Sooyoung wishes she knew what was going on in that head of hers. Jinsoul is shaking it before calling out, “Sooyoung…” Her name is wrapped with a softness that makes her heart ache painfully good. Not being able to resist anymore, Sooyoung reaches out and captures one of Jinsoul’s ansty hands in her own. Jinsoul’s flushed, her eyes becoming heavier the longer she stares. She’s warm too, Sooyoung can feel the heat just from holding her hand. “I think I’m drunk.” Sooyoung snorts at the revelation and does a quick scan over the lounge, making sure no wandering eyes were on them before bringing Jinsoul’s fingers to her lips.

She kisses across each knuckle, turning her back towards the crowd so they can’t see the affection she’s pouring into Jinsoul. “I know baby. It’s a bit obvious, you can’t even look straight.” Jinsoul scowls at her but lets Sooyoung continue her efforts of pressing her lips across lithe fingers.  

“Aren't you?” Sooyoung shakes her head no at the question, they’ve only gone through two bottles, sharing each. Sooyoung herself can drink herself through three and a half. Sooyoung upturns Jinsoul’s hand and kisses into her palm. She may not be drunk off the bottle, but Jinsoul manages to make her just as dizzy. “Ugh...how? I feel like my freaking head is gonna spin off.” 

Bringing their hands underneath the table, still tangled together Sooyoung tries her best to explain, “tolerance? You know the thing that happens when-”

“No duh, I know what tolerance is...smartass.”

Laughing at the warning tone Sooyoung just adds fuel to the fire, “well you asked princess.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and Sooyoung finds herself craving more of the push and pull Jinsoul gives her. “We can stop if you want to and I’ll walk you home.” Sooyoung can’t get enough of Jinsoul and her lack of manners. It’s something Sooyoung thought she’d never be badly attracted to. 

Jinsoul hums in thought before answering quietly, “nooo, I like being here with you. I don’t wanna go anywhere else.” Jinsoul’s attitude was only a front, Sooyoung learned that a long time ago. While she was obsessed with the bite that Jinsoul had. She adored what was underneath it all. 

That sweetness, the same sweetness she was always begging to get another taste. Sooyoung never had someone who wanted to love her like Jinsoul has. And Jinsoul does unconditionally, despite the many times Sooyoung’s given her a reason not to. All those chances Sooyoung gave her to walk away and not look back. Jinsoul seemed to only care for her more after each time and saw right through Sooyoung. Jinsoul was so good to her. She was too good for her and Sooyoung wants to be just as good back. 

Jinsoul doesn’t make things scary and Sooyoung feels like the version of herself that she’s always wanted to be, but has always been afraid to express. The kindness that Jinsoul has, the intensity of her feelings, the honesty of her love. Aside from it all being so scary. Sooyoung’s never felt safer with someone. 

Sooyoung’s lucky.

She’s incredibly lucky for Jinsoul who has never stopped trying for her.

So Sooyoung wants to try for her. Grabbing the bottle of soju from the table she fills her glass, “let me catch up to you then.” Sooyoung mutters to Jinsoul, whose lips are slowly growing into a bright smile. 

Jinsoul bounces beside her as she downs the entire glass in one go. It burns but it’s worth it seeing how excited Jinsoul is now knowing she isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Sooyoung doesn’t want to be anywhere else but by Jinsoul’s side.

~~~~

Two more bottles later, with Sooyoung downing most of it she thinks it’s safe to say she catched up to Jinsoul rather quickly...if not too quickly. They’ve made their way to the tiny dance floor where someone on stage just as drunk is singing along to karaoke. Jinsoul has her arms wrapped around her shoulders while Sooyoung secures the blonde’s waist with her hand. The other holds a bottle of soju, nearly empty.

The woman on stage is singing some sappy love song, bawling her eyes out. It was clear that she was heart broken, either that or had one too many. Jinsoul and Sooyoung only giggle at the woman’s cries and rock back n’ forth sloppily, laughing loudly every time they stumble. 

Jinsoul has almost fallen five times and Sooyoung is running out of stamina to be her anchor. Finishing the bottle off with a few chugs Sooyoung maneuvers them closer to a table so she can get rid of it. Now that her hands are free, she presses one into the small of Jinsoul’s back and the other tangles itself with Jinsoul’s own. 

Sooyoung can’t help but smile when Jinsoul scoots even closer to her, resting her forehead in the crook of her neck. Jinsoul holds their intertwined hands outwards and Sooyoung takes the lead. 

She allows herself to fall into the motions, closing her eyes and humming along the song. Sooyoung feels at peace for the first time in forever. Like nothing could touch her and this piece of happiness she calls her own.

There’s a pair of friends beside them dancing, along with numerous couples or people out on a date. Sooyoung notices how the two keep a distance between each other and their hands are placed in less intimate places. Suddenly, Sooyoung starts to feel paranoid. She and Jinsoul are dancing more similar to the couples than the best friends.

Jinsoul’s hand is caressing the back of her neck and Sooyoung realizes she’s far too close. She shouldn’t be pressed against Jinsoul this tightly. This embrace shouldn’t be so intimate, she shouldn’t feel the heat of Jinsoul’s breath against the column of . 

And god it feels so good, so good that Sooyoung doesn’t want to pull away. 

However, Sooyoung doesn’t want this to be their last dance and finds the strength to peel herself from Jinsoul. Sooyoung misses the warmth immediately. She absolutely hates the feeling that something is missing and she knows it’s because Jinsoul isn’t in her arms anymore. Jinsoul is clueless and it’s pitiful how she pouts up like a kicked puppy. “What’s wrong baby?”

Sooyoung shakes her head and grabs the blonde by the elbow, “shhh nothing let's get out of here.” She hopes no one heard Jinsoul call her that in such a sweet tone. While Sooyoung craved that kind of affection she can’t afford anyone knowing she did. 

And she feels so terrible because all Jinsoul wants is to love her and sometimes Sooyoung can’t even give her that. She knows she’s dangerous to love, it’s taken her so long to think she even deserves it. Sooyoung doesn’t want to taint Jinsoul like she has been. 

“No wait I wanna keep dancing!” Jinsoul mumbles out, frustrated that Sooyoung was trying to drag her out. Sooyoung doesn’t know if anyone was watching them before but they definitely are now. “Don’t you wanna dance with me baby?” Sooyoung turns red and pulls harder than intended, Jinsoul falls forward just a bit and into her chest. Sooyoung takes the opportunity to make a quick escape. Her heart was pounding. With fear and something else...something that she wants to overtake the fear. 

Sooyoung grabs all their things with one hand while the other wrapped tightly on Jinsoul’s elbow. The blonde was upset but wasn’t fighting against Sooyoung’s hold anymore. Sooyoung turns to leave and feels nauseous at how crowded it’s gotten. She’s glad she noticed it was time to leave before it was too late.

They make it out the door and are on their way down the street when Sooyoung hears sniffling behind her. She’s still holding onto Jinsoul's elbow with a vice grip and she didn’t stop to think that it may be hurting her. Turning, her heart breaks at the site, Jinsoul’s lip is trembling and her makeup has run down her cheeks from the tears. 

Sooyoung’s words catch in her chest. She's always been bad at apologizing or comforting anyone. Especially when she was the reason they were hurting in the first place. Sooyoung always found herself leaving, instead of staying to try and put the broken pieces back together. Sooyoung guesses it’s the reason she got the reputation for being coldhearted. 

But she wasn’t at all, because if she was truly that insensitive she wouldn’t physically feel every little noise coming from Jinsoul. It’s like a hammer blow to the heart and Sooyoung wishes she knew how to fix it. She’s never wanted to fix it with anyone else but Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung doesn’t want to break Jinsoul like she’s done to her past lovers. 

Not when Jinsoul was the one who put her back together with utmost attention and care. 

“You’re such a jerk Sooyoung.” Jinsoul slobbers out, her drunken voice mudded with tears. “I wanted to dance with you but you were a jerk.” Sooyoung’s still buzzed and she knows it wouldn’t be any help explaining the fear and paranoia she felt. For all she knows, Jinsoul’s never experience anything like she has.

That’s why she was going to try her hardest. So Jinsoul would never have to experience any of that. She would do her best to help Jinsoul avoid everything that could potentially hurt her. But Sooyoung didn’t think about how she could be the one to end up hurting Jinsoul in the process.

So Sooyoung’s stuck without anything to say because she’s terrible at expressing herself. At least her true feelings. She’s frozen within her mess of thoughts, ones that’s telling her just to apologize, to take the time to share her worries. But that wouldn't feel like enough of an excuse for hurting Jinsoul. When seeing her cry is the most devastating thing Sooyoung’s witnessed. 

Sooyoung wants to make it all better but she doesn’t know how.

Ignoring the twang in her heart she continues to walk, hoping...even praying that Jinsoul follows. 

She knows she doesn’t deserve it.

Still, she can’t help but want it. 

~~~~

Jinsoul does follow her and Sooyoung is cursed up and down the entire way to where she was leading them. She takes it whole-heartedly because well, she does deserve to get her chewed out. But again she’s feeling lucky. 

Sooyoung will take getting her name cursed to hell over being abandoned anyday. She’s secretly relieved that Jinsoul is so adamant with telling her she’s an . Sooyoung is grateful, so grateful she thanks whoever is above that Jinsoul is deathly allergic to giving up on anything. 

That Jinsoul refuses to give up on her. 

Of course, Sooyoung had no doubt Jinsoul would come after her. No matter how mad she was. Jinsoul’s stubbornness is one of the thousands of things Sooyoung loves about her. That and her very creative ways of expressing her anger. Sooyoung doesn’t say anything the entire time, letting Jinsoul get it all out. She’ll figure out how to ask for forgiveness later, for now she’ll take her punishment gladly.

She fully intended on taking Jinsoul home but Sooyoung doesn’t want the night to end on such a bad note. So she takes them to a place she used to come to clear her mind on days that seemed to go on forever.

Her old art school, twice as small as the university Jinsoul goes to. There were only a few buildings and a pathway to a small plaza with a grand fountain.

Jinsoul’s gone quiet behind her, probably absorbed in the student project out on display. Varying from metal sculptures to strange wooden assemblages. 

Sooyoung spots a stone bench with an intricate pattern that’s been chiseled in. She drags her feet to a stop and waits for Jinsoul. The blonde was about a few meters away, stumbling towards her. It was obvious she hasn’t become completely sober.

“Thank ing god, my feet were starting to blister you walk like somethings biting you in the every few seconds.” Jinsoul rambles out before going to flop on the bench. 

Jinsoul’s wearing a white, oversized suit jacket...and only that. The only thing keeping the jacket closed around her waist is a few buttons and a loose belt tied around. 

A lot of skin is showing and Sooyoung has found herself losing focus a lot tonight. From the deep cut of the suit, all the way down between Jinsoul’s , to the several inches of the silky smooth skin of her thighs on display. 

When Jinsoul crosses her legs and arms Sooyoung tears her wandering eyes away. She’s already in enough trouble. Sooyoung doesn’t want to irritate Jinsoul even more because she can’t stop ogling at her.

Jinsoul bounces her heel off her toe while the other foot rests on the ground. Sooyoung’s staring at nothing in particular but can feel Jinsoul’s glare burning layers through her skin, “can you sit down? You’re making me nervous.” Sooyoung listens obediently and plops herself beside the blonde but manages to keep a good distance between them.

The awkward silence then ensues. Both of them are tense, almost ridgid from the underlying conflict. This is the one thing that Sooyoung wasn’t looking forward to when she knew she wanted to be with Jinsoul.

She’s never been in a relationship. At least one that was more than something physical. Or one that she wasn’t being used to make someone else feel good. Jinsoul actually likes her, likes who she is and Sooyoung wants to keep it that way. 

So she can’t just dismiss things like this. She can’t ignore the problem until it goes away or simply tell Jinsoul off, it’s the last thing she wants to do now. But...Sooyoung has no idea how to work through obstacles and hates the confrontation that comes with them. She feels like she’s driving without the steering wheel. 

She knew they would crash at some point and while this is minor, Sooyoung’s brain manages to make it major. Because what if her minor mistakes begin to build up and Jinsoul grows tired of being patient with her. Or if Jinsoul finds someone better, willing to love her with the devotion she deserves. Not some girl with a pile of trust and commitment issues...that doesn’t even know where to begin when it comes knowing how to love someone. 

“Oh my god...Sooyoung, cut it out, I can totally hear the gears turning up there.” 

Turning to Jinsoul’s voice she’s met with a curious gaze. Her eyes are still glassy from crying earlier and impossible dark. Sooyoung doesn’t think for seconds and the silence is so blissful. Jinsoul then turns away again with a little hmph , her cheeks puffed up from the frown she was wearing. 

Oh who is she kidding , Sooyoung already loves Jinsoul, she only needs to figure out how to show it without being so scared. Besides...she’ll be caught dead before letting anyone else have Jinsoul.

Sooyoung deflates and slumps forward, shoving her hands between her knees. Turns out she really was overthinking things, still she’s deathly afraid of losing Jinsoul, so she needs to figure out how to deal with these uncertainties soon. 

She keeps glancing over at the blonde, still puffed up, still mad. Sooyoung wants to scoot closer. Wants to kiss the frown away, wants to stop Jinsoul from shivering so much from the cold. But somethings holding her back. 

And Sooyoung knows it’s habit of keeping her feelings intact and unknown. That’s what she gets for being involved with women who were married or had boyfriends, or simply didn’t want to be seen with her. Sooyoung has had to hide a lot, for her own benefit and others. Jinsoul’s the total opposite however. She wants everyone to know she’s Sooyoung’s, because she isn’t ashamed of her. 

Sooyoung doesn’t know what it’s like, not being ashamed of. Not being a secret. But Jinsoul’s teaching her and if there’s one thing Sooyoung wants in the world.

Is that she wishes she met Jinsoul sooner. 

Digging in her bag she finds an old pack of cigarettes, probably haven’t been touched in a month. Pulling them out she sighs, there’s only one left. “You want one?” She holds it out to Jinsoul who side eyes her.

“I thought you didn’t smoke?”

Sooyoung cringes, it’s clear Jinsoul wants to scold her. “It’s for emergencies.” She tells the truth, “I haven’t in forever.” Jinsoul is skeptical but plucks the cigarette out of her hand anyways. Sooyoung stares as Jinsoul places it between her lips.

She misses Jinsoul’s lips, but she isn’t given anytime to daydream before the blonde is talking again, “you got a light?” 

Sooyoung nods and digs through her bag once again. She pulls out her metal lighter and holds it up to the tip. Her hands are shaking badly however, and Sooyoung isn’t able to keep it still enough to light the end. Jinsoul stares at her for a moment, studying every detail of her expression. Sooyoung wants to cover her face so Jinsoul can’t read her like an open book like she always manages to do. 

Jinsoul then reaches out with both hands, one to still Sooyoung’s shaking pair and the other to cover the flame from the wind. Sooyoung takes a deep breath and focuses on flicking it. After a few tries it switches on and Jinsoul takes a long drag. 

Sooyoung releases her breath when Jinsoul exhales. Her eyes boring into Sooyoung’s. She wants to look away but can’t, Jinsoul has the power to turn her into stone and the only thing that’s keeping her alive is the jack-hammer of her heart.

Jinsoul then glances down, freeing Sooyoung from her invisible clutches. Sooyoung lets her eyes travel south too, and watches as Jinsoul puts the cigarette out on the bench. “Ew...yuck.” Jinsoul then lifts her hand and flicks Sooyoung’s forehead lightly, “those things are gross. I don’t want you buying them ever again.” 

Sooyoung rubs the assaulted area and nods. Just when she thinks Jinsoul’s about to give in she turns her back to her. Sooyoung frowns as Jinsoul crosses her arms and goes quiet. 

If Jinsoul doesn’t stop giving her the cold shoulder in the next few minutes. Sooyoung might die. Every second Jinsoul doesn’t pay attention to her, the more needier Sooyoung gets. “Are you cold?” Jinsoul doesn’t answer her, so Sooyoung reaches over to check if there’s goosebumps on her thigh.

Before she can feel if anything is there, Jinsoul’s smacking her hand away, “I said I’m not cold.”

“But-” Sooyoung stops herself. The last thing she needed to do was argue about something petty. Sighing loudly she goes back to the drawing board. There’s only one solution she can think of and she really doesn’t want to.

She’ll have to apologize and explain her actions. 

Sooyoung toughens up a bit and puffs her chest out. “I’m sorry.” Jinsoul slightly turns her cheek towards her and Sooyoung thinks it’s the first step to victory. “I’m sorry I was a jerk to you.” 

“And?”

The anticipation in Jinsoul’s eyes makes Sooyoung nervous, enough so that her mind draws to a blank, “t-that’s it.” Jinsoul searches for something and Sooyoung hopes that she finds what she’s looking for. Jinsoul’s always been good at reading her, maybe too good. And Sooyoung would rather Jinsoul figure this out on her own like she always does than to spill her heart out. Jinsoul faces away from her however, a worse reaction than Sooyoung was expecting.  

Sooyoung’s lip starts to tremble from the frustration. She closes her eyes, embarrassed that to this day she still isn’t able to open up as easily as she wished. It’s uncomfortable even with the person she feels safest with.

She hates it when Jinsoul’s mad at her, truly mad at her. When Jinsoul is hurt rather than annoyed. Sooyoung becomes lost, she can’t flirt or charm her way out of it like she always has. They’ve been here before, Sooyoung is beginning to think Jinsoul does this on purpose just so she’d express her feelings. Sooyoung’s emotions come out and she hates it, how her guard was constantly down around Jinsoul. She has to do it on purpose.

Standing up dramatically Sooyoung huffs, “I’m not good at this Jinsoul!” Sooyoung can never seem to keep her cool around Jinsoul and she can’t ever hide what she’s feeling. Sooyoung promised to never let anyone close like this again. For anyone to get to her like they have in the past. But Sooyoung can’t stand the thought of Jinsoul being disappointed in her.

She can’t let Jinsoul go thinking that she doesn’t feel anything at all.

“You know I’m not good at this.” And she knows Jinsoul understands, she always has. Every time she felt like she was crashing Jinsoul always managed to create a safe landing for her. Jinsoul’s made her more human. She can bring out sides of Sooyoung that no one else has ever managed. 

Calm, cool and collected Sooyoung is something of the past. Now Sooyoung wants to be loved, for her feelings to be cared for and she doesn’t mind asking for it. 

Because she knows Jinsoul wants to be asked.

Sooyoung can be vulnerable without regret. She can cry around Jinsoul without feeling embarrassed. Sooyoung allows herself to be upset when used to she’d brush it off as if she didn’t have emotions. She doesn’t have to reserve her heart anymore. 

The difference between her before and after she met Jinsoul.

Is that she wants to try. She wants to try and try again until she gets it right. 

Sooyoung doesn’t want to walk away from what scares her anymore, “I’m not good at talking about...god I don’t know.” Sooyoung hasn’t got it right yet, but she will with time. As long as Jinsoul keeps pushing her boundaries, as long as she stays no matter how frustrating it gets. Sooyoung glances down at her hands and they’re still shaking from the nerves. 

Her hands still when Jinsoul reaches out to hold them. Sooyoung’s entire body freezes at her touch. Her eyes crawl up Jinsoul’s arms and find concern and worry etched in the blonde’s features. Sooyoung realizes this is Jinsoul being patient with her when she’s so used to Jinsoul pulling her apart piece by piece.

Just like the first time they kissed. Jinsoul managed to drive a wedge into her heart. Sooyoung had wanted her so much that night she couldn’t stand it. Jinsoul could have let her walk away  and left the tension buried in a pit never to be uncovered. But Jinsoul refused to let that feeling they had for each other go unnoticed and it consumed Sooyoung.

Jinsoul’s holding back now, letting Sooyoung be the one to decide if she’ll let this feeling consume her or not. Sooyoung misses Jinsoul’s impulsiveness but she can’t rely on it forever. She knows she has to be the one to make steps forward as well.    

Tugging on Jinsoul’s hands she pulls her up to her feet. Sooyoung opens her arms wide and hears the blonde huff when their bodies collide. Her fingers cling to the fabric around Jinsoul’s back and she feels arms snake around her shoulders, holding her back just as tightly. 

Sooyoung rests her head against the side of Jinsoul’s, burying her face in the silk of Jinsoul’s hair. Jinsoul trembles in her embrace and Sooyoung knows it must be because she’s cold. Or it could be that Jinsoul’s feeling anxious like she is. Sooyoung used to like the thought of making Jinsoul nervous but now she only wants to make it go away.

She wants to reassure Jinsoul that it isn’t her that she’s afraid of. Sooyoung isn’t afraid of her love. It’s the rest of the world she’s afraid of, because it isn’t as kind as Jinsoul is. She won’t push Jinsoul away anymore, not like how she has countless times in the past. Not after the first time they kissed, or when Jinsoul confessed in that alleyway. 

Sooyoung holds onto the warmth Jinsoul gives and hopes it lasts forever because she never wants to let go. 

“Do you remember the first time we hugged?” Sooyoung asks in a whisper and Jinsoul nods. It’s hesitate and Sooyoung can barely feel it against her cheek, where Jinsoul’s head is now pressed. “I know it was forced or whatever, but god it made my day...actually my entire week.” Sooyoung hadn’t been hugged by anyone in forever. She couldn’t remember the last time to be honest.

And even at that moment, when Jinsoul was still a stranger, a stranger with a vendetta against her Jinsoul’s embrace was something she had never experienced. 

Jinsoul held her like she meant it. Sooyoung knew then, if Jinsoul was as bad as she acted she wouldn’t have felt so secure in a stranger's arms. “I trusted you, for some reason I trusted you.” Jinsoul hasn’t changed since they met. Not after Sooyoung’s secret was revealed, nor her feelings. Jinsoul still holds her the same.

The same as that very first time.

“I trust you.” Sooyoung admits, “it’s everyone else that I don’t trust.” Breathing in the sweet scent of Jinsoul’s shampoo Sooyoung says it outloud, “I’m sorry it still scares me.” Every beat of her heart feels painful now, but with every secret she reveals it’s like a chain breaks loose. “I don’t want anything to happen to you Jinsoul. Not like it has to me. So please don’t be mad.”

Sooyoung squeezes Jinsoul to make sure she's still there. That she’s still real. And by the little noise she lets out when Sooyoung squeezes too hard, she’ll know Jinsoul will always be. Jinsoul melts into her arms after several long minutes of silence that was borderline tortuous. Sooyoung’s thankful because she isn’t sure she could stand this cold attitude Jinsoul was giving her any longer.

Jinsoul begins to whisper to her, words still slurred from the drinks they shared. “I wish I could take it all away Sooyoung.” She doesn’t understand at first. What Jinsoul is mumbling about with that lullaby of a voice that she has. “I wish I could take it away from you.” But then Jinsoul peels away from her and presses her hand against Sooyoung’s chest. Right over top of her heart. 

It’s what belongs to Jinsoul now and Sooyoung hopes she can feel the heavy yet rhythmic drum of it, it’s all for her. It’s all because of her. 

Jinsoul wishes she could take the hurt from Sooyoung’s past. What Jinsoul wants is something impossible. Sooyoung stares into her eyes filled with adoration. And maybe Jinsoul won’t be able to take the pain away or make her forget however, what she has already done is more than Sooyoung had ever asked for. The new memories Jinsoul’s gave her shadow the ones of her past. 

Now when she sleeps she dreams of Jinsoul. 

There aren't any nightmares when the sun is constantly shining. 

Jinsoul pouts at her and Sooyoung almost turns into a puddle of mush. God, what has happened to her? She used to be able to handle things like this. She used to hate affection. But with Jinsoul it’s like an addiction she can’t quit. The more she gets the more she wants. Sooyoung just wants more and more of Jinsoul. “I’m not mad, how could I be mad at you.” Jinsoul asks, her palm shifting from her pounding chest to her cheek that was starting to turn red. Jinsoul brings her other hand up as well, squishing Sooyoung’s face between them.

“I know it scares you baby.” Sooyoung lets out a breath of relief. Like she said, the girl can read her like a book. Scarily so, “I need you to tell me when it does so I can make it better.” Jinsoul doesn’t know that she already does. 

Sooyoung doesn’t have the words, but she has the actions. Leaning forward she presses her lips to Jinsoul’s. Her lips are impossibly soft, so much that it makes Sooyoung dizzy. No one’s ever kissed her like Jinsoul does.

They pull apart and Sooyoung realizes she didn’t even check if anyone was around to watch. She realizes that not kissing Jinsoul has more consequences than being caught. Sooyoung can’t help it anymore. She wants...no needs Jinsoul more than anything. “God, when you shut me out like this I get so…” Jinsoul rambles, her eyes still closed from Sooyoung’s impulse. Her cheeks are tinged red,  “please don’t push me away.” 

Jinsoul doesn’t ask, she demands. But Sooyoung doesn’t mind. She’ll give this girl everything she wants. Jinsoul’s eyes open and Sooyoung’s favorite color becomes brown, “Because that’s what scares me.” 

Sooyoung crumbles, Jinsoul always had the right words. Always knew just what to say. While Sooyoung struggles to pour her heart out. 

Jinsoul’s love for her is a constant shower, never ending and hard to ignore. Sooyoung wants to drown in it. 

Sooyoung’s love drips.

It’s a slow, unchanging drip. 

Just as endless as the downpour.

“You’re too good for me Jung Jinsoul.” 

“Oh shut up.” Jinsoul leans away from her entirely and takes both hands to cup Sooyoung’s face. She leans into the blonde’s touch and is close to begging to be held this gentle forever. Jinsoul’s thumbs rub across her cheeks, “I could never be too good for you.” Sooyoung doesn’t know how she’ll survive this much affection. The press of Jinsoul’s lips just below her eyes makes Sooyoung feel like she’s close to heaven. “You deserve kindness Sooyoung, I just want to give my all to you.” 

Jinsoul continues to plant what feels like promises against her face. Her lips are warm and every kiss is filled with certainty. Jinsoul’s hands push further back, to where nails scratch at the nape of Sooyoung’s neck, “I’ve always been surrounded by people who love me. I want you to know what it feels like.” 

Sooyoung closes her eyes. She already knows what it feels like. Sooyoung feels it right now.

“I don’t want you to be afraid to feel it.” 

And she used to be scared. 

When Jinsoul first said she wanted this, Sooyoung’s fear was overwhelming. It felt like everything at once. But now...with Jinsoul right in front of her. Proving time after time that there's nothing to be afraid of as long as she’s here. 

Sooyoung thinks it’ll all be just fine.

~~~~

Using her favorite pink pen, Jinsoul marks yet another box and giggles as she does so. Xiao-jun is lying beside her painting his nails black while humming to the tune on the radio. 

Xiao-jun doesn’t bother looking at her too occupied getting the nail polish out from his cutitles. “Okay...what are you teeheeing about? It's totally giving me the creeps.” Jinsoul’s lying on her tummy continuing to scribble on the paper she was so focused on. Xiao-jun glances over when he doesn’t get an answer and finds Jinsoul swinging her feet in the air and everything.

She looks love sick, lip biting, rosy cheeks and a smile that can’t be held back. Jinsoul’s basically vibrating next to him. He turns on his side and investigates what exactly Jinsoul was doing and gasps when he sees all the little questions and check boxes. 

After calculating a strategy, Xiaojun quickly, but carefully snatches it out of Jinsoul’s grasp. Jumping out of the blonde’s bed he ignores the whine of protest and scans over the words...it’s...it’s a “are you for real Jinsoul? A heart-throb quiz?” Xiaojun wishes he wasn’t so nosey because this is making him want to gag. “Since when are you such a cornball?” 

Jinsoul struggles to crawl out of her bed, careful not to wrinkle any of her expensive silk sheets she just bought. She also has her matching pink silk pajamas on that Xiaojun couldn’t help but make fun of when he first saw them on her. “My god, give me a break!” Jinsoul flawlessly rolls from her bed to snatch the paper from his hands.  

“Come on, you gotta admit this is a little weird...I mean you used to hate these things!” Jinsoul glares at him and Xiaojun only shrugs his shoulders. 

“Oh whatever, I never give you when you think you're in love when a guy gives you any amount of attention for more than five seconds!” Jinsoul argues, holding the paper close to her chest like it was something to be treasured. 

Xiaojun gasps, “so not cool Jinsoul.” His best friend only turns her head away. Dramatic as always. She didn’t have to take it that far but Xiaojun guesses he shouldn’t have bugged her about her silly quiz. “Listen I’m sorry I called you a cornball it was a cultural shock okay?” 

Jinsoul’s lip juts out pitifully and she nods apologizing, “sorry that you're a .” 

“HEY!” He goes to physically assault Jinsoul but remembers the last time he did the blonde beat his . Xiaojun just rips the paper back out of her hands and holds it up in the air out of reach from Jinsoul. The blonde hops and cries for him to give it back. Xiaojun shakes his head, “apologize.” Jinsoul gives him that look, the one she uses to get anything she wants(it works 99% of the time), “nuh uh the puppy eye stuff don’t work on me.” 

Jinsoul groans and steps back, Xiaojun hopes he doesn’t have to deal with a mini-temper tantrum. “I’m sorry.”

“Like you mean it.”

The blonde’s lips curve into a scowl and Xiaojun knows he’s won. “I’m sorry Xiaojun. Truly from the bottom of my heart.” Feeling victorious he hands the paper back to Jinsoul who squeals when her prized possession is returned. 

“Who’d you get?” Xiaojun asks, he’s still nosey because duh, Jinsoul’s always manages to bag a total hunks, surely the quiz was the same case. Jinsoul goes quiet however and glances down at the page.

Jinsoul seems hesitant to answer so Xiaojun sneaks over and looks at some of the questions. They’re typical...but handwritten. Like Jinsoul made the quiz herself. Something is fishy about the whole thing so Xiaojun pulls the paper out of her now shaking hands for the third time, except he doesn’t get the fight like the previous two attempts.

Turning it around his jaw drops when all the results are all one person.

Ha Sooyoung.  

Jinsoul made the quiz herself. 

“God you really are a cornball!” Jinsoul goes into survival mode while Xiaojun smiles in shock. 

“Ugh as if!” The paper is ripped from him and Jinsoul goes to put it under her desk. There’s some sort of curtain hiding what is underneath it and Xiaojun can’t help but nervously laugh when it’s all revealed to him. It’s like a shrine kind of. 

Jinsoul frantically tries to shove the paper in and close back the curtain but the damage is already done. Xiaojun is sinking into a void of second-hand embarrassment. “There’s no way. There’s no way this is happening.” He mumbles to himself, still frozen like stone as Jinsoul tidies up her Sooyoung sanctuary.

“Will you chill you’re making me feel like a major freakazoid.” Jinsoul tries to joke but it falls flat because she knows it’s weird, well not to her but she can see why it could be to other people. Jinsoul’s never been this way over anyone else. 

Xiaojun shakes himself from the trance he was in and slowly makes his way back over to the curtain, ripping it open. Jinsoul’s entire face turns red. She isn’t a stalker or anything but she kept things from almost every outing she and Sooyoung has been on. Xiaojun picked up the receipt from that time she bought Sooyoung lipstick. Jinsoul’s a keepsake kind of girl. She can’t help it, “this some misery by Stephen king type obsessed.” Xiaojun turns to her, dramatics in full effect, “Jinsoul this is crazy behavior, babe this isn’t you.”  

“Okay...you’re taking it too far.” 

Shaking his head, his smile slowly grows. He may be picking on her a bit because none of this can be compared to the stuff he’s done. Jinsoul’s only got her diary and pictures hidden down here. Mostly of Sooyoung and some of them together. It’s cute, but a bit worrying because...well Xiaojun remembers the last time Sooyoung was the topic of the conversation.

It wasn’t good. In fact, Jinsoul was highly upset and Xiaojun assumed she had moved on from then. He was disappointed of course because he knew how good they would be together and seeing this has given him hope back. “So like, you let her freak again?”

Xiaojun didn’t think it was possible for Jinsoul’s cheeks to get redder, “get real, I’m not that easy.” Xiaojun only raises his brows, sure Jinsoul wasn’t easy but with Sooyoung that could be an entirely different story. Jinsoul gets the hint and sighs with frustration, “no Xiaojun I didn’t do it with Sooyoung!”

“But you’re not telling me something.” Xiaojun argues and Jinsoul’s eyes shoot to the ceiling. Jinsoul has never been a good liar, if a liar at all. The girl has only ever known honesty. Xiaojun lays on his tummy, resting his chin on his palms, “okay spill. Tell me what’s going on.” Jinsoul goes to talk but Xiaojun interrupts with one last thing, “and no beating around the bush I want to know everything, even the grody details.”

After a moment, and a sigh that lasts for minutes, Jinsoul gives in. “Pinky promise you won’t say anything.” Xiaojun holds his out and Jinsoul latches her to it. Squeezing it lightly a blush spreads across her cheeks. She leans her head back onto the wall behind her and thinks for a few moments, maybe even minutes before she whispers out in a dreamy tone. “I think we’re dating.” Jinsoul is all teeth, her cheeks raising up to her eyes, Xiaojun can’t help but smile with her.

“No way.” Xiaojun teases.

“Yes way.” Jinsoul replies back and hugs her knees to her chest. Xiaojun has never experienced Jinsoul this shy before. The blonde is staring at the floor, her eyes full of warmth. Xiaojun watches as Jinsoul tangles the bottom of her pajamas between her fingers. “It’s so...god I don’t even know how to describe it, the way I feel when I’m with her.” 

Xiaojun snorts, “I’m guessing you all made up after the...ya know.” 

Jinsoul grimaces at the memory but it doesn’t bring the smile off her face. “Yeah I think it’s safe to say we worked it out a lot better than I expected.” Jinsoul mumbles to herself really. She’s lost in her own little world now. Probably Sooyoung-land. Xiaojun swears he can hear Jinsoul’s heartbeat from where he’s laying. 

“Do you love her?”

And it’s so obvious. Especially the way Jinsoul’s breath hitches and her eyes go black. Pupils blowing out the darker color of her irises. “Me loving that loser? Pfft yeah right.” Jinsoul tries to lie but the rasp to her voice says otherwise.

“Maybe a little bit?” 

Xiaojun pushes and Jinsoul cracks. He’s never seen the girl who he’s known for years so vulnerable. Not even in her weakest moments she’s held onto some sort of strength. But the glint in her eyes, the uncertainty is something Xiaojun isn’t familiar with. “Promise to not make fun of me?” 

He holds out his pinky and Jinsoul hesitates before locking hers into his, “of course Soul, you know you can trust me.”

She’s chewing on her bottom lip when she whispers out, “I love her so much.” The confession makes Xiaojun raise his brows, “and I’m really scared I’m gonna do something to mess it up.” Raising up to his knees he pulls Jinsoul into a tight hug. Jinsoul hugs back and sniffs, “when I wake up in the morning the first thing I think is ‘I hope Sooyoung still likes me’.”

“What if I wake up one day, and it was all just a dream?” Jinsoul never knew that love was filled with so much uncertainty. That one day Sooyoung could not want her anymore. That someday, Sooyoung could be only a bittersweet memory and Jinsoul’s left with the pieces. It was a gamble. A gamble that Jinsoul was willing to risk it all for.  

If she could have this feeling forever, she wouldn’t mind gambling her heart for it. 

As long as Sooyoung asks, Jinsoul will give her heart to her, even if she breaks it. 

“You won’t mess anything up Soul.” He rubs the tension out of Jinsoul’s shoulders and wishes he could explain just how perfect she is. 

Jinsoul’s always been perfect. 

But she isn’t immune to mistakes.

“As long as you love her you won’t mess anything up.” Jinsoul doesn’t know if she believes that or not. But for now all she can do is hope and pray nothing goes wrong.

However, with the way things are going right now, Jinsoul has no doubt that she’ll be leaving the dream that Sooyoung is anytime soon.

Xiaojun leans back, curiosity in his eyes. “Okay now I want all the details.” Jinsoul’s cheeks go hotter and she darts her eyes to the side. 

Everytime she thinks of Sooyoung she gets all giddy. Xiaojun goes to sit beside her and waits for her to answer and Jinsoul quietly admits what's constantly on her mind, “Xiaojun…” He tilts his head, letting Jinsoul know he’s all ears, “she’s such a good kisser.”

They stare at each other for a few seconds before hitting the floor. Both squealing and kicking their feet up in the air. Xiaojun has never really had the privilege of having girls talk with Jinsoul...since the blonde hated talking about anything relating to men. Now he feels like his head is going to be talked off, but Xiaojun can’t bring himself to mind at all. 

~~~~

“Will you let me play already? I'm getting bored!” Jinsoul has done nothing but whined for the last hour. They were currently huddled up against the Super Mario Bros arcade and Jinsoul was itching to just...push Sooyoung off that stupid chair she was sitting in so she could have a go at it. 

But the girl just had to be excellent at mastering anything she put her hands on and Jinsoul watches in awe and a bit of jealousy as Sooyoung flows through the game like nothing. “Gimmie a second princess.” Sooyoung mumbles out, continuing to play and ignore Jinsoul’s pleading. 

The blonde’s eye twitches, “you said that five minutes ago. It’s been like a bazillion seconds now.” 

“Actually just three-hundred.” Sooyoung hums nonchalantly.

If Jinsoul knew for sure if they were dating she would have broken up with Sooyoung in the half-second she decided to open . “Okay smartass you’re done.” Jinsoul seethes and pushes Sooyoung’s hands from the controls. The older girl doesn’t even have time to react before the blonde is crawling into her lap.

Sooyoung sits back, arms wide with her eyebrows raised as Jinsoul gets comfortable on top of her. The blonde giggles menacingly before picking up where Sooyoung left off. “This isn’t fair.” Sooyoung says...although it’s not really the truth. She doesn’t know who was winning more, Jinsoul who was finally getting to play or her...who had become Jinsoul’s own gaming seat. 

Blushing, Sooyoung lets it happen without an argument and tries to figure out what to do with her hands. They hover around Jinsoul awkwardly before she presses them flat against the blonde’s shoulders. The silk button up is soft against Sooyoung’s hands, but she knows what’s softer...Sooyoung would rather not be slapped however. 

“Will you just...stop being weird and hold onto me or I’m gonna fall.” Sooyoung’s face heats up even more as she hesitantly wraps herself around Jinsoul’s small waist. Now that they’re balanced at least no falling will happen...physically at least. Sooyoung’s not too confident her heart won’t come tumbling down to her stomach.

Saving herself from the embarrassment, since people are starting to watch because Jinsoul doesn’t know how to be quiet when she does literally anything, Sooyoung presses the side of her face into the soft fabric that's between the blonde’s shoulders. “You’re gonna kill me one of these days.” Sooyoung whispers out but she’s not so sure Jinsoul had heard since she’s so into the game. She doesn’t mind though, Jinsoul was too cute for her own good.

Closing her eyes, Sooyoung smiles to herself and squeezes Jinsoul a little tighter. She’s never felt like this in her whole life, safe and comfortable while at the same time on the verge of passing out with how much her heart was fluttering. Her tummy is in pieces, Sooyoung has no idea how she’s gonna win this bet they have going.

She can’t say it outloud, but she thinks she’s badly in love with Jung Jinsoul. 

First, she needed the courage to tell Jinsoul she's going to LA...maybe even ask her to go too. But Sooyoung doesn’t understand boundaries, she doesn’t even know if she really wants Jinsoul to go. Right now everything is just so good and she’s scared she’ll mess it up at any second.

It’s still kind of strange, this thing they have going on. Nothing’s really changed from before. Sooyoung still doesn’t have the confidence to kiss Jinsoul that much. And Jinsoul doesn’t know when to kiss her back. Sooyoung is confused and left wanting more without knowing how to get it. She’s dancing around Jinsoul with uncertainty.

Sooyoung wants her just as bad, if not more than before. 

But everytime she tries to talk about her feelings it’s like something gets caught up in , forcing her to silence. All she does know is let's Jinsoul make the first moves...whenever she decides to and the blonde’s been cautious. Probably in the effort of trying to not run her off.

Sooyoung’s never been in such a relationship where she wants more instead of less. Whenever a girl would try to get closer to her she’d push them away as quickly as they tried. Sooyoung has never wanted the dates or the long talks where she tells all her secrets. She’s never wanted the affection or to be cared about. 

She’s never wanted to tell anyone who she is. It’s always been surface level for her. Sooyoung liked to be the one that was needed. Liked to be the one in control. Liked not having feelings and attachment to all her past lovers.

With Jinsoul, everything she’s done, everything she knows, it’s far behind her now. Because she’s the one that needs Jinsoul. The blonde treats her good...so good and really she’s overwhelmed with how much Jinsoul cares about her.

Sooyoung doesn’t know what it’s like to be loved.

But...Jinsoul’s an excellent teacher. 

“Sooyoung I can’t beat it.” 

Sooyoung wakes up from the sound of the husky voice and peeks around Jinsoul’s body. The blonde’s stuck on a level. Lifting one of Jinsoul’s arms up, Sooyoung rests it over her own shoulders, while leaning closer to the game. She keeps Jinsoul close by holding onto her hip. “You up for a little teamwork?” Sooyoung asks but she’s not really looking for an answer, before Jinsoul can even speak she’s going through with the plan she has, “okay so listen carefully.” Jinsoul is about to argue but Sooyoung beats her to it, rubbing the hip she was holding, “nuh uh be quiet, do the jump button and press it when I tell you.” Jinsoul frowns and Sooyoung wishes she could kiss it away, hypnotized by the shade of pink on the blonde’s lips.

“Whatever.”

It surprises Sooyoung that Jinsoul does listen. While she moves mario around, Jinsoul slams her palm on the jump button whenever Sooyoung mumbles it out. However, at one point, Jinsoul’s so distracted she forgets. 

The last life...it’s game over...Sooyoung’s score is, “ah Jung Jinsoul I said jump!” 

Jinsoul stands, leaving Sooyoung oddly lighter, she misses the weight already… “I most definitely did!” Sooyoung looks down at her empty lap and back at Jinsoul who was turning red in the face. She’s lying.

“Uh no you didn’t or we wouldn’t have died!”

Eyes narrow at her so Sooyoung does the same. Their staredown lasts for ages but Jinsoul is the loser. Frustrated she turns her cheek, “So what? I forgot to push jump. It's not like the end of the world.” 

“My score…” Sooyoung sadly reminds her, it could have been the record or something. Or she could have beaten it in a world record time. 

Jinsoul glares at her, mouth working faster than her mind. “Oh my god you are such a dweeb who cares about your lame score.” 

Sooyoung gasps, hurt, offended. “I care.” She turns away and crosses her arms, “I care Jinsoul.” 

She can hear Jinsoul behind her rethinking her actions. Sooyoung purses her lips to hold back her smile of victory. Jinsoul is shuffling her feet and it does take way longer than Sooyoung wanted it to for the girl to apologize. “Babe you know I didn’t mean that.” Sooyoung’s smile is unattainable but she doesn’t want to forgive Jinsoul just yet, “you know how I am.”

Boy does Sooyoung know. Jinsoul’s stubborn, hot headed and a sore loser. But god does she like it. Sooyoung gives Jinsoul the side eye, “say you’re sorry.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “ha, yeah right.”  

Sooyoung slowly stands then and towers over Jinsoul. Jinsoul visibly gulps as Sooyoung stalks closer, “want to rethink that one princess?” Jinsoul grumbles at the nickname, Sooyoung says it only to get on the blonde’s nerves. “Go on, apologize.”

Jinsoul holds her chest out in an attempt to look brave, ”make me.” But the closer Sooyoung gets, Jinsoul’s stature begins to crumble and she walks backward with every step Sooyoung takes toward her.

There’s a dark blush on the blonde’s cheeks when Sooyoung’s only a breath away. “I’m waiting Jinsoul.” Sooyoung knows she can be intimidating even to someone as fearless as Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul is backed into the wall now and Sooyoung waits, it doesn’t take long until the mumbled words reach her ears. “I’m...sorry.” 

She hears it, but Sooyoung would prefer it to be louder. “Hmm what was that?” She leans into Jinsoul and the blonde sighs shakily.

“I’m sorry Sooyoung.” 

Straightening back up she reaches out to pat on Jinsoul’s head, “good girl.” Jinsoul’s hair is soft and Sooyoung finds herself soothing out the top of the blonde’s head. Jinsoul’s sometimes styles her hair in crazy ways, but today it’s only loosely curled. “How does it feel this good?” Sooyoung mostly says to herself, although it causes Jinsoul to blush even deeper. 

Sooyoung’s hand is pushed away and she shakes herself out of the daze she was falling into. Jinsoul is holding her wrist tightly and warns her, “stop that.” Sooyoung could admit that she was getting a little carried away, but without all the aquanet that Jinsoul often uses it’s close to silk. 

Ignoring Jinsoul she begins to her hair again. Jinsoul grumbles out something, too low for Sooyoung to understand. Smiling to herself she decides to tease Jinsoul. Leaning down the slightest bit, Sooyoung gets eye level with Jinsoul before lowering her voice, “you know you like it when I give you all this attention.” 

Jinsoul’s ears slowly turn red and Sooyoung knows to run when the blonde tilts her head down, creating a menacing aura in the matter of seconds. She’s chased around the arcade and Sooyoung can’t be bothered by all the stares. Used to she’d get embarrassed about this kind of thing. Hated if anyone saw her letting loose like this.

She’s having fun. 

Sooyoung doesn’t have the time to be so reserved anymore. Not when she’s this happy. She’s running Jinsoul in circles, darting behind games and shooting in between them. Sooyoung doesn’t even realize how loud she’s laughing. 

Walking backwards from Jinsoul, Sooyoung catches her breath. The blonde’s stature is small, but Sooyoung won’t deny how imposing she is. “When I catch you…” Jinsoul glares at her and Sooyoung can just imagine the trouble she’d be in if Jinsoul was only a bit faster.

“But you won’t.” Sooyoung teases, “because you’re too slow.” Jinsoul huffs and Sooyoung brings her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L before displaying it on her forehead. Jinsoul pauses in her step and her eyes narrow, so Sooyoung sticks out her tongue too.

Although she was mocking Jinsoul, the blonde smiles and Sooyoung doesn’t understand why until she collides with someone behind her. Almost tripping, she turns around to someone as formidable as Jinsoul. It’s Taeyong the grouchy and kind of prissy manager of the arcade. Jinsoul’s other arch nemesis that she often annoys. Sooyoung thought it was entertaining to see the two clash. 

“No running in the arcade.” Sooyoung's mind draws to a blank and hangs open. She doesn’t exactly wanna apologize, but she doesn’t want to tell him off either. Jinsoul sees her chance to pounce and suddenly a heavy force hangs onto Sooyoung’s shoulder’s.

Jinsoul clings to her from behind, wrapping her arms around Sooyoung. Jinsoul’s arms cross at her chest and Sooyoung’s locked into the embrace. Leaning back into Jinsoul she can’t keep her smile from growing. Jinsoul rests her chin onto Sooyoung’s shoulder and begins to take up for her, “boooo you’re no fun. We were just playing.”

Taeyong crosses his arms, “whatever, just don’t break anything.” Jinsoul repeats what he says in a mocking voice. The taller boy only rolls his eyes before walking off to the back again. 

“Ugh, I wish Yoojung was working,” Jinsoul groans. Sooyoung shivers a bit since it’s right against her ear and she soon realizes how close Jinsoul is. Trying to break free, Jinsoul giggles evilly and holds onto her tightly. “Nuh uh you’re not going anywhere.” 

Sooyoung’s ‘punishment’ is a cheek kiss, or multiple. She squeals as Jinsoul attempts to continue her assault. Sooyoung wrestles against Jinsoul’s embrace, her sneakers sliding on the gaudy arcade carpet. Jinsoul presses her up against an arcade game and Sooyoung stretches to escape warm lips that she secretly wishes were on hers. Holding Jinsoul off by her shoulders Sooyoung turns each cheek away when the blonde tries to smooch them. 

Jinsoul stops all of the sudden and Sooyoung forgets that she was acting that she didn’t want such a thing. Staring at Jinsoul she shyly asks, “why’d you stop?” Jinsoul’s still hugging her but her eyes are set on something behind her. Sooyoung starts to get curious and goes to turn to see what’s got Jinsoul interested in something other than her.

However, Jinsoul spins her away and Sooyoung’s left to pout at the sudden loss of warmth. Jinsoul may be an attention seeker, but Sooyoung’s just as bad now. 

The game she was pressed against was none other than Q*bert and Jinsoul is waiting for something. Sooyoung shuffles up beside her, making sure her shoulder was touching Jinsoul’s. As they’re waiting...for whatever it is, Sooyoung sneaks a glance at Jinsoul. Her jawline is tight and Sooyoung is beginning to drool over how attractive Jinsoul is. 

Her imagination begins to wander off and Sooyoung’s not really paying any mind to anything but Jinsoul. The blonde narrows her eyes at the screen and Sooyoung can feel her jaw drop in awe. Her eyelashes are so long… Sooyoung bites down on her lip in an effort to not look like a complete idiot, but she’s afraid that there’s nothing that can save her when Jinsoul’s this pretty.

“You ?”

Bumping her shoulder against Jinsoul she finds herself nodding along to the words, “I can, if you want me too.” 

Jinsoul’s eyes snap towards hers, “no you ert the high score, it says yves .” Sooyoung blushes slightly out of embarrassment and turns her attention towards the screen. Sure enough, after a moment of waiting, the high score of 58,497 appears and the score holder is Yves suxs. It’s definitely not a big score, that could easily be beaten. 

Sooyoung wonders who would do such a thing and narrows her eyes skeptically at Jinsoul. “And you’re telling me you’re not the one who did this?” 

“No and that’s the problem!” 

She’s surprised by how genuinely upset Jinsoul is, “awe babe I’m touched, to think you didn’t care.” Sooyoung uses a playful tone, although she really feels as if she may faint. 

Jinsoul glances up at the ceiling, a sure sign that she’s about to lie. “As if, I’m mad because I’m the only one who can say you .” Sooyoung lets it slide of course, knowing if she called Jinsoul out she’d be in a world of hurt. She knows what Jinsoul truly thinks of her, even before they became lovers.

“Uh huh, but we both know it’s not true.” Sooyoung sighs and nudges Jinsoul away from the game. Beginning to play she turns to wink at the girl, “because I’m the best.” 

Jinsoul stares at her with one raised brow. Watching as Sooyoung works her magic, easily racking up points. It doesn’t take long for Sooyoung to surpass the measly score and she only keeps going to make sure no one beats her anytime soon. 

When Sooyoung gets bored of playing she sabotages the score and smirks as she hears a frustrated grumble next to her. The listing for the new high score shows up and Sooyoung bumps her shoulder into Jinsoul’s, “I’ll dedicate this one to my biggest fan.” Typing in barbie the grumpling gets angier. 

“You are so…” Jinsoul grits through her teeth but doesn’t finish her thought.

Standing up straight from where she was hovering over the control panel, Sooyoung leans onto the arcade in the smoothest way possible. Oozing with what she calls confidence and what Jinsoul thinks is arrogance. “I know, you think I’m cool and super hot, I get it.” Sooyoung teases before brushing her hair back with her fingers, “I can teach you how to get good like me, but I’d have to charge.” 

Jinsoul raises both of her hands, hovering them around Sooyoung’s neck. She thinks she may be strangled but Jinsoul resists the urge to do so and begins to straighten out her t-shirt. “Yeah right, how do you know I haven’t been watching you this whole time.” Sooyoung glances down at Jinsoul’s hands, which were still smoothing out her shirt. “All your moves...what you’re not so good at.” 

Sooyoung bites at her lips before meeting Jinsoul’s stare, “Is that right?” Jinsoul is holding her smile back as she nods, her eyes holding a glint that tells Sooyoung that she’s up to no good. Sooyoung decides she wants to play along and leans forward into Jinsoul’s personal space. “I can show you more secret moves of mine...if you’d like.” 

Jinsoul’s eyes slowly narrow as she catches onto what Sooyoung was saying, “in your dreams.” 

She laughs at how flustered Jinsoul sounds and doesn’t notice the trio stalking behind her. Sooyoung was just too into Jinsoul to pay attention to anyone else. When Jinsoul smiles at her, nothing else exists. 

“Well well well, if it isn’t Ha Sooyoung.”

Sooyoung’s smile drops, Jinsoul usually doesn’t allow her to flirt this much without putting a stop to it so the interruption is more annoying than it appears to be. Turning she becomes even more irked when she discovers who it is. 

Jinsoul cuddles up behind her looking over her shoulder at the three, “Babe, who’s this geek squad?” 

Sooyoung crosses her arms, “just some nobodies.” Jinsoul brows raise, shocked at the cold tone that Sooyoung was using. Sooyoung admits that Jinsoul has always seen the much softer side of her, since she’s always liked the girl even from the beginning.

“We’re not nobodies, we are team triple threat...who were champions of PTTG until-”

“Until I beat all three of you. By a lot.” 

Sooyoung ignores Jinsoul’s curious stare because she’s rather embarrassed with how she’s associated with a bunch of dweebs. “What’s ptt...um j?” 

Jinsoul asks the question loud enough for them to hear and Sooyoung doesn’t have the chance to answer before the leader of the trio mansplains. “FYI, It’s a G at the end. Power to the geek, it’s a gaming tournament held at the mall arcade every month.” 

Sooyoung flushes red as the corners of Jinsoul’s lips begin to twitch. “You went to gaming tournaments?” 

Turning away from Jinsoul’s mischievous gaze Sooyoung mumbles out, “yeah...before these sore losers banned me from it. That’s why I started coming here to play because I didn’t wanna run into them at the arcade anymore.” 

“Because you were clearly cheating!”

“I was not!”

The leader snarls his nose up pointing his finger in Sooyoung’s face, “yes you was, there is no possible way a girl is that good at video games.” 

Before Sooyoung can retaliate Jinsoul’s pushing her to the side and smacking at the guys hand. “Ugh get real you freaking troglodyte, you’re just pissy because you got your handed to you in front of all your dweeb friends by a girl...who by the way is good at games, probably the best.”  

“Like you even know what we’re talking about. I know girls like you, all you know is boys, makeup and shopping.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes as the three slap hands at the ‘ sick burn ’ he just laid on Jinsoul. But she knows Jinsoul’s temper is boiling by the way her eyes are starting to twitch. “Go play with your dolls or whatever.” 

“Puh-lease as if a girl has ever talked to you for you to know that, and news flash you can’t live in your mom's basement for the rest of your life and at least I know how to wash my . I can smell the cheese curdling all the way over here barf face.” Jinsoul mutters loud enough for him to hear and Sooyoung stifles a laugh. 

His face is getting all read and he starts to run out of things to say, “.”

“I bet you got doody stains in your undies.”

It’s back and forth like this for minutes. Jinsoul tears into him as he scrambles for the uninspired, ist remarks. Sooyoung begins to grow tired of it, hates that she has to watch Jinsoul get insulted even if it wasn’t phasing the blonde. 

“Awe what's the matter, gonna go cry to your mama?” 

“You don’t know how to shut up do you?” Jinsoul doesn’t say anything back, only waits and it confuses Sooyoung. “I bet you’re one of those girls who’s never worked a day in her life because she expects everyone to do everything for her. You’d be so helpless if all your friends and boy toys were to leave you behind.” 

Sooyoung’s smile from before drops but Jinsoul’s remains as the guy continues bash her, “you’d probably croak over and die from the lack of attention.” He starts to smirk, thinking he’s won. “You don’t know what it’s like not depending on everyone because you wouldn’t survive by yourself. What a joke.”

“Do you really think anyone will ever take some spoiled like you seriously?” 

Clenching her jaw, Sooyoung doesn’t even realize she’s rushing over to wail on him but before she reaches his face, he’s already on the floor crying. Jinsoul shakes her fist, that was covered in his nose blood. She winces since she hit so hard.

Sooyoung watches as Jinsoul towers over the boy, who was rocking back and forth on the floor. “Boo hoo, it up it’s only a broken nose.” His friends are shaking with fear since they’ve never seen a girl hit like that and both of them trip and stumble as they run out of the arcade. Jinsoul bends down to get closer and looks into his teary eyes, “the difference between you and me, is that I will never kiss a man’s to get validation. I’ll be more successful than you could ever dream to be, while you will spend your entire life groveling to get noticed for something that nobody gives a about.” 

Yass feminism slay

Jinsoul flips back up as if she didn’t just demolish someone’s soul. Sooyoung stares at her, amazed. Before she can say anything though, the back of Jinsoul’s collar is being lifted up. 

“Alright, you’re done.”

~~~~

“You’re mad at little ol’ me?” 

Sooyoung glances back and forth between Jinsoul and Taeyong, who had practically dragged them out by the collar of their shirts. “No , you’re always causing trouble here, it’s bad for business.” 

Jinsoul pouts up at the griping boy, “oh come on, I’m like super fun and those boys we’re being mean to me what was I supposed to do?” Taeyong is all about principle and discipline and Jinsoul is chaos personified. No wonder they clashed so often, but Sooyoung wouldn’t deny that it’s amusing to watch them heads. 

“You don’t just go around breaking people's noses Jinsoul! Now there’s blood all up in the carpet tell me how I’m gonna get that out?” Of course, Taeyong wasn’t mad at Jinsoul for fighting the boys, he threw the three out before dealing with them. He was worried about the stains on the carpet that was impossible to clean.

Jinsoul sheepishly looks away, “I don’t know, shampoo it?” 

Taeyong huffs, “and just where am I supposed to get a shampooer.” 

“Duh, at the shampoo store, why are you buggin out? Just leave it, looks like someone spilled ketchup or whatever.” Jinsoul diverges and Sooyoung watches as Taeyong gives up on the argument. He pinches his nose between his fingers before shooing the both of them off. Jinsoul smiles realizing she’s been left off the hook and grabs Sooyoung’s hand. “You’re the best you know, sorry about the mess.” 

Taeyong only glares at her and Jinsoul begins to tug on Sooyoung’s hand as she walks backwards. When they’re a few yards away, Sooyoung hears the boy call out one more time. “Hey, Soul!” Sooyoung’s eyes are only for Jinsoul as the girl turns back to face Taeyong. He isn’t smiling or anything, but his features are relaxed unlike before. “See you tomorrow.” 

Jinsoul brightens like a star and Sooyoung’s frozen in the shining light. “Bye Tae-Tae!” The boy grumbles and turns away, heading back to the arcade. Sooyoung stares at Jinsoul as she waves at Taeyong. 

Although Jinsoul was an unruly, borderline delinquent. It was impossible to not like her. Taeyong was one of the many examples to prove it. Sooyoung wonders how many more people adore Jinsoul in their own way. Sooyoung wonders if anyone adores Jinsoul as much as she does.

Sooyoung squeezes Jinsoul’s hand in her own and gestures back to the retreating boy. “He’s a cool kid.” 

“Who Taeyong?” Jinsoul hums, “not really, he just acts like that.” Jinsoul then looks at her, mischievous glint in her eyes, “he’s secretly a romantic, he’s always reading a novel about true love but don’t tell anyone that.” Sooyoung can’t help but smile, Taeyong sounds a bit like her. 

They walk side by side and Sooyoung studies Jinsoul’s expression. She may be an open book sometimes, but Jinsoul in moments still remains a mystery to Sooyoung.

Jinsoul’s perfected her mask of strength and Sooyoung hasn’t mastered the way of telling when Jinsoul is actually upset or not. 

Like now, as she traces over the curve of Jinsoul’s smile over and over again. She puzzles if it’s forced or not. 

Sooyoung wants Jinsoul to know she can slip the mask off whenever she feels like it. Sooyoung needs Jinsoul to know she can count on her, no matter how scary it is. How uncomfortable it is to show weakness. 

She wants Jinsoul to feel safe enough to show vulnerability. 

“Hey,” Sooyoung wants Jinsoul to count on her, even if it’s the last thing she’ll do. “You okay? He said some pretty harsh things back there.” Jinsoul leans into her, using her free hand to latch onto her upper arm. 

Jinsoul rests her head on Sooyoung’s shoulder before explaining, “I don’t know how many times someone’s tried to tear me down. It just doesn’t work.” Sooyoung wants to know all the times previous to this one. She wants to know if Jinsoul’s always been this headstrong. Sooyoung wants to know if there was a time that Jinsoul was weak. “That back there though? Has never phased me. Boys always have their simple ideas of girls. They think that you and I can’t be y and dorks, it's like against the laws of nature to them.” 

Sooyoung smiles down at Jinsoul who was exaggerating her speech, she guesses trivial things wouldn’t bother someone like Jinsoul. “Woah woah woah, did you just admit that I’m y?” Jinsoul turns to glare at her and Sooyoung’s smile grows, “and that you’re a dork? Wow in the same sentence too, it must be my lucky day.” 

Jinsoul laughs and Sooyoung’s heart flutters at the melody. “Oh shut it, you’re the one to talk. Miss champion of power to the geeks…” 

Sooyoung blushes at the title and groans, “ugh I know it’s super lame and I’m a loser. You were supposed to never know about that.” Jinsoul would have definitely made fun of her back then. Sooyoung would have still developed a crush on her too...

“You are.” Jinsoul coos, “but you’re the cutest loser ever.” Sooyoung goes all mushy inside especially when Jinsoul reaches up to grab the side of her face, “and you’re my loser.” Sooyoung makes a small noise when Jinsoul’s lips smush against her cheek.

Turning away from warm lips Sooyoung shyly sputters out, “stop it.” It’s too much sometimes, so much it seems like she may die from these feelings. And she’d rather live, so she can spend more time with Jinsoul. 

Jinsoul goes quiet and Sooyoung allows herself to enjoy the peace of the evening. It’s chilly, so Jinsoul huddles up to her closer and the city isn’t as loud as it normally is. She can hear birds chirping around and the sun is just beginning to set. The city glows in a warm light, a stark difference from what it will be like in a few hours. Washed with neon colors and the nightlife. 

Sooyoung hasn’t enjoyed the little things in such a long time and with Jinsoul, everything seems brighter. “Babe?” Sooyoung warms like the evening light at the simple word and she hums to let Jinsoul know she has her attention. “I’m glad they banned you.” Sooyoung doesn’t get it at first, but when she catches Jinsoul’s eyes, she’s sure she might float away. “I would have never met you then.”

Smiling, Sooyoung rests her head on top of Jinsoul’s, continuing to stroll at a slow pace. “Yeah.” 

How different would my life be without you. 

“I’m glad they did too.” 

~~~~

Jinsoul left jabs, then swings with her right. Sooyoung sits with her legs dangling off a concrete wall, the city's waterway directly below. “Show me that one again.” Jinsoul throws punches again presenting her very effective self-defense style. 

Sooyoung snorts at the girl and leans back onto her hands. It was late at night by now, they had walked their way through the city as the sun had set. Sooyoung kept claiming that she was lost, going the wrong direction, crossing the wrong streets, just so she didn’t have to take Jinsoul home. But Jinsoul didn’t correct her, in fact, she was the one who started to take the wrong turns. 

“I got a mean left hook you know.” Jinsoul explains before skipping over to her, “so don’t ever test me.” Sooyoung waits for Jinsoul to sit down next to her before scooting closer. 

Taking Jinsoul’s hand, the one that she used to break Sooyoung’s old rival's nose with and begins to examine it. Sooyoung carefully looks for anything serious, but Jinsoul’s knuckles are only slightly bruised. “Hmm, I found it more hot than scary.” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes as Sooyoung kisses her knuckle once before smirking. “Of course you would, weirdo.” Sooyoung doesn’t take the insult to heart, especially the way Jinsoul’s cheeks are warming. “Ugh I’m still pissed off, those jerks really tried to be mean to you.” 

“Says the one who just called me a weirdo.” Sooyoung teases and Jinsoul deflates in a pitiful manner. “I’m kidding, I know it’s your own little way of flirting.” Jinsoul shakes her head, but a smile sneaks onto her lips. Letting Sooyoung know her theory is most likely true.

“It really does bother me though.” Jinsoul’s voice draws softer, “It’s just...I really appreciate the person you are, so I hate it when people aren't kind to you.” Jinsoul’s words lodge into Sooyoung’s chest and linger. “I don’t- no I won’t let anyone hurt you. Including myself.”

Jinsoul’s afraid of making mistakes. Sooyoung realizes this as the girl sighs next to her. Jinsoul seems nervous. 

She stares at Jinsoul’s profile momentarily, memorizes it all over again. Sooyoung longs for something right in front of her. “Hey, Soul?” Jinsoul looks at her, a questioning brow raised. Something that Sooyoung finds cute. Possibly one of the cutest things Sooyoung’s ever seen. “How do you feel about me?” 

It’s an innocent question, but it’s one that Sooyoung wants something more from. 

Jinsoul’s blinks at her, like it was the dumbest thing she could ever ask. “You know how I feel Ha Sooyoung, I’m ing crazy about you.” Jinsoul then smiles at her but Sooyoung doesn't return it. “Don’t be silly.” It’s charming, the way Jinsoul winks at her, but it’s an act to hide something else. 

That’s not the answer Sooyoung was searching for.

She knows Jinsoul is confident in how she feels. But she’s afraid to show it, scared that if she shows too much she’ll scare Sooyoung away. 

Jinsoul’s walking on eggshells and Sooyoung can’t let it go on for any longer. 

It isn’t what she wants. 

Reaching for Jinsoul, Sooyoung cups the girl’s chin with her fingers gently. She turns Jinsoul to face her and dark brown eyes shine like glass. Sooyoung doesn’t bother checking around to see if anyone could see them before planting a soft kiss on Jinsoul’s lips. Sooyoung pulls away, her eyes shifting back open the slightest bit. Jinsoul’s lips are still parted. Trembling.  

“S-somebody could be watching.” Jinsoul stutters and Sooyoung’s surprised that she’s worried about such a thing.

Sooyoung tilts her head and presses in again. Jinsoul doesn’t fight it. There’s something in the way Jinsoul kisses her back desperately. “No one else is here, it’s just us.” 

“Anyone could be here.” Jinsoul answers. There’s something in her eyes that Sooyoung doesn’t understand. 

With her thumb pressed into the center of Jinsoul’s chin Sooyoung mumbles, her deepest desires. Her feelings unshrouded. “Is it selfish of me that I want to keep you by my side for forever.” Jinsoul’s eyes flutter close, “I couldn’t leave you alone, even if you asked me to.” 

It’s too good of a thing, that Sooyoung doesn’t like to think about letting Jinsoul go.

She doesn’t know if she’d be able to.

So she’ll make sure that she’ll never have to make that choice.

Sooyoung kisses her again. This time more deeply, with hunger. Like it’ll be their last. Sooyoung’s touch begins to trail slowly up Jinsoul’s jaw, “tell me how you feel.” Her hand flattens out against the side of Jinsoul’s face, “tell me baby do you feel the same?” 

Am I everything that you’ve hoped and dreamed of? 

Like you are to me? 

Are you terrified?  

Sooyoung doesn’t expect Jinsoul to give in so easily. To break open a shell so tightly closed when she only asked once. “Yes, and it scares me.” The night is dark, quiet. Sooyoung can’t hear a thing. The shadows on Jinsoul’s face makes her look softer. When Sooyoung caresses the curve of Jinsoul’s cheek she feels something damp and realizes that she’s crying. 

This isn’t romance.

Jinsoul tries to make it that. The fluttering feelings and good times. That everything’s so perfect. Sooyoung’s had that time and time before. Interest igniting only to burn out within days. Romance is in the movies, the length of an hour, problems being inconveniences instead of doubts and insecurities. 

And it hurts, seeing Jinsoul like this. When she’s the one that taught Sooyoung that it’s okay to be vulnerable. That it’s okay to cry. This isn’t romance, because Sooyoung sees the parts of Jinsoul that aren't refined. The parts that never reach the surface. Sooyoung finds herself falling in love with every little thing about Jinsoul, only the girl doesn’t know that yet.

That’s why it’s so terrifying. 

Sooyoung understands, she’s been in the same exact place before. The uncertainty is such a gamble. It’s frightening. However, Sooyoung knows how it feels to win.

It’s worth it, moments like these matters especially when all Sooyoung sees is Jinsoul when she thinks of the future. 

“You could break my heart at any second.” Jinsoul’s voice is small and tries to hide her face away in the fabric of Sooyoung’s suit coat. Sooyoung’s needs to see Jinsoul, so she lifts her back up, so that their eyes are even. “The thing that scares me, is that I couldn’t hate you. I couldn’t even begin to be angry if you did.” 

It didn’t make sense to Sooyoung before. Why Jinsoul still gave her the chance after she hurt her. But now Sooyoung understands. 

If Jinsoul were to do the same. 

She couldn’t hate her.

It would be bittersweet, but Sooyoung could never hate her.

“You’re the only person who could ruin me.” Jinsoul struggles to hold onto Sooyoung’s gaze, “That I’d still...that I-”

Jinsoul is unable to finish but Sooyoung doesn’t need the words. With both of her hands cradling Jinsoul’s face Sooyoung asks, “do you not know how much I adore you?” 

Sooyoung squishes Jinsoul’s cheeks in her hands, causing the blonde’s sentence to be muffled. “A girl can dream can’t she?” A smile stretches on Sooyoung’s face and she doesn’t resist the urge that washes over her. Sooyoung kisses Jinsoul over and over again. Her lips become swollen with every connection. 

Breaking the lip lock, Sooyoung stares at Jinsoul. Face still smushed in her hands, eyes scrunched closed. It’s adorable, in a devastating way. Jinsoul’s hands are over her own, the hold is gentle, yet secure. “You don’t have to dream.” Sooyoung shakes her head, laughing to herself. “I’m right here.” Leaning in she nibbles on Jinsoul’s bottom lip before taking it between her own. Jinsoul whimpers and Sooyoung dizzys at the noise before pulling away entirely.

Sooyoung is too caught up in the moment. Her head is blown up to the sky and her heart pounds. She feels drunk almost and makes a promise she can’t keep, “and I’m not going anywhere.” Jinsoul sniffles from where she was crying earlier. “I don’t like you Jinsoul.” The blonde eyebrows upturn and it’s the most pitiful thing Sooyoung’s ever witnessed, “It’s more than that...well has been for a while now.”

Jinsoul closes her eyes for a second and huffs a breath of relief. Sooyoung drops her hands from Jinsoul’s face. Her foot dangling off the edge of the concrete wall knocks into the blonde’s in a playful manner. 

“Is that a confession?” Jinsoul asks before intertwining their fingers.

Sooyoung smirks, lips still tingling yet craving more. “That would be too easy, remember we had a deal for who falls first. I plan on winning.”  

Jinsoul's gaze is soft yet overwhelming, “don’t you know Sooyoung?” She then creeps forward and Sooyoung can do nothing but watch anxiously. Jinsoul’s lips ghost around the tip of her ear and Sooyoung shivers, gripping the ledge with one hand while the one Jinsoul was holding grounds her. Sooyoung’s smiling like an idiot, on cloud nine. Only she’s slipping and she needs a single push to send her over.

Sooyoung never knew she would fall so hard.

“You’ve already won.”

~~~~

The next thing Jinsoul knows is that she’s back at Sooyoung’s place. Her hands fit everywhere, at Sooyoung’s hips, waist, even under her thighs. Kissing Sooyoung is satisfying like finishing a puzzle. Pressing that last piece in the right spot is exactly the way Sooyoung’s lips fit against hers. 

But whenever they pull apart it feels like the puzzle is destroyed and Jinsoul has to begin to put the pieces back together with every kiss all over again. 

Somehow, Sooyoung managed to lead them to the bedroom. Jinsoul’s knee is pressed between Sooyoung’s thighs, her hands bunched into the sheets upholding her weight. Sooyoung tries to pull her down however, just to feel the pressure of it all but Jinsoul would rather keep control. Jinsoul struggles to keep an even mind and steady body, but her limbs begin to tremble.

Sooyoung is making her crumble with every touch. It’s gentle, encouraging in a way, motivating Jinsoul to do more. To kiss harder, to touch there. She can barely think with every little noise Sooyoung makes Jinsoul loses a bit of her senses. They’ve all been overwhelmed by the girl beneath her. Sooyoung’s fingers crawl down her spine, so ghostlike it feels like a memory. But when Sooyoung’s palms squeeze at her waist, Jinsoul’s elbows wobble, she feels it all the way down to her toes.

Jinsoul tilts back, breaking their kiss. Sooyoung’s eyes flutter open and lock with hers less than a second later. It takes Jinsoul breath away, seeing all of Sooyoung’s desire in that single gaze. Jinsoul can’t help but wonder if Sooyoung’s felt this way before, if she’s felt this way with anyone else.

If somebody before her has seen these eyes full of longing, with want turning into need. 

All Jinsoul knows is that she’s never come close to feeling this way with anybody. Sooyoung’s a whole new universe to her and Jinsoul is curious to know all her secrets. All that she wishes for and wants.

Jinsoul wants to be the one to solve the mysteries of Sooyoung.

But first she’s gotta learn the basics. Like how she can make Sooyoung see the stars. Jinsoul’s gonna learn how to make Sooyoung say her name, scream it even, like it’s the only name she’s ever known. 

Jinsoul shifts back and forth, between eyes darker than black before leaning down. Sooyoung squeezes them shut when Jinsoul takes her bottom lip between her own, kissing lightly before biting down. Jinsoul is gifted with a desperate whine that deepens into a moan and she smiles as she moves her lips across Sooyoung's mouth.

They travel against the curve of Sooyoung’s jaw and all the way down to the base of . Jinsoul can feel the vibrations of each noise Sooyoung makes as she nips and kisses there. Sooyoung’s sensitive and Jinsoul feels all bubbly inside. That she’s the one that is causing Sooyoung to tremble and breathe harder.

Her fingers are digging into Jinsoul’s waist, but the blonde doesn’t even notice it. Not when her chest is tight from this intense feeling. 

Jinsoul toys with the bottom of Sooyoung’s shirt, right above her waist. Her fingertips meet the warmth of Sooyoung’s skin. When Jinsoul presses her whole palm to the Sooyoung’s belly the heat is hotter than she expected.

Pulling Sooyoung’s shirt up and over her head Jinsoul allows herself to gawk. Smiling down at her lover, who was beginning to get a little shy Jinsoul’s heart bursts into a thousand tiny explosions. She can’t help but to praise Sooyoung, “you’re so pretty like this.” 

Sooyoung groans above her before throwing an elbow over her eyes. The blush overtaking her features and the flush makes it all the way down to Sooyoung’s chest. Jinsoul laughs at how adorable it is. How she can make a complete mess of Sooyoung by the simplest of gestures.

Jinsoul likes it like this.

Loves that she drives Sooyoung this crazy.

~

Jinsoul’s eyes roam over her and along with the painful ache burning in her tummy blossoms embarrassment.

Sooyoung can’t handle Jinsoul looking at her like that. Especially with those eyes as pretty as they are. Full of emotions, feelings that she used to fear oh so much but now she can’t deny that she craves it. 

Jinsoul is leaning over top of her, toothy yet mischievous grin stretching her lips. She’s wearing a denim skirt, so short that during their match of dominance it had ridden up all the way to her hips. Sooyoung had let her win. 

She’s never liked losing control like this.

Sooyoung’s mouth waters at the site of so much skin, soft to the touch, it’s almost impossible to believe someone’s skin is this soft. Her hands shake as she traces the outline of Jinsoul’s thighs, making a mental mark of how her hips are shaped so perfectly. 

Her heart catches in as she gazes up at Jinsoul her hair hanging like silk from her shoulders. Sooyoung reaches to thread her fingers through it and gasps when it feels like silk as well. Jinsoul is kissing up her tummy now, leaving marks on every inch. 

When she reaches her scar Sooyoung feels time stop. Jinsoul peers up at her, eyes hooded and dark. She doesn’t know if Jinsoul’s being cautious or asking for permission. Sooyoung doesn’t know what to say, let alone what to do. But subconsciously she pulls Jinsoul closer, she needs her to be closer.

Jinsoul understands without the words and kisses around the scar. Her lips press more gently than before and Sooyoung arches. Jinsoul hums into her skin when her stomach dips, making her ribs visible as she stretches into the blondes kisses.

Sooyoung is massaging the back of Jinsoul’s head the whole time. In secret Sooyoung was just keeping her in place. She felt like if she let Jinsoul pull away at all she’d disappear at any second.

It’s out of habit, but she pulls on Jinsoul’s hair particularly hard. Sooyoung can’t help that she’s so sensitive. Jinsoul drags her gaze up, straight into her eyes and Sooyoung forces herself to stare up at the ceiling. 

There’s something about Jinsoul that tears her apart piece by piece. 

“You know, acting shy makes me want you more.” Sooyoung has to close her eyes now, completely focusing on her breathing since it feels like a ten ton weight is being pressed onto her chest. God she likes it so much, being taken cared of when it’s always been the opposite.

Shifting her arm over her face she can feel Jinsoul laugh into her waist. The blonde begins crawling up, their legs getting more tangled as she does so. 

“Stop looking at me like that.”

Jinsoul snorts above her before leaning further on top. Sooyoung is beginning to get addicted to having Jinsoul this close. “How do you know I’m even looking at you?” Sooyoung scrunches her nose up but doesn’t fall for Jinsoul’s trap. She knows the blonde is only teasing her, trying to get her to uncover her eyes.

Heat fans across her cheek before feeling it directly against her ear. Sooyoung subconsciously turns away, shivering as the whole sensation crawls down her spine. “I just...know.” 

Jinsoul lips ghost around the lobe and Sooyoung gasps when teeth scrape across the most sensitive spot. “Do you blame me?” Jinsoul rasps it and Sooyoung’s hands shoot to the blonde’s shoulders. She bunches the fabric of Jinsoul’s shirt within her fists. Jinsoul takes it as a warning pulling away the slightest bit. 

Sooyoung’s eyes are still squeezed shut, “it’s different. I-“ Sooyoung pauses and thinks for a moment. But it’s difficult when Jinsoul’s hand has a tight grip on the curve of her waist. “It’s like you’re peeling me open.”

Jinsoul’s hands travel south, all the way down to her thighs, “I know what I want to peel open.” 

Sooyoung doesn’t know what’s worse, the fact that she likes it when Jinsoul flirts with her so shamelessly or that when her eyes had shot open the blonde bursted into laughter. 

The magic isn’t gone, but most of Sooyoung’s nervousness is history. Jinsoul knew how to make light of a heavy feeling, to make her comfortable even when her stomach was in knots. “Quit, I’m being serious!”

Jinsoul wipes a stray tear from her eye and smiles down at her. Sooyoung’s heart begins to race and she’s stuck without the words again. It was just so easy to lose herself in that smile.

Thankfully Jinsoul breaks the daze that Sooyoung was in and flops on top of her. Sooyoung huffs from the added weight but instantly feels all fuzzy inside. Jinsoul is resting right below her chin, her face pressing against her chest. 

Her heart is going crazy and Sooyoung knows Jinsoul hears every beat. Instead of letting it freak her out, Sooyoung embraces the idea of Jinsoul knowing just how bad she has it.

Wrapping her arms around Jinsoul’s back, Sooyoung snuggles her close. Sooyoung’s content like this, lying in the silence with Jinsoul. It doesn’t scare her like it would with anyone else.

Sooyoung caresses whenever she can reach and after several moments she believes Jinsoul’s fallen asleep. It’s amusing...since the fact that just seconds ago the blonde was eating her alive with a single stare.

“No one has ever looked at me the way you do.” Sooyoung says it more to herself than Jinsoul. She barely reacts and Sooyoung is convinced she’s fallen asleep.

“I don't believe that.”

Jinsoul’s voice rings out and Sooyoung's smile grows wide. Brushing Jinsoul’s hair with her fingers she mumbles, “it’s the truth.” She tries to reassure Jinsoul. Sooyoung doesn’t know if there’s words that even exist to describe the way she feels for her.

The girl on top begins to stir and Sooyoung grumbles as Jinsoul raises up. She already misses the warmth and she doesn’t like the challenging glint in Jinsoul’s eyes. “Oh come on Sooyoung, you’re telling me no ones ever drooled over you before?” 

Sooyoung shakes her head, “I’m not saying that Jinsoul. Of course they have.” Jinsoul's expression becomes grumpy from what Sooyoung believes to be jealousy. It’s adorable, she can’t deny that but she’d be lying if the heat from before wasn’t reignited. Jinsoul wants her all to herself, and Sooyoung doesn’t have a problem with it. In secret she likes it more than she would want to admit. The blonde then flops back on top of her clearly sulking, Sooyoung is unable to keep the smile off her face however, “I feel like no one sees me like you do.” 

Her past lovers have only fallen for the idea of her, who she could be. While some girls did break through to her, seeing her in her worst and still wanted her. They never really understood her like Jinsoul has. 

And too, Jinsoul was one of a kind to Sooyoung. 

She was crazy about her from the beginning. 

As they lay together, Sooyoung cradles Jinsoul’s head to her chest. Jinsoul’s touch tickles her, from her sides to her hips. Soon enough, fingertips brush across her scar again and Sooyoung squirms. However Jinsoul remains quiet like she always has when it comes to the mark on Sooyoung’s skin.

Jinsoul’s palm smooths over it and Sooyoung allows herself to sink into the feeling. “Why have you never asked?” She whispers it and Jinsoul continues to massage the jagged scar. Almost everyone who has seen it has poked and prodded at Sooyoung. Jinsoul doesn’t exactly ignore it, but she doesn’t acknowledge it either.

She remembers the first time Jinsoul had seen it in the flesh, after the mansion when Sooyoung had bruised from bumping into a counter in the same place. Jinsoul had known her well enough even then, just with a single lock of their eyes that it was something Sooyoung never talked about. 

“I want you to tell me when you feel like it.” Jinsoul answers and of course Sooyoung should have already known. “Not just because I asked you.” Jinsoul may act selfish but the blonde was one of the most considerate people Sooyoung’s ever met. “So when you’re ready, you can tell me all your secrets.” 

Sooyoung pushes them both up, to the point where Jinsoul is kneeling in front of her. Sooyoung drags her hands up Jinsoul’s waist and underneath her shirt. Her skin is softer here, warmer. Jinsoul’s stare is wavering, it’s a slip of confidence, her own version of vulnerability.

Raising the front of Jinsoul’s shirt up Sooyoung kissing right above her hip. Jinsoul’s weakness is she needs reassurance constantly even if she preaches that she doesn’t. Sooyoung will make sure she gets it no matter what. She doesn’t want Jinsoul to ever doubt this, or her ever again. Sooyoung won’t make Jinsoul depend on her, but she’ll never let her feel lonely. 

“Tell me what you need, baby.” Jinsoul hands come to hold each side of her face and Sooyoung kisses the palms of them, “I want to make you feel good, as good as you make me feel.”

Jinsoul bites her lip and blushes. Sooyoung thinks she’s the winner here. No one sees Jinsoul like she does. She’s the only one that has this with her.

“Show me how?”

It’s Jinsoul’s turn to glance up at the ceiling embarrassed. But with the way Jinsoul grips at her hair, Sooyoung knows the answer is yes. It’s always been yes with Jinsoul. 

So she’ll give Jinsoul what she wants.

Sooyoung will give her everything she wants.

~~~~

Jinsoul’s breath is uneven and Sooyoung lays across from her, eyeing the sweat dripping down from her jaw to . 

“What are you thinking about?” 

Sooyoung asks and her voice is raspy from overuse. Jinsoul laughs before biting down on her lip, “thinking about how I wanna do it again.” 

Her gaze lingers on Jinsoul’s swollen lips, it’s distracting. “We’ve already done it twice. Aren’t you tired?” Jinsoul is lying on her back, arms stretched out above her head. 

She turns to Sooyoung, brown eyes no longer dark with lust. “I can’t get enough of you, I want more.” Sooyoung’s fingers crawl against the mess of sheets and find their way into Jinsoul’s hair. Brushing back the loose strands and wiping the sweat from her hair line, Sooyoung stares, it’s the only thing she can do. “Is that...okay?” Jinsoul asks shyly, like she’s overstepping a boundary. Sooyoung’s okay with it. More than okay. She wants Jinsoul to challenge her in as many ways possible. Be it emotionally, or moments of intimacy like this.

Her touch travels to Jinsoul’s ear and Sooyoung teasingly tugs at it, “it’s perfectly fine, but I need a minute I, you’re very good at...ya know.”  A little too good, so much Sooyoung might be in trouble. It’s embarrassing that Jinsoul’s already learned her body better than anyone else has. Not that Sooyoung’s ever really given anyone the chance. 

Jinsoul leans up onto her elbow, a cheeky grin playing across her lips, “are you saying that I’m the best you’ve ever had?” Sooyoung rolls her eyes at the mischievous tone that Jinsoul uses. What’s worse is that it’s the truth.

Reaching higher, she spreads her fingers across the back of Jinsoul’s neck and pulls down, “like you don’t already know.” Sooyoung kisses Jinsoul once before jerking at the blonde’s hair a little. Jinsoul leans back up as Sooyoung mumbles, “there’s no question about it Jinsoul.” 

Jinsoul looks rather pleased with herself as she lies back down next to Sooyoung. “So is this pillowtalk? I never really chit-chatted with anyone post-freak.” 

“What really?”

“Ew no, was like...I don’t know something I had to do to get what I wanted. Or if I was desperate enough for attention. I always felt awkward so I’d leave after the deed was done.” Jinsoul explains and Sooyoung scoots closer to her, “I also didn’t know it could feel this good.” Jinsoul’s cheeks warm at the confession and Sooyoung can hardly believe this is the same girl that wasn’t ashamed of anything just a few minutes ago. “I’ve never been intimate with anyone like I am with you, it’s always been a chore.” 

Sooyoung’s gaze flickers back and forth from Jinsoul’s eyes and the frown she’s wearing. “You’ve never made love?” 

Jinsoul shakes her head, “no, have you?”

If this was anyone else, Sooyoung couldn’t have answered that question. But it was pointless to think of an answer when it was right in front of her. “Yeah...with you.” Jinsoul’s cheeks are already rosey but Sooyoung’s comment deepens the blush. “Do you not think so?”

“I’ve never felt this way before.” Jinsoul shyly admits, averting her gaze elsewhere. “I’ve imagined what it would be like, being with someone that I was really into, but those fantasies don’t come close to how good you make me feel.” 

Sooyoung’s blood rushes to her head and her heart pounds in a tantrum, “come here.” Jinsoul obeys and Sooyoung’s enveloped in that addictive warmth once again. “Will you stay with me?” Sooyoung asks like she only means for tonight, but her question stretches to the future. Jinsoul nods and the silence falls over them. Sooyoung thinks she looks beautiful in the darkness like this. Spending most of this time drawing out Jinsoul’s features.

Face to face, Sooyoung asks, “if I could take you anywhere in the world where would it be?” Jinsoul blinks, confused, so Sooyoung elaborates, “Paris? Maybe Milan. Aren't those places big on fashion?” Jinsoul’s looking at her like she’s crazy and she is, since she’s bringing it up so suddenly, “what do you think about L.A, in America.” 

“It doesn’t matter really.” Jinsoul answers quickly, like she was given a pop quiz, “the place wouldn’t matter as long as you were with me. I’d go anywhere.” 

Sooyoung is done with her break.

Leaning over top of Jinsoul she whispers, “let’s do it again.” When Jinsoul without a pause kisses her Sooyoung thinks back to earlier, how she’s never heard anything more true than Jinsoul’s arrogant words.

Jinsoul’s the best lover she’s ever had. 

~~~~

Sooyoung is lost. Among the hundreds of flowers she’s admiring, not one of them quite says Jinsoul. She must look lost because suddenly a woman is behind her staring at her in a concerning manner that asks do you need some help? 

Yes, Sooyoung needs a lot of help because this feeling is overwhelming. She’s going to LA soon and the faster the deadline approaches the more she dreads telling Jinsoul about it.

She realizes that she doesn’t want to leave.

Sooyoung doesn’t want Jinsoul to be an ocean apart from her. The thought is already painful. So she can’t imagine how much it’s gonna hurt when she’ll be barely able to call, not counting the fact that it’ll be impossible to do much else. 

She already misses her. Already misses the smile, her pretty brown eyes, her voice, everything. . I won’t get to see her for almost a whole month. 

Is this what first love is? Yearning for someone that’s right in front of her? That she still longs for Jinsoul even when she’s in her arms. It doesn’t sound that bad but when she thinks about it Sooyoung doesn’t want to give something up so good for just this short amount of time. She needs it. 

She doesn’t know what exactly, all she knows is that Jinsoul is the one.

Sooyoung feels pitiful really. Ashamed that she’s this torn up over something so trivial, like she’s going away for years. What’s a few weeks? 

What if Jinsoul cries when she tells her...

“Are you looking for something in particular?” The woman asks and Sooyoung shakes her head. No she knows exactly who she’s looking for, who she wants. When the woman gives her a strange look Sooyoung realizes that she’s asking about flowers. Not about her aching heart. 

Sooyoung grimaces, “oh yeah sorry um...I’m going away for a um work trip and wanted to get flowers for my....friend.” Yeah totally not obvious Sooyoung. 

The worker blinks and Sooyoung thinks she’s gonna forget this ever happened and go live in a cave. However the woman begins to wave her off before she can make that decision, “right this way.” Sooyoung follows her around the store which is surprisingly huge for a flower shop. When Sooyoung sees them she instantly knows. They’re pink and perfectly round, blossoming in such a beautiful pattern. “Camellias, they’re good for saying I miss you, they can be romantic, if you throw some white ones in.”

Sooyoung nods, “they’re perfect.” She brings one up to her nose. God they even smell like her. “ I kinda have a specific idea. Is that okay?” 

The woman perks up and Sooyoung feels the nerves start to boil. Maybe she should just keep it simple. Flowers were enough right? But the more she thinks about it, the urge gets stronger. “I wanted to do a couple deliveries, for when I’m gone to uh my friend. We’re very close and I thought of doing something nice for her since I’m gonna be away for a while.” 

She smiles, it’s that knowing kind of smile that freaks Sooyoung out, “sure I can do that, like scheduled deliveries?” Sooyoung gives another short nod and the woman waves her up to the front desk. 

Sooyoung stands awkwardly while the woman gets out a notepad and a calculator, presumably to come up with the price. When the woman looks at Sooyoung expectantly she begins to stutter, “um the address is…” Sooyoung gives all the information and what days she wants the flowers delivered and so far it isn’t so scary.

That’s until the last few questions, “so just pink camellias.” 

Sooyoung should just say yes, but her heart refuses to let her. “No, could you mix the pink and white please.” The woman’s pen stops scribbling for a second and Sooyoung’s heart hammers in her chest. Digging in her purse she pulls out notecards...all letters to Jinsoul that she wants attached to the deliveries. “Also could you place these in the flowers as well.” 

The woman takes the letters out of Sooyoung’s hands and stares at them for a few seconds. They’re sealed but all of them have Jinsoul written on the front of them. It’s embarrassing. Risky even. But Sooyoung would risk it all for Jinsoul rather than letting the blonde go without knowing how she feels.

And Sooyoung feels a lot. She spent all night writing those letters. 

“How old are you?” Sooyoung’s brows raise at the question.

“T-twenty four.” 

The woman shakes her head, “I was that old when I met the love of my life too. I’ve been with her for sixteen years now.” The heat raises on Sooyoung’s cheeks, “you’ve got it bad huh?” 

If this was a year ago, before she met Jinsoul. Sooyoung would have raised her hands and told the woman she’s got it all wrong. But it’s different now. Sooyoung’s never even considered getting flowers for anyone else, let alone talked about someone in this way. Instead she lets out a nervous giggle smile growing wide at the thought of Jinsoul, “tell me about it.” 

It’s quiet then as the woman finishes up her work. Sooyoung pays her for all of it and thankfully it wasn’t that expensive. Little does she know the woman only charged her for the flowers and not the delivery fee. 

When she’s being handed her change back is when she’s asked the question that’s been swirling in her head for weeks now. “Does she know? That you love her? Or is she a clueless friend of yours.” Sooyoung almost drops all the change but manages to fumble it into her hands. 

Does Jinsoul know?

Sooyoung thinks that there’s a chance, but she isn’t certain.

Shaking her head no the woman frowns. “I’m sure she’ll know after this. I...travel safely, I’ll make sure these make it to her in one piece.” Sooyoung doesn’t understand the reaction at first but recognizes the disappointment in the woman’s features. 

She thinks Jinsoul is unaware of her feelings.

When that isn’t the case at all.

That’s her past.

Jinsoul is...she’s Sooyoung’s future.

“The flowers, they’re for my…” Sooyoung starts out and the woman turns back to her. Sooyoung glances down at her hands, “they’re for my girlfriend. I haven’t got the guts to tell her how I truly feel yet.” 

The woman smiles and it’s sincere. Loving Jinsoul isn’t only good for her. It’s right. It’s always been right and Sooyoung feels so stupid for not realizing it earlier. 

She thinks from the moment she first met Jinsoul it was meant to be.

It felt right in that very first moment.

“Well you better tell her before you go.”

That’s all she says before disappearing into the back and Sooyoung is left speechless. From now and when she gets on that plane she has to tell Jinsoul.

Sooyoung’s gotta let her know.

~~~~

“Boss are you gonna be alright?” Haechan is hovering over her desk where she was currently face planting into a stack of documents. Things that needed to get signed, things that needed to be read but for the meantime were being ignored. 

Simply put it, Sooyoung was exhausted.

Raising her hand up in place of her head since she didn’t feel like speaking, Sooyoung gives her high-energy employee a thumbs up. “Okay...um do you need me to do anything before I-”

Groaning loudly she interrupts his blabbering, “Go home Haechan, please, just go home.” His voice was piercing her ears, the lack of sleep was finally getting to Sooyoung. She hears his footsteps fumble out of the door and Sooyoung is left with peace and quiet. 

Raising up she wipes at her tired eyes and swipes over her desk in the effort to find her glasses. Feeling the metal against her fingertips she picks them up and situates them against her face, only for them to be upside down.

Sooyoung groans while jerking them off. She hated crunch time. There was so much to do in a little amount of time. 

With her glasses on straight she hunches over her computer for the fiftieth time. Sooyoung gets a bit of work done before she starts to sway. She tries to make her eyes wide but they only droop in the matter of seconds.

She doesn’t have any more coffee and Sooyoung knows if she tried to venture out to grab a cup she’d probably pass out somewhere on the way. Resting her head on her hand she blinks slowly at the buzzing screen of her computer. Maybe a five minute break wouldn’t be so bad. 

Sooyoung will...just rest her eyes, only for a moment.

Her whole body starts to sink into her chair. She’s so tired...and this desk is the most comfortable thing in the world. Sooyoung drifts in and out. She lets go and sleep comes instantly. 

~

Jinsoul jams the button on the elevator more than necessary. It was past nine o’clock and Sooyoung was supposed to meet her over an hour ago. 

She hasn’t seen her in days and Jinsoul hates how much she was starting to miss Sooyoung. 

The ride up Jinsoul taps her heel against the floor and glances at her hands. In one of them, she has a warm cup of tea, the other with a bag full of snacks. Jinsoul recalls how Sooyoung barely looks after her health so she was gonna make sure her girl was in top shape.

Jinsoul perks up when the elevator dings and she waits for the doors to slide open before strutting out. Sooyoung’s office is quiet and the few employees that were left look like zombies. Most of the computers are buzzing and there’s one lone employee still working on the game, from his small cubicle various beeps and melodies play out.

The office has a weird and kinda creepy ambience to it. Jinsoul guesses it’s because most of these guys have lost their soul by overworking it. That’s why she’s here to make sure that Sooyoung doesn’t go down the same route. 

Making it to Sooyoung’s private office, to the back and near the right corner, she keeps her blinds down so Jinsoul can’t see inside. Rushing to peek through the wooden door frame Jinsoul’s aches at the site. 

Sooyoung is sleeping...but it looks uncomfortable. Jinsoul sneaks inside and shuts the door quietly as she can before making her way over to Sooyoung. Sitting down the tea and snacks, Jinsoul starts to brush Sooyoung’s hair with her fingers, gently as she can so she doesn’t wake the girl up. 

Leaning down Jinsoul kisses the side of Sooyoung’s head. The girl stirs in her sleep and Jinsoul smiles when she mumbles some nonsense she can’t understand. Jinsoul peels Sooyoung off the desk and back into her chair before taking off her coat to drape it over the girl. “I’ll give you thirty more minutes okay?”

Jinsoul pets at Sooyoung one more time before going to sit on the desk. Watching Sooyoung sleep peacefully Jinsoul shakes her head and smiles, “poor baby.”

I wonder what you’re dreaming of.  

~

She’s dreaming of somewhere warm.

Sooyoung’s half awake now but can’t move. She’s stuck in some sort of limbo and it’s warmer than the dream. Sooyoung hums and slowly stirs awake, not fully conscious yet. 

One eye cracks open and her vision blurs. 

It’s Jinsoul, leaned against the desk, her eyes closed. Sooyoung blinks and realizes the girl is humming. Looking down Sooyoung sees that Jinsoul is holding her hand and there’s a coat acting as a blanket that wasn’t there before. Sooyoung sits up straighter and it gets Jinsoul’s attention.

She’s speechless. 

Because Jinsoul smiles and Sooyoung swears it sparkles. “Finally, babe I was getting so worried you were totally out of it.” Sooyoung is still dazed while Jinsoul sits on the desk across from her. Suddenly there’s a cup of something being held out to her. Sooyoung sniffs and the fragrance instantly relaxes her. “I know you like coffee better but it’s the last thing you need.”

Sooyoung takes over the cup and clenches onto Jinsoul’s denim jacket that was starting to slip down. The blonde reaches behind her and Sooyoung’s cheeks warm once she sees all her favorite snacks. 

Holding out her hand, Sooyoung waits patiently. She feels awfully spoiled as Jinsoul starts to open a bag of gummies and Sooyoung doesn’t even have the sense to thank her. Jinsoul shares some with her and keeps some for herself. Sooyoung silently munches on the snack, taking sips of tea between chewing. 

Jinsoul’s style is more casual today, high waisted jeans and a collared sweater, it fits the girl so well. Sooyoung ears tint red as she stares, Jinsoul’s too attractive sometimes. Sooyoung can’t believe she’s still got this crush on Jinsoul after all this time. 

Do these fuzzy feelings ever go away?

Her senses slowly come back to her and Sooyoung finally can come up with words, “Jinsoul?” The blonde raises her brows, one cheek full of candy. Sooyoung blushes and for different reasons, loses her thoughts. Jinsoul’s eating some sort of jello now and holds out the spoon for Sooyoung to try. 

Sooyoung goes to grab it but Jinsoul dangles it out of reach, “let me.” Sooyoung grimaces since she’s never liked being babied, but she doesn’t exactly hate it either. Jinsoul doesn’t for it when Sooyoung reluctantly takes the bite. “Is it good?” Sooyoung makes sure to glare at the blonde before ignoring her. She doesn’t want to give Jinsoul any more ideas. 

She begins to tire again, especially when Jinsoul starts playing with her hair. Sooyoung’s hand stretches out to hold onto Jinsoul’s knee so she can keep upright. Jinsoul must notice and stands, “come on let’s go home.” Sooyoung’s heart flutters at the word. She doesn’t really consider her messy apartment as her home at least not now. When she thinks of home she thinks of a few different things. 

Her sisters mostly...sometimes even her parents. Now, it’s in Jinsoul’s arms. Sooyoung finishes up her tea and stands as well, handing Jinsoul her denim coat back. The girl slips it on before gathering Sooyoung things for her as she stretches and yawns. 

Sooyoung grabs onto Jinsoul’s arm, wrapping around it as the blonde escorts them out. On their way through the office Sooyoung frowns at all her tired workers. Sure, they’re free to go home after a certain time but many, like herself, are pressured to stay due to deadlines. Sooyoung hates how the industry is progressing.

Creativity is getting less important, and it’s more about who can get a working game out in a quicker time. She made sure her game isn’t going to fall in such a category and hopes in the future things will be handled in a caring way. This was her art and she wanted it to be treated as such. 

Jinsoul leads them to the elevator and Sooyoung slumps over top of her. The girl huffs as Sooyoung lays her head on her shoulder. Basically using Jinsoul as a pillow, “listen...I know you’re tired babe but I’m no freaking she-ra, you’re heavy.” 

Sooyoung whines and flops onto Jinsoul further, wrapping her arms loosely around the blonde’s waist. “Hold me please, I’m so stressed.” Jinsoul grumbles something and gives in to Sooyoung’s pleas. Sooyoung grins to herself when Jinsoul cradles the back of her head. It’s too easy winning over Jinsoul’s affection and of course she was going to take full advantage of it.

“I’m sure everything will be fine, you’re a self proclaimed genius after all.” Jinsoul says sarcastically but Sooyoung takes it as a compliment.

Nosing into the crook of Jinsoul’s neck, Sooyoung’s words come out muffled against skin. “Just because I’m smart doesn’t mean my game is gonna do well.” The elevator bounces and starts to crawl down all the floors, “it’s scary, especially how the industry is right now. Everyone’s scrambling to put out a decent game, some companies have been going bankrupt since the market crash in 83’.” Sooyoung rants and Jinsoul only holds her tighter, “I can’t help but to worry that the game will go unnoticed.” 

“Is this your first time working on something so big?”

Sooyoung hums, “no, but it’s my first time leading the development.” Her first time was easier, she had to follow orders. This time she has to make them, not something she’s gotten used to yet. “I worked on Excitebike last year.” 

Jinsoul pushes her back and Sooyoung is confused by the bewildered stare the girl’s giving her, “Excitebike, like Nintendo excitebike.” Jinsoul’s hands are clenched to her shoulders and Sooyoung swears they’re even trembling.

Sooyoung nods like it isn’t big news or anything, “yeah, I mean, I don’t work for Nintendo but there’s this representative Lee Sooman that’s overwatching me right now. Seeing if I’m up to the challenge or whatever. If this does well I’ll be working on titles for the NES in the future. So this is really important to me.” Sooyoung’s dream is to work at Nintendo so she really doesn’t wanna screw anything up. 

Jinsoul tilts her head, seemingly in awe, “that’s so freaking hot.” Sooyoung’s gaze narrows as Jinsoul’s becomes hooded, “do you know if this elevator has cameras?” Her brows then rise to the ceiling especially now that she notices how dark Jinsoul’s eyes have gotten. “Because if there isn’t I’m gonna-” 

The elevator dings and Sooyoung blushes as a janitor shuffles in, pushing them to the side of the tiny box. He quirks his lips at them before continuing to bop his head to whatever music was playing on his walkman. 

Sooyoung’s heart is rumbling like an engine, if he hadn’t interrupted whatever was about to happen…

Turning to Jinsoul she spots the red tint on the girl’s ear. Jinsoul glares at her, “pretend that never happened.” 

“You want me to ignore the nerdgasm you just had because of me?” 

“It wasn’t a...ugh whatever, I’m not gonna entertain you, weirdo.” 

The janitor is stealing glances at them but Sooyoung can’t find herself to care, since she has the perfect opportunity to tease Jinsoul. “Oh okay, says you the one who just-”

Sooyoung shuts when Jinsoul gives her the deadliest stare she’s ever seen. Jinsoul crosses her arms and begins to pout. Sooyoung guesses she’s getting the silent treatment. 

~

They make it into Sooyoung’s apartment without speaking a word since the elevator. Sooyoung sits her things down and peeks at Jinsoul who’s tugging her sneakers off, “are we good now?” Jinsoul doesn’t spare a glance and continues to ignore her. Sooyoung rolls her eyes, “fine be like that.” 

She doesn’t mind Jinsoul acting up, but she would rather have the blonde talking her ear off. However, when Sooyoung goes to flop on the couch Jinsoul tugs the elbow of her coat sleeve. Turning to the girl Sooyoung’s smile is impossible to contain when Jinsoul begins to undo her tie for her, even slipping off her coat to hang it on the rack. 

This leaves Sooyoung only in her dress shirt, skirt and stockings. Her bare feet pad on the apartment’s floor and she practically tosses herself on the sofa. Sooyoung leans her head back onto the cushion and lets out the longest sigh. Instantly, exhaustion and relief pours over her now that she’s in the comfort of her own space, better yet Jinsoul’s with her. A good end to a long day.

Sooyoung’s breath evens out and she becomes limp on the sofa, slowly sinking into a comfy position. She hears Jinsoul rattling around in the kitchen. Sooyoung doesn’t know her head is being stared through right now. She doesn’t feel the heat of the gaze, nor the pain.

Jinsoul’s breath stops. Her body is tense against the counter. She hears Sooyoung sighing out tiredly while she becomes high-strung with anxiety. Facing away from the sofa, Jinsoul shakily exhales and grabs a glass from the cabinet before turning on the sink.

She fills the glass with water and downs it with one go. It does nothing to ease the burning pit of panic in her chest. Next to the sink lies Sooyoung’s plane ticket to L.A.

In two weeks.

It’s a one way trip.

Jinsoul had spotten it while she went to sit her stuff down on the table in the middle of Sooyoung’s small kitchen. Among it was mail and other notices, such as business letters and to do lists. Tears pricked her eyes as she read the details. 

“Soul? Are you alive?” Sooyoung calls out jokingly. It isn’t seconds later until Jinsoul appears behind her. Sooyoung smiles up at her, lips stretching out just for Jinsoul. No one has ever made her this genuinely happy. Jinsoul brushes her hand across Sooyoung’s forehead, holding her hair back as she leans down to press an affectionate kiss ever so softly in the center.

Sooyoung’s eyes flutter as they close, “you’re being awfully sweet, you’re not mad anymore?” 

“I’m not mad. I was never mad at you.” Jinsoul smiles at her, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. That’s when Sooyoung notices the unspilled tears. Jinsoul quickly wipes at them, “I drank water too fast.” Jinsoul’s lie fails, Sooyoung knows immediately she’s lying.

Jinsoul doesn’t allow her to analyze it though, making her way around the sofa to carefully pull Sooyoung’s glasses off. “You should go wash up.”

Sooyoung grabs onto one retreating wrist and Jinsoul flinches. She lets go as quickly as she latches on, aware of how nervous Jinsoul is. How she seems...afraid. “Let's go together.” Jinsoul nods and allows Sooyoung to take her hand. Sooyoung feels queasy, Jinsoul’s hand is trembling, clammy. 

She pushes the uneasy thoughts to the back of her mind even though she knows something’s wrong. Sooyoung mindlessly starts to undress and runs the bath. Jinsoul is just as quiet, staring out into empty space.

Sooyoung’s tummy twists with worry. It’s so unlike Jinsoul to be like this. But Sooyoung isn’t for sure how to ask what’s wrong. The girl is incredibly defensive right now, when Sooyoung asks if she’d like to wash up first Jinsoul only glances at her for a fleeting moment before shaking her head timidly.

She washes off before soaking in hot water. Sooyoung brings her knees to her chest while sitting in the tub. The steam rises from the water, and soon clouds the bathroom in humid air. She watches Jinsoul from her lower position. 

The girl scrubs her makeup off and brushes her hair in a slow, rhythmic manner. Completely void of any emotion. Sooyoung curls into herself even more as she stares and waits. Waits for whatever weird dream this is to be over.

She convinces herself that she must had fallen asleep on the couch and now she’s having some sort of nightmare. Jinsoul glances at her and Sooyoung knows that this is real. The look Jinsoul gives her is everything but a dream. Sooyoung feels so small under that gaze.

“Jinsoul, you’re being quiet.” The girl turns away from her again, beginning to wash her face. Sooyoung’s voice is choked but she powers through. “Why are you being so quiet?”

“I’m just tired.” Jinsoul’s tone is pointed. Sooyoung shivers at the intensity of it.

“You talk more when you’re sleepy.” It’s true, whenever Jinsoul gets slap happy she goes on and on. Now she refuses to say a word. “Jung Jinsoul.” The girl fights it at first but gives in, turning her gaze back to Sooyoung. Still Jinsoul refuses to directly look at her and Sooyoung pleads, “come here, the bath feels nice.” 

Jinsoul reluctantly listens, dragging off her clothes before stepping in. She sits across from Sooyoung and the older girl can’t help but let out a relieved puff of air. Jinsoul’s obviously upset. Sooyoung wants to figure it out so she can make it better. “What’s wrong?” 

The girl across from her sinks into the water, there’s not much room so their knees knock together in the tight space. “Nothing. I told you-” 

“That you’re just tired, yeah I don’t buy it.” Jinsoul lowers her head, “will you tell me later.” No response, “In the morning?” 

Jinsoul shrugs her shoulders. Sooyoung knows how sensitive Jinsoul can be, but hardly ever does she get this down. She looks so fragile at this moment, like she’ll break at the smallest touch. “Are you gonna talk to me at all?” 

She waits for an answer that she never gets. 

Sooyoung leans back and tries to relax, focuses on the ripples of water that appear whenever one of them dares to move. It’s like this for the rest of the time, everytime Sooyoung sneaks a glance she catches Jinsoul staring at her, only for the girl to quickly look away.

When Sooyoung grows tired of whatever this is she slips out from the tub, dragging Jinsoul with her. The water had become lukewarm anyways. Slipping a towel around Jinsoul’s body she dries the girl’s hair too. Jinsoul is still mute. 

Sooyoung gives up on trying to get Jinsoul to talk. It’s like pulling tooth and nail. Her lover has proved time and time again how stubborn she can be. Finishing up drying Jinsoul’s hair with a spare towel she studies the girl just for a second.

Her eyes were tightly closed and her nose scrunched up. Sooyoung thought it was adorable, especially when one eye cracks open. She leans forward to press her lips against Jinsoul’s. The softness makes Sooyoung dizzy and when Jinsoul kisses back, some of the worry fades.

“Let’s go to bed if you’re tired.” 

The silence is no longer uncomfortable as Sooyoung slips on a nightdress. Jinsoul only borrows a sleep shirt before curling underneath the pile of blankets on Sooyoung’s bed. Once settled, the quiet of the night becomes heavy.

Sooyoung scoots closer to Jinsoul seeking out that warmth that always soothes her. “I hate seeing you upset.” Sooyoung mutters, reaching out to smooth over the soft skin of Jinsoul’s thigh. “I really hate it you know.” 

Whenever Jinsoul would stay over they’d talk all the way through the night. About everything, anything. Jinsoul would either listen to Sooyoung, or tell her own stories. But with this invisible wall between them and the previous exhaustion bearing down, Sooyoung can’t do anything but hope that tomorrow will be different.

Jinsoul is holding her hand. 

Sooyoung squeezes on tight, and sleep comes easy.

Jinsoul waits, it’s maybe hours before she has the courage to move. Sooyoung had fallen asleep facing her, holding onto her hand like a lifeline. Jinsoul thinks she looks so peaceful like this and wants it to stay this way forever. 

But tomorrow will change nothing.

Sooyoung’s still leaving.

Leaning up, Jinsoul brushes some stray hairs from Sooyoung’s face. Looking at the clock she sighs realizing it’s almost four am. She’s going to leave. Jinsoul needs to leave before Sooyoung wakes up.

With tears dripping down onto the pillow Jinsoul kisses Sooyoung maybe for the last time and whispers out onto warm lips, “I love you.” Her voice cracks, and Jinsoul feels like she’s choking on thin air. “I’m sorry that I fell in love with you.”

She rises and continues to pet Sooyoung’s head, the girl softly snoring, the sound pierces through the quietness. “Please don’t hate me.” Jinsoul will do what she can. She’s become too much for Sooyoung, so she’ll give her the space she needs. 

Jinsoul can’t lose Sooyoung like this.

So she’ll hold onto her love in secret. Jinsoul isn’t prepared for heartbreak just yet. She isn’t ready for the plunge. Jinsoul leaves moments later, not even making a peep as she walks away. Leaving Sooyoung alone. 

Sooyoung’s hand clenches around nothing. 

~~~~

If it’s a sailorloona fic, somebody’s nose is gonna get broken. I really hope this chapter is good for you all... I'm sorry about how long and corny it was. Very sorry for the end too, but I wanted to make somebody mad tonight. 

As always, lots of love and thank you all for the comments and support I deeply appreciate it <3

I would recommend listening to nite and day Al B. Sure and Uhh Ahh (sequel version) Boyz II Men during this chapter...although you all probably already read by the time you see this so