was the first time someone saw me break-down. I’ve never told anyone about this except for my family. I’m so guilty about what happened to Donghae. 

I opened my eyes and saw Jiyong staring at me. 

“Good morning.” He said. 

He smiled. And that made me want to cry again. “Good morning. No more bad dreams?” 

I nodded. “Thank you.” 

He cupped my face and gave me a long, sweet kiss on my lips. “Let’s eat breakfast. What do you want?” 

“Pancakes.” 

“Okay.” 

Jiyong seems energetic. He was humming songs as he started mixing the milk and the pancake mix. I was just there staring at his smiling face. This is the guy that I love. 

I was afraid that after crying like that he would avoid me. ‘He was the guy… I killed.’ I even told him that. I hope he didn’t misunderstood me. I didn’t kill Donghae it’s just that… I sigh as I drink the cup of coffee. 

“Are you alright?” He asked. 

“I’m fine.” I simply smiled. “You seemed energetic.” 

“Am I?” Jiyong asked with a smile on his face. “Well, I was ecstatic.” 

“Why?”

“Hmmm. Let’s just say something good happened.” 

I just shrug it off. I’m still wondering what are Jiyong’s thoughts about me. 

“Let’s eat up.” 

We started eating in silence. Contrary to what is Jiyong feeling right now, I am anxious. What if Jiyong will leave me after seeing me break-down the other day? But he’s fine now, so he must be fine with it. 

“A-About the other night…” I started. “I-I’m sorry.” 

“About what?” 

“I’m such a mess.” 

I bit my lower lip. I look at him and saw him smile at me. Again, those smile. He seems joyful and amused about something. 

“No, no. You are perfect, Sandara.” 

The way he twitch his lips and the way he smile is odd and disturbing. Perfect? What does he mean? I thought. 

“I’m not perfect, Ji.” 

Jiyong reached for my hand and gently squeezes them. “Trust me, you are perfect. You are strong-willed.” 

He chuckled making me confused. 

“Ji…?”

“Damn. I knew you are not like them. You…you are not that easy to break, you… you are different.” 

It gave me an electrifying feeling making me have a goosebumps. My heart started to beat so fast. “Ji?” 

“I know everything, Dara.” He started. He started walking towards me with that amused smile. “Lee Donghae…” 

My eyes widened when he mentioned Donghae’s name. “J-Jiyong… H-How…” 

He touched my shoulders and gave it a gentle squeeze. “He was your beloved friend, right?” 

“Y-Yes…” I nervously replied. I’ve got a feeling that he will say something that will change my whole life; that will change what we have right now. 

“6 years ago, he committed suicide.” 

I trembled upon hearing those words. My eyes widen as I look at Jiyong: his expression didn’t change- he is still smiling widely, reaching through his eyes.  

“Well, I did a liiiiiiittle bit of research about you.” He started. He’s brushing my hair gently using his fingers. “You got depressed when he committed suicide that’s why you didn’t go to New Zealand. You blame yourself because—“

“—STOP!!!—“ 

“— you are with him when he committed the act. You—“

“—JIYONG I TOLD YOU TO STOP!!!—“ 

“— stopped going to school and were just in your house, depressed and broken because of guilt—“ 

“—STOP IT JI—“

“—Shut the fck up, I am still talking.” Jiyong said, with a serious look, as he held my cheeks firmly it felt like my inner cheeks were bleeding. “Aren’t you a bit rude?”

My eyes widened and my tears were falling down. How could he know those things? 

“Oh!” He said, loosening his grip to my cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He wiped the tears on my cheeks. “Did it hurt?” 

My lips were trembling so as my body. I’m scared of him. His grip is tight but it’s not the reason why I was crying and scared of him. I am scared as to the things he knew about me… about my relationship with Donghae. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“H-How…” I said, I don’t know if he heard it. 

“That? You see, I’ve got my eyes on you waaaaay before you noticed me here in the Uni. Damn, I even made a huge work so that you and I will meet.” 

“H-Huh…” 

“You…are the epitome of the word ‘Unbreakable’. That why I like you.” He was laughing as he kiss me. 

“W-When… H-How…” My words were scattered as I tried to speak. “W-Why…” 

“Oh, I assume you forgot about me.” He said, pouting. “Aww, aren’t you a bit rude because you forgot about me?”  

“W-What… what do you mean…?” 

“When I visited Donghae’s grave 4 years ago, I saw you.” 

I look at him. I know confusion is written all over my face. “Y-You know him?” 

He nod in reply. “Of course! We are close. And ne, ne, I know a lot of things about you. That you hate dogs, and you like sneakers, that you wanted someone who likes to play guitar and how much you love the beach…”

I was staring blankly at him as he kept on saying things about me. And those words aren’t just bluff- those were the things about me. And I only told Donghae about those things. 

My heart started to beat so fast. I am anxious as hell. This… this is not the Jiyong that I know. Or, is this the real Jiyong that I should know? What I am seeing right now is the complete opposite of what I am seeing everyday: he has an intense look, he speaks arrogantly, the smile that I love about him is gone. His smile is completely different. This Jiyong is… crazy. 

“H-How…” 

“—there was once you block your friends because they didn’t—“

“—HOW THE HECK DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE THINGS?!!!” I shouted, full of frustration. This… this whole thing is insane! 

I felt my hair being pulled that hurts my scalp. “Who. Told. You. To. Shout. At. Me. Like. That.” 

I trembled as his face darkened. If looks could kill, I was dead a moment ago. “O-Ouch…” 

“You are the one who made this to yourself.” He whispers through my ears. “Aren’t you glad? I know a lot of this about you.” 

“H-How…” 

“I guess you really forgot about me, huh.” He said. His hand were still holding my hair firmly while the other hand started to touch my thigh, gently. “You look so devastated and you cried so much. But, your crying face is the best.” 

I bit my lower lip as it tremble. I am scared of Jiyong. This is not the Jiyong that I love. 

“You’ve got the best crying face I’ve ever seen in my entire life! The guilt, the loneliness… fck, it’s visibly written all over your face! Fck, and would you believe I’ve got a hard right at that moment? **Yappari saikouda~!”  **After all, it’s the best 

I was crying as he continue to squeezes my thigh. It’s not the same feeling I have whenever we make love. 

“I was just there, watching you, wondering who the heck are you. Are you Donghae’s classmate? Girlfriend? ‘It’s been years since he died so why are you crying like that as if you just heard about his death…’ I thought to myself.” He continued. He crouched down, levelling his gaze. His hands were now on my waist, enveloping me. 

“And then, I suddenly remember the girl he keeps on mentioning. The annoying yet amazing girl he met at the hospital when he was 15. And every time he talks about you, the Donghae that I once knew, came back.

He was happy when he is with you. He is happy because you started to go out. He is happy because he forgets about the bad memories when he is with you. Your smile, your laughter and your whimper whenever you fck each other. 

Sandara Park, I know everything about you. I know about what you did to Donghae. But I am not mad at you. In fact, I was happy all those things happened.” 

“W-Who are you?” 

“Me?” 

I remained silent, waiting for his reply. 

“I am his cousin.”