“Ma...” I heard Byeol whispered. 

“Shhhh.” Dal said. 

I’m still in a state of shock right now. I knew that everything will change after what happened yesterday. I am still confused as to why did I allow this to happen. I still don’t know if he is well… or he’s just trying to do things out of guilt. What happened in the last 3 years? How come he has a house here in Busan? 

We were in Jiyong’s house. I don’t know what he said to Seungri that made him decide to give the twins to him. Seungri is the type of person who give his trust easily- especially if it’s Jiyong. 

I heard the soft giggle of Byeol. “Maaa…” he whispered. 

I stretched my hand as I felt someone jumped on the bed. 

“Buddy be careful.” 

I opened my eyes and saw Jiyong sitting besides me. He was holding Byeol who’s jumping on the bed. Byeol was giggling when he saw me smiling at him.

“Mom... awake!” He shouted. 

I saw Dal pouted. His eyes were about to cry. I lifted my hand and called his name, “Dal...”

“Ma...”

He crawled towards me. He’s having difficulty because of the cast on his right arm. 

“How are you my baby?” I asked while giving him kisses on his cheeks. “Good morning.”

“Mow’ning.” 

“Good morning Ma!” Byeol yelled. He was about to hug me when Jiyong held him. 

“It’s dangerous...” he said while smiling. 

“‘gerous?” Byeol asked, looking so confused. 

Jiyong looked at me, still with his serious face. “G-Good morning.” I greeted him.  

He gave me a short smile. “‘Morning. Let’s eat breakfast.” 

I silently nod. He lifted Byeol and carried him. Both of them looked so close. I somehow wonder how come they got really close in a short period of time. Well, knowing Byeol, he tend to like someone easily than Dal.   

“Ma...” Dal mumbled. He’s rubbing his eyes, indicating that he still wanted to sleep.  

“Hmmm?” I answered as I gently brush my hand on his hair. 

“Who’s that?” He asked. 

I smiled and whispered to him. “He is your Papa.” 

I was just looking at them as we eat breakfast. I prepared the food for the twins. They were sitting on the chair with a layer of pillows. Byeol was giggling while Dal is still seriously watching me and Jiyong. He’s giving a vibe that he’s observing us which I expected since I told him the truth. 

“We should buy a high-chair later.” Jiyong said while sipping his coffee. He didn’t even gave me a glance. I bet he’s still upset making me more guilty. 

I opened my mouth but then closed it when I can’t find the words to say. “W-We have their h-high chairs in our house so—“

“We will buy a new one.” He said, in a dismissing tone. He gave Dal a smile but Dal didn’t budge. He just silently continued eating. 

I sigh. Dal is keenly looking at his Dad. The difference between Dal and Byeol is that Dal is the collected and calm while Byeol is the wild one. And Dal... he’s got a temper. He don’t like if things doesn’t go on his terms. He will throw tantrums. And I think, that’s what is happening right now. He is throwing tantrums. When I told him earlier that Jiyong is their father, he got silent and he’s throwing daggers to Jiyong.   

“Look, Ji. We need to go home and get clothes—“

Jiyong interrupted me with an annoyed look. “This is our new home, Dara.” 

“Jiyong, listen to me.” I interrupted. “We... we shouldn’t be doing this.” 

“And why?” 

“Because... this is not right.” I calmly said. 

“Then tell me what is right so I can do it.” He replied. “I wanted to talk to you but you won’t listen to me.” 

“We can talk later.” 

“And you are evading me—“

“I am not.” I look at him. “I’m sorry, okay? I tried to explain it to you but—“

“You are making things complicated, Dara.” He said, with bitterness on his tone. “I am here as their father. I love them. If you are worried that I will take them away from you, no, I won’t do it. All I wanted you to do is to hear me out. Let’s talk.” 

I know my expression looks guarded. 

“I-I know you love them...” 

“And you too.” He mumbled making me silent. 

We went to the mall and bought so many things. It seems like Jiyong is so excited to buy things for us. He and Byeol were getting along so well, it doesn’t feel like they’ve just known each other yesterday. 

“Ma…” Dal said, looking at me. 

“Yes?” I lovingly look at him. Even if Byeol and Dal look alike, Byeol has softer features. Dal look so much like Jiyong when he is serious, just like now. 

“Tired.” He said while pouting. 

I chuckled. “Ok. We are almost there.” 

“You can sleep buddy…” Jiyong said, trying to start a conversation with Dal. 

Dal just pouted while looking at me. “Ma…” 

“Ok, ok.” I said while laughing. “Can you stop the car for a bit?” 

“Hmm?” Jiyong replied. 

“I’ll just sit at the back sit with them. He’s throwing tantrums.” 

“O-Okay.” 

I sat beside Dal and Byeol. Byeol is silently sleeping- probably he got tired. 

“Ma…” Dal said. 

I placed him in my lap and hug him. “Do you want to eat?” 

Dal shook his head. He touched my arm with his small arms. 

“He’s clingy.” 

“Eh?” 

Jiyong look at me through the mirror. “Dal is clingy to you.” 

I smiled. “Yeah. And he’s got this thing like you always do before.” 

“Hmmm?” 

“He likes to sniff my neck.” I chuckled.

Jiyong chuckled. “It’s the best place where I can find peace.” 

I remained silent. “A-Ah…” I just said. 

“Maaaaa….” Dal whimpered while holding my arm tightly. I look at him and he’s eyebrows furrow. And yes, he’s throwing daggers to Jiyong. 

I heard Jiyong chuckled. “My son is jealous because I’m talking to his mom. Wow.” 

I look at Dal who’s expression look so bitter. “Oh gahd.” 

The kids were already sleeping when we got home. They got so tired that they didn’t even woke-up. I tucked them to their bed- Jiyong is standing at the door looking at me. 

“Aren’t they hungry?” He asked as we walk towards the kitchen. 

I sip the glass of milk. “Once they decided to sleep, you can’t wake them up. But I will prepare dinner for them in case they wake-up later.” 

It’s still 8PM and the house got silent. I am wishing the kids were awake so I can avoid him. 

“So…” He started. 

“W-What did you do for the past 3 years?” I started. 

“Went back to school.” He replied. He opened a can of beer. “School isn’t fun though.” 

I look at him. His eyes were intensely looking at me. “W-Why? Y-You’ve got so many friends… and toys.” I don’t know if he heard the last word I said. 

He chuckled. “You are not there.” 

I swallowed then chuckled, trying to get rid of the awkwardness that I am feeling. “C-Come on. I know you’ve got so many toys. I-I remember it so well, how much you change toys.” 

“Would you believe me that I am doing it because I know you are watching me?” 

I look at him, bewildered. “I-I am sleepy.” 

I stood and started walking away from him. I was already in the staircase when I felt his warm hands touched my arm. “Are you going to run away again?”

“I am sleep—“ 

“I’m sorry.” He started. “I-I know what I did to you before is fcking insane but believe me, I… I did my best not to do it. B-But, I… I am selfish and fcked-up, Dara. T-That time, I just wanted to satisfy myself and prove to myself that you… you are different from them. B-But you… you left me.” His voice cracked. 

I look at him. His eyes were full of controlled tears that were about to fall. “Ji, do you expect me to stay after what you did? D-Drugging me? T-That’s fcking insane!” 

“I-I’m sorry.” He said while cupping my cheeks. He gently brush my tears with his thumb. “I-I know it’s not right, I might go to jail because of that but… what can I do? I know I am not in my right mind when I did it. I’m sorry. Please, forgive me…” 

Jiyong knelt and hugged me from the waist. “I-I went to Donghae and talked to him. I… I begged him to let you go. That’s how selfish I am, Dara. I-I felt that you are still not over him at that time and I did the things that  regretted up until now but believe me Dara, I… I changed. I went to rehab, I seek for help so I can be with you.” 

I remained silent. I know in my heart what’s my answer. The moment I gave birth to Dal and Byeol, I know what’s the answer in my heart. I couldn’t get over my realisation at that moment. I cried and I cried. I can’t sleep at that night- I can’t even say his name. It stings, it hurts. I kept on asking myself Why? Jiyong stalked me, he manipulated me, he even drugged me so Why?

Why do I still love him?