Her feet are blistered by the time she gets home, Jinsoul’s makeup is completely busted, just like her heart. Huffing as she takes one step at a time she slowly opens the door to her home. Jinsoul clicks her way in and kicks off her heels, something she’s never done before because she would die if she got a scuff on them.

Right now, she doesn’t care about much.

Her father must notice something was wrong. Usually when Jinsoul comes home she’s already screaming greetings while carefully taking off her shoes. This time she’s dead silent, one shoe against the wall and other near the entrance to the kitchen.

Jinsoul tosses her bags down and waits. First her father comes, eyeing the expensive heel on the floor, then her mother, who had rollers in her hair and a nightgown on.

She breaks down again. 

Her mother comes running towards her, scooping her up in her arms. Her father who had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth quickly runs to go put it out. Both her parents dote her, rubbing her head and shushing her. Squeezing her into a hug much like a Jinsoul sandwich. “Sweetie what happened?” 

Jinsoul doesn’t know what really happened, one second she felt like she was falling a thousand miles per second, the next she crash landed on the ground. 

Simply put it, she was dumped.

“I-I told Sooyoung I liked her and she dumped me!” She can hear her father whisper ‘who’s Sooyoung’ and her mother telling him to shut up. 

Her father plays along anyways, even though he has no clue who broke his daughter’s heart, “oh she isn’t weird like you?” Jinsoul pulls away from their embrace and her mother smacks him upside the head. “It’s an honest question!” He argues. 

Jinsoul usually liked her dad's jokes, but right now, they aren’t appreciated. “She is daddy, but she isn’t weird for me.” Jinsoul then chokes on a cry and both her parents start to comfort her again.

Her mother hums, “come here, there there.” This is the first time Jinsoul’s seriously upset over someone. No one has ever dumped her before, Jinsoul has always gotten what she wanted. The whole world basically spoils her rotten.

“She’s an idiot for letting you go, you’re an angel Jinsoul,” her father explains, “don’t let anyone make you feel any less than perfect.” Her dad was right but still, Jinsoul felt like a crumb in the sheets. Completely worthless. Jinsoul knows she’s perfect she has been her whole life, but is she really all that if Sooyoung didn’t want her? 

A total and complete loser doesn’t want her, the most perfect girl alive. 

This is what Jinsoul gets for being generous, if she confessed to any other dork like Sooyoung, they’d already be pulling a ring out. Begging her to never leave them yata-yata, they’ll never do her wrong blah blah, but of course, the meanest people alive were nerds. Jinsoul is living proof of that, she’s mean and she doesn’t mind a good mecha show. Sooyoung was a whole nother  different breed however, that girl was ice cold and Jinsoul’s is experiencing hypothermia from being exposed too long.

Sooyoung should have thanked her. She is lucky that she’s the first person Jung Jinsoul has ever felt anything for. Jinsoul can’t be mad at her though. Because even though Sooyoung let her free fall and plummet to the ground. Jinsoul knows that girl did nothing wrong. Sooyoung wasn’t a loser at all. Jinsoul admires how amazing Sooyoung is…

Of course she got dumped.

Even though Jinsoul was the girl that everyone wanted, she knew Sooyoung wasn’t obligated to like her. 

If anyone was a loser here...it was Jinsoul. Sooyoung doesn’t deserve a whiny brat that cries when she doesn’t get what she wants. She deserves a nice girl who respects her decision. A girl who treats her right no matter what. Jinsoul should have been that girl, but her feelings were too foriegn, she didn’t know how to translate them. 

“You’re father is right, she’s crazy for rejecting my baby girl.” Jinsoul smiles at her mother’s words, she had the best parents in the world. But they were a bit wrong. Sooyoung wasn’t crazy or stupid, she was just a girl with feelings too. Jinsoul was selfish to think that Sooyoung’s feelings belonged to her.

Still, Sooyoung didn’t have to embarrass her like that.

Crawling up to her room she stands in the middle of it, in the complete darkness. Jinsoul silently cries then. But then the door to her room opens and the light flickers on, “heard you got dumped.” It’s her sister. Chaewon shifts towards her, in care bear pajamas, the sixteen year old still looked like a child and mean like one too. “It’s because you're ugly.” Usually, Jinsoul would fight Chaewon over that. She would fight her over anything, right now she just accepts the words because they may be true.

“Why are you out of your cave?” Jinsoul asks.

Chaewon yawns and slips behind her, “because you can’t that skirt by yourself.” Jinsoul snorts as Chaewon pulls down the zipper and pats her on the back a few times. Very out of character.

“Thanks troll.” 

Her sister yawns again, her black hair in about three different directions. “Trolls live underbridges, I live in a cave.”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes, “fine...then goblin.” Chaewon snarls her nose up at that but then laughs, causing Jinsoul to join her. 

The phone rings and they both stare at the pink landline. Jinsoul only knows one person that would be calling her this late at night. Jiwoo sleeps at eight. Yoojung was probably getting her cheeks smashed by the jolly green giant, Xiaojun never called and well…

Jinsoul picks up the phone, “Hello? Jinsoul-”

“Open the window.” Jinsoul deadpans and like clockwork her sister opens the latch and swings the glass panels out, Jinsoul jerks the landline out of the wall and tosses her pretty pink phone out the window.

It’s silent for a few seconds and then Chaewon speaks up, “wanna play pictionary?” 

Jinsoul nods and goes to slip in her own care bear pajamas.

They match Chaewon’s.

~~~~

It’s about two in the morning and Jinsoul is laying down in her sister's bed. Even though Chaewon claimed to hate her, Jinsoul very much doubted that since the girl was snuggled up to her side right now.

She can’t sleep.

Looking up at all the glow in the dark stars on her sister’s ceiling she shifts up to go outside and see the real ones. Picking up her pink phone she doesn’t bother picking the speaker up, letting it dangle from the cord as she drags it back inside.

Once she’s in her room she plugs it back in and dials the number. It only rings twice. “Hello?” Of course Sooyoung would still be up. Jinsoul remembers the girl saying she doesn’t like to sleep alone. Jinsoul wonders how many nights she doesn’t spend them alone, sleeping with someone else. Jinsoul wishes she was there.

“Hi.”

“Not mad at me anymore?”

“Never mad, just embarrassed.” Jinsoul admits, “very very embarrassed.” She hears Sooyoung slightly laugh over the phone, it’s every bit awkward.

“I’m sorry.” Sooyoung whispers through the cracked line.

Jinsoul sighs and slumps down to the floor, curling into a ball while both hands hold her phone. “For what?” 

There’s a long pause as Sooyoung tries to think of the right words. 

“For friendzoning you, kinda, or whatever you can call what happened.” That is a good word for it, but Jinsoul knows better than that. Sooyoung didn’t want to be her friend, but she was afraid of it becoming more.

Jinsoul twists some of her carpet between her legs. Outside, crickets chirp a sad song. Jinsoul wonders if Sooyoung hears the same melody, “I know I’m like, totally out of your league and you’re never gonna find a girl like me again but-” Jinsoul realizes she’s rambling. 

“It’s okay that you don’t like me Sooyoung.” 

She doesn't have to like me.

“I…” Sooyoung goes to argue, but then goes mute. 

“Just because I’m perfect doesn’t mean I’m perfect for you.” Jinsoul mumbles out and thumps her head onto the back of her wall, her room was bathed in moonlight. She was sitting by the still open window, her curtains whipping from the late night breeze. “So please don’t apologize…I’m the one that should be apologizing, for acting like that. I...Sooyoung I’m sorry.” 

Jinsoul means it with everything in her.

She doesn’t want Sooyoung to feel guilty but she feels like that’s exactly what she’s doing. No matter how good she was, it didn't mean Sooyoung had to take her into consideration. It wouldn’t be fair to Sooyoung, to feel like she has to reciprocate her feelings just because Jinsoul wants her to. Jinsoul’s too spoiled and she needs to know what isn’t hers.

Sooyoung won’t be hers, she has to accept that.

Jinsoul grinds her teeth, “you didn’t do anything wrong. So please don’t think that.” 

“Thank you for understanding.” Sooyoung says.

Jinsoul grips her phone tighter, “is there a certain reason why?” Jinsoul has to ask because in the back of her mind there still lingers insecurity. If maybe she wasn’t perfect and she was just making a fool out of herself. 

But Sooyoung is always honest, it’s the reason Jinsoul likes her so much, “I’m really bad at this kinda thing Jinsoul, I don’t know how…” Sooyoung trails off. “It’s not easy to explain.”

Racking her brain for answers Jinsoul asks, “did something happen to you in the past?” Sooyoung goes silent then, too silent for too long and Jinsoul knows she’s right. “Are you afraid I’m going to do the same thing?” 

“Smarter than the average blonde.”

“I told you, I naturally have black hair.” 

“Don’t believe it, you are very dramatic. I like it though. Makes my day sometimes.”

“Sooyoung.”

Jinsoul wonders what it is, what could scare Sooyoung this bad. Jinsoul feels awful for even voicing her feelings in the first place. If she was having this hard of a time, she can’t even imagine what Sooyoung is going through. 

“It’s hard, being intimate. With anyone really, I don’t like when things get complicated.” Jinsoul listens to every word carefully, thinking about how Sooyoung said it wasn’t simple enough. She realizes her mistakes. 

“It’s terrifying.” 

Jinsoul whispers out, “Sooyoung, I don’t want you to like me if it scares you. I don’t want you to be afraid of me. Don’t let me hurt you without me knowing.” 

The line buzzes for seconds and then a shallow voice seeps in, “You mean so much to me, you know that right?” 

Her heart aches at the words, “I do.” Jinsoul wipes the tears away, “Goodnight Sooyoung.” She hangs up the phone and buries her face into her hands, the phone doesn’t ring again. Jinsoul promises to herself, she will make Sooyoung feel safe. She’ll keep her feelings in check, it would make her a bad friend if she didn’t. Tonight she knows she scared Sooyoung to death.

She won’t let it happen again.

~~~~

Sooyoung looks at her phone disappointed that the line is dead. Jinsoul was too good for her. The blonde was more worried about her and she wasn’t even the one that got rejected. I don’t want you to like me if it scares you.

Jinsoul’s the only friend she’s ever had, one that cares about her. Sooyoung can’t let herself mess that up. She’ll listen to Jinsoul.

Because Sooyoung’s never been so scared. 

~~~~

The door to her room opens, “heyyyy heard someone was a little sad!” Jinsoul looks up from where she was in a blanket burrito in her bed and then slumps back down. Yoojung’s smile drops and she looks up at Doyeon who shrugs. “I got you a surprise!” 

Yoojung comes closer and opens a box of donuts, all Jinsoul’s favorite flavors. The blonde glares at Doyeon while answering Yoojung, “no thanks, I’m on a diet.”

“What? Why the are you on a diet?”

Jinsoul blushes and thinks back to what her sister said...what if Sooyoung didn’t like her because she wasn’t her type. It was a possibility. “I want- please don’t touch that- to be skinny.” Jinsoul explains while also snapping at Doyeon who was trying to pick up one of her figurines. Yoojung’s girlfriend grumbles something while shoving her hands into her pockets. 

“Soul, you already are skinny.” Yoojung pouts and sits on the bed while still holding the donuts. “I guess I’ll just eat them myself.” Jinsoul stares hard as Yoojung picks up a donut and starts to eat it, the blonde’s eyes wide and her tummy rumbles, “mmm so good.” Yoojung teases as Jinsoul’s gaze follows the donut.

Jinsoul whines and Yoojung pauses from where she was about to take a big bite. Closing she melts at Jinsoul’s pleading eyes and reaches forward to feed her. Doyeon scoffs as Yoojung gushes over Jinsoul, they might as well be the ones dating. 

Doyeon then spots a mini knife and goes to pick it up, “Yoojung mmfh that’s...tell your mutt to keep her grubby paws off all my !”

Steam blows out of Doyeon’s ears as the blonde speaks with full. “Baby, stop touching Jinsoul’s stuff please.” 

Doyeon slumps over and listens obediently, “yes baby.” Yoojung can see the visible tension between the two and gets the best idea.

“Here can you hold these?” Yoojung asks Doyeon and hands her the donuts. Her girlfriend stares down at the box and Yoojung rolls over to Jinsoul’s side and cuddles up to her.

Doyeon looks down at the both of them and sighs, “you can’t be serious.”

Jinsoul smirks, “sorry my hands are stuck, I’d like the strawberry filled one please.” Doyeon can’t believe she’s about to do this, sitting down on the edge of the bed and glaring at her girlfriend she skeptically lifts a donut up and gently feeds Jinsoul, the blonde moans and smiles at her while chewing, “thank you Doyeon!”

Doyeon blushes and turns away.

“Sooo, why are you sad?” Yoojung asks while petting Jinsoul’s head.

The blonde chews for a few moments and confesses, “Sooyoung dumped me.”

“What?!” Doyeon and Yoojung both exclaim at the same time.

Jinsoul rolls her eyes and opens up for another bite, which Doyeon reluctantly keeps from giving her. “Ugh she dumped me! I told her I wanted to be more than friends and well, the rest is history.” 

Doyeon is zoning off while Yoojung stutters, “you’re g-gay?” 

Jinsoul stares at her best friend for a few seconds, “yes. I thought it was obvious. Just look at my room.” Yoojung does, it’s full of women, she even sees a few posters. 

“I mean, yeah, but I never thought you would just admit it like that.” Yoojung explains while pressing her cheek into Jinsoul’s chest. 

Jinsoul whines for another donut but Doyeon has found whatever is outside the window more interesting. “Why wouldn’t I? There’s nothing wrong with being gay, besides, Sooyoung’s super dreamy. God I could just...” Yoojung hums in agreement and suddenly Doyeon is glaring at her, so Yoojung shrugs as if she isn’t agreeing with Jinsoul that Sooyoung’s attractive.

Yoojung thinks for a few seconds and admits, “Honestly, her loss, it’s not like you to be the one to confess first. You’re a catch Soul.” Jinsoul agrees with a simple nod, she handed herself to Sooyoung on a silver platter, gold flakes sprinkled all over her. And Sooyoung flipped her right over, making her spill her heart out all over the place and not into the girl’s hands, where she wanted her heart to be placed.

God, Jinsoul feels so stupid. She forgot all about the case of Ha Sooyoung. That she is secretly an . Jinsoul of course burned that case alive since she was kinda blinded by love. Jinsoul remembers promising herself that she’d never fall for Sooyoung’s charm, but she did fall. 

Then crashed.

Jinsoul really doesn’t have the self-control she thinks she has. She used to be such an expert on Sooyoung-olgy, of course with obsession comes foolishness. Jinsoul forgot how Sooyoung was not the girl she should have feelings for. Jinsoul from the past would be beating Jinsoul from the present’s . Yelling on the lines of something like.

OH you you weren’t supposed to like her this much! Actually you weren’t supposed to like her at all! She’s your enemy not your lover! You fell straight into her trap! 

Sooyoung was too cute to be evil though and Jinsoul knows that girl wouldn’t hurt a fly. She was just...complicated, which is what Sooyoung is apparently afraid of. 

“Maybe it was for the better.” Jinsoul and Yoojung both glare at Doyeon, “what? I’m being serious Jinsoul, you dodged a bullet Sooyoung’s not-”

“Oh whatever Doyeon, how many people are going to tell me Sooyoung’s a heartbreaker. I ing get it okay? I know all about her little games and all the girls she likes to play.” Yoojung glances back and forth between the two, clearly out of the loop. “I’m not stupid, I know what I’m getting myself into, but who’s to say I won’t be the one she falls for? Who’s to say if any of that is true at all? What if she’s just misunderstood!”

Doyeon stares at Jinsoul, a mix of admiration and shock. The girl slowly lifts a donut and leans it towards the blonde’s mouth, “but you still wanna risk getting hurt?” 

Jinsoul nods, “yes. I think I’d regret it more if I didn’t try, you don’t think there’s a chance of her having feelings for me?”

The blonde takes a bite of the donut and Doyeon explains, “I mean, yeah, it is kind of weird that she rejected you. You’re like her exact type.” 

“Oh? What’s her type?”

Doyeon mutters, “girl’s whose favorite color is pink.”

Jinsoul huffs, “too bad mine is blue.”

Yoojung and Doyeon glance at each other, the younger girl is simply surprised at the fact this is the longest conversation Jinsoul and her girlfriend has had. “I think she cares about you, or she would have hurt you already.” 

Jinsoul gazes up at Doyeon, finding the taller girl in a new light. “Yeah, me too. I’m not too worried about getting hurt anyways. I’m tough.” 

“Heartbreak Jinsoul, I know Jinhyeong was bad, but you didn’t like him like that.” Yoojung joins the convo and Jinsoul thinks back on her ex, how mentally and emotionally abusive he was. Jinsoul doesn’t like how everyone is underestimating her. Sooyoung, now her friends. Did they think she was this fragile? Sooyoung breaking her heart wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, she’s dealt with worse.

How could she not try?

Jinsoul sits up suddenly, prompting the other two girl’s in her bed to focus on her. “When I was fourteen I dated a girl.” Jinsoul glances between them, “her name was Duan XiaoWei, we had sleepovers all the time and kissed a lot, until her parents caught us. Then they moved away.” 

Yoojung sniffles sadly, Jinsoul rolls her eyes at the sap, “we tried to keep in touch, and my parents helped me but her parents weren’t too happy about love letters being sent to their daughter…” Jinsoul remembers how Xiaowei cried when they last spoke. It wasn’t their fault, and it was kinda Jinsoul’s first heartbreak that was followed by many.

“The school I went to found out, I was writing a letter in class and a boy read it out loud. I was already bullied for being weird. I didn’t have nice clothes and my shoes were worn out. My dad could only afford to get me a new pair every christmas, he cried a lot back then. Before my mom got this job in the city.” Yoojung is sniffling louder now and Jinsoul glares at her, it wasn’t a sob story, just the truth. Proof that she’s stronger than they think she is. “Apparently being gay is a lot worst than being poor. I was both.” 

Doyeon is lying next to her too, both of them stare up at her with love. Jinsoul knows if she didn’t go through what she has, she would have never met them. “So I started dating boys, any of them that asked. Because once there was rumors, boys wanted to see if they could convert the gay girl. I’d go to their house, steal their parent’s money and buy myself nice clothes.” Doyeon smirks while Yoojung’s brows raise. “People started to think I was cool even though I had always been. Then eventually everyone forgot that my favorite thing to do was to kiss girls.” 

Jinsoul remembers slowly, with time, more and more people paid attention to her. With more attention, came more rumors. “Back then, the only people that were nice to me were girls. Not every girl was nice to me though, a lot of them said nasty things about me. Like the boys did.” 

“I was too much and not enough at the same time.” She wasn’t nice enough for some, and then too nice for others. They called her a and a tease, a wanna-be and then a square. That she was fake, and then too honest. One second she was the prettiest and the other she was ugly.

Jinsoul didn’t know what they wanted from her, who they wanted her to be. So she tried being everything for them. 

“I tried my hardest to get them to like me. I wanted to be every girl’s best friend but they always made fun of me no matter what I did.” 

Xiaowei told her something once that she never forgot. Girls shouldn’t cry alone. And while Jinsoul tried her best to befriend every girl so they’d never be alone, some hated her. Jinsoul didn’t understand back then, why they were so mean to her. She always tried her best...and eventually it just was too much. It hurt way too much. 

Why did they hate her?

That’s when Jinsoul realized that no one ever had to like her, that she only had to be the person she wanted to be. Jinsoul really liked herself and couldn’t understand why every other girl didn’t, but it didn’t matter. They didn’t have to like her after all, she loved the person she was, she always has. She grew thick skin and soon after she simply couldn’t be bothered anymore.

She didn’t try so hard anymore. She was happier that way. Jinsoul was happy being the girl who she wanted to be, not the girl who everyone else wanted her to be.

Jinsoul started doing whatever she wanted. Dressed the way she wanted, said what she wanted and when they’d glare in her direction. Whispering all those nasty things. Jinsoul would smile. She’d smile her brightest and tell them they looked amazing. 

They’d blush.

That’s what Jinsoul wanted. All she wanted. 

Jinsoul’s experienced a lot of heartbreak, but only because she allowed it. Because she always took the rejection hard, it always broke her heart when a girl didn’t like her back. But seeing the look on a girl's face when she told them sweet little things wasn’t heartbreak.

Still, it hurt when they’d call her bad things behind her back anyway, but Jinsoul knew better than to fuel that fire. Instead she continued to be sweet as she could be. Why would she let it bother her when she thought of herself as amazing and perfect. She already knew her worth. 

So Jinsoul knows what it’s like to have her heart broken by many girls, and she doesn’t care if Sooyoung hurts her even worse. Just as long as Jinsoul gets to love her the way she’s always wanted to love a girl.

“Girls can be cruel, I can handle it.” Jinsoul simply says. Yoojung and Doyeon are both sniffling now. They didn’t know how much she’s been through, so they thought she was weak.  “Sooyoung isn’t cruel. I’d be willing to give her my heart even if she made the mistake of breaking it later.” Because Sooyoung allows her to be herself without making her feel bad about it. Sooyoung likes her...just her. Even her flaws. 

Jinsoul hasn’t had to change for her.

“Damn Jinsoul...that was like, touching.” Jinsoul glares at Yoojung and begins to laugh. She knows Yoojung didn’t know a single thing about her past because she refuses to talk about it. Jinsoul hated being judged and she has been her whole life, when she has never judged a single person. 

But with all that heartbreak, Jinsoul will never allow herself to think she’s any less than perfect. 

If Sooyoung hurts her, Jinsoul won’t let it damage her worth.

~~~~

“OH YOU!” Xiaojun and Yoojung watch closely as Jinsoul kicks one of the arcade games multiple times. 

Xiaojun pulls out a megaphone, “Jung Jinsoul, please stop damaging property of the arcade.” Yoojung holds her ear as the static voice of Xiaojun’s echoes through the arcade. Jinsoul only flips them off while shoving lemon heads into . The rest of the arcade goers glare at Xiaojun for interrupting their peace once again.

The blonde was in a mood, Jinsoul was not usually this pissy. “Did she get another bad grade or something?” Xiaojun mumbles while holding the megaphone with a limp wrist. Jinsoul was cussing every second and screaming at the arcade game that wasn’t even aware that it was being abused by an angry blonde. 

Yoojung hums and steals one of Xiaojun’s M&M’s, “yeah she’s kinda losing it huh.” 

They both blink at Jinsoul who was now pointing her finger in some guy’s face. “Why do you always ing stink? You’re always in here making the place smell like rotten and straight up , it’s gross, please consider taking a day off from being a total ing loser and go bath in bleach.” The guy slowly raises his arm and sniffs his pit, Jinsoul struggles to not tear her hair out. 

“She’s right, that guy does always smell super icky.” Xiaojun shoves Yoojung’s hand away from his candy bag. 

Yoojung brow raises as Jinsoul continues to berate the guy for his filth, “Sooyoung friendzoned her, that’s why she’s bothering the dumpster. Needs an outlet you know?”

“Oh poor- wait what?” 

“Yuuuppp.” Yoojung raises her brow and slowly creeps her way towards the bag of candy again, only for Xiaojun to snatch it from her. “Jinsoul confessed and well-” Yoojung gives a thumbs down and blows a raspberry with her lips. 

Xiaojun pouts and eats the rest of the M&M’s much to Yoojung’s disappointment. “Harsh, that had to knock her confidence down a few pegs.” 

“Ha, yeah right more like crash landed it. All she’s been doing is crying and whining about Sooyoung, my phone bill is gonna be wicked.” Yoojung complains. It’s been a week but Jinsoul was slowly morphing back into herself. 

“Jinsoul’s never been rejected.” 

Yoojung agrees with a tilt of her head, “I’m a little worried.” Jinsoul wasn’t showing it, but she wasn’t herself. Sure she was still dressing like a goddess and those extra aerobic sessions were doing her body wonders, but the blonde was on edge. There was an emptiness in her eyes that Yoojung didn’t like one bit.

Jinsoul was always so...lively. She still had her attitude but it was more sour than anything. 

The blonde is back to playing her game, rolling her neck side to side from how tense it was from the lack of sleep. Jinsoul loses, staring down at her hands she realizes they’re shaking. God she needed to get a hold of herself. 

Her heart sinks when another hand appears, she knows exactly who it is because she thinks about these hands alot. Jinsoul knows the rings on those fingers and she wants to disappear. Not even bothering to look up she darts away.

“UGH JUNG JINSOUL!” She hears Sooyoung’s frustrated voice behind her. Xiaojun and Yoojung watch with wide eyes and slack jaws as Sooyoung chases Jinsoul around the arcade. They’re on opposite ends, if Jinsoul goes one way Sooyoung goes the other. 

Jinsoul starts to cry and bounces on her heels, frustrated that she’s being chased around, “you are so weird!” Sooyoung takes the opportunity to get closer but the blonde only runs out of the arcade as fast as she can on her heels. On the street people give them curious looks, mixed with fear and concern. “Get away from me freak!”

Sooyoung grabs her by the waist and pulls her down the block. Jinsoul only continues to cry, giving up on escaping from Sooyoung. Besides...Jinsoul missed her a lot and it was nice being held like this. Jinsoul is guided to yet another alley way and she doesn’t like the bitter taste in of the memory of the last time she was in one.

She’s pressed against the brick wall, Sooyoung’s hands under her arms locking her in place, “hey princess, look at me.” Jinsoul refuses. Even though she promised Sooyoung did nothing wrong, Jinsoul was still incredibly embarrassed. “Soul…please look at me.”

“Go away Sooyoung.”

“No.” 

Jinsoul closes her eyes and starts chanting, she’s not real she’s not real she’s not real.

Lips press against her ear and warmth blooms in Jinsoul’s chest, “please.” Opening her eyes she stares into Sooyoung’s and there’s nothing fake about how this girl is looking at her. Everything about it is so real. Jinsoul’s never had anyone look at her this way. But of course, Sooyoung ruins the moment where she’s about to forget about being dumped, “you are being so dramatic. Really? You had to throw a temper tantrum you big baby!” 

“Me?! I’m not the one that was dragged out here by a basket case and thrown onto a wall that’s very icky and nasty! It’s literally ruining my coat and-” Sooyoung presses her palm against Jinsoul's mouth. 

Sooyoung closes her eyes and then leans her head back, inhaling deeply as if the air around them was fresh, “ah do you hear that? Listen...it’s so peaceful.” Jinsoul screams into the palm muting her and Sooyoung only smiles, “you’re so much cuter when you’re not using those pretty lips of yours.”

Jinsoul grabs her wrist and pulls her hand away, “god you are such a jerk. A real piece of work Ha Sooyoung.” The girl only stares at her though, with a beaming smile and flushed cheeks. “I wanted to ignore you for at least another week. You know for dumping me? It was very humiliating and heartbreaking.”

Sooyoung doesn’t really reply to anything that Jinsoul says, “I didn’t dump you because I couldn’t imagine dating you. I said no because I care about you, do you have any idea how lucky I’d be if I got to call you mine? You’re a real piece of work too.” Ducking her head down, Jinsoul tries to tell butterflies now partying in her stomach to shut up.

They only flutter more when Sooyoung whispers, “you’re driving me crazy Jung Jinsoul.”

“None of that makes sense idiot.”

“Then make it make sense.” Sooyoung says and pulls away, Jinsoul’s source of warmth is gone and she shivers. 

Jinsoul tries to telepathically wipe the smirk of the older girl’s face but doesn’t work, so she gives in, “fine. You’re forgiven, you can go home now.”

“Oh no I have a surprise for you. Next week we’re going to that Yukika concert.” Sooyoung explains seriously and Jinsoul can’t help but roll her eyes. The girl was digging for something in her pants pockets. 

“I’m not going.”

“Yes. You were almost crying, you wanted to go so bad.”

Jinsoul crosses her arms as Sooyoung curses when she can’t find whatever in her front pockets  and then tries to pull something out of her back pocket, “Yeah right before you…” Made me look like a freaking idiot, but Sooyoung isn’t paying attention, “Whatever I’m not going with a jerk that’ll probably ruin my time.”

Sooyoung apparently finds what she was looking for and smiles widely at Jinsoul, “Would a jerk already have the tickets, front row with a vip pass to meet Ms.Yukika herself.” Jinsoul’s eyes shine as Sooyoung whips them out of mid air, holding them in the sunlight.

Jinsoul barely contains her squeal, “You didn’t.” 

The blonde goes to grab them but Sooyoung keeps them just out of reach, “Nah-ah-ah, say thank you Sooyoung.” 

“ you.”

Sooyung stretches away from her, “Almost got it, one word off.”

“I hate you.”

“Still close, but not right.”

“Kiss my .”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?”

Jinsoul rests back onto her heels, and huffs, “Thank you Sooyoung...a lot.” Sooyoung smiles at her, thick lips spreading across shiny teeth. Jinsoul slumps forward into the girl, causing her to oof from the impact. 

The blonde leans like dead weight, but Sooyoung holds her tightly, almost desperate. Sooyoung missed this, Jinsoul missed it too. “You’re welcome Soul.” Sooyoung breathes into her hair, “god I was so scared I messed up for the last time, I can’t imagine losing you.”

Jinsoul snorts, “oh shut up...you’re not getting rid of me for a very long time.”

“I’m serious Jinsoul, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Something in Sooyoung’s voice changes, it’s soft, vulnerable and Jinsoul can’t help but to hold her tighter.

They settle comfortably into each other and Jinsoul can smell a faint perfume on Sooyoung. It isn’t hers...and she doesn’t ever remember Sooyoung using this fragrance. 

Jinsoul remembers she can't be jealous, even though her heart is dangling on a thin rope, she’s not allowed to get jealous. Sooyoung’s not hers.

~

But what she doesn’t know is that Sooyoung has spent the last hour ing the girl at the ticket booth, just because she couldn’t afford them. Sooyoung is eaten alive with guilt, but she reminds herself this is the exact reason why she can’t be with Jinsoul. The blonde doesn’t deserve it. She needs someone who will love her without making it complicated.

“I got some cash, you want me to take you to the music shop? Heard they got a new shipment this morning.” Jinsoul nods against her chest and Sooyoung bites her lip hard, trying to resist the urge to kiss the blonde on the top of her head.

She can’t keep leading her on.

She’ll destroy Jinsoul.

~~~~

They take the train downtown first. Jinsoul also begged to go to that arcade in the mall. It was free for the most part. So Sooyoung agreed. They sit inches apart, their pinkies almost touching. Across them an older man is bobbing his head to a busted up boom box. Jinsoul recognizes the song, it was one of her favorites a year ago.

“You know this?” 

Jinsoul nods at Sooyoung and notices how her brow raises, rolling her eyes she tells the girl what the song is, “I feel for you, Chaka Khan, you should get the album at the shop. It was one of the good ones from 84’. Just like Purple Rain and Private dancer and ooh! New Edi...” Jinsoul realizes she’s rambling and Sooyoung’s staring at her funny. 

Sooyoung doesn’t say whatever she’s thinking however, only stretches and sneakily scoots closer to her while slowly placing her arm over Jinsoul’s shoulders. Jinsoul accepts it, doesn’t shake the hold Sooyoung’s got on her. “Why’d you stop talking?” 

Thinking of an answer she only teases, “you said it was peaceful when I didn’t speak.”

“Baby I was just-” Sooyoung cuts herself off, after coming to terms with what she just called Jinsoul. “I was just kidding barbie.” Jinsoul scoffs, she hates being called a barbie doll. She’s not made out of plastic and she’s not cheap. They’re boring too. 

Jinsoul doesn’t like being compared to a toy, she doesn’t like to be played with and then tossed to the side when the next best thing comes around.

Sometimes, she felt that’s what Sooyoung was going to do. Now that Jinsoul was no longer playing hard to get, her feelings out in plain view. Sooyoung would get bored and move on.

It would probably devastate Jinsoul. 

She can handle being rejected, but abandoned…

“What are you thinking so hard about?” 

Jinsoul bites her lip and chooses to be honest, “are you getting tired of me?” Looking up at Sooyoung her heart pumps.

I feel for you. 

Sooyoung sighs, “I can’t get enough of you.” 

I think I love you.

Jinsoul blushes under the dull lighting of the train, under Sooyoung’s even darker gaze. “So no, I’m not getting tired of you, whatever is making you think that, stop.” She’s almost agitated as she answers and Jinsoul shrinks into the seat. Sooyoung only pulls her closer. 

The blonde feels so tiny, “are you sleeping with anyone right now?” Jinsoul scrunches her eyes close at the question. Why on earth did she ask that? Not only is it an invasion on Sooyoung’s privacy, but if the answer was yes she would be-

“Yes, well not anyone, I don’t do repeats.”

Jealous. Jinsoul is jealous. 

Not so much that she’s mad at Sooyoung, she just wishes...that she was the one Sooyoung was with. And that there were repeats. 

But then Sooyoung surprises her, “actually I just slept with a girl, so I could get the tickets.” Jinsoul raises her brows and looks at Sooyoung dead in the eyes, she’s impressed. Jinsoul nods her head and hums. “I um, I pretended she was you...aaand now it’s awkward okay bye.” 

Jinsoul’s blush turns vicious as it takes over her entire face. Sooyoung scoots away from her and starts whistling to the song and Jinsoul appreciates the space and turns away. The information Sooyoung provided her was very interesting, so interesting Jinsoul will be visiting it later on tonight. Preferably when she is alone and the lights are off and it’s late, late into the night. 

What Sooyoung doesn’t tell Jinsoul, is that she doesn’t even remember the girl’s name, because she called her Jinsoul. She said Jinsoul’s name over and over again. 

“Thanks, for doing that. So that I could meet Yukika” Jinsoul answers, it must have been embarrassing. Sooyoung did it for her. 

Sooyoung’s eyes are wide, it’s almost morbid. 

“Yeah no problem.”

At the music shop Jinsoul buys only singles, all love songs. Including You give good love by Whitney Houston and tells Sooyoung that the song reminds her of them. 

Sooyoung doesn’t for it.

~~~~

“And here we are!” Sooyoung holds out her arms as Jinsoul peeks into the arcade from behind her. “It’s huge isn’t it?” 

Jinsoul rests her chin on Sooyoung’s shoulder, “very, I don’t think I’ve seen this big of a concentration of losers.” 

Sooyoung’s hands fall limp to her side as the blonde skips past her. Glancing around she sees a group of guys already staring at Jinsoul, and then back at her. Sooyoung narrows her eyes and shoves her hands into pockets. Jinsoul was right, there were a bunch of losers here. Thankfully, a certain group of guys weren’t present. The same ones she saw in here the last time she and Jinsoul came to the mall. They were ex-classmates of hers and she’d rather not talk to them.

When she turns, Jinsoul’s disappeared. Smiling at first, Sooyoung guesses the blonde was engrossed in some game she found. As Sooyoung looks around, however, she doesn’t spot Jinsoul until it’s too late. Jinsoul is talking to some guy, flipping her hair and smiling at whatever he says.

Yeah, no.

Sooyoung strolls up to them, “hey I saw a game I wanted to play come on.” Jinsoul ignores her. 

Thunder and lightning cracks above Sooyoung’s head. Figuratively of course, but Sooyoung feels cold as if rain was pouring down on her. So she grabs Jinsoul’s wrist and pulls away, leaving the guy to sulk like a kicked puppy.

“Hey he was cute!”

Sooyoung grits through her teeth, “am I not cuter?” Jinsoul narrows her eyes at first, then smiles menacingly. 

“You’re jealous.” The blonde mocks her.

“Am not.”

“Are too. You’re so jealous you can’t stand it right now.” Jinsoul teases while poking Sooyoung’s scrunched up nose. And Sooyoung knows it isn’t fair, she just talked about sleeping with other girls and she’s about to have an aneurysm because Jinsoul’s simply giving the time of day to someone who's not her. “He asked for my number, politely, so I’m gonna go give that to him right now.”

Jinsoul goes to strut off but Sooyoung clings to the fabric of her shirt, “don’t.” She tries to make it sound like a warning, but it comes off as desperate plea, so Sooyoung goes along with that. It’s exactly what she feels like, “please.” 

“Nuh uh you don’t get to do this Sooyoung you made your choice, you said you didn’t want me like that, remember?” 

“I do.” Sooyoung nods, regrettably so.

The blonde’s expression drops, it’s completely unreadable. “So let me get this straight, you can dump me. other girls. And now dictate who I talk to?” Sooyoung looks away, ashamed, “how is this any fair?”

“It isn’t. It’s not at all fair.” 

Jinsoul does smile then, and it isn’t mocking, it’s gentle. “I thought you didn’t like me Sooyoung?” It’s a genuine question that Sooyoung doesn’t want to answer. Because the only answer is yes, yes she does like Jinsoul. So much that she can’t stand it. “Don’t get my hopes up…Sooyoung.”

The blonde is right, so Sooyoung lets go of her shirt. Jinsoul stays for three seconds then walks off, back to the pretty boy with a fake smile. Sooyoung stands there, empty. She is such a hypocrite.

Jinsoul returns after a while and grabs her hand, pulling her to a less crowded part of the arcade. Sooyoung eyes the slip of paper in Jinsoul’s hand, wants to burn it. Stomp on it, chew it up and spit it to the opposite side of the world.

But she doesn’t.

Glancing up she avoids Jinsoul’s sparkling eyes, those adorable, perfect eyes. Instead she only counts the colorful pins in Jinsoul’s hair. “Admit it, you only want me for yourself, you hate the thought of someone else having me.” She doesn’t have to imagine Jinsoul’s cheeks rising with that irresistible smile because she’s staring right at them and Sooyoung wants to squeeze them so bad.

Sooyoung’s losing, once again.

She’s always losing herself with Jinsoul.

The blonde is too endearing, too pretty, too goddamn everything. 

“Okay.”

It isn’t the answer Jinsoul’s looking for, “okay what? You have to be more specific.” Sooyoung clenches her jaw and she watches the way Jinsoul bites her lips. Sooyoung remembers exactly what they taste like. 

Her favorite flavor is Jinsoul.

She’s all out of candy right now. All out of candy to suppress the addiction she has to Jinsoul’s lips. 

“I’m jealous.” 

Those lips she craves so bad curls into a beautiful smile. Pink with gloss. “I know, “ Jinsoul simply says, and Sooyoung’s happy the blonde doesn’t make it complicated. “This isn’t his number, I didn’t give him mine either.” Jinsoul shows her the paper, it only has a smiley face on it, the tongue sticking out. “You might think you’re good at this game we’re playing,” Jinsoul then balls a fist into the fabric of her shirt and tugs her closer, Sooyoung’s never felt this out of control of her own heart.

“But trust me...I’m better”

Sooyoung’s face slowly turns red, she was tricked. “It is nice hearing you finally admit it. Kinda cute.” Jinsoul trails off, “he was Xiaojun’s ex, asking me how he was doing and everything, not even into girls can you believe that!”

Yeah, Sooyoung’s done for.

So she walks away from Jinsoul, before that head blows up with too much confidence. Jinsoul must know by now Sooyoung’s fighting this attraction with everything in her. And she’s about to give up. Sooyoung isn’t sure what’s got the bigger risk. Giving into her desires, or ignoring them.

Ignoring them was pure torture.

Sooyoung chooses duck hunt. Jinsoul stands behind her. “Ugh I hate this game. Guys always use it to get fresh with girls.” Sooyoung lifts the gun up and starts to play. She’s an expert, her accuracy and precision is something she’s always been able to brag about...until now. 

Jinsoul’s hands slide across her hips, inching around her waist. Clawing at the fabric of her shirt, “oh I totally understand why though, I don’t blame them.” Jinsoul presses her front against her back and Sooyoung starts to miss. “Here, do you want me to show you?” The blonde practically purrs into her ear. 

Goosebumps rise on every inch of Sooyoung’s skin.

Sooyoung freezes and allows Jinsoul to take over, the blonde embracing her from behind as she covers her hands with her own. Sooyoung swallows, hard, “am I making you uncomfortable?” Sooyoung can’t create any words so she shakes her head. Jinsoul’s so close. Too close.

Jinsoul is right, guys do use this game to get closer to a girl. And no wonder, Sooyoung feels like she’s going to melt into Jinsoul right now. Sooyoung likes the way they fit together. Likes the way Jinsoul touches her. It’s suffocating, but she loves being out of breath. “Babe?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay? You’re not looking at the game…” Sooyoung opens her eyes and blushes. 

“Yup.” 

Sooyoung’s perfectly fine.

~~~~

“Honestly, I like our little arcade better, yeah it’s probably germ-topia but it’s got it’s little charm ya know? And I don’t know, I hate Taeyong but that guy managing that place was such a I mean he totally…” Sooyoung smiles as Jinsoul keeps blabbering, god, she could listen to the blonde talk all day.

Jinsoul’s got her pinky locked with hers, Sooyoung hates how she feels the simple gesture more intensely than she was banging that random girl earlier. 

What she feels for Jinsoul is intense, and comforting at the same time. 

The streets are quiet, it’s just between the hours when some go to sleep, and others wake up. Sooyoung focuses solely on the slur of Jinsoul’s words. Focuses on how hard her heart is beats whenever the blonde smiles.

Jinsoul swings their pinkies between the two of them, her records bouncing in a bag in the other. Talking animatedly about some show now. She mentions how she looks forward to it every week. Sooyoung can relate, she looks forward to seeing Jinsoul everyday. 

The blonde is her now her schedule now, without her, Sooyoung thinks her entire world would spin out of control. Sooyoung realizes that she needs Jinsoul in her life more than anything.

And for the first time, that thought doesn’t completely scare her.

After a while Jinsoul goes silent, only a faint blush on her cheeks. Sooyoung likes this, she likes it so much she wants to do this everyday. She wants to feel this way forever. This bubbling tension with Jinsoul, everything about it Sooyung wants to feel over again and again.

Something is bothering her though, “hey...um I’m sorry about earlier, it wasn’t right of me to get jealous.” Jinsoul stares at her for a few seconds, “like you said it isn’t fair. It’s just a part of me doesn't want to lose you. I guess I feel like after I said we could only be friends I thought you’d stop talking to me.”

Jinsoul pulls them to a stop, “Sooyoung…” The blonde reaches up, breaking their pinkies apart. Cupping one side of her face gently, “I don’t hang out with you just because I have a crush, I...this feeling is new to me. You’re still my friend. You were before all this...No matter what, I wouldn’t do that.” 

Sooyoung feels her chest bloom with something she hasn’t known for a very long time.

Trust.

“Yeah?”

Jinsoul smiles, “yeah, of course, I promise babe.”

Sooyoung is tugged along by her hand. Slowly, surely. Willingly.

She can be Jinsoul’s.

~~~~

In the bonus chapter, the conversation they had in the end took place before the events in chapter 18! Forgot to add that

Awe so I read over most of this story for the first time and wow! I was surprised at how much I liked it...this is the first yvesoul fic I haven’t had problems with teehee anyways I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I did, as always lots of love <3