“How are you?” 

I flinched upon hearing his voice. I look at him, still wondering why I went with him. We went on convoy going to a shop nearby since we both have our cars. I can easily go out of the way and disappear since he’s the one leading but I found myself following him. While driving, I was tapping my fingers in the steering wheel thinking if my decision is right. 

I sighed. Earlier, I texted Seungri that I’ll be a bit late in picking-up the invites. He just said that he’ll pick it up for me. 

I firmly held the cup of coffee that I ordered. The cup isn’t hot anymore because it took us some time to start the conversation. 

“I’m fine.” I simply answered. I took a sip of my coffee, damn, it taste bitter. I sighed. I should have ordered shake… I thought. Black Coffee isn’t my style. 

Jiyong gave me a smile. “That’s good to hear.” 

And again, a deafening silence. I’m not really used to the silence between us. It’s awkward; it’s nerve wrecking. I look at him and caught him looking at me. 

“You look beautiful, as always.” 

Damn. My traitor heart did a back-flip. Be still, my heart… I thought. How could I feel this way towards him? A few days ago, I was crying over the thought of him getting my kids and hurting me again. He might do the things he did in the past. 

I made an awkward noise. “What do you want to talk about? You see, I’m a bit busy.” 

“What are you up to these days, huh?” 

Again, I flinched. “Why do you even care?” 

“Well, because you are my girlfriend?” He simply said, making me furious. 

I clenched my fist, trying my best to be as calm as I can. “We broke-up years ago, Ji.” 

Jiyong chuckled. “We didn’t.” 

“The moment you… did that to me, it was over.” I said, in gritting teeth. “How could you do that to your girlfriend, huh? You’re… you’re a psycho!” 

I was looking at him for the whole time when I said those words and I was caught off-guard when I saw how pained he look. His eyes… it isn’t the same. 

He chuckled. “Ouch. That hurts, you know.” 

“You know what? I should have run away the moment I saw you.” I said, as I stood up and walked away. 

My hands were trembling and my chest hurts so bad! I don’t know if these reactions were because it’s been so long since I last saw him or because I am scared of him or because his eyes changed. I was trembling as I get my car keys, trying my best to open the car door, when I felt a presence standing at my back. 

“Dara…” He called, as he held my arm trying to stop me. “Please, let’s talk.” 

“I’m tired, Ji. I’m tired of your bulls, of your manipulations.” I said. “I… I am happy with my life now.” 

He gently rubbed my arm, like he always do. My lips trembled, suppressing the sob. “How about me? Do… do you think I am happy? I miss you so much.” 

I stood brave and shook away his hand on my arm. “Don’t touch me.” 

I opened my car door. I didn’t look at him, even a glance. I am afraid that the moment I’ll see his face, the tears that I am holding back might fall. I drove as fast as I can, away from him. His mere presence is suffocating and hurting me. I am afraid that the emotions that I am hiding, masking in a form of hatred and fear, will easily come up. Like a glass full of water, overflowing. 

“Damn it…” I mumbled. 

I stepped-out of the car and inhale the fresh autumn air. I brush my hand through my hair, putting a bit of pressure in it. I need to calm myself. I don’t want them to get worried about me. I don’t want them to see me like this. I sigh. 

“I need to calm down.” I told myself. 

After a few minutes of breathing, I went back to my car and drove heading home. It’s getting dark, and the kids might be worried about me. Now that Jiyong is in Busan, I don’t know what to do. 

“Mama!” Byeol and Dal went running. 

“Hello!” I said, giving them soft kisses. “Did you miss me?” 

Byeol was mumbling words I don’t understand while Dal is just hugging my arm. I teared-up. I don’t know what will happen to my life if Jiyong will get them. 

“What’s with that face?” Seungri said, as he chuckle. “You look like a buffalo.” 

I snickered. “Tss. Did you get the invites?” I asked, as I let the twins sat on my lap. 

“Of course. You didn’t tell me that there’s a cute employee there.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Oh god. Such a playboy!” I said, giggling. 

“So, what happened?” Seungri simply asked while playing with Byeols’ hands. “Did you meet someone?” I looked away making him chuckle. 

I rolled my eyes. “You know I sometimes hate you for being so quick in analysing me.” 

“Who is it?” 

“Someone I knew.” I simply answered. 

“Ma?” Dal mutter as he held my cheeks with both of his tiny hands. “Ma?”  

My lips trembled upon seeing his worried look. His lips were trembling too, in a verge of crying. I smiled and kiss his cheeks. “Awww. I love you baby. Don’t cry.” 

Seungri just sigh. “I don’t know who you met earlier but this person is messing up with your emotions.” 

“I…” I can’t find the right words to say. I don’t know where to start. 

“You’re back.”

“Huh?” 

“Your eyes, it’s not the same.” Seungri said. “For the past 3 years that I’m with you, your eyes look so… emotionless. Even after the twins were born, even after you’ve come to accept the fact that Donghae will never come back, it’s still lack emotions. Your eyes looks something is still missing. But now…”

I look at Seungri with trembling lips. “I… I met Jiyong.” 

Seungri sighed. “Where?” 

“In the hospital.” 

Seungri gritted his teeth. “Did he do something?” 

I shook my head. “He didn’t do anything. We… we just talked. If you call that even talking.” 

“What did he say?” 

“I… I was scared. I...” 

Seungri sighed. “Tell me honestly. Why are you scared?” 

I look away, a sign saying that I am not ready to tell him the truth. I know why I am scared.

He sighed. “You need to rest. I will take care of the kids. Sleep and don’t think too much.” 

“No. I will do it. It’s fine.” 

Seungri sighed as he carried Byeol who is grabbing his hair. “Then, let’s eat dinner so you can rest.” 

I nod. The dinner went well. We were laughing as we listen to my father’s story about his medical trip in Jeju Island. Everyone looks enthusiastic and I don’t want to break the warm atmosphere. 

The dinner ended and the kids were sleeping after taking a bath. Their crib is just beside my bed. I am a hands-on mom to them ever since they were born. 

I am preparing to sleep when my phone started ringing. An unregistered number flashed on my screen. My eyebrows furrow but still, I answered it. This might be my classmate or someone from the organising team. 

“Hello?” A long silence. I look at the phone, checking if the phone call were cut, but it’s still going. “Hello?” 

“Dara…” 

I got goosebumps the moment I heard his voice. “Ji…?” 

“Are you sleeping? Did I wake you up?” He asked. I didn’t answer him. I was holding my breath as my heart starts to beat so fast. 

“I want to see you…” He said in a deep voice. “I can’t help but call you. I… I want to talk to you so bad, Dara.” 

I ended the call and turned-off my phone. I went to the window and close the curtain. I am freaking out. Does he know where I live? What if he’s outside our gate? How did he got my number? 

“D-Damn…” I mumbled as I went to my bed, forcing myself to sleep.

Meanwhile… 

“Where are you?” 

“In my house.” 

“I told you, don’t come near her.” 

Jiyong chuckled. “Do you think I can do that?” 

“Jiyong, I told you so many times, take things slowly.” 

“But Doc! I… I can’t help it. When I saw her in the hospital today, the only thing that is running in my mind is the thought of hugging her.” 

Seungri sighed as he flinch the bridge of his nose. “To make this clear, I am saying this as her cousin and as your friend not as your doctor. Don’t rush things. You don’t want to lose her again, right?” 

“I just want to…” 

“What you did in the past is really…” 

Jiyong remained silent and then sigh. “I know.” 

“I didn’t pulled so many strings to fail in the end, Jiyong. Don’t do it again.” Seungri said before ending the phone call.