008: 

Why is it that you always remember the saddest thing? 

I cannot forget that day. 

I was just 15 year-old at that time. Our family moved to Busan because my father become the new Director of our Family’s Hospital. My uncle, who’s supposed to be the Director, refused and insisted that my father should take-over because he wanted to go overseas for further studies in his field. My parent’s were both Doctors: my mom is an Anaesthesiologist while my dad is a Surgeon. It’s a great partnership, right?

That day is I think, one of the best days of my childhood. 

After moving to Busan, I used to hang-out in the Hospital. I don’t like being alone in our house with our nanny. I don’t have many friends. I also don’t attend cram school- I don’t need them. I just stay in my dad’s office or go to the Hospital Rehabilitation Area. And on that day, I got to talk to someone of my age. He was sitting at the corner while staring blankly at the glass window. As I look at him, he look so sick. He’s got scratches and bruise all over his face, a neck brace and a broken feet. 

“Hi.” I said as I sat beside him, silently enjoying the view. 

The kid beside me didn’t reacted. He’s just there, silent. 

“My name is Sandara. I am 15 years old. How about you?” 

Again, the kid beside me remained silent. I pouted, a bit annoyed. “Did you know that it’s rude not to answer when someone is asking you? Did you parent’s didn’t teach you that?” 

The kid looked at me and I was taken aback as to how empty his eyes looked. “Ah. I don’t have parents.” 

At that age, I knew that I acted like a spoiled-brat. 

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” 

“Yeah.” He simply answered. 

From then on, I started to look for him and he’s always there, sitting on that same spot. I always silently sit beside him while eating gummy bears. From time to time, I offer him some and luckily, he’s not refusing. Slowly, his eyes got emotions and his injuries recover and I got to play with him. Using the wheelchair, we go to the garden and talk endlessly. We talk about our favourite cartoon show, the food we like and school.

Still, I don’t know his name and the reason why he’s in the hospital. 

“Sandara…” 

That was the very first time he called me. We are at the garden and I am making a flower-crown for him. Beautiful flowers were blooming all over the place. 

“Ha?” 

“My name is… Donghae. Lee Donghae.” 

I smiled at him and placed the flower crown at the top of his head. “It’s nice meeting you.” 

We’ve become really good friends. I always go to the hospital everyday just to talk with him. I usually stay on his room and do my assignment. My parents are not complaining since I am doing my best in school. I am happy every time I am with Donghae. He is my best friend and a brother. 

But, I still don’t know why he’s in Hospital. Did his family got into accident? Why is it that no one is visiting him? Does his relatives know he is here? 

And those curios questions were answered…

“I killed my parents…” 

My hand immediately stopped from moving the moment I heard him say those words. Kill? His parents? 

I look at him and again, I saw those pair of emotionless eyes. We are in his room. He was sitting on his bed while I was lying beside him. 

“Stop joking.” I nervously chuckled. “It’s fine if you don’t tell me the real answer now—“ 

“My father was once a good Lawyer. He is the best Lawyer here in our City. I used to idolise him, even declaring that I will become like him. But all of a sudden, he started to use violence towards me and my mom. He…he is crazy…” He started. I silently listen to him. I don’t want to utter a word and interrupt. 

“He became an alcoholic and every time he gets drunk, he will hurt me and my mother. He will use the cigarette to give burns to my mother and I can’t do anything but to hear my mother’s cry. He will put me inside the dark-room or use the belt to hit me until I collapse. I wanted to hit him back but how could someone like me, a very weak child, hurt a strong adult?” Donghae said as he chuckled. 

“It was a repetitive routine, I don’t know long he’s been doing that to me and to my mother. He is a crazy bastard. He will say that he loves us but he’s hurting us. I hate him to death. It was pure… hell. 

But I’ve got the chance. I’ve got to chance to save my mom…” 

Donghae’s facial expression changed. His eyes were burning with anger but he is smiling. 

“My dad got so drunk, he can’t even lift a finger. My mom was crying beside him, and bleeding. I asked my mom to run-away with me. That we should run-away from that bastard and s-start a new life but…but…before we could even run, my father… my father stabbed my mother. He is laughing while stabbing my mother and kept on screaming; 

‘You useless fcker… you useless fcker…. how dare you cheat on me…’. 

He was stabbing my mother until he got tired. My mother was bleeding and I only scream and cried. There…there were so much blood, the smell stinks and it made me vomit. My sweat, vomit and my moms blood mixed in the air. My mom… s-she didn’t move no matter how much I try to wake her up; she… she didn’t open her eyes no.. no matter how noisy I am as I called her name. 

‘Mom. Mom!’ I kept on screaming. 

I was crying and crying. I…I was so devastated because I know, my mom is dead. I killed my mom.”

I held my mouth as I cry. I know we are on the same age and my heart is crying because he is too young to experience such cruelty. I held his hand who is shaking. 

“Donghae…” 

“I passed-out because of too much crying. The next day, I woke-up because my dad is punching and kicking me. He is screaming and crying as he keeps on doing it. Ten punch? Fifty kicks? I lost count. I kept on losing my consciousness. I was silently crying, enduring the pain from my body and at the same time, crying for my mother’s death. I was lying beside her, her blood is all over my body. My father is sitting beside my mother, holding her cold hand. He was crying. He…he kept on saying the word ‘I love you…’ to my mother. I looked at him and muttered words of disgust. 

L-love? It’s not love at all. 

There was a gun on his hand. I was silently hoping he will kill me. I don’t want to live. I want to be with my mom. B-but my father… he reached for me and embraced me. He was crying as he say how much he loves my mom and he can’t live without her. Fcking disgusting.” 

“D-Donghae…” 

“My father pulled the trigger and shot himself after saying ‘Be a good man, Donghae. I’m sorry but I love your mom so much…’”. 

“You didn’t kill you parent’s, Donghae…” I mumbled as I cry. I embraced him but he’s not moving. “It was your father and the circumsta—” 

“No, it was me. If…If I didn’t told my father that I saw my mother having lunch with someone else, my dad won’t do it. He won’t hurt us because he loves us so much. It was… it was all my fault, I-I killed my parents.” 

I was catching my breath as I woke-up. I found myself having difficulty in breathing. My heart is aching as I remember my best friend. 

The familiar scent and the tight embrace calmed me down. I bit my lower lip and sighed. I moved a bit, making me look at the person who’s sleeping beside me. Jiyong…

I placed my hand on his cheeks, gently rubbing my thumb. My tears started to fall. 

“Why are you crying?” Jiyong mumbled. He opened his eyes, staring directly at me. 

“Jiyong…” I buried my head on his neck and inhaled his scent. “I had a…bad dream.” 

“Hmmmm.” He kissed me on my forehead and it made my heart tremble. 

I don’t know anymore. My tears were starting to fall so fast. I started to cry like a hurt hyena. It’s been years since I last dream about Donghae. 

Jiyong embraced me tighter. “You can tell me…” 

“I am scared…” 

“Why? I am here.” 

“I think I’m still sick…” 

He embrace me tigheter. “You got over it, right?” 

“I dreamed about him. Again.” I confessed. “I dreamed about, Donghae. The… the guy… I killed.”