Jung Jinsoul has a master plan. 

It has steps, details and back up ideas, in case the first one goes wrong. What is this plan? Simple, it’s her strategy to make Ha Sooyoung fall in love with her. Jinsoul already knows two things, Sooyoung obviously wants her. Sooyoung hates commitment or anything really to do with feelings.

Jinsoul can handle this. 

There are two paths she can take, Angel Jinsoul on her right shoulder has a perfect plan. Just be kind and patient with her, be yourself, she already likes you this much, with time she’ll grow to love you.

Jinsoul likes that plan. She doesn’t want to scare Sooyoung, she wants the girl to feel the way she does because she feels amazing whenever they’re together. However this is the first time Jinsoul’s ever felt this way. Sure, she’s had crushes on girls before but nothing like this. 

Her other path was simple, the devil version of herself on her left shoulder came up with it. Simple, just be y. Jinsoul’s figurative guidances fight it out, arguing about morals or whatever. Jinsoul just daydreams about how pretty Sooyoung is. 

Jinsoul smiles, she’s always loved making girls happy.

But now, she just wants to make one the happiest.

~~~~

“Do you wanna do it?”

“No.”

“You wanna smoke this joint?”

“No.”

“Wanna have -”

“No...I don’t want to have Jennie.” Sooyoung glares at the girl across from her, kneeling on her bed. Jennie shrugs her shoulders and flops down onto the mattress.

The girl is silent for a few minutes and then asks, “why am I here again? You don’t call unless you want to so...I’m just a little confused.” 

Sooyoung pinches the bridge of her nose, “I thought we could just kick it, as friends.” She doesn’t know why she called Jennie. Sooyoung just...needed someone to talk to that wasn’t Jinsoul. Because she wanted to talk about Jinsoul. And well...talking to Jinsoul about Jinsoul would be awkward and Sooyoung doesn’t want to creep the girl out with how obsessed she is.

Although she’s sure Jinsoul would love it.

“Oh, well you’ve said that before but then we ended up ing anyways.” Jennie explains. 

“Um, Jennie actually...I think we should stop hooking up.” She’s been thinking about this for a while now. The only reason she’s been sleeping with people recently is to get Jinsoul out of her head, but Sooyoung ends up fantasizing about the girl anyways, it’s like she’s been sleeping with the ghost of Jinsoul this past month. Sooyoung thinks of the only person she wants to be with, no one else can fit inside her heart anymore. She wants no one else if it isn’t her. It’s just...Jinsoul Jinsoul Jinsoul. 

The girl on her bed raises up, genuine curiosity on her face, “awe, is it getting boring...last time it was like you weren't even there.” It’s been a while since they’ve been together. But Sooyoung knows exactly why she hadn’t called Jennie for this...she had dyed her hair blonde and well Sooyoung’s mind had drifted during it of course to the same place it always goes. She felt guilty about it. 

“It’s not you, I don’t think I could do it with anyone now.” Sooyoung admits, the thought of going behind Jinsoul’s back makes her nauseous. She wants to be loyal. She wants to show Jinsoul that it’s only her. That it will only be her.

Jennie looks at her for a second and smiles, “you’re saying you don’t wanna be a hoe anymore!” The girl hugs her from behind while squealing with happiness and Sooyoung fights the urge to kick her out, “Sooyoung that’s wonderful news! Wait...why?”

“Why what?”

“Why aren't you gonna hoe around anymore?” Sooyoung narrows her eyes, like it’s the dumbest question in existence, but Jennie doesn’t know that she’s basically falling in love with Jung Jinsoul. “Do you have an std? Like the clap or something?”

Sooyoung hops up from the bed, “I don’t have a-” She realizes she’s screaming, “jesus I don’t have the clap are you serious.” Jennie is serious, she nods her head very seriously. Sooyoung sighs and sits on the bed again and looks timidly into Jennie’s eyes, “promise you won’t make fun of me.” Jennie’s always teasing her for saying she’ll like anyone ever again.

has always made sense to Sooyoung, at least that’s what she thought. That it didn’t have to have any meaning behind it. Just an activity to make two people feel good...most of the time. Recently Sooyoung’s had a lot of regrets and she’s starting to realize why.

Jennie has told her time and time again, that when she finds the right person. That she won’t want to do it with anyone else. It won’t feel good or right with anyone but that person, that will only make sense with them. It’s become true.

Jinsoul’s the only one that makes sense.

And Sooyoung has only kissed this girl. 

“I...like someone. And I, um we’re not even together or anything, we’re friends but god it feels wrong Jennie. I want to be loyal to her, I want her to know that she isn’t just anyone to me, she’s everything. There’s feelings there and maybe...something will happen I don’t know but if it does I need her to understand that it’s only her that I want, so I’m starting now.” Sooyoung rambles out nervously while twisting her sleep shirt up in her fists. Jennie is about the only person Sooyoung trusts with these things. For a few minutes Jennie doesn’t say anything so Sooyoung looks up and sees the biggest eating grin on the girl’s face.

Jennie starts to poke her side, “uhuh, what was that you say all the time,” Jennie creates a deeper voice, mocking Sooyoung’s, “oh Jennie, you know me I’m incapable of feeling for anyone.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and pushes her off. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s actually more normal to feel guilty about these things than to not.”

Sooyoung remembers all the girls she two-timed. It's not that she wanted to hurt them it’s just she didn’t want what they wanted. Sooyoung didn’t want a relationship she was always up-front about that, at least she thinks she was. It’s always just been only a physical thing and girls get hurt when they realize that it’s like that with her. It happened with Jiwoo, and Sooyoung made that mistake. She never wanted to hurt that girl but...she didn’t want her more than a casual thing.

But with Jinsoul it’s different, the physical attraction is there...but it’s so much more. 

She never wants to lose her.

“But is this one? Is she you know…” Jennie swings her hand around.

Sooyoung pouts, “is she what?”

“Ya know, inconsiderate. Is she gonna have a problem with all your...problems.” Jennie words it nicely. Sooyoung had issues, she had baggage, she had every damn thing in the book that could ruin a relationship. And yet, Jinsoul still wanted her. Jinsoul knows and she still wants her. When girls in her past run from any inconvenience and cry about how she’s the bad guy.

The blonde promised her it was okay that she only wanted to be friends. But it was a lie, one of the biggest lies Sooyoung’s told. She wants Jinsoul. She wants to give that girl everything. She wants Jinsoul to love her.

But will she? After she learns truly how damaged and broken Sooyoung is?

Everyone else who has tried to fix her has failed, Sooyoung doesn’t want that. She wants...she doesn’t want to be fixed. She wants to be brand new. 

“No, no of course not. She’s the sweetest girl I’ve ever met, well she does have an attitude, but it’s cute. Makes her downright irresistible, you have no idea how hard it is to say no to that girl” Jennie smiles as Sooyoung blushes, “she’s so...understanding and patient.” Sooyoung smiles, “she makes everything okay.” 

“Girl, do you L word her?” Sooyoung slowly shakes her head no, “do you kinda L word her? Or getting there?” Sooyoung slowly shakes her head yes. “Aw...holy .” Jennie takes in count of the situation...it’s more serious than she realized. 

Sooyoung looks down at her sheets, smoothing them out, “when I’m with her, it’s so easy and fun, everything is less scary when we’re together, I forget how cruel the world can be because she’s so perfect and kind. I like her, but it’s not only about the way she makes me feel, it isn’t because she makes me happier, more than I’ve ever been in a long...long damn time.” Sooyoung swallows, the constriction in making it hard to. “I don’t have to hide when I’m with her, because she likes me for who I am. She likes even the bad parts of me.” 

Jennie scoots closer to her and lays a single hand on her back, rubbing whenever her shoulder shudders. Sooyoung’s never been one for emotions, she never likes being vulnerable, hates putting her heart out on the line. But with Jinsoul she allows herself to be. Because in the past, women have taken Sooyoung’s weaknesses and used them against her, to hurt her more. 

They use them to make her think she needs them. That she needs them to make everything okay. Jinsoul doesn’t do that, the girl praises her for being strong, Jinsoul sees weakness as strength in her. She sees that Sooyoung only needs herself and doesn’t make a problem out of it. 

“I’m scared. But she doesn’t try to make me hide it. She protects me, from everything, even herself.” Sooyoung remembers their phone conversation, how Jinsoul sacrificed her own feelings for her. “I’m afraid I’ll make the same mistakes and she’ll leave me behind. I don’t want to hurt her. And...of course I don’t want her to hurt me, god my heart is trying to convince me that she won’t but my mind keeps taking me back, to all those years ago and-”

Jennie hugs her and Sooyoung realizes she’s crying. She accepts the affection, Sooyoung has had with Jennie over the years, but never have they hugged or kissed, only between moments when one of them craves the intimacy neither of them have had. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Sooyoung realizes she presses her knuckles into her scar and Jennie gently places her hand over her own and pushes it away.

Jinsoul would never do that to her.

There’s too much good in that girl’s heart. 

“What’s her name?” Jennie asks, pulling back.

“Jinsoul.” The name belongs on her tongue.

Jennie raises a brow, recognizing it, “Oh that girl you met at the arcade?”

“Yeah...her.” Sooyoung says sheepishly, “the only other time I’ve ever felt this way was when I first played a video game. It’s like I got into this sweet fantasy that was mine and mine only. I forgot about everything. She’s just...that, I.” Sooyoung blushes as Jennie starts to smile.

“Dayumm, you are in love.”

“Oh shut up.”

Jennie covers her grin, “you just went total dork mode on me.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and the girl next to her shakes her, “come on you gotta ask her out, she sounds amazing.”

“I can’t, it’s...I friendzoned her.” Jennie’s smirk drops and she raises a brow. Sooyoung feels like she’s already messing up with Jinsoul, telling the blonde she doesn’t want her and the next minute getting extremely jealous over a phone number. She’s giving Jinsoul mixed signals. She needed to decide whether she’d take the chance or not.

Jinsoul’s been so good to her. 

Sooyoung doesn’t want to lose this, she doesn’t want to hurt Jinsoul anymore after this one time. 

“Yeah you’re the biggest on the planet, remind me again how you got two degrees.” Sooyoung glares at Jennie and rolls her eyes. “Sooyoung, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you with actual feelings, besides the love you’ve got for...those big boxes with buttons you can click on-”

“Computers.”

“Yeah, yeah those, but I can tell you genuinely care about this girl. And it’s obvious she cares about you too, why not take the leap.” Jennie asks with a serious voice. The girl pats her hand, “love is like the lottery, you can’t win if you don’t give it a chance. Who knows Sooyoung, this girl might be the jackpot.” 

So roll the dice. 

She already feels like she hit the jackpot meeting Jinsoul. The only thing now is keeping her winning and Sooyoung is trying her best. Jinsoul’s a lot to handle and Sooyoung wishes she knew how to do this. God she wishes it was easy so she could give her heart to Jinsoul without worrying about it.

“I miss her.” She admits, honestly. She wishes Jinsoul was here, just so they could talk. So she could hold Jinsoul’s hand. Look her in the eyes...anything.

Jennie smiles, “call her, I wanna hear her voice too.”

Sooyoung scoots away from Jennie and picks up her phone, dialing Jinsoul’s number. It rings a couple times and Jinsoul picks up, “shhhh shut up! Hi Jinsoul speaking!” 

She can hear someone giggling in the background, a girl’s voice. “Hey Soul, it’s me.”

“Sooyoung hey! What’s- Yoojung stop! What’s up babe?” Sooyoung can feel Jennie snooping behind her so she turns away from the girl, holding one hand on the phone as the other hides half of her face.

“Nothing I just, what are you doing tomorrow?” Sooyoung hurriedly asks and feels her heart racing, the butterflies in her tummy throwing a party.

She can hear Jinsoul cutely hum over the line, she can just imagine the girl sitting in cute pajamas in her room. Twirling her fingers around the cord of the phone. Sooyoung wishes she was there. She wishes she was with Jinsoul. “Hmm why? Do you wanna come see me?” 

The tone of Jinsoul’s voice is playful, teasing almost. Sooyoung likes it, “yeah I want…” Take the chance. “I miss you.” Sooyoung wants to start telling Jinsoul how she feels, she’ll start with the little thing.

Jennie coos behind her and Jinsoul goes mute. The blonde speaks up after one lengthy pause, “you can come through...I’ll be home around four, you remember the address right, we can go do something.” 

“Yeah. Of course, that sounds great.” 

Sooyoung keeps it simple. She starts to feel warm in other places than her chest. She can hear Jinsoul sigh over the line. “What are you doing right now?” 

Glancing over towards the girl now rummaging through her special drawer she answers, “with a friend.”

“Oh,” Jinsoul says sadly.

Sooyoung is quick to defend it, not wanting Jinsoul to think of it the wrong way. Sooyoung wants Jinsoul, only Jinsoul. “It’s not like that, actually we were just talking about you.”

“Oh?” The sound is much happier this time.

“Yeah wanna say hi?”

Jennie is already rushing over, “Hi my names Jennie.”

“Hi Jennie!” Jennie pulls the phone away and covers the speaker, and mouths ‘she sounds adorable’. Sooyoung nods in agreement, she could talk to Jinsoul for forever. 

“Sooo, Sooyoung’s like totally in l-” Sooyoung snatches the phone from her in a second. God she homes Jinsoul didn’t understand where that was going.

Shoving Jennie’s face away she quickly diverts, “sorry she’s um, weird.”

“What was she gonna say?”

Sooyoung swallows, “probably something weird.”

She can hear Jinsoul laugh lightly over the line, “oh yeah? Well, Yoojung is starting to miss me so I better go, I...I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Sooyoung nods and realizes Jinsoul can’t see her. “Yeah! Tomorrow, definitely.”

“Bye Sooyoung.” Jinsoul’s voice is...something. 

Jennie watches with amusement as Sooyoung tries to not act like an idiot putting her phone back down. Turning, Jennie is already lighting up a joint, “wanna get geeked and watch the goonies?” There’s no sense of asking, Jennie is already blowing an O.

Sooyoung rolls her eyes. Thankful she wasn’t gonna for that awkward phone call. Later, after Jennie is asleep, Sooyoung calls Jinsoul again. 

There’s something different about the way Jinsoul says her name this time around. 

~~~~

Well, Sooyoung is nervous. She doesn’t really understand why she’s so nervous, but she is. Sooyoung is really really, “Hi.” Jinsoul is standing in front of her, smiling. Sooyoung forgot she even rang the doorbell since she was so stuck on what she was gonna say to the blonde. 

All she comes up with is this, “Hi.”

Sooyoung wishes she could slap herself in the forehead. “Are you ready?” Sooyoung nods, their plans were simple, friendly, completely ordinary for two individuals to do. Aerobics, Jinsoul had suggested they go together, Sooyoung agreed not really thinking about it, she had some dance experience and the idea of impressing Jinsoul was just too hard to pass up on. She remembers when they danced at that party, and how the blonde’s eyes had roamed over her.

There was only one problem though. Dancing is normal, aerobics is a bit different. There’s more sweat, more skin, more tension. More...everything and now Sooyoung couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

Sooyoung liked Jinsoul.

A lot.

And the blonde liked her, but wasn’t keeping it a secret like she was. Which, honestly, Sooyoung doesn’t think she’s being discreet about her attraction nor feelings towards Jinsoul either. Sooyoung walks alongside the blonde, it’s silent but not to the point that it’s awkward. Both of their strides are slow, trying to drag out their time together as long as possible. They keep glancing at each other, Jinsoul pokes at her side playfully and Sooyoung gently swats the hand away.

It’s so easy being with Jinsoul, yet intense at the same time. The blonde never makes her feel out of place or uncomfortable. But just by looking at her Sooyoung feels like she’s going to explode. Sooyoung eyes the mini pink skirt, the lighter pink sweater with just two buttons latched in the middle. 

There’s a lot of skin showing and Sooyoung is on the verge of passing out. Jinsoul looks nice in pink, very nice. So nice she just wants to run her hands all over- “So, are we trying the friends thing again?” 

“Huh?” Sooyoung jerks her head away, but she knows Jinsoul caught her staring at her waist that was exposed. 

Jinsoul smirks and walks a little slower, making her hips jut more with each step. The blonde’s walk is smooth and Sooyoung gets stuck on the confident sway of her body. “We’re gonna forget about my embarrassing attempt at confessing right? Go back to square one about being just friends?”

Sooyoung narrows her eyes and pretends the blush on her cheeks is from the heat of the sun. If anything was embarrassing about Jinsoul’s confession, it was the part where Sooyoung said no. A girl straight out of her dreams and Sooyoung decides to keep her there instead of embracing the reality that Jinsoul could be hers.

Jinsoul still feels like a dream.

Maybe that’s why Sooyoung is scared, she knows dreams don’t last forever.

“Yeah, friends, is the deal still on? If one of us breaks?” Sooyoung asks seriously. Technically Jinsoul did break the rules, but so she did. Jinsoul may have been honest about her feelings unlike Sooyoung. But she’s never been jealous, Sooyoung on the other hand...well, she doesn’t like to talk about it.

Jinsoul sighs, “don’t you think we’ve already ed that up? I said I liked you, but you have an aneurysm every time I give anyone other than you attention.” Sooyoung frowns and crosses her arms, prompting Jinsoul to playfully shove her, “babe I’m joking, maybe we can just, revamp it or something.” 

Sooyoung steps closer towards Jinsoul and can’t help it anymore, she reaches out to play with the hem of the girl’s pink sweater. “Got any ideas?” 

“What if the deal is...more of a physical kinda break. Like if one of us initiates kissing….or more.” Sooyoung hangs onto the words. Or more. 

Looking at Jinsoul’s profile her heart flutters along with the blonde’s eyelashes, “a bit more? Like, if one of us tries to have ?” Jinsoul blushes and bites her lip, nodding and Sooyoung has to turn away before she has a heart attack. “But wouldn't we both need to agree on that kinda thing before um, doing it, don’t you think?”

“No, no it would be like this.” Jinsoul then grabs both of her shoulders and turns her so that they’re facing each other. Both of them are frozen in the moment, and Sooyoung just stares. She traces the shape of Jinsoul’s eyes, the color of them, how they make her chest bloom with warmth and she finds herself falling in love with them all over again. “Sooyoung, I want you to fu- err, have with me.” Jinsoul’s expression is completely serious, void of any emotion. Her eyes narrowed her lips straight. Sooyoung doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Sooyoung knows the look on her face has to be embarrassing. The words drop from her ears straight to her tummy, twisting into knots of heat. Jinsoul wasn’t even trying to be seductive but Jesus Sooyoung thought this would be easier. To fight the malfunction in her brain she tries to take the seriousness away, “then why didn’t you say so? We can go back to mine and get it on until the morning.”

Jinsoul’s frustration is apparent as her eyebrows knit together, “ugh you freaking...it was an example! I wasn’t actually asking!” Sooyoung can’t help but smile, it was so easy to wind Jinsoul up, she wonders if the girl was like this in other situations.

“I don’t know...sounded like you really wanted it. You sure you weren't asking for real?” Sooyoung’s joking of course, but if Jinsoul said yes she’s not sure how she’d manage to resist the temptation. After the blonde’s face goes red Sooyoung laughs and rubs on the girl’s back, “alright alright relax! I’m just messing with you…so what if really did ask me that and meant it?” 

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and turns to walk again, leaving Sooyoung to trail behind her, “Then I would be the loser. And I’d have to do whatever you say.”

Oh Jinsoul...why did you have to say it like that.

“I want to add something to the bet, if you’re the one that gives in.” Sooyoung explains and shrugs Jinsoul’s hands off her shoulders, they were hot to the touch.

“Okay…”

Jinsoul tilts her head and waits patiently. “If you do so happen to break, If things don’t work out, I want us to still be friends, no matter what. I think losing you would be like the worst thing that could happen to me.” Sooyoung tells her shyly, and she hopes the blonde agrees to it and keeps her promise. 

Sooyoung chews on her lip as Jinsoul thinks, and then the blonde gives her the softest look imaginable. “Okay, I accept your terms.”

Although she’s relieved Sooyoung has to ask, “And yours? If I break?”

Jinsoul shrugs, “They’re a secret.” 

“How is that fair?”

“It is, besides, this won't be hard, I mean we’re trying to be friends and well, kissing and other things is not very friendly. It is, but ya know what I mean. I have faith that we won’t be doing the nasty or whatever.” Jinsoul rambles out while waving around her perfectly manicured hands. 

Sooyoung’s eyes follow them intently, “Yeah this is like, last resort, if one of us can’t stand it anymore.”

They stare at each other for a few seconds before Jinsoul squeaks out, “Shouldn’t be hard at all!” Sooyoung nods awkwardly and they continue to walk to the gym. She knows she’s lying, being with Jinsoul right now is hard. Sooyoung doesn’t want to be the one that breaks though. That would be all her pride and she doesn’t know if she could keep her promise to Jinsoul.

“Hey, do you want to by the way?” Sooyoung does smack her forehead with her palm this time as Jinsoul raises one skeptical brow. Why on earth would I ask that...

“Do what?”

Sooyoung mumbles something under her breath before reluctantly telling the truth, “do it with me. Have....” Her voice notches a pitch higher with each word. God she isn’t a teenager anymore but just thinking about it makes her tummy erupt with butterflies. 

Jinsoul looks completely moridfied, “I will be remaining silent on the matter.”

The blonde is staring down at the ground now and Sooyoung, although lost all the dignity she has left, still needs an answer. “No, you have to answer, yes or no. At the mall-”

“What I said at the mall doesn’t matter now, we’re trying to be friends remember?” Jinsoul seethes through her teeth and Sooyoung purses her lips, cowering. The blonde had very explicitly told her about...the thoughts she was having. Sooyoung just couldn’t help but to want to hear more of those thoughts. She was completely shameless. 

“But-”

“Shut up! Just shut up...please.”

“You said when you thought of us, you was thinking about us having right?” Sooyoung digs in and Jinsoul’s ears shade red.

Jinsoul glares at her, “no, I was thinking about how I was going to murder you and get away with it. I would rather shove a cactus up there than to ever let your grimey little fingers catch a feel.”

Sooyoung scoffs, as if that was the truth. If her memory was correct, Jinsoul even confessed that she...did things with those thoughts in mind even if it was a joke. “Harsh, that was so uncalled for.” Sooyoung pouts up and crosses her arms, “I’d let you do whatever you wanted, you know. If we weren't friends.” 

Jinsoul gapes at her and Sooyoung simply walks away.

~~~~

Walking into the gym, they take the elevator up to the dance studios. Jinsoul stands on one end while Sooyoung stands on the other. They’re glaring at each other. “What are you looking at freak?”

Sooyoung rolls her eyes, “I don’t know, haven't figured it out yet.” 

Jinsoul makes some kind of obnoxious noise and goes straight for Sooyoung’s throat. The elevator dings and the doors open. Sooyoung is standing there ready to grab Jinsoul, while the blonde’s hands are wrapped around her neck. 

It’s Kim Jiwoo.

“Jiwoo?” Sooyoung and Jinsoul say in unison. Jiwoo beams, but only at Jinsoul. Causing Sooyoung to look at Jinsoul like she was a total stranger. Since...when did Jinsoul know Jiwoo and vice versa.

The red-head skips inside. Her hair curled and bouncy and the smile, perfect as ever. Sooyoung feels cornered, when in reality both girls are completely ignoring her. Jinsoul and Jiwoo talk miles a minute and Sooyoung knows they have to be close friends. Jinsoul would talk to any cute girl, but Jiwoo...she was a bit shy. It reminded Sooyoung of a mouse. It took her damn near a month for Jiwoo to open up to her and even then, Jiwoo seemed to like Jinsoul more than she ever liked Sooyoung.

They all exit off the fourth floor. Jinsoul finally turns to her again, as if she just remembered she existed. “I’m gonna see what rooms are open, I’ll be right back.” Jinsoul says with a smile and Sooyoung feels her cheeks redden, especially under Jiwoo’s glare.

Sooyoung doesn’t take her eyes off Jinsoul. “Hey Jiwooming.” The girl doesn’t say anything, “oh so you’re not gonna talk to me?”

Jiwoo scoffs, “wow, you’re still full of yourself Huh.” The usually bubbly girl’s tone is icy, just showing her dislike for Sooyoung. The difference from the way she spoke to Jinsoul is obvious. Jiwoo was nice to anyone and forgave easily, Sooyoung however, had a special place in hell according to the red-head. Sooyoung has never apologized though and that might be the reason. “Since when have you two been friends?”

Sooyoung notices the curiosity in Jiwoo’s voice, “who? Blondie?”

“Her name is Jinsoul.”

Pouting, she focuses on how Jinsoul laughs at the joke the front desk person makes. “What, don’t tell me your jealous?” 

“Of her? No, of you, yes. You probably don’t even realize how lucky you are. How many people would die to be you to get a chance with Jinsoul.” Sooyoung’s well aware. But she doesn’t really want Jiwoo to know that. She’s sure the girl she played like a fool would love to hear that she’s finally caught feelings for someone. “She’s a sweetheart Sooyoung, she may not seem like it at times, but she’s got a good heart. You don’t find people like her anymore.” 

Sooyoung clenches her jaw, “she cares about me and has done more for me than you ever thought about doing, and we’re not even in a relationship. You know like the one you said we were in.” Jiwoo spits out and Sooyoung remembers how she hurt this girl, then ghosted her. Didn’t give her an explanation or anything.

“I never said we were in a...whatever, does she know about us?”

Jinsoul giggles, as if the audacity of Sooyoung asking that was hilarious. “No, she doesn’t know about us. Or the two or three, however many girls you were sleeping with behind my back. She doesn’t know that when I found out about it, you told me to never talk to you again.”

Sooyoung was young, still is. It was more than two years ago, maybe it was three now. She was confused, lost. Jiwoo’s smile scared her. Jiwoo was too gentle, too caring, and affectionate. Jiwoo loved her and Sooyoung hated it. “Jiwoo.” She regrets it. She regrets hurting this girl. Sooyoung wishes she could fix it. 

“Don’t hurt her, like you hurt me.” Jiwoo’s voice is softer now and Sooyoung knows she doesn’t deserve it. That Jiwoo still cares about her after all this time.

“If I apologized now, would you accept it.” Sooyoung finally looks at Jiwoo and the girl is staring straight back. It’s then she knows that Jinsoul isn’t the only one with a good heart. Because the girl is fighting the urge to say yes, even though Sooyoung knows she doesn’t deserve the forgiveness. “I won’t hurt her.” She says it sincerely. 

When she told Jiwoo the same thing, she couldn’t stand to look into the girl’s eyes. Avoided them everytime she told a lie. Jiwoo was too innocent back then. She had never been heartbroken. But this time, she’s staring right into the deep brown. Like she’s never done before.

Jiwoo opens but then frowns, “oh my god, you have feelings for her.” Sooyoung’s brows meet in the middle in a knot and she knows how obvious it is. Jiwoo only smiles. “Good.”

“I hope she breaks your heart instead.”

The red-head walks away. Leaving Sooyoung to drown in guilt. Jiwoo doesn’t know though. She doesn’t know anything about her. Sooyoung should have treated her better.

“Hey, where’d Jiwoo go?”

Sooyoung smiles at Jinsoul, she won’t make the same mistakes twice. “Yoga.”

Jinsoul pouts, “ew boring, come on there’s an old studio at the end of the hall... I think that girl was flirting with me.” Sooyoung smiles harder, faker. She will not get jealous...but she does make sure to turn and glare at the front desk worker before they head to the changing room.

It’s empty and eerily quiet. The blonde instantly starts changing and Sooyoung turns away, ripping out her clothes while clearing awkwardly. After she’s changed shirts Sooyoung goes to pull down her skirt and she hears Jinsoul giggle behind her, ”oh wow, cute hmmm.” Sooyoung first looks back at Jinsoul who was checking her out without a second thought. Jinsoul really was a ert...

Sooyoung glances down and forgets that she was wearing the most embarrassing pair of known to mankind. Throwing her skirt back she hits Jinsoul in the face with it, almost knocking the blonde over the bench.

She finishes by the time Jinsoul recovers from the attack, pulling on some black leg warmers up her shins. Jinsoul is looking at her strangely, “what?” 

The blonde shrugs, she was only wearing a measly cut off tee and tight dolphin shorts. Something Sooyoung wouldn’t expect Jinsoul to wear since she was so extravagant. She imagined the blonde would be in a neon orange leotard. “You literally look like you stepped out of flash dance.”

 Sooyoung takes in her own attire, “I’ve never watched that.” She was wearing a black tank top that ended right above her belly button, and a pair of matching underwear. She notices how the blonde’s gaze lingers on her thighs, up to her hips and then blinks herself out of whatever daze she was in. 

Jinsoul gapes, “you’ve never watched FlashDance?” Sooyoung shakes her head no while putting her sneakers on. The blonde raises on brow and sighs, “I gotta get you more socially aware, I can’t be hanging out with a complete square.” Sooyoung rolls her eyes and stands up. The blonde’s eyes reluctantly travel back down again, and it almost looks like she’s having an internal battle with the way her cheeks glow as her jaw tenses.

Sooyoung makes sure to give her a show, stretching out a bit while Jinsoul tilts her head at the view. “Oh I’m a square huh?” She asks and struts over to pluck her skirt out of Jinsoul’s hands. Jinsoul sighs a bit too satisfied, and glances up finally. Taking her eyes off Sooyoung’s tiny waist.

The blonde smiles up at her, “yup, I’m sacrificing my status for you.”

Sooyoung shoves her skirt in her bag and lifts it to her shoulder, “your status, what like you’re the queen bee or something?” 

Jinsoul flutters her eyelashes and picks up her own bag, “of course I am, think of me hanging out with you as a charity act. I’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart, not a lot of people would volunteer to be friends with a dweeb.” Stopping in her tracks she stands right in front of Jinsoul.

“You know, it takes a loser to know one baby.” Sooyoung teases and Jinsoul huffs, “besides, if anyone is doing a charity act it’s me.” Jinsoul goes to protest but Sooyoung holds a finger to the blonde’s lips, making her eyes go cross as she stares at it, “shh I know, I’m super cool and you’re sorry. Apology accepted.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and slaps her hand away, “yeah okay I admit it, you are cool, but not because of the reasons you think you are.” Sooyoung lets her smirk drop at the blonde’s suddenly soft tone, “you’re really nice to be around Sooyoung. You’re a good person.” 

Sooyoung doesn’t like how honest it sounds, so she tries to make light of it, “not because I’m y and intimidating?” Jinsoul glares at her. Sooyoung actually doesn’t understand why people think she’s so cool. Sure, she was a bit unapproachable...that’s just because she gets nervous. And she didn’t bother with much, ever since she was kicked out of her childhood home she kinda made a distance between herself and reality. A lot of people mistook it for her being some sort of punk.

“No weirdo, those are reasons, but not the only reasons.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes and skips off, leaving Sooyoung to think about her words. No one has ever really cared much about Sooyoung except for the way she makes them feel.  

Sooyoung races towards Jinsoul, “hey you’re cool too.” The blonde doesn’t say anything. “I mean, you’re a lot different than anyone I’ve met.” Jinsoul glances at her curiously and Sooyoung tries to explain herself, “you’re unapologetic about being who you are and at the same time you never judge anyone else.” Scratching her cheek she blurts something stuck in the back of her mind.

“I love that about you.”

Jinsoul blushes and quickly looks down at the floor. “Thanks.” Sooyoung smiles, not knowing that Jinsoul has wanted to be told that her whole life. 

The blonde finds their room, a bit dusty, a mirror broken, but it was the only room up for anyone who wanted to exercise without paying for an instructor. Sooyoung sits her bag down and stretches again without the intention of making Jinsoul drool.

Little does she know, Jinsoul does anyways. The girl almost topples over trying to check her out. “You look like you’ve done this before.” Jinsoul says with a bit of awe. Sooyoung raises a leg and brings it to her chest. She finds Jinsoul’s eyes through the mirror and smiles.

“Yeah, I have. I wouldn’t have agreed to do it if I hadn’t.” 

Jinsoul’s gaze drops, “oh, I thought you just wanted to be around me.” Dropping the stretch, Sooyoung walks over to Jinsoul who was trying to do the same thing she was. Helping Jinsoul lift her leg properly, her palm slides underneath the blonde’s thigh and Sooyoung resists the urge to squeeze, to test how soft she is.

She tries it, she can’t help it. Jinsoul’s soft. Too soft. 

“I do, but this is a bit embarrassing to do if you haven’t done it before.” Sooyoung whispers out a direction for Jinsoul to point her toes. “I would just come to watch, you’re very nice to look at you know?” Jinsoul rolls her eyes at that and Sooyoung backs away, the blonde holds her pose on her own, “but I think I could teach you a few things.”

Jinsoul drops her leg and stands straight again, “Is that right?” The blonde crosses her arms and raises a brow and Sooyoung pokes at her side, it’s a bit adorable. 

As Jinsoul pushes her hand away Sooyoung sighs, “I did ballet, went to classes and everything until my parents kicked me out when I was fifteen.” The smile Jinsoul was wearing drops fast. Sooyoung doesn’t know why she opened that old wound, she doesn’t know why she doesn’t close it back up. “Well, they didn’t kick me out, sent me to one of those conversion therapy, not very fun, they acted like it was some summer camp. I ran away after that and haven’t spoken to them since.”

It’s a bad memory, that camp. Sooyoung remembers being force fed that she was someone that didn’t deserve anything until she changed. She remembers how after it, for a few months, she didn’t feel human. That all her feelings were evil. That she was evil. Still, she’s gone through worse. “Sooyoung that’s…” Jinsoul starts but doesn’t finish. Sooyoung laughs, she has no idea why she told Jinsoul that.

Maybe because she feels safe in this dull, dusty room. Because she can look in the mirror and not hate the reflection. Jinsoul’s right there, looking at her like she’s everything. 

She’s always wanted someone to tell her that what she feels isn’t a bad thing. However, after losing her family, being taught to hate herself, and even stabbed for being who she was. Sooyoung finds it hard to believe that everything isn’t her fault just because of who she chooses to love. Finds it hard to convince herself that this isn’t wrong, what she feels when she’s with Jinsoul.

Sooyoung tries. 

It works in moments like these, when it’s just them and no one else.

It feels so right being with Jinsoul

Glancing at Jinsoul she mumbles, “don’t look at me like that.” 

“Like what.”

Sooyoung brings her eyes back to the mirror, to herself. Like I’m pitiful. Like you care. 

Like you’re falling in love with me.

Sooyoung doesn’t answer, “put the music on I’m ready.” Jinsoul’s lip is jutted out, her eyes sunken. But she listens, although it’s clear she wants to comfort Sooyoung right now. Sooyoung’s glad she decides against it. She doesn’t want to fall into Jinsoul’s arms. Jinsoul keeps glances at her, all empathetic and concerned.

They do a normal routine, Sooyoung tells herself Jinsoul has forgotten about her opening up. However, the blonde still stares at her through the mirror as they start to sweat more and more. Sooyoung hasn’t done aerobics in a long time, but she does remember how it was never this hot, or suffocating.

She doesn’t remember sweating this much, or being this out of breath.

She doesn’t remember her heart beating this fast.

And she realizes it’s not the repetitive motions to the beat of the pop song, but Jinsoul’s stare. Intense. Like she’s been put under a microscope to be studied. A tougher motion begins and Jinsoul finally pulls her gaze away. Sooyoung closes her eyes when she hears the blonde grunt from exhaustion. 

After six songs, Sooyoung reties her shoe laces as she listens to the rhythmic, hard breathing from the girl beside her. Sooyoung has refused to look at Jinsoul. It’s entirely too distracting. It makes it harder to keep her mind from wandering places it shouldn’t. The sounds Jinsoul’s makes, the way the sweat rolls off her body. 

Sooyoung can’t stand it anymore and glances to her side. Jinsoul’s pulling off her shirt, leaving her in a sports bra. Sooyoung exhales, looks away. She hates how dries and that her mind tells her Jinsoul’s the last water source that exists. Sooyoung does look again, at the curve of Jinsoul’s waist, how perfectly it dips. The faint line of abs and how her hips stretch the band of her shorts.

Jinsoul’s beautiful, in the worst way.

Because it just reminds Sooyoung that she could have her if she just said yes. But she doesn’t want to touch what’s not meant to be touched by her.

Jinsoul feels like a private exhibit that only one special person can see.

Sooyoung doesn’t think she’s that special.

When they start again, Sooyoung eye’s keep falling towards Jinsoul’s reflection. The blonde doesn’t notice at first, too tired from the recessive exercise. Eventually, Jinsoul meets her gaze, and works harder.

Jinsoul smirks at her.

Sooyoung realizes that she might be too cynical of herself. That she is special and she deserves to look at Jinsoul all she wants. Because Jinsoul likes her and that’s all that matters. No one can tell her this feeling is wrong, when this girl, who's’ basically an angel, tells her it’s okay to want her.

So she does.

She doesn’t take her eyes off Jinsoul.

~~~~

Jinsoul sits on the floor, chugging water as Sooyoung dances to DeBarge, prime time, like she’s a robot. She tries to make fun of the girl, but she’s actually excellent at dancing. “God you are so lame!”

Sooyoung freezes and turns robotically, waving one of her arms at an angle, “what was that? I’m super cool and you’re into me? Thanks I know!” Jinsoul drinks the rest of the water and throws the bottle at Sooyoung’s feet, making the girl jump dramatically. “Hey these are million dollar toes you know!” 

Sitting back onto the mirror, Jinsoul starts to laugh, the music is blaring against the walls. After the song goes off, Sooyoung clutches at her sides and stumbles over to plop down next to her, reaching for a bottle in Jinsoul’s bag. 

Jinsoul watches her drink the entire bottle in one go, “Sooyoung,” The girl finishes with a groan and looks at her before tossing the bottle next to Jinsoul’s previous one. “Do you miss dancing?” Sooyoung shrugs at first and leans her head back onto one of the mirrors. Jinsoul wonders when was the last time Sooyoung danced with someone. 

“I, kinda, it’s a thing of the past really.” Sooyoung says, no emotion in her voice. “It was fun, sure but it’s what my parents wanted me to do with my life, not what I really wanted. When I dance it reminds me of them.” 

Jinsoul frowns, “I’m sorry. I should have-”

“You didn’t know Jinsoul.” Sooyoung cuts her off and smiles softly, reassuring her she’s done nothing wrong. Jinsoul can’t help but feel for Sooyoung.

Standing up Jinsoul makes her way over to the radio, switching through stations until she hits a certain one. It’s a slower song, Jinsoul doesn’t remember what it’s called but it is by Diana Ross. Jinsoul pulls Sooyoung to her feet and puts one hand on the girl’s waist while the other holds her wrist. The girl looks at her panicked almost, like this is something that she hasn’t done before. 

It’s awkward but Jinsoul loves the way Sooyoung fits against her. “Come on, relax. So whenever you dance you’ll think of this instead. I wanna give you a new memory.” Jinsoul smiles through the words and Sooyoung just stares at her. 

Even though Sooyoung was a great dancer, she’s terrible at this. Jinsoul doesn’t say anything as the girl keeps stepping on her toes and stumbles around clumsily. “Sorry, I, um no one has ever danced with me.” Jinsoul bites her lip and grabs both of Sooyoung’s wrists and lifts them over her shoulders, she makes it to where it’s a lot simpler motion, she remembers how Sooyoung hates complicated.

Jinsoul shakes her head, now their feet are shifting side to side. “That’s a shame really, you’re a good dancer.” Sooyoung makes a pitiful face and Jinsoul just wants to kiss the expression away but she can’t. “You are so pretty Sooyoung.” 

Sooyoung blushes, “stop, you’re just-”

“Saying the truth.”

Jinsoul blinks as Sooyoung leans into her, laying her forehead on her shoulder. Her hands barely hang to her back. Sooyoung was an extremely awkward hug giver, but Jinsoul hugs back anyways, pausing on the movement of her feet. “I feel like no one has ever seen me the way you see me.” The older girl mumbles into Jinsoul’s collar bone. Sooyoung starts to seriously doubt that all those girls that said they were in love with her were telling the truth. Because the look Jinsoul is giving her makes her feel more than they ever did. Or maybe it’s just her, maybe it means so much more because she knows Jinsoul likes her more than anyone else has.

“Are you trying to be cute or something?” 

Jinsoul’s joking but Sooyoung’s shoulders start to bounce, like she was crying. Sure enough, Jinsoul can feel tears leak through her shirt. “People have been really bad to me in the past Jinsoul, and I get scared sometimes. I get scared that it’s going to happen again.” Jinsoul has no idea where this is coming from, but she hates the fact that Sooyoung is crying. So she properly holds her, like a girl should be held when she’s crying. “Please don’t get mad at me if I get scared.”

Smoothing her palms over the girl’s back Jinsoul tries to tell Sooyoung she won’t, she’ll never be angry with her.

“If I get scared please don’t go away.” 

Jinsoul shushes her, “What kind of friend would be if I did that, we all have our fears Sooyoung, mines a broken nail and yours…” Sooyoung pulls away, tear soaked cheeks. Jinsoul wipes them all away. “I’ll make sure to make it better, when you get scared.” 

“I can’t be the girl you want.” Sooyoung tells her.

She has no idea, Jinsoul thinks. 

“You already are silly.” Sooyoung’s lip quivers and she looks down, “it’s okay, you can cry.” Sooyoung is borderline embarrassed, but a sob does hiccup through her lips. “I’ll be here, everytime okay.” Jinsoul means it, pushing Sooyoung’s hair behind her ear and gently rubbing her knuckles across her cheek.

“I won’t ever let you cry alone again.”

~~~~

At Jinsoul house, Sooyoung won’t let go. “Sooyoung, I gotta go.” They’re holding hands, their arms are stretched out since Jinsoul was trying to go one way but Sooyoung was clinging to her hand.

Sooyoung’s fingers slip and now, the only thing keeping them together is the pinkies that are locked. “Promise you’ll call?” Jinsoul looks down at their still, barely connected hands and nods. How could Sooyoung expect her to be just her friend when she acted this cute. 

“Of course.”

Sooyoung lets go finally, “Bye Jinsoul.”

Jinsoul stares at her for a few moments, and now she’s the one that doesn’t want to turn away. “Bye Sooyoung.”

Five more minutes, they don’t move. Just staring at each other.

Sooyoung’s the first to walk away and Jinsoul watches her, slowly as she disappears into the night. 

~~~~

Sooyoung’s in an amazing mood really, today’s the day she and Jinsoul’s going to that concert. Sooyoung was excited for only one reason, while the blonde was probably freaking out, she was only happy she was going to get to spend time with Jinsoul.

She’s trying to finish up work so she can go ahead and see Jinsoul already.

Someone knocks on her door.

Sooyoung slips her headphones down and frowns. It’s her boss, Lee Soo-Man, “Hi Mr. Lee, how can I help?”

He smiles, it’s a gentle smile but Sooyoung knows something is bad about to come out of his mouth. “The game is coming along excellent except…” Sooyoung holds her breath, “the progress is a bit slow. How about you stay in for tonight? The next couple days actually and you can go back to your normal schedule.”

“Actually I-“

“It’s not really up for discussion Sooyoung, I gave you this job for a reason. Don’t disappoint me.” He smiles then and turns to leave. 

Sooyoung snaps her headphones in her hands. 

~~~~

As always I hope you all enjoy this! Tell me if you liked it or not hehe Lots of love muah!